by Emily Bowie
“That’s right. I heard how you moved in together right after you canceled your wedding, Haven,” she purrs, trying to make a dig at her. “I’m so happy you rebounded so quickly. I must say you look happy.” She tilts her head then walks away.
“You turn her down, and I’m the one she gets mad at.” Haven shakes her head.
Two more kids arrive, lining up to go inside.
“So who’s the lucky girl you’re going on a date with?” she asks, her hair hiding part of her face. I swear I hear jealously in her tone, but she looks up at me all-smiles like it’s no big deal.
“You,” I answer honestly.
“Why?” She’s staring strangely at me as if I have six eyes or something.
“So you can thank me for being nice by setting this up for your Sunday school kids.”
This has her pausing, and it looks like this is the first time she has truly taken notice of the little petting area I set up. “You set this up because of me?” Her tone is softer.
“You mentioned you wanted something special. I just thought I could help.” My hand rubs at the back of my neck.
“Oh, that was very kind. Thank you.”
I shrug. “You’re welcome. It wasn’t that hard to put together.”
She leans in, her sweet perfume clouding around the two of us. I’m taken off guard, not sure what she’s doing. I turn my head to ask just that right as her lips touch half my lips instead of my cheek. A soft awareness settles over me. Haven kissed me. It’s a small gesture, but for Haven, it means something. She isn’t the girl who gives kisses away to anyone.
My body is frozen, unsure if I should be moving away. What I want to do is pull her in for a real kiss. My fingers tingle, wanting to hold on to her hips. My lips want a reminder of what hers feel like when they become needy.
Her lips linger on mine before she takes a step back. She averts her eyes to where most of Oakport Beach is, then to the ground, before coming back up to mine.
“Remind me to be sweet more often,” I tease, making her laugh.
“What have you set up here, Danger?” Haven’s father’s voice has her jumping away from me.
“Thought I would do something fun for the kids.” I stand tall, squaring my shoulders toward him. My whole body tenses, going on alert for anything he may throw my way.
“Are you kissing other girls with those lips, son?” My muscles twitch at his question. I can feel my irritation rising that he refuses to take me seriously.
“Dad!” Haven looks and sounds mortified that her father would say something like that in public.
“You’ve already had your heart broken once this year, Haven. No need for it to happen again so soon.”
“I’m too busy with family and the rodeo to be kissing anyone, sir.” I try to make the situation better for her. We don’t need town gossip flying around about the two of us.
“Let’s keep it that way.” He directs his attention back to his daughter. “Haven, there is someone I want to introduce you to.”
I can see she’s torn whether to leave me or not. Nodding, I silently tell her to go. I watch her father lead her to some new guy I’ve never seen. His suit looks fancy, tailored even. I want to hit the gate, needing to feel the metal crush under it, but I refuse to react to him. My nose flares with each deep breath I take.
I may not be worthy of her love or hold that special spot in her life, but damn it, she’s my best friend, and I deserve more. I’m not some young punk like I used to be.
Seven
Danger
Danger, 19 years old
Haven, 17 years old
Her red hair glows in the darkening backdrop of the night. The orange flames of the bonfire flicker over her face, and she laughs at something her friends say.
The tugging at my arm becomes annoying, and I’m forced to look down. “Why don’t we get some privacy?” Paisley is fluttering her eyelashes, making it look like she’s got a bug in her eye.
“Is something in your eye?” I ask aloud, looking back over the crowd. Haven is no longer in my sight, and I want to curse.
“She’s a big girl. She can look out for herself.” Paisley pouts, that annoying tone in her voice rising.
“I never asked you to hang around me. Go have fun with someone else.”
Her mouth opens wide in shock that I would send her away. I can see why most guys give her a wide berth.
Huffing, she sees I’m serious and wanders away, flicking her hair behind her. As soon as she leaves, I stand up and wander through the crowd. Everyone between the ages of sixteen and twenty-one who lives in Oakport Beach is here. I’m constantly being greeted with waves and hollers as I make my way through the large yard.
“Someone is in danger!” is yelled out, and I see my two cousins, Crash and Epic, coming toward me. Crash slaps my shoulder in greeting, while Epic asks, “Who’s the lucky girl?” while wagging his eyebrows at me.
“They all would be lucky to have me,” I spout, trying not to look like I’m searching for Haven. She’s been my best friend since I was eight years old when my ma thought I needed church in my life. Even at that young age, my parents could tell I was high energy with a capital T for trouble.
It’s one of the reasons I’ve been so successful in the rodeo. I don’t know what fear is. I swear that the natural part missed me, being replaced with a junkie’s need for adrenaline that I crave whenever I enter the arena or find some type of fun for my cousins and me.
“Who you looking for?” Crash asks me.
“My sister. She was walking around with that new boyfriend of hers.” The lie comes quick and easy off my tongue. Not that I don’t worry about her, but her boyfriend is a good guy, and his dad is the sheriff of the town. Maybe someone should be looking out for him.
A crowd cheering has my cousins starting to walk away as I go in search of Haven. Finally, I find her at the front of the property, tucked between a few of the vehicles and a shed.
“Why are you by yourself?” I ask, coming up to her.
“I wish someone looked at me like that.” She nods to my sister, who’s gazing at her boyfriend like the sun and moon rotate around him.
The admission shocks me, but I keep it from showing on my face. Haven is the preacher’s daughter, and because of that, everyone thinks things such as boys and sex never cross her mind. I know differently but never thought she would say it out loud.
“I look at you like that.” I stare down at her, being completely honest. Haven is the most perfect girl I know. I wouldn’t be best friends with her if she didn’t do something to my heart each time I saw her.
She raises her eyes to meet mine, the noise from the party fading away. Haven talks about “moments” in movies when you get prickles watching the sappy people notice each other for the first time. My skin goose bumps, and I realize we’re having one of those moments right now. I’m sure a goofy grin is on my face as I remember her always going on and on about her wanting to experience that feeling in those romantic chick flicks. She gets to experience that right now with me.
“I don’t mean a ‘I’m special because I’m your sister’s best friend’ type of look.” She tries to disregard what I’ve told her. I get it; I’m me and she’s the preacher’s daughter. I’m not her type. Yet she’s nibbling on her bottom lip like she knows something is happening right now. She sighs. “How much have you had to drink tonight?”
I have a choice here to keep us from being those awkward friends or take a chance. I’ve never cowered from anything. I’m not about to start now. Stepping into her, one of my hands slides against her back, tugging her closer to me. I can smell her sunflower perfume. That smell alone can shift me out of a shitty mood to a better one. My other hand goes behind her neck, my fingers threading into her hair as I slowly descend toward her.
Her eyes are open wide, and I pause, our lips almost touching. If either of us said a word, they would touch. Instead of telling me no, she closes her eyes, and I lightly press my lips aga
inst hers. They’re softer than anything I’ve ever felt before.
Her tongue probes my mouth first, and I allow her. She tastes like mint and Coca-Cola. It’s slow and takes my breath away. She’s the first girl to make my heart pound like the second before I leave the gates on a two-thousand-pound bull. I groan into her mouth, loving the way she makes me feel, getting the same high I’m used to chasing.
My hand tugs lightly at her hair, loving it in my hands, while my other hand slowly begins exploring. Moving from her back to her front, resting on her tit, just sitting there to see if she pulls away. When she doesn’t, my fingers start to pluck at her thin T-shirt and her bra, hoping to make her feel as good as I do right now. I’m completely and utterly lost in her. I’ve imagined this moment for years, and my imagination was lacking in every detail of this moment. It feels like a spark has lit us alive and we’re finally giving way to how we feel. My body is saturated in pleasure going straight to my dick. It strains in my pants, wishing it were free to play.
Her moaning has pre-cum soaking the inside of my pants. I finally have Haven Rose how I’ve always dreamed. I can’t stop kissing her. It feels impossible to tear myself away from her.
“Derek.” My first name comes out more like a pant. I love that only she calls me that. I feel like it’s our secret that keeps us apart from the others. “We can’t. We’re just friends.” Her hands lightly push at my chest, and I stare down at her while keeping her in my grasp. Her eyes are hooded, and I love how flushed she is. She looks perfect right now, her lips slightly swollen, her nipples poking through her bra.
“Sure, we can.” I make a move to kiss her again, but her hand pushes harder against my chest, stopping me. It feels like a bucket of cold water rains down on me.
Her chest heaves, and she looks shyly at me. Damn, she is beautiful and has no idea. “You go back to the fire, and I will be there in a second,” she tells me, standing her ground.
I’m more hurt than anything by her “we’re just friends” comment. I don’t want to be, but the sting stays in my chest. It feels like a horse has stomped on it, making it hard to breathe.
Her face is set, looking like she’s made up her mind. Knowing she’s confident in her decision, I take a step back, trying to make it look like it doesn’t matter to me. I have to adjust myself, trying to calm myself down. It’s not like I care that she said no. I don’t have to kiss her if she’s not ready. I just thought maybe we were over this stage of our friendship.
“What are friends for?” I prompt, smirking when I feel like she’s stabbed me in the heart. But I have to remind myself she’s not like every other girl in Oakport Beach who follows me around.
“You’re the best type of friend.” She slices another dagger into my heart.
Going back to the fire, I see Crash and Ruben. They toss me a cold beer I happily take while bringing up a stump to sit on.
I keep a watch on the time. Just when I think I’m going to have to go looking for Haven, I spot her with Frankie. I hate that one of the seniors thinks he’s a big shot and goes right to her, hoping to score a chance. That’s a big no. I will protect Haven from any asshole who thinks they can take advantage of her.
“Haven, what’s with the fuck-me hair?” I crack while everyone chuckles around the fire. Not a single person thinks it might be true, and it’s not. But what they don’t know is that I did that to her hair. She glares at me, and I have no idea if she’s turning red in the darkness.
But that does the trick. The senior boy moves along, just like he should.
Eight
Haven
I can’t help the excitement that bubbles through me each time I replay Danger telling me that he’s taking me out. Danger doesn’t take girls out, and this oddly feels like a date. I’m sure he doesn’t mean it like that, but what if he does? I still laugh at Ms. Mayberry’s offended face when he told her that instead of her, he was going to take me to dinner. Ha! I watch the clock go from four o’clock, five o’clock, to six o’clock, my jittery nerves slowly turning from excitement to disappointment. Danger probably got a better offer. After all, we’ve been friends since we were little. He must have changed his mind, thinking it would be weird.
Going to the freezer, I pick up the small tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream my ex brought in from the city for me. I tell myself I’m happy eating the last memories of him, while I put on P.S. I Love You. It’s the most romantic sad movie I can think of. I need a good ugly cry. I knew I shouldn’t have taken Danger seriously this afternoon. I don’t know why I allow my heart to get excited only for it to break open once again.
Maybe I should become a nun. I bet that would make my dad happy. His little girl forever tied to the church for no man to hurt ever again. Even that sounds weak to my own ears. If my dad truly believed that, he wouldn’t have been introducing me to his good friend, who’s been widowed. He was cute but entirely too polite, and my dad seems to like him way too much. I sometimes think when my dad says it’s too soon to date again, he just means it’s too soon for anyone he doesn’t approve of.
I honestly need to stop watching these romantic movies; they give my heart false hope. Even in this movie, she finds love at the end. I’m not sure my heart is capable of falling in love again.
“Honey, I’m home!” Danger’s voice rings out.
By now, I have the small tub of ice cream empty on the floor, along with four pudding cups. My laptop on my lap is playing the last scene of my movie. Looking to the clock, it’s almost eight at night.
He walks into his small living room that only hosts a couch. “You need a TV,” I hiccup, not caring he’s seeing me all red-eyed with ugly blotches on my face from crying.
“Why you cryin’?”
“Sad movie.” I bring up my laptop so he can see before placing it back on my lap.
“Is the cry better with a big screen?” he asks, sounding sincere, and I want to cry more. I wish he would mock me, tell me hateful things to make me want to be angry at him. I should be mad, but my heart isn’t even into that. I can’t muster up enough energy to tell him how hurt I am that he’s coming home hours after I expected the two of us to go out.
“Yes.” I snuffle. I’m pretty much cried out and tired. A warm bed sounds great right about now. Even if I’m sleeping on a futon that I had to dust off, making it my new bed, in his spare room.
“Then I’ll buy us one if that will make you happy.”
I half chuckle, my heart not in it. Danger never buys anything on a whim. Never. He overthinks every decision he has ever made.
“Sounds great.” I try to smile for him, but it’s hard when I know it’s an empty promise too. He means well, and I guess that means something.
“Get up. We're heading out.” He bends down, picking up my garbage.
“You can. I’m good here.” I make a show of snuggling deeper into his couch.
He stills for a second before turning to me. “Unacceptable. I just spent the last two hours setting up our evening. You can’t bail now.”
I can only imagine the party he put together. “I’m not in a people mood.”
“Good thing it’s just the two of us,” he says, going into the kitchen to dispose of my trash. For the briefest of moments, I think I’ve won. My heart does this strange sputter I can’t seem to fully recognize, but it feels close to disappointment. Returning, he takes my computer from my hands before pulling me up, hauling me off his comfortable couch.
“Why can’t you just let me wallow?”
“Because you’re too pretty to be sad. And that cheating fucker doesn’t deserve your tears.”
For the first time in weeks, I haven’t thought about my ex. Little does Danger know that I was crying over him breaking our night together. Thinking back to the last few weeks, I’ve cried about how people must look at me, and how I’ll have to face everyone. Not necessarily over the fact that I no longer love Timothy.
That thought alone has my breath stolen from me. How could I be with a man
for over a year and not love him? And what’s worse, not realize it till now.
“Here.” Danger tosses me sweatpants and a sweater.
Huffing, I play up that I’m not interested, when I’m excited to see what he’s been working on. Pulling the warm outfit over my pajamas, I look at him with my hands out. “Good enough?”
“You look perfect.” I know better than to love his little compliments. Danger and I have never been enemies; it’s more this love-hate pull. There have been times before when I thought Danger and I may have had something, but then it’s like we jump a mile backward and we have a hard time understanding each other. The true first time I felt this was when I was seventeen and we had a moment outside at a party, only for him to start a rumor that I was fucking someone there. I was mortified, then embarrassed that I read him completely wrong. He wasn’t looking to kiss me because of the zapping energy that run through us, pulling us closer together. For the first time, I felt like any other girl to him, and I hated that feeling. Sadly, it wasn’t the first time I allowed him to make me feel that way.
He directs me to his truck as I shuffle my feet, hanging back. Maybe I should have put on makeup. Glancing around, I see no one is around but Danger.
“You’re not bringing me to your parents’ to watch you practice or to do chores, are you?” That has happened more than once.
“Nope. This is one hundred percent pure unselfish Danger,” he says, smiling. His large hand rests on my thigh, squeezing it.
I want to ask him why he’s being so nice to me. He’s my best friend besides his sister, but he also doesn’t go out of his way to do things like this.
“Are you still trying to find a new sponsor?” I ask, wanting to get us to a place we’re both comfortable with.
He takes his hand off my thigh, bringing it back to the wheel as he looks at me. “I should be.” Three weeks ago, that’s all he could talk about. By getting a sponsor, it would allow him to stay out longer on the circuit, do events farther than the radius around Oakport Beach.
