Opening Up

by Lauren Dane

  She stepped back and he frowned, glowering at her for a moment.

  “Are you really going to be mad at me? At me?”

  He shook his head, the glower softening. “I’m sorry. I was worried and you didn’t call me back. You were out there and I wanted to talk. I’m selfish, I know.” He pulled a chair out at the table. “Sit. Please. Eat your pizza. I’m getting coffee, you want something?”

  She sat, keeping an eye on him. “What are you up to?”

  He brought his coffee over, topping up hers as well. “I’m not up to anything. I just want to know what happened.”

  Instead of moving across from her, he chose the place next to her and proceeded to take up all the oxygen.

  Leaning against him for long moments, she moved to her coffee again before finishing her pizza. And then she told him what happened.

  She knew he was pissed. It radiated from him. “Are you mad?”

  “I don’t think ‘mad’ is a word that applies here, PJ. But first, are you all right? Do you need to see a doctor or file a police report? What do you need?”

  He was trying really hard to get all that alpha male under control, and it was actually exactly what she needed.

  “He didn’t hit me or anything. He just got in my face and he was so vicious. I don’t get it. I’ve never met the guy. I was polite. The customer called me, not the other way around.”

  “Can’t imagine it was very pleasant to have a man a foot taller than you scream in your face that you’re a whore. I’m upset and it didn’t even happen to me.”

  “I need to get over it. This shit happens.”

  He craned his neck so he could see into her face. “This has happened before?”

  “I can honestly say no one has gotten in my face in the middle of a business and screamed I was a whore who got a job because I was riding someone’s dick.”

  His eyes went hard and she regretted saying that out loud. On one hand, it was nice to feel defended and that what had happened was outrageous and awful. On the other, she didn’t want to stir this situation up. This was a place her personal and professional lives bled into one another.

  “But do I get judged because of my gender or my age? Yes. Every day. And not just by strangers. My dad does it.”

  Another frown; this time PJ knew it was partially in relation to the mention of her father. “I’m not buying that you need to get over someone else’s bullshit. I don’t know what his problem is. I’ve spent about fifteen minutes in person with the guy. Until today I didn’t have any beef with him.”

  “Apparently he’s been thinking a lot about your dick and who rides it.”

  He put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry you went through that. And I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could call me.”

  “I didn’t call anyone but the client to say I wasn’t going to be at the meeting and that I was available if he went elsewhere or wanted me to do the work at a different shop.”

  “I know people have failed you in your life. I’m not that guy.”

  His tone was so vehement she knew there was a story there. It wasn’t the time or place to dig any deeper, but it underlined how much she wanted to know him, even if he was overwhelming and bossy.

  “What are your plans tonight?” He finished his coffee.

  “I’m having dinner with my mom and sister. I should be done by nine or so.”

  “Come to my house after? Spend the night.”

  She stood, balling up her napkin and washing out her cup and putting it in the small dishwasher. “If you’re sure. Text me if you want me to bring anything special with me.”

  They parted at the bottom of the steps, she heading out to the paint bay and he back to work on the front end of the Dodge they were supposed to deliver in three weeks.

  CHAPTER

  Sixteen

  Bis on Main in Bellevue was a place her mom and sister went to a lot. PJ enjoyed it and certainly loved the food, so she was all too happy to accept the invite, which was more like a pointed order.

  PJ hugged her mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek after sliding her bag under the table.

  Lenore Colman had been raised to be someone’s wife. And she did a great job. She’d aged gracefully. She’d had little things done here and there, PJ knew that much, but it was deft and her mother pretended it never happened. As PJ and Julie felt it was their mother’s business, they said nothing.

  Her home was beautiful. Tasteful. If you stayed in her guest room you’d find a basket with pretty soaps, maybe a sleep mask and some snacks she remembered you liked from the last time she saw you.

  Her parties were perfection. She knew how to have you over to eat, no matter the reason or situation. Sometimes she made PJ feel like an utter failure because no matter how hard she tried, she’d never measure up.

  “Champagne cocktail?” Julie asked.

  “Yes, please.” The server left to go handle that as PJ looked back from her menu to her mom and sister. “You both look great. How are things?”

  Her mother smiled. “Tell me about you. Or should I say, tell me about Asa. Honestly, why you think I wouldn’t have heard about this boy, I don’t know. But I saw a picture of the two of you. He’s quite fierce looking, but Julie says he’s very sweet.”

  “How did you see a picture of us?” When had that happened? How had that happened?

  “You put it on your whatsits? On the Internet. You post pictures of your work too. I like to look at what you do. It’s very impressive. You had on a lovely red dress and he had on a black shirt that buttoned up. Does he really have a ring in his nose like a bull?”

  PJ burst out laughing. “He does have a piercing there, yes. Not a ring, a horseshoe of sorts.” She brought her phone out of her bag, showing her mother some pictures of them.

  “It’s actually a little handsome on him.” Their mother’s nervous laugh and blush made Julie grin across the table at PJ.

  Julie looked to their mother. “It’s all a front. He’s scary on the outside, but quite sweet and charming. A dry sense of humor. A sign of intelligence.”

  PJ nodded. “He’s quiet and very intense. He listens more than he talks. Definitely smart.”

  Her mom nodded, clearly approving. “Your father says your young man owns a custom-build shop.”

  “He and his friend Duke co-own it, yes. Twisted Steel. He does the bodywork and some machining. He’s thirty-seven. I just wanted to tell you that myself. It seems to scandalize some people. It hasn’t really mattered between him and me, though it took me months to get him to ask me out because he thought I was too young for him.”

  “I think in some circumstances you might be too young for someone. But you’re a Colman and you went after what you wanted until you got it. Well done, darling.”

  Her mom gave really good compliments sometimes.

  Happy and feeling very loved, PJ raised her glass to her mother. “Thank you, Mom.”

  “You should invite him to dinner.”

  Even Lenore Colman might not be able to pull off that dinner.

  “How about we all meet somewhere instead? That way you can visit with him and someone else can do the cooking. You and Dad like Salty’s, so let’s go there.” PJ had no plans to bring Asa into that house. Not the first time he met her parents. A restaurant was a public place. Her father would behave, and if it was awful it would be easier to escape.

  “All right. I’ll set it up and give you a call about it.” Lenore sat back, satisfied, and it occurred to PJ all too late that her mother had set that trap rather expertly.

  Well played.

  That handled, her mother moved to the next issue on her list. “Are you going to speak to your father any time soon, Penelope?”

  “I’ve seen him once since I left. Which was two months ago at this point. I’ve left him messages. I’ve sent him e-mails. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do except to hear him telling me he doesn’t want to talk.”

  “You’re saying you’ve l
eft more than one message for him?”

  “Yes. I’ve left messages for him at work and on his cell phone. I’ve e-mailed him three times.” She shrugged and tried to ignore the hurt that he’d simply pretended like that part of the situation did not exist.

  They’d all had brunch together when Jay’s birthday had rolled around. Her father had been mildly disapproving and had avoided everything but brief interactions. Certainly nothing about why she’d left Colman or how she was doing out on her own.

  Her mother’s mouth hardened briefly. PJ and Julie shared a look. Their mother hadn’t been told that detail, though why her father thought he could hide it from her was beyond PJ’s understanding.

  “I left because what I wanted to do wasn’t going to be possible at Colman. I tried to make it happen there, but Dad and Fee won’t listen and Jay is going to do whatever Fee says because he has Dad’s ear. I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s true.”

  “You’ll understand better when you’re older. Your father needs you to take over. You and your siblings. You have to make sacrifices for family.”

  “Sacrifices? Mom, what have you been told?” They’d carefully stepped around the situation because PJ hadn’t wanted to put her mom in the middle. But the more they spoke, the clearer it became that their mother hadn’t been told everything.

  “Why don’t you tell me? Start from the beginning.”

  So PJ did. She started with the first jobs painting the Colman logos on the cars they sponsored, and went right up through the meeting where she’d presented her plan and had it shot down.

  “I’m looking at three different places right now to open my shop. I’m paying my bills. I have new clients lining up. All this attention and a lot of this money could be going to Colman. But it isn’t, because I’m supposed to just sell tires as my place in the company because that’s what Fee says.”

  “Your uncle is a damned fool. Your dad and I are going to speak about this. I must have missed it when he explained it all to me. But it’s not all right with me to have my children estranged from their family and from the business they’ll carry into the next generation.” Her mother’s expression was enough to make PJ almost feel bad for her father.

  Her mom patted her hand. “Leave this to me. Your uncle is a pain, but he can be gotten around.”

  “Just ask all his ex-wives,” Julie muttered.

  Their mom gasped and then she laughed, blushing. “You two.”

  PJ left an hour later feeling a lot better than she had when she’d shown up.

  She knocked on Asa’s door just before nine and he opened up.

  “Come in.” He took her overnight bag as she passed. “Would you like a beer? I was just out on my deck drinking one.”

  “Yes, that sounds fantastic. I’ll grab two since you have my bag.”

  Longnecks dangling between her fingers, she followed him up to his room.

  “How was dinner with your mom and sister?”

  “It was all right, actually. My dad had lied to my mom about the way I left and the reasons for it.”

  “How did she react when she found out?” Asa asked.

  “She was surprised and upset. I’m always making waves, so I guess I figured her silence on the matter wasn’t that unusual. But she didn’t know.”

  These fucking people made him want to punch things. “Yeah, so I think for this discussion you need to be naked and in the bedroom.”

  “What?”

  Asa smiled down at her, pausing a moment before he buried his fist in her hair and positioned that sweet, sweet mouth of hers just how he wanted it. After he’d kissed the tension out of her spine, he let go.

  “That’s better. Now, naked and in bed.”

  She got undressed and he took his time admiring her body. The curves of her, the lotus on her back, tonight a pink streak at her temple that matched the nail polish she wore.

  So beautiful.

  He got in bed and she snuggled up next to him. He clinked his beer to hers. “Now. Tell me about your family.”

  “Will you tell me about yours?”

  Asa brushed the pad of his thumb over the swell of her bottom lip and she sucked it into her mouth, biting him and then licking as she let go.

  “Stop changing the subject.”

  “I’m not.” She grinned. “Okay, so I was a little. But I want to know more about you.”

  “That’s fair.” He kissed her quickly before settling back. “So you’re close enough with your mom to have dinner with her and Julie. But she hadn’t actually spoken to you about how and why you left Colman? You’ve talked to her since then, right? It’s been two months.”

  He had to have heard wrong.

  “There’s a lot of not talking about it in my family. It makes them uncomfortable when I confront them.”

  “I don’t get it. Their youngest daughter actually walked out on the family business because she was told to be quiet and do what she was told, and neither of them has spoken to you about this? Or you to them?”

  “I tried!”

  Asa heard the unshed tears in her voice.

  Putting his beer aside, he pulled her into his lap. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you.”

  “It is what it is. I need to accept that my dad’s never going to connect with me. Not on any level. I’ve known it since I was about fourteen, but I kept lying to myself. Hoping something would change. Trying to be exactly what he wanted, and when that didn’t work, I struck out on my own and I proved myself. I don’t expect him to make me CEO or anything like that. I don’t have the experience or education to do it. I just wanted to do custom paint, and I proved I could make a profit. My grandpa would have been proud. Why can’t he?”

  “You were close to Howie then?”

  She smiled as she tucked herself into his body.

  “Yes. He was my best friend when I was little. He’d show up at our house and take us out for a drive. Or he’d steal us all away for a week at their house. Shawn and I were closest with him and my grandmother.”

  “Was he close with your dad and your uncle?”

  “No. I was a kid, so I don’t think I got all the nuances in their relationship. But my grandpa was a firecracker. He loved to laugh. He loved to have fun. He wanted to wring the absolute most out of life, and my father is not like that at all.”

  “Kids rebel. Maybe being straitlaced is your dad’s way of giving the finger to his parents.”

  “Maybe. My uncle is a jerk and that’s his rebellion?”

  He held her a little tighter. “Some people are just jerks. He might be one.”

  “Now you.”

  “You’ll meet my mom soon enough. She knows about you and she’ll want me to bring you over. She’s… most people love her. I told you my youngest sister lives up here too.”

  “You have another sister?”

  “Yes, she’s a professor at a small private college. First person in our family to go to college and she just kept going and going.” He grinned and PJ tipped her head back to look at him.

  Part of the reason he was so displeased with her family was how hard his mother had struggled just to get her child back, all while Howard Jr. worked to make his daughter feel it was rocking the boat just to talk about things.

  “You grew up in Texas, so how did you end up in Seattle?”

  “I have some family up here.” His father’s brother, one who’d helped Pat try to get Asa back. “When I got out of the army, my uncle told me I could crash in his guest room if I needed a place to land. Then Duke joined me out here and the rest you know.”

  She gave him a look. “I don’t think so. That story was pretty scant on details. You didn’t tell me anything about your dad. But I’ll let you tell me the rest when you’re ready. Today was really shitty, so you should help me forget it.”

  Clever that she’d let him have the space around the story of his father while also reminding him she wanted to know. She just seemed to intuit how best to coax him closer to her,
make him yearn to share stuff he rarely talked about.

  They both needed the sweat of sex to get rid of the day. They’d deal with everything else tomorrow. He also wanted to connect with her, to regain that intimacy they’d lost when he’d handled that business about her morning with her at Twisted Steel.

  “How about this? Why don’t I help you remember it instead? Just as the day I gave you the best orgasms you’ve ever had.”

  She gave him a coy look from under her lashes. “If you’re sure. I mean. For science and all I guess we should.”

  Yes, he was a taciturn man. He liked to listen more than he spoke. But he loved to laugh. With her it was more than that. She didn’t just make him laugh; she teased him. She made him happy in ways he hadn’t realized were possible.

  “It’s handy that you’re always game.”

  “For science, Asa. How could I turn my back on that?”

  “Very brave of you. Face me. I want you to know who brings you pleasure.”

  She did as he’d told her to. “I don’t need to be looking at your face to remember you make me feel good.”

  “I like that.” He kissed her, tasting her in little nips. “But I still want you to do what I told you.”

  Her breath caught and he smiled.

  “Today I made it about me instead of you when you came into Twisted Steel. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m pissed off. But not at you. And you deserved to be put before how I felt or what I wanted to do.”

  When Asa was twenty-two, he’d had to take his medical files and a bunch of things his mother had tucked away in an attic. His old report cards had been inside. Even from the time he’d lived with his grandparents. And a report from some counselor he’d seen in junior high.

  Due to Asa’s unusual circumstances as a young child—being taken from his mother and forced to live with a family that saw him as a physical manifestation of sin and the concomitant physical and emotional abuse he experienced until reunited with his mother at seven years of age—he has manifested difficulty in forming deep attachments and this may hinder his ability to lead a successful life as an adult.