Chasing Fireflies

by Paige P. Horne

  “Don’t think so. You’re drunk, and I can’t have you driving around.”

  He laughs. “Since when you think you’re in charge of my driving, buddy?”

  “Don’t make a scene. Just get into my truck and let me take you home.”

  “I don’t think I want to ride with you.”

  “You don’t have a choice.”

  “Oh, I don’t, do I?”

  “No, you either ride with me or I can handcuff you and take you down to the station. Which is it…buddy?”

  He narrows his eyes at me and sucks his teeth. “Fine, deputy. I’ll let you give me a ride home.” I climb into my truck as he gets into the back, and I put it in drive. “Your little wife still having issues with panic attacks?” he asks. I look in the rearview mirror at him. He’s leaned back and looking out the window. His eyes are shiny red, and they have that unclear look in them. I don’t respond.

  “You know, Maci used to get those when we were pregnant, but that was a while ago,” he tells me as he lifts his hat on his head. He leaves it sitting on top of his hair, and I see a flash of something come across his face. Regret maybe? I fix my eyes back on the road and adjust my own hat as we pull out of downtown and onto the road to his house. The man who makes my fingers twitch keeps sucking his teeth, and I want him out of my truck.

  “You think she might try to slit her wrist again? I heard about that. Gotta be rough dealing with someone who would rather try to kill herself than live with you.”

  I slam on the brakes and throw the gear shifter in park. Jumping out, I round the vehicle and swing open his door. I grab a fistful of his shirt and yank him out. He falls to the ground, but I lift him up and throw him against my truck. He holds up his hands and lets a laugh out. “You piece of shit,” I say, shoving him again. He stumbles, and his knees give out. “Get up.” He doesn’t. He just rolls onto his back and laughs harder. “Get the fuck up!”

  “Come on, deputy. I didn’t mean to get you all riled up,” he says, putting his palms down flat on the rough gravel. I see pieces of rock fall from his palms as he tries to push his drunk ass up but fails. It takes everything in me to not kick his sorry ass, but I notice how drunk he is and I see what he is trying to do.

  “Get in the fucking truck,” I say, leaving him on the ground. I spit as I round the corner and jump back into my seat. I slam the door, and once the asshole is back in, I press the gas, catching a wheel and throwing black smoke and pieces of gravel into the air.

  Once I’m at his house, I get out and open his door. He’s passed out. “Shit.” I don’t want to carry his ass, but I guess I don’t have a choice. I see Maci standing on the porch, and I lean down and lift the man over my shoulder. Walking up onto the porch, Maci quickly heads over to the door and opens it for me, and I toss him onto the couch.

  “You going to be okay with him?” I ask her. I turn around, and that’s when I see it. It’s barley there, but gray mixed with black lines her left eye. “Did he hit you?” She turns her face so I can’t see. I look at her cheeks as they turn red and she fidgets.

  “I ran into the dang door. I wasn’t paying attention.” She waves her hand dismissively. Lucas makes a noise, and I look back at him.

  “Maci, if he is hitting you, you don’t have to stay here. We can get you help.”

  “No, it’s not that. I’m just clumsy sometimes. I better get him taken care of. Thanks for bringing him home, Cash. I really appreciate it.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yes, I’m good. Really.”

  I search her face, knowing she is lying to me, but if she doesn’t verbally tell me, and I don’t see it myself, there isn’t anything I can do about it. She walks over to the door and stands beside it after she pulls it open. I take this as my cue to leave.

  “Okay. Let us know if you need anything.”

  “I will. Thanks again.”

  I walk out of the house with a bad feeling in my chest. That asshole is hitting her.

  *

  Pulling up to the yard, I see Sara outside. I squint from the sun and look toward her as she stands. Her blonde hair has been seriously chopped off, but she smiles like nothing has changed. More flowers have been added to her garden, and she wipes her knees off before she walks over to me.

  “What happened to your hair?” I ask as she stands on her tippy toes and kisses me.

  “It was getting in my way.”

  “Couldn’t pull it back?”

  “Nope, I wanted a change,” she answers. I narrow my eyes. “Stop looking at me like that.” She’s hands on her hips and red on her shoulders.

  “Baby.”

  “Don’t baby me.” She walks back to the garden and starts cleaning up her things. I notice only half the flowers are planted. “You don’t like it?” she asks.

  “You’d look good with no hair. It’s just a drastic quick change.”

  “Not really.”

  “Yes, really.”

  She sighs and fills her hands with too much.

  “Give me some of that.”

  “I’ve got it,” she fires back. I watch her walk to the porch before I follow.

  “Have you been feeling okay?”

  “Seriously not this again.” She drops her stuff and yanks the––what I see now is a new screen door––open. My girl has been busy.

  “New door?” I question with a lift of my brow.

  “Yeah, I asked you to fix it and you didn’t, so I did.”

  “Sorry, I’ve just been busy.”

  “It’s fine, Cash. I can take care of some things by myself.”

  “I didn’t say you couldn’t.”

  “Once again you didn’t have to. Your actions show me that you think I can’t handle anything by myself.”

  “How, Sara?”

  “You baby me.”

  “How?”

  “You just do.”

  “Tell me how I do it and I’ll stop.”

  “For one, every time I do anything spur of the moment, you think it’s more than it is. Sometimes people just do things, Cash,” she says, walking into the dining room. I see the furniture has been changed around, but the things on the hutch have not been put back up. She grabs the dusting spray and an old rag. She quickly sprays and wipes, sprays and wipes. I don’t take my eyes off of her. Leaning against the doorframe, I cross my arms and watch my high girl. She doesn’t even realize that she is, but I see it. I see the change in her eyes, and I can tell her mind is running a mile a minute.

  “So, I just ignore the fact you went to the hardware store and bought a shitload more flowers you didn’t really need? I should ignore the fact you went and bought a new door when you could have just gotten some new screen? I should ignore the fact that you fucking chopped your damn hair off?”

  She turns to me and sighs. “I wanted a haircut, so I cut it.” She tosses the rag onto the table and starts putting things back on the shelf. “I wanted a new door, so I bought one. I wanted more fucking flowers, so I got them. End of.”

  “Fine. I’m done talking about this anyway.” I throw my hands up because this isn’t a winning battle. Sara is on a one-track mindset right now, and I have no say.

  “Good,” she says, but she doesn’t look back at me. She continues to place the picture frames and whatnots up.

  “Good,” I say back before I walk toward the stairs.

  *

  I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. Water drops from my hair, and I run a hand through it. Fucking baby pisses me off. How can she not see all of those things were irrational and should have been talked about? She spent God knows how much on all those flowers, and she chopped all her hair off. I open the bathroom door, and my eyes land on her as she sits on the floor. She’s only in a tank top and black boy shorts, and I can’t be pissed at her anymore. She’s leaning against the wall with her journal in her hand and tears in her pretty eyes. She looks up, and the tears fall.

  “Why are you crying?”

  “You
know I just cry sometimes.” She shrugs, and I walk over to her. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles. I sigh and reach my hand out.

  “Come here.” She looks up at my hand and our palms touch before I link our fingers together. “Are you okay?” I ask her as I sit down on the bed and she stands between my knees. Baby blue eyes are filled with tears, but she gives me a small smile as she looks down at my bare chest.

  “I’m okay.” She leans down and kisses my forehead. Picking up my hand, she places it on her ass. “Make me feel good,” she whispers to me. “Make me shut down for a minute.”

  I grab a handful and pull her closer to me. The anger I had earlier from drunk ass and the way she presses my buttons come to my mind, and I reach my hand up and grab the back of her neck, pulling her face down to mine. I kiss her roughly. She opens her mouth, letting my tongue enter, and I grip her skin tighter.

  In one swift move, I switch places with her, letting my towel fall. She opens her knees, and I climb in between, quickly moving her boy shorts down her legs. I press forward and spread her legs farther apart. My dick slides against her, and I don’t even have to test that she is ready. I push inside, and her eyes close. She grabs the blanket, and her mouth hangs open as I love her. Taking out all the pent-up anger she ignites inside of me, I rare back and slam forward, over and over again until she is nothing but fists full of sheets and I’m just a man sick in love, falling from a high Sara can only give me.

  Chapter Twelve

  Sara

  My fingertips lightly tap, and the coolness they feel from the crystal clear water makes me hesitant to jump in, so I dip my feet instead. “Drinks!” Leigh shouts as she walks out onto the patio. I grab mine, and Maci does the same. “To hot summers with cool chicks.” Leigh smiles.

  “What she said,” Maci says before taking a sip of her drink. Ice clinks the side of my glass, and I lick the salt from my lips.

  “Wait. I didn’t even think about it, but should you be drinking with your medication?” Maci asks me.

  “Probably not.” I shrug before I take another sip. She shakes her head at me.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Just don’t think it’s a good idea, is all.”

  “Oh, leave her alone, Maci. Let the girl have some fun.” Leigh puts her drink down and reaches on the other side of the pool for her float with the bug net. Maci removes her shoes and slides her socks off. I see a bruise on her leg, but I look away. She could have just run into a piece of furniture. I do it all the time. My hip has a bruise on it now because my brain can’t remember where the bedpost is.

  Leigh screams when she tips over on her float, and Maci and I laugh when she comes back up. Wet brown hair covers her face, and she huffs. “Man, I didn’t wanna get my damn hair wet. Now I gotta wash it again for date night with Mark.”

  “Date night?” I ask, waiting for details.

  “Yep. Mark is taking me to see a movie.”

  “Sweet,” I say. Leigh regains her balance on the float and takes hold of the edge of the pool so she can grab her drink.

  “Well, it’s the least he can do,” she says.

  “Why do you say that?” Maci asks.

  “’Cause I, you know what, in his truck today.”

  “What?” Maci says.

  “You know,” Leigh repeats with a quirky lift of her brow.

  “I seriously don’t.” Maci looks over at me, and I grin.

  “I think she means a blow job.”

  Maci scrunches her face. “Gross, Leigh.”

  “What? Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep the ol’ husband happy.”

  “Yeah, but your husband is friendly Mark.”

  “He’s friendly all right.” Leigh winks, and I laugh again.

  “But for real. You can’t tell me you’ve never given Lucas a blow job.”

  “Not in a car.”

  “What about you, Sara? Cash get any fun action out of you in a car before?”

  I bite my lip and look down at the water. After prom night, Cash and I could hardly keep our hands off of each other. I remember the smell of his mom’s air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror. Cash took us down to Lake Side, and we parked the car and got in the back seat. His hands were all over me and anywhere else they could fit. Our lips were like magnets, drawn to each other and hard to break apart. He kissed every inch of my body that night, and I remember thinking this is what love is. This feeling in my chest when I hear his name. These crazy emotions of not knowing if I want to laugh or cry because he makes me so damn happy. The desperate need to feel him and have him near me as much as possible.

  “I’ll take that blush as a yes,” Leigh says, and I notice her and Maci looking at me.

  “You’re lucky to find someone you love so deeply and they return that love just as much,” Maci says. I give her a small smile before I take a sip of my drink.

  I didn’t fall in love with Cash. It was something that happened slowly, like a vine growing up a fencepost. We were so young when we met that I hardly remember a time when I didn’t know him…

  The school bell rang, and the sound of kids jumping up from their desks echoed through the classrooms, while laughter and loud mouths filled the wide hallways. I still remember the smell of cigarette smoke coming from the girls’ bathroom. The sounds of my science teacher’s heels against the hard tile floor. Coach Dudley’s short shorts as he walked through the maze of excited-to-be-out-of-school kids with a big smile on his face because he was on summer vacation, too.

  I walked up to my group of friends just like any other day, but it wasn’t any other day. Cash leaned against the wall, one knee bent and his foot flat on the brick his back rested on, while the other was planted firmly on the ground. He was slightly smirking at something one of his friends was saying. His hand was slid into his jeans pocket, while his books were carelessly stacked on the ground beside his leg. I walked up, his eyes looked to me, and that’s the moment I fell for him. I don’t know why. It was something about the way he looked at me, like he saw me for me. Not the quirky, popular girl who was weird sometimes. He saw the girl who was confused with her emotions, the girl who cried behind closed doors and one day felt no need to get out of bed. He saw me––the actress without her lines. After that, I was nervous around him and got butterflies, but I didn’t tell anyone because this was Cash—sweet guy, cuter than all the rest, and my friend.

  But soon, he started asking me if I wanted to grab a bite to eat, just the two of us, without our friends. He asked me if I wanted him to carry my books or if I wanted to keep some things in his locker so I wouldn’t have to walk all the way to mine because all my classes were closer to his. Sometimes he put his arm around me or brushed his hand against mine. Little shows of affection here and there. Then one day, after a night of hanging out at Lake Side and a stomach full of beer, he grabbed my hand and told me he wanted to show me something. We walked away from our friends, and he took me around the backside of an abandoned building. I was laughing at something, and then all of a sudden he pressed me up against the wall. My lungs stopped taking in air, and I felt swarms of butterflies in my belly. He told me he wanted to kiss me, and I let him. I let him kiss me in the moonlight up against an old building with our friends’ laughter in the background, and it was the best kiss I’d ever had.

  *

  The sound of the ball hitting the metal bat echoes in the air, and I stand up, clapping my hands excitedly as Cash runs. Leigh sits beside me––gum chewing, baseball hat on her head with her brown hair pulled through the back. I’ve gone and had my hair fixed, and now I’ve got a Meg Ryan look going on. It’s short, and I love it. I look back at the cars parked and see Maci walking up with her new habit between her fingers. Smoke blows from her mouth as I give her a wave, letting her know where we are. She flicks the cigarette and turns her head away so not to blow smoke in anyone’s face. She sits down beside me, and I look over at her. “You know smoking is really bad for you.”

  “Just like drink
ing with your meds, huh?” she says.

  I lift my brow and smile a little. “Touché, my friend. Touché.”

  “Where’s Lucas?” Leigh asks.

  “Lucas is passed out, so I figured why am I going to sit at home?”

  My friend just started smoking, and her husband isn’t treating her any better. It’s not a secret that I’m worried—I’ve told her more than once. Her carefree attitude is understandable, but it doesn’t distract me from the bruises on her arms. She sees me looking and gives me a glare.

  “I’m not going to say anything,” I say as I look back toward the field and see Cash on third base. Two more runs and we will win this.

  “You know I don’t crawl in the fetal position and take it, don’t you?” This is the first time she has ever acknowledged him hitting her. I don’t say anything—too scared she won’t continue.

  “I’m filing for divorce. Give me some of that gum,” she says to Leigh who also has a look of what the hell?

  “Both of you stop.”

  She grabs a handful of Big League Chew and takes her shades off. I see a small shade of blue under her eye. It’s fresh because I saw her yesterday, and it wasn’t there.

  “His drinking is getting out of hand, and his hand is getting braver. I’m sick of it, and I’m going to end up smothering him in his sleep if he doesn’t kill me first.”

  I look around at the other people on the bleachers. A woman looks our way with a shocked face.

  “Turn around, Gladys Kravitz,” Leigh says, and I try to hold my laugh in. Maci doesn’t, and Leigh snickers with her.

  “I’m going to need yours and Cash’s help,” Maci says after the giggles stop and her face turns serious.

  “This man isn’t going to let me go without a fight.” She looks off, and a crease forms between her brows. Her eyes fill with unshed tears she doesn’t even seem to know are there.

  “He wasn’t always like this, and it breaks my damn heart,” she says quietly, and there’s the friend I know and have come to love. She sniffs and straightens her back. “But people change, things change, and as much as you want them to stay the same, it just isn’t always the case.” She looks down at her fingers and sighs. I look out at the field and see that Cash has already run home and so has the other player. We won, and I didn’t even notice.