Buried in Sunshine

by Matthew Fish

  Emma painfully attempts to gets up from the ground, she finds little success in the endeavor. Her head is a mere inches away from having impacted against the police car. Emma attempts to desperately get up as Alexis quickly closes the distance between them—she is armed with the sledge hammer.

  “You ungrateful little shit!” Alexis shouts as she brings the sledge hammer high above her head. “Do you know what I have done for you all these years? Do you know what I have done for you in the past?”

  “Stop…!” Emma shouts as she raises her hands.

  “Not this time,” Alexis says as she is unhindered by Emma’s words. “Answer me!”

  “I’m sorry…” Emma says as she attempts to shield her body from the blow with her arms. “I don’t remember—I want to remember… I’m so sorry Alexis.”

  “Fuck!” Alexis shouts as she brings down the sledge hammer with her full force.

  Emma winces as she waits for the strike. She can feel the breeze kicked up by the mighty swing on its collision course. Emma’s heart jumps as she hears the crashing and crushing of metal. Her heart pounding like a frantic drum and her breathing so heavy that she feels as though she is about to hyperventilate, Emma looks up and sees the sledge hammer smashed into the hood of the cop car.

  “Do you really not remember?” Alexis asks as her tone is now more calm and controlled. “Not at all…?”

  “I’m sorry…” Emma says as she is still unsure as to whether Alexis is going to hurt her or not. She toys with the idea of fighting back—but she comes to the conclusion that it will only make thing worse. “I know that you took over after I tried to kill myself. I know that after Aaron Chase was killed—you continued life after I gave up.”

  “Did you know it was not the first time?” Alexis says as she reaches a hand down.

  “I had no idea,” Emma says as she hesitantly takes the hand and is quickly hoisted back up to her feet. “I know I had problems in the past—after our stepfather left, but I didn’t know that you existed before that day I tried to kill myself…”

  “You don’t…remember?”

  “I honestly don’t,” Emma says as she looks to her arm which is covered in blood from her striking the ground. “Please…tell me.”

  “I’ve been your shield,” Alexis says as she lets out a heavy sigh and collapses her body against the car. “I’m your anger—but I’ve been your shield for things that you could not deal with.”

  “What could I not deal with in the past?”

  “I can show you,” Alexis says as she gestures to Emma’s car.

  “Okay,” Emma says as she follows Alexis to the white Impala.

  Alexis climbs into the driver’s seat and turns the car on, she turns the air conditioning on full. Emma attempts to enter the passenger’s side seat, but Alexis shakes her head and points to the back.

  Emma does as she is instructed.

  “Do you trust me?”

  “I do,” Emma replies, although she is slightly hesitant. After all, Alexis does seem rather unstable.

  “I’m going to put you to sleep,” Alexis says as she nods and places a hand to Emma’s forehead.

  “One moment,” Emma says as she pulls out her cell. She dials Justine, who quickly answers.

  “I’m fine,” Emma says as she looks to Alexis and looks away as though she feels uncomfortable making eye contact with her clone. “I’ll be home as soon as I can—just have a few things to figure out. I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay. We’re both okay.”

  “Was that…that weird girl you made friends with?” Alexis asks as she places her hand back over Emma’s forehead.

  “Yeah,” Emma answers simply as she prepares herself for the unknown. It is not that she does not completely trust Alexis—it is more that she fears what Alexis has to show her. It must be something terrible to account for so much rage.

  “One thing before I put you under…” Alexis asks.

  “Sure.”

  “Is there something that you are hiding from the rest of us?” Alexis asks. “Something that only you know but the rest of us don’t?”

  “I don’t think so…why?”

  “Just my paranoid nature, I suppose,” Alexis says as she shrugs her shoulders and places her warm hand against Emma’s head. “Are you ready?”

  “I am.”

  “Sleep…” Alexis commands.

  Emma’s eyes grow weary as the world slowly begins to fade away; Emma hears one final word from Alexis ‘remember.’ Everything turns to black. There is a strange hum in the abyss around her. A light appears in the distance, it travels in strange patterns like a constantly lit firefly as it makes it way to her. As it approaches closer and closer, it grows larger. Soon it engulfs her in a flash of light.

  *

  It was daytime. Emma sat in her room. She was smaller, younger. The memory of seeing the naked man atop her mother was still fresh in her memory. She still can picture the face of her father as he peeks through the other end of the greenhouse glass. His eyes were wide, full of anger.

  Her mother does not know. Emma has not had the courage to tell her. She still does not completely understand what she saw—she only knows that it was somehow wrong. Her mother is at work. She is alone in the house with her father.

  Emma sits on her bed. She looked out through the small view afforded by the tiny slit in her red curtain. It looked like a nice day outside. She wanted to go out and play. Perhaps she could spot the white deer again. The room is dark save for the tiny beam of light from the window.

  Footsteps approached the room. Emma nervously kicked her feet against the bed. The door opened. Her father’s face was illuminated in the dim light. He looked angry. He looked upset with Emma.

  “Your mother did something terrible,” her father said as he sat down on the bed next to her. “Do you know that?”

  “I thought she was being attacked.” Emma said as she nervously bit her lip. She did not want to be in trouble.

  “Did you tell her that you saw me?”

  “I didn’t…I didn’t say anything at all,” Emma protested as her father ran his hand across her back.

  “That’s good.” Her father said as he reached down and kissed Emma’s forehead. “Of course—you will have to be punished for what your mother did. Do you understand?”

  “I don’t…”

  Her father pulled down on Emma’s shorts.

  “I’m sorry.” Emma said as she thought that she was going to be spanked. “I didn’t know what to do.”

  Her father stripped her down until she was completely naked.

  Emma attempted to back away. She felt uncomfortable. She did not understand what was going on. Her father reached down and unbuttoned his own pants. Emma attempted to wriggle her way free but she was unable to do so against the large man.

  “Just lie still.” Her father said as he forced himself on top of her.

  “I’m sorry.” Emma said again as she felt a great deal of pain. Emma began to cry.

  *

  Emma began to fear the familiar sound of creaking footsteps outside of her door. Every time she would hide under her covers hoping that the door would not open. That he would not force himself on top of her and punish her. No matter how hard she wished the door would not open. The door always would open. During her punishment, Emma’s mind would go somewhere else. Eventually, her mind was always somewhere else. Alexis came into existence. She never told her mother—her father said he would kill her and her mother. She wondered how long the punishment would last. Emma returned briefly on the day her father was murdered. After that, she became Alexis once more. Though the threat of the monster was gone—the fear and damage remained. Alexis was angry, quiet—as she grew older she learned to hate life. That was, until when she turned fourteen and met a kind boy named Aaron Chase. Emma returned once again.

  *

  Emma slowly opens her eyes; tears are streaming down from them as she sobs uncontrollably. She now understands why Alexis carries s
o much anger within her—Alexis had been Emma’s shield when her stepfather would rape her when she was a child. “I’m…I’m so sorry Alexis.”

  “I thought you knew more than you did,” Alexis says from the front seat. “You know what happened that day that he was murdered though, you came back that day.”

  “I saw them bury him in the greenhouse.”

  “Did mother kill him, or did Brian?”

  “I don’t remember—I only remember that part from a dream.”

  “I can’t see that day,” Alexis says as she slaps herself across the face in frustration. “I’ve tried so hard to remember that day. I just can’t.”

  “Don’t be hard on yourself,” Emma whispers as she wipes away her tears with the short sleeve of her dress. “You were so brave—for so long.”

  “That’s why I had him kill himself,” Alexis said. “I knew about the affair, and the knife, the room full of concrete—I bluffed when I told him to write where the body was—I had no idea it was right under the place I found the knife.”

  “Why did you kill the person that freed us?”

  “Because it was their fault,” Alexis says as she begins to weep. Her tears flow freely as they catch rays of sunshine and glitter like tiny diamonds. “If they…had just, not had an affair then he would have never punished us for their actions.”

  “You put it all together much quicker than I did,” Emma says as she gets up and reaches her hands over the seat and hugs Alexis tightly. “I still believed that he didn’t do it after I confronted him.”

  “He allowed it to happen for so long,” Alexis says as she reaches over and places her hand on top of Emma’s. “He had to be punished—so did mom, but I can’t punish her. I expected that you would remember when I did. How could we forget something like that?”

  “When did you remember?”

  “When I came back in this new form—when you remembered who you really were.” Alexis says as she shakes her head. “How could I forget something like that? I suppose, had I remembered earlier I probably would have done something stupid…something that they could trace back to us—when we were all one person. We’d probably be in prison now.”

  “It’s time,” Emma says as she nods. “With us, time just erases things that we should remember—even things we would like t remember. I can’t remember anything about Aaron—if it weren’t for the pictures in the bedroom I wouldn’t even remember what his face looked like.”

  “Hope doesn’t know,” Alexis says as she looks out the window. “She’s here because we were someone different before that…monster got us. She shouldn’t know.”

  “We don’t have to tell her.”

  “I thought for sure that you would know after we all appeared,” Alexis says as she shakes her head. “I’m sorry—I’ve been hard on you because I…I guess I thought that you didn’t care about what I went through.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t know,” Emma says as she feels both upset and confused. Why was this kept from her? She could have stopped Alexis from killing Ethan’s father and mother long before if someone had just told her what Alexis had been through. Though they both did wrong, they did not deserve death. Emma begins to understand now what Brain was trying to say—Brian was trying to protect Emma, her mother, and…of course, himself—but he did not mean to cause this pain. He could see Alexis’s point that he was responsible, but there was no way he could have known what his transgressions would lead to. Perhaps she could have talked Alexis out of doing what she did, had she only known. “Why did you kill Ethan’s mother though?”

  Alexis lets out a heavy sigh and buries her face in her hands. “She could see me, only Brian was supposed to be able to see me that day—that’s how I planned it. I talked to her; I told her why I was there. She kept saying that I had wings—she was crazy. She asked me to wheel her outside, to release her. She said she was a caged bird. I didn’t want to leave her out there, I could see her getting sick…she just, wouldn’t let me take her back in. When Brian got back and I finally confronted him, she was long dead—I used that to hurt him more. Am I evil?”

  “You’re not evil Alexis,” Emma says as she squeezes her shoulder. “You took the brunt of pain for me for so many years. When you came here, all you had to latch onto was your anger and it took you on your own journey. I think though, that journey is over. Breaking up mom’s grave isn’t going to help anything. We only have a short time—spend it with me, or with my new friend. Spend it with Hope or Elizabeth—live some kind of normal life.”

  “I noticed you brought her back.”

  “She needed to be,” Emma responds as he nods. “I know you think she is weak—but she helped me figure out so much.”

  “I understand why you did it,” Alexis says as she turns to Emma. “I can feel a calling…I know where I have to be tomorrow. I know that it will be the end of me, Hope, and Elizabeth.”

  “I’m still convinced I can stop this,” Emma says as she shrugs her shoulders. “Elizabeth is even starting to believe that the future can be changed.”

  “The future maybe,” Alexis says, “But not our fate.”

  “Is there anything I can do for you?” Emma asks.

  “There is something I wanted,” Alexis says meekly as she turns away and looks to the sun that hands low in the late afternoon sky and paints the clouds around it a soft jacinthe orange. “But it’s too late to ask.”

  “What was it?”

  “I wanted to stay through the night,” Alexis says as stares off sadly at the sun.

  “I’ll give it to you,” Emma says as she places her hand upon the back of Alexis’s head and brushes her hair away from her wet cloudy blue eyes.

  “You only have two nights left,” Alexis says in protest. “I couldn’t.”

  “Stay tonight…” Emma commands as she closes her eyes and concentrates. “Stay…”

  “No…” Alexis whispers. “I don’t deserve this.”

  “Just promise me a few things,” Emma says as she removes her hand, she feels tired—as though she has lost some of her energy. However, she does not regret her decision.

  “Anything,” Alexis says softly as a tear streams down.

  “Forgive our mother,” Emma says as she looks to the broken grave in the distance. “Forgive Brain, even if you don’t feel he deserves it—there is no reason to hold onto the pain any longer. Also…forgive yourself.”

  “I promise I’ll try,” Alexis whispers as she looks to Emma sadly. “You’ll have to go to that other place tonight…you can still take it back.”

  “It is my gift to give to you,” Emma says as she gets out of the back seat of the car and opens up the driver’s side door. “What do you plan on doing?”

  “Are the fireflies out?”

  “They are,” Emma says as she is taken off guard by a large embrace by Alexis.

  “I’d like to see the moon,” Alexis says. I’d like to see the beach at night—the fireflies in the woods outside the house. I would just appreciate the comfort of walking around at night, knowing I’m not going to disappear—I would dream. Hopefully it would be a good one, as I only get this one.”

  “I’m sure it will be,” Emma says as she is released from Alexis’s hold. “Don’t go scaring people too much with your ghost cop car there—and return Ethan’s sledge hammer.”

  “He left it unlocked.”

  “Just do it,” Emma says as she shakes her head and laughs.

  “Emma?”

  “Yeah…?”

  “Thank you,” Alexis whispers as she smiles. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

  “Just remember to do what I said, “Emma says as she climbs into her car. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  *

  “It’s good to see you,” Justine says as she opens up the door for Emma. “You had me worried being gone so long.”

  “Did you see Alexis?” Hope asks as she comes running over and hugs Emma.

  �
�I did,” Emma says as she pats her younger self on the head. “Everything is going to be okay now.”

  “I knew that you were powerful,” Hope adds. “You just had to believe it.”

  “Well thank you for letting me know,” Emma adds as Hope runs off to the mess of newspaper and paint on the floor.

  “Was today okay?” Emma asks quietly as he turns to Justine. “No trouble here?”

  “Nah,” Justine says as she shakes her head and a wide smile grows across her face. “I love this kid. I could hang out with her all day—that seems a little odd doesn’t it.”

  “Is there anything about this situation that isn’t odd?”

  “That’s a very good and valid point,” Justine says as she nods. “So what’s the plan from here on out?”

  “I…” Emma begins. She knows that in a few hours she will disappear—just as she has seen Elizabeth and Hope disappear. The thought terrifies her. She is glad that she could grant Alexis’s final wish, she just realizes that it does come with quite a hefty price. “I let Alexis have tonight. I’m going to disappear when the sun goes down.”

  “Why would you do that?” Justine asks loudly as Hope turns to look at the commotion.

  “It was her last wish,” Emma whispers. “I had to do it.”

  “Isn’t it horrible though?” Justine whispers in turn. “Painful?”

  “I’m okay with it,” Emma says halfheartedly. “Alexis has gone through a lot of pain and suffering for years on my behalf. I can give her one night.”

  “You’ll be back in the morning though?”

  “I will,” Emma says as she nods.

  *

  “I’m tired,” Hope says as she curls up into a ball on the couch just as the last rays of sunshine fill Justine’s colorful apartment.

  “You should sleep now,” Emma says as she places her arm around the small girl. “I’ll see you when you wake up.”