BOSS

by Ashley John

  I have a bad feeling about this.

  Ezra couldn’t go home because it wasn’t his home anymore. He still had the keys but he couldn’t bring himself to head there. He found himself outside a familiar bar in his as good as new Lamborghini Huracan.

  “Ezra,” Amy, the barmaid’s face lit up when she saw him, “I haven’t seen you in here in ages.”

  “I’ve been,” he paused, “distracted.”

  She smiled as she leaned against the bar but she didn’t really know what he was talking about. He wasn’t about to start boring her with his problems when she clearly just wanted to get home to her daughter.

  “What’s it tonight? Champagne?”

  “Champagne’s for celebrating,” he said glumly, “so I guess I’ll just have some shots.”

  She looked confused but nodded. She didn’t ask what flavours he wanted, or how many, so he watched with amusement as she poured him a variety of the strongest spirits they sold.

  He tossed a £20 to her and she didn’t bother bringing him the change because she’d learned early on that he’d never accept it from her.

  Each shot found it’s way to his lips and was soon in his empty stomach. He thought about ordering some bar food but he wasn’t sure if he could stomach it. It was too early for dinner but too late for lunch and his body felt like it was ready to crash.

  He finished the last shot, lifting it to his lips. It was whiskey. He laughed at the irony and toasted it in the air to Bill Silverton. The man who’d got him into this mess.

  Bill, you old git.

  It wasn’t long before he was slipping back into his old self. With the alcohol giving him that comforting warmth, he turned around in his chair and reminded himself who he was. He may not be the boss anymore but he knew it wouldn’t be long before he would be, somewhere else. Somewhere you can really make your mark.

  He’d had that confidence before Bill Silverton so it was the easiest thing in the world to summon. Even when he wasn’t feeling confident, those were always the times he needed that wall.

  Turning around in his chair, he looked around the almost empty bar. There were a couple of men who looked like they were having a meeting, a group of woman eating lunch and a man sitting on his own in a booth, looking lost as he nursed a beer.

  Just my type.

  Ezra swaggered towards the guy, noticing how he was exactly his type. With his boyish features, thick hair and smart clothes he was the typical twink. It had been so long since Ezra had been with anyone, he felt excited to slip back into his old habits.

  “Drinking alone?” Ezra leaned against the edge of the booth and nodded to the beer in his hands.

  The man looked up to Ezra for a second with confusion but a knowing smirk spread across his face.

  “Ezra?” he laughed, “God, I haven’t seen you in forever.”

  “It’s been a while,” Ezra faked it, no idea who the guy was.

  It wasn’t unusual to try and hit on guys he’d already been with because he never took his time to learn names and faces. He slid into the booth next to the guy, making sure to press himself up against him enough to let the twink know what he wanted.

  “You have no idea who I am, do you?” the twink laughed.

  “Sure I do,” he lied, “how could I forget?”

  “What’s my name?”

  Ezra slid away slightly having been busted. He racked his brain for a second but there was only one name he could see and it didn’t belong to the twink in front of him.

  “It’s Danny?”

  “Danny,” Ezra winked, “tip of my tongue.”

  Danny laughed, clearly not too offended that Ezra Steele didn’t remember him. Everybody knew how the game worked.

  “I hear you’ve been losing your touch,” Danny sipped his beer, “remember my friend Adam? You kicked him out before you even fucked him.”

  Ezra had done that more than once recently.

  “You never lose what I have,” Ezra winked, “I’ve had a lot going on, but I’m all clear now.”

  Danny finished his beer and slammed it down on the table.

  “I really should get back to work,” he tried to stand up.

  “Or you could stay?” Ezra wrapped his hand around Danny’s thigh, tugging him back down into the booth.

  Before Danny could reject him, Ezra dove in and kissed him. A kiss had never felt so empty before.

  Danny pushed Ezra off, his face bright red as he avoided Ezra’s gaze, “I have a boyfriend now.”

  “So?” Ezra laughed, “C’mon, my car’s outside.”

  Danny looked like he was considering it for a second but he insisted that he had to go. He left Ezra with the empty beer bottle. He looked around the bar again, trying to see if there were any other guys he could make a move on but he caught Amy’s eyes. She half-smiled but it was filled with pity.

  I haven’t lost my touch.

  I can still be that guy.

  I am that guy.

  I’m Ezra Steele.

  The more he tried to convince himself he could forget everything that had happened, the more he thought about it. He wasn’t that guy anymore and he hadn’t been for a long time. How long can I keep faking my way through life?

  He ordered another beer, refusing to be defeated. Amy silently gave it to him before stepping back and crossing her arms as she stared at him.

  “There’s something different about you,” she squinted.

  “I got a haircut.”

  “No,” she laughed, her chest bouncing, “what’s happened?”

  I was on the brink of falling in love with my enemy and I ruined everything by not telling him the truth about my past?

  “Nothing’s happened,” he said it in a way that made Amy purse her lips, turn and leave him to it.

  He felt desperate and pathetic. He wondered if he couldn’t fake it anymore because he’d lost Silverton Tower and his Holland Park house but he cared less about those than he’d thought. They were just things. He’d find somewhere else to live and everything would be back to how it used to be but maybe that’s what he was afraid of?

  “Champagne please, darlin’” a man with a strange cockney accent appeared next to Ezra, slapping his hand on the bar.

  Ezra didn’t look up. He sipped his beer and watched as Amy served the man the champagne. She only gave the man one glass, which made him wonder what could be so great about the afternoon that he felt the need to buy a whole bottle of champagne for himself.

  “Can I have another glass?” this time he recognised the voice and his head jerked up immediately.

  It was Joshua.

  Ezra let himself get excited for a moment but he quickly remembered what had just happened. He’s getting champagne next to me? Ezra still thought higher of Joshua than that, but maybe he’d got him completely wrong after all.

  Looking around, he tried to spot Graham and Tobias but Joshua looked like he was alone.

  “Come to gloat?” Ezra sipped his beer, not wanting to give Joshua the satisfaction.

  Joshua popped the cork into his hands and tossed it behind the bar. It foamed into the two glasses and he slid one over to Ezra.

  “What is this?” Ezra pushed it back, “You trying to rub it in my face?”

  “A peace offering,” Joshua’s voice was soft, lacking any arrogance or hints of gloating.

  Joshua pushed the glass back to Ezra but Ezra slid it right back. He didn’t want the peace offering. What was done was done. There’s no going back now, boy.

  “Keep it,” Ezra tossed back the rest of his beer and slid off the stool, “enjoy your new – or should I say – enjoy your old life.”

  Straightening up his cuffs, he readied himself to leave but Joshua’s hand delicately landed on his. It was such a simple gesture, Ezra warmed to it. Pulling his hand away, Ezra wondered what his angle was. Does he want the rest of the money too?

  “Don’t go,” Joshua said.

  He wanted to leave so badly but the tone of Joshua’s voice sto
pped him. If he finally wanted to hear Ezra’s explanation, it was a little too late.

  Joshua pushed the champagne back to Ezra and he accepted it this time. He raised it in the air to Joshua but without taking a sip, put it back on the bar.

  “I’ve been looking for you,” Joshua sat on the stool next to him, “I had a feeling you’d be here.”

  “Looked into your crystal ball?” Ezra smirked flatly.

  Joshua ruffled out his blonde hair, clearly unbothered about Ezra’s attitude. Joshua clinked his glass against Ezra’s, which was still on the bar, and knocked back the drink in one quick motion.

  Oh, the irony. It was almost the reverse of how they had first met. Was this the universe playing a cruel trick on him?

  “How did you know I’d be here?”

  Joshua shook his head with a shrug, “I didn’t. I hoped you would be. It’s where we first met.”

  Ezra ignored the tingling inside. Out of all of the bars in London, why had he come to this one? It was one of his regular haunts but he had dozens of regular haunts.

  “You got lucky,” Ezra wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction, “what do you want?”

  Joshua poured himself another glass. He tried to top up Ezra’s but Ezra blocked the glass with his hand.

  “I didn’t know that was going to happen. I thought we were just going to talk about it.”

  “It’s fine,” Ezra meant it, “you’ve done me a favour.”

  He felt a strange freedom not being in Bill Silverton’s shadow anymore. It was a role that Joshua filled a lot better.

  “I should have stopped it,” he said.

  There was a hint of apology in there but it was lacking the force. Joshua had sat there like a mute and watched everything happen. It was far too late to start backtracking.

  “I told you, you’re welcome to it.”

  Ezra decided he wasn’t drunk enough to be played with like he was a mouse. He drank half of the champagne and Joshua instantly refilled it to the top.

  He almost felt like he was in a surreal dream.

  “I made a mistake,” there was more apology in his voice this time, “I’ve fucked up. Big style.”

  “I said, it’s fine, I -,”

  “No,” Joshua cut him off, leaning his body closer to Ezra, “it’s not fine. I didn’t know what I know now. I was trying to second-guess a dead man and I got it all wrong. My dad, he wasn’t -,”

  A lump seemed to rise in Joshua’s throat, jamming the words. Ezra noticed Joshua’s bright blue eyes but red rings circled them, as if he’d been crying. Ezra wanted to hug Joshua to let him know everything was fine but he refrained.

  Joshua didn’t say anything when he pulled an envelope from his inside pocket. He clutched it to his chest for a second before sliding it across the bar to Ezra, tapping the name on the front. It looked like it had been screwed up and flattened back out.

  In Bill Silverton’s handwriting, it said ‘For Joshua’.

  “I don’t want to read it,” Ezra pushed it back, “it’s yours.”

  “Please,” Joshua pushed it back, “just read it. It’s about you.”

  Ezra picked up the letter, turning it over in his hands. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what it said. He’d replayed Bill Silverton’s final days over in his mind so many times and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to rake up the past again.

  It was curiosity that got the better of him. Joshua seemed to be informed by something higher than what Ezra knew.

  He peeled back the already opened seam on the screwed up envelope and pulled the letter out. Before opening it, he looked up to Joshua, who was looking down at it with teary eyes.

  “This was my inheritance and it’s more important than what I just took from you. I got it on my second day in London and I should have opened it when I got it but I was stubborn. I threw it away but Violet being Violet, she dug it out of the bin and kept it. She forgot she had it until today. Took me ages to finally open it but when I did, I knew I had to find you.”

  Ezra almost started to ask questions but he guessed the answers would be in the letter. He pulled it open and it was a sheet of A4 covered in Bill’s handwriting, each word crammed up as if he had lots to say.

  Joshua gave him an encouraging nod, so he sucked it in and started to read:

  ‘Dear Joshua,

  My son, by the time you read this, I will be gone. Do not be sad. I am sorry I did not contact you. I thought you would be better without me burdening you in my final weeks. I assure you that I was well looked after.

  By now, I must assume that you know what I have decided to do. Please, do not be angry with me. We spent enough of our time together being angry. I hope that my death will bring you peace.

  I want you to understand why I decided to leave my estate to Ezra Steele. I hope you will one day meet this man. Shake his hand. He is a good man. He looked after me and he put up with me and not many would do that. I know I was never the easiest man to get along with. I’m sorry that I am only just seeing this now.

  I think we both know our relationship broke down soon after your mother’s death. I wanted to be there for you, I really did. However, I did not know how to express that. I was a fool and it will be my biggest regret in the next life.

  The reason I have decided to leave you this letter is because I can finally admit I got everything wrong. You left because I tried to push you towards a life you never wanted and for that, I apologise. I see now it was never what you wanted and I didn’t want to continue to punish you when I was gone.

  This is me trying to say that I’m setting you free. Money has ruined us both. I thought I could solve our problems with money but it never worked. It only pushed us further apart, but, you know this already.

  You are free to live your life how you choose and I hope you will be happy. Ezra Steele is a man who needs this more than you. Only recently did I learn about his past and how much, like us, he has suffered and lost. Maybe he’ll tell you the story he didn’t tell me.

  This may not be what you want, but it’s what you need.

  Until we see each other again,

  Goodbye,

  Dad.’

  Ezra read the letter twice and by the second read he was forcing the tears back. He looked up to Joshua and he had no words because it had all been said in the letter. Reaching out his hand, he wrapped it around Joshua’s and he accepted it, squeezing it firmly. Ezra felt every emotion he’d been holding back since the wedding flow through his body and he let the tears leave his eyes.

  “I never thought your dad would have me crying,” he quickly wiped away the tears with his free hand, “I never told him about my past.”

  “That’s what he found out,” Joshua said it like it should have been obvious all long, “it was nothing bad.”

  Ezra had never told Bill because he didn’t want his pity. He wanted a chance to prove that he could work and succeed.

  Joshua gave his hand another squeeze.

  “Ezra, I’m so sorry,” Joshua’s voice was barely above a whisper, “I got everything wrong. I thought all of this was some kind of sadistic test from my dad and I had Tobias and Graham convincing me of everything but -,”

  “You don’t have to explain,” Ezra silenced Joshua, “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I kept things from you.”

  Looking into each other’s eyes, Ezra felt the tension and the hurt drift away. He saw the same happen in Joshua’s eyes and he couldn’t help but lean in towards his lips. In the middle of the bar on a Wednesday afternoon, they shared a moment so intimate, it rivalled anything they had shared before.

  “I thought I’d left it too late,” Joshua pulled away and leaned his forehead against Ezra’s, keeping his eyes closed, “I took this right to the edge. I didn’t think there was any coming back from it -,”

  “I love you,” Ezra watched as Joshua’s eyes shot open, “and you were only doing what you thought was right.”

  Their lips met again and this time, the noise of the bar comp
letely vanished. They opened their mouths to each other and their tongues danced tenderly. Joshua’s thick stubble grated against Ezra’s skin as Joshua’s hand found it’s way behind Ezra’s head.

  “I think we should get out of here.”

  They headed straight back to the house in Holland Park, which was now Joshua’s, but none of that mattered as they fell onto the bed in each other’s arms.

  Joshua enjoyed the feeling of sleeping against Ezra’s chest as he stirred from his dream. He didn’t want to open his eyes as the light shone through his eyelids, scared he’d be clinging to a pillow.

  When he opened his eyes, it was Ezra he was holding and they were in Ezra’s bedroom. Joshua didn’t doubt for a second that he’d finally done the right thing.

  For the first time since landing in London, he felt like he’d let go of something he’d been holding onto for so many years. He wished he’d opened the letter the second he’d got it but he knew if he had, he wouldn’t know Ezra the way he did.

  He’d never believed everything happened for a reason but as he stared up at Ezra’s sleeping face, his dark lashes twitching as he dreamt, he wondered if happy endings did exist.

  Of course, there was the problem with the contract and Graham and Tobias but Joshua pushed that to the back of his mind. They had sort something out. It wasn’t important. All that was important was the man he’d just had the best night of sex with after he thought he’d lost him forever.

  “Are you watching me sleep?” Ezra muttered through the corner of his mouth.

  “I won’t apologise,” Joshua kissed the centre of Ezra’s smooth chest, “you look like an angel who forgot to shave.”

  “That’s the look I’m going for,” Ezra opened his eyes and the warmest smile covered his lips when he looked down at Joshua, “I didn’t want to open my eyes in case I’d dreamt it.”

  “Too bad,” Joshua kissed his chest again, his hair falling forwards over his face, “you’re stuck with me now.”