Star Struck

by Jenny McLachlan

  Over by the Sixth Form block, Jake Flower is hanging out with a couple of friends. We watch as he kicks a ball against a wall. ‘You’re going to be kissing him,’ I say.

  ‘What?’ She looks confused.

  ‘When we start rehearsing the party scene,’ I say. ‘That’s when Romeo and Juliet kiss. Looking forward to locking lips with The Flower?’

  She laughs. ‘Sure. He’s nice … kakkoii. It means “good looking”.’

  ‘Yeah?’ I sip my drink. ‘What do you like about him?’ It’s like I’m picking at a scab and I can’t stop.

  ‘Some people have dumb eyes – like there’s just a blank space behind them – but Jake’s got kind eyes.’

  ‘What are mine like?’ It just pops out. Why do I care what she thinks about my eyes?

  ‘Yours?’ She stops walking and looks at me. I make my eyes big and wide. ‘You’ve got tiger eyes.’

  I blink. ‘That’s evil.’

  ‘Depends if you like tigers,’ she says. ‘I do.’ She stares back at me. ‘What are mine like?’

  ‘Pips,’ I say. ‘Small and black.’

  Suddenly, Jake’s kicking the ball back to his friends and running to catch up with us. ‘How are my Juliets doing?’ he asks. Presumably this is supposed to make me feel better.

  ‘This Juliet’s got to go,’ says Hoshi, turning towards the English block. ‘See you at rehearsals, Jake. See you later, Pearl.’ Her pip eyes flash at me and then she’s walking away.

  Jake watches her go then turns to me. ‘Where are you off to?’

  ‘Art.’

  ‘I’ll come with you.’

  As we walk through the school, I notice how many people smile at Jake. Not just girls, but boys too, and teachers. Usually people look at me, then their eyes shoot away like they’re scared. With Jake by my side, I’m getting curious glances. Even a few smiles.

  He holds a door open for me. ‘Can I just say,’ he says, as I brush past him, ‘you’re looking pretty awesome this morning, Harris.’

  ‘Yeah?’ I glance across at him.

  ‘I like all this.’ He ruffles my tangle of black hair.

  I laugh. ‘Are you after something?’

  ‘Maybe.’ He drops his arm over my shoulder and guides me round a group of Year Sevens. ‘I could do with a bit of help.’

  He leaves his arm there, warm across my back, and I hardly dare to breathe in case he takes it away. ‘What do you need help with?’ I ask. ‘Your dancing? Because I’ve noticed you do this weird thing with your hands –’

  ‘As if!’ He nudges me. ‘You’re Hoshi’s friend, right?’

  ‘Not really,’ I say. ‘I mean, we hang out together sometimes.’ And even though his hand is still resting on my shoulder, the warmth vanishes and I feel an icy sickness in my stomach. I know what’s coming.

  ‘So … has she got a boyfriend?’

  ‘She wouldn’t go out with you!’ My voice comes out loud.

  ‘Why not? I’m great! My mum’s always saying it … and my nan.’

  I force myself to laugh. ‘Look, I don’t know if she’s got a boyfriend.’

  ‘Then find out. Have you got my number?’ We’re outside my art room. He lets go of my shoulder and gets out his phone. We swap numbers, something I’ve always wanted to happen. ‘You’re my wingman, Harris,’ he says, putting his hand on my shoulder again. ‘Find out what I need to know. Don’t let me down!’ He smiles his amazing smile then turns and walks away, arms swinging, his T-shirt tight across his shoulders.

  A few seconds later, I get a text: Have a good paint … and maybe a chat with Hoshi?? I grip my phone.

  Forget her, I want to text back. She doesn’t need you.

  ‘Care to join us, Pearl?’ calls my teacher.

  ‘Coming.’ I rest my head against the wall. My throat is tight. But I don’t cry. I never cry. Will do! I text Jake. If anyone can break her, it’s me! xox

  I press ‘send’ and walk into art. ‘Hi, Miss!’ I say, smiling brightly.

  THIRTEEN

  I get to French late and there’s a free seat next to Hoshi. She smiles up at me, but I keep my face blank and walk past her, dropping into a seat at the back of the room. I’m done with befriending the enemy.

  Hoshi turns and tries to catch my eye, so I stare straight at her with my tiger eyes and I don’t blink until she looks away.

  At the end of the lesson, she waits outside the room. ‘Pearl, are you OK?’ she asks. Students drift past us. ‘What’s the matter?’ In the distance, two teachers laugh hysterically, then a door slams shut. I don’t take my eyes off Hoshi. I don’t smile and I don’t speak.

  For the first time since I met her, a look of uncertainty flashes across her face, just for a second, and I feel a rush of triumph inside me, a glow. I take one step closer, then another. ‘You’re the matter,’ I say, then I step round her and walk away.

  I do it all day, the stares, the silences, the smiles that aren’t really smiles. It means I can’t hang out with the girls, but Max is off sick so at least I have Tiann to keep me company. At lunchtime we sit behind the English block, and I listen to Tiann talk about Max’s mum’s fortieth and ignore all the texts the girls send me.

  ‘This feels just like the old days,’ says Tiann happily. I stretch my legs out, kicking litter out of the way, shut my eyes and rest my head on the hard bumpy wall. The weak autumn sun shines on my face and I listen as Tiann lights a fag and inhales deeply. ‘Do you want one?’ she asks.

  I nod and stick out my hand. She’s right, I think, as I smoke. This feels exactly like the old days.

  After school, Tiann and I are killing time in the girls’ toilets when Hoshi walks in. I ignore her and carry on doing my make-up. ‘Hey, Pearl,’ she says, standing by my side.

  In the mirror, I see Tiann’s eyes flick over Hoshi. ‘What do you think?’ Tiann says. ‘Bit slutty?’ She’s talking about the bright pink lipstick she’s putting on, but she’s looking right at Hoshi.

  ‘Just a bit,’ I say.

  ‘Have I done something to upset you?’ Hoshi says. Tiann laughs and behind us a toilet flushes. A girl appears, sees the three of us, then disappears out of the door. Hoshi’s still watching me as though we’re the only people in the room. ‘Because I’m getting the feeling you’re annoyed with me.’

  ‘Give me that lipstick,’ I say to Tiann. ‘I’m going to try it.’ I push past Hoshi and grab the lipstick off Tiann. I put it on. Hoshi stares at me in the mirror.

  ‘Doesn’t suit you,’ she says.

  I put on even more. ‘Concealer, Tiann.’

  Grinning, she passes me the tube. ‘Can you smell something funny?’ she asks.

  I feel slightly sick when she says this and a silence falls over us. ‘I said, can you smell something, Pearl?’

  I shake my head. ‘Leave it, Tiann.’

  ‘What?’ She looks at me and laughs.

  I stare at the concealer in my hands. ‘I said, leave it.’ Slowly, I look up and meet Hoshi’s gaze.

  ‘Aitai, Pearl,’ she says, with a trace of a smile, then she turns and walks out of the toilets.

  Tiann cackles with laughter. ‘What a freak!’

  ‘Shut up, Tiann!’

  ‘What’s your problem?’

  ‘Just stop laughing,’ I say. ‘What are you even laughing at?’

  ‘Her! The Chinese girl.’

  ‘She’s Japanese!’

  Tiann scowls at me and turns back to the mirror. I get my phone out and put ‘atai’ into Google translate. Was that it? Maybe it was ‘attai’? I keep getting ‘or’ and ‘ouch’, which doesn’t make sense. While Tiann’s going on about Max’s puppy, I try out different spellings. Finally, a translation site suggests: ‘aitai: miss you’.

  Miss you? Is that what she said?

  ‘Pearl!’ says Tiann. ‘Are you listening? Max is calling the puppy “Tynan” so it’s a bit like my name, but different so he won’t get us mixed up.’

  I put my phone away and look up at Tiann. ‘So
he’s going to have a girlfriend called Tiann and a dog called Tynan?’

  ‘I know! How sweet?’

  ‘Very,’ I say. I feel like I need to make up for what I just said to her. ‘Give me your hairbrush.’ I tip my head upside down and give my hair a bit of body. I look in the mirror. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘You look boss, girl,’ she says.

  ‘Know it,’ I say, and I pick up my bag.

  ‘Look.’ She grabs me and shows me her phone. ‘Max’s just sent me a picture of Tynan chewing his pants … cute!’

  ‘Not looking,’ I say, pushing the phone away. ‘Repulsive. Come on. Walk to the drama studio with me.’

  ‘So who’s the new girl in the play?’

  ‘Juliet,’ I say as we head down the corridor.

  ‘And Jake Flower’s Romeo? Lucky cow. She doesn’t deserve him. Not with that face.’

  ‘Tiann.’ I stop walking. ‘Don’t say that! This is nothing to do with you.’

  She laughs then stops when she sees my face. ‘You’re not joking?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’

  I shake my head and stare at the P.E. noticeboard. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I need to get rid of Hoshi so I can be Juliet and have Jake all to myself again, but at the same time I hate hearing Tiann say those things. ‘The new girl’s my problem,’ I say. ‘I’ll sort her out.’

  She shrugs and puts her arm through mine. ‘I just don’t like seeing someone upsetting my mate,’ she says. ‘It makes me mad. Y’know what I mean?’

  I nod. ‘I know what you mean.’ We start to walk towards the drama studio. ‘Come on, show me those pictures of Tynan and the pants.’

  FOURTEEN

  Half an hour later Hoshi is sprawled at my feet. ‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘Didn’t see you there.’

  She takes my hand and jumps to her feet. ‘No worries,’ she says. I look up and see Betty’s beady eyes watching me from under her long fringe. I couldn’t resist sticking my foot out just then. I did it without thinking, like swatting a fly.

  ‘Capulets back on the left, Montagues to the right,’ says Ms Kapoor. We’re working through the opening dance and Jake and Hoshi are joining in even though they won’t do it in the show. ‘Let’s try it again and get it tighter.’

  As we sing ‘Capulet It Go’, we step closer together until the two groups meet, and then we do a cross between a fight and a street dance. I guess it’s going to look good when we’ve got it right, but at the moment it’s a mess. We’re each paired up with a fighting partner, and mine is Betty.

  She kicks her leg high in the air and I duck under it. Then I grab her arm and pull it behind her back. ‘Hey,’ she whispers when our heads are close together. ‘I saw what you just did.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘To Hoshi. Why don’t you leave her alone?’ I tug her arm back a bit harder than I’m supposed to and she spins out fast, bumping into Jake.

  ‘She tripped over my foot,’ I say as I block her blows with my arm. Is she hitting me harder than usual?

  ‘No, she didn’t.’ Whack, whack! ‘And I’ve noticed a few other things you’ve done recently. I know exactly what you’re up to even if Hoshi doesn’t.’ As Betty swings round I see her eyes are narrowed. ‘Do you think you’re ever going to get bored of being a bully?’

  ‘Will you ever get bored of being a freak?’ I snap back.

  She laughs. We’re coming up to my favourite bit in the dance. I throw a punch at Betty and she swings her head back like I’ve made contact. She does it really well. Smack! goes my hand. Thwack! goes her face. Suddenly, I really, really want to make contact and stop all the faking. I pull back my arm and aim my fist at her blunt fringe. My hand brushes her hair as it flies past her face.

  ‘Bit close, you nutter,’ she says.

  The music stops and I stare at my hand, heart pounding. ‘An accident,’ I say.

  Betty blinks. ‘An accident?’

  ‘I’m stressed,’ I say. My hands are shaking so I cross my arms and try to get my breathing under control. I take a deep breath. Then another.

  ‘Starting positions,’ says Ms Kapoor, clapping her hands.

  Betty says quietly, ‘What’s your problem with Hoshi? I mean, except for the whole stealing your part thing.’

  I glance at Hoshi. She’s standing with Jake. His hands are resting on her waist. I shake my head. ‘There’s no problem,’ I manage to say. ‘You’re imagining it.’

  ‘Positions!’ shouts Ms Kapoor.

  Betty and I fake-fight so well that Miss gets everyone else to watch us. Then she calls it a night after reminding us to bring in our money for next Friday’s trip.

  I sit with Kat on the floor as we change our shoes and talk about the weekend. I keep an eye on Hoshi and Jake over by the piano. Hoshi is teaching Jake a dance move. It’s so simple, but he just can’t get it right.

  ‘Come with me to the shop?’ Kat asks, giving my foot a kick. ‘Pearl?’

  ‘Yeah, OK.’

  Hoshi is heading in our direction. ‘Hey,’ she says. She’s out of breath and her cheeks are rosy. ‘Wasn’t that fun?’

  I stare at her, unsmiling. Kat glances at me, then says, ‘Were you just teaching Jake to pop?’

  ‘Trying to. It went wrong. I guess we looked totally dumb.’

  She laughs and, without thinking, I copy her stupid laugh even though I can feel Kat’s eyes on me. ‘Totally,’ I say.

  ‘Shut up, Pearl,’ says Kat.

  ‘What?’ I force myself to smile. ‘It’s true. Hoshi looked like a dumbass. She said it herself!’ Kat sighs and grabs her bag.

  ‘I just wanted to say that we’re going to McDonald’s,’ says Hoshi. ‘Me and Jake. Do you two want to get some food with us?’

  ‘No, thanks,’ I say. ‘We’re walking home.’

  ‘I’ll come,’ says Kat.

  I stare at her. ‘I thought we were going to the shop.’

  ‘I don’t feel like it any more.’

  ‘What about tomorrow?’ We’re supposed to be meeting up in town. Kat wants to do some early Christmas shopping.

  ‘Ring me,’ she says as she walks away.

  ‘Forget it.’ I pull my phone out.

  Hoshi’s still standing over me. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to come?’

  I ignore her and tap away at my phone. ‘We’re off, Hoshi!’ shouts Kat. Hoshi looks at me for a moment longer, then goes to join the others.

  Through my hair, I watch as they leave, Jake holding the door open, Betty pulling Bea along by the sleeve of her coat, Hoshi and Kat at the back, their blonde heads almost touching. Soon the studio is empty, just me and Mr Simms. He turns the lights off one by one. ‘Haven’t you got a home to go to?’ he asks.

  ‘I’m going,’ I say, sticking my headphones in. Then I turn my music up loud and brush past him.

  I walk out of school and across the field, stamping through piles of wet autumn leaves, drizzle hitting my face. My mind is going crazy with the thought of them sitting together in McDonald’s, smiling and laughing, while I’m out here on my own in the dark.

  I want to scream, but instead I turn my music up loud until it matches the noise in my head. Hoshi’s taking everything away from me, and I’m the only one who seems to have noticed.

  FIFTEEN

  Hoshi’s smile is stuck in my head the whole weekend, distracting me, driving me mad, and even when I’m at World of Water I can’t stop thinking about her. I didn’t ring Kat on Saturday. I knew there was no point.

  On Monday, I still can’t bring myself to speak to Hoshi, which means I can’t hang out with the girls. Somehow, without anyone saying anything, it’s clear that I can’t have them without her. But I do have Tiann because she’s on one of her monthly break-ups with Max. Then Tiann gets back together with Max and suddenly I’m on my own.

  I get to lessons late and the minute the teacher says we can go I’m the first out of the door. At lunch and breaktime, I walk out of school and sit on
a bench in the park, smoking and listening to music. No one seems to notice I’m leaving school. Mrs P even stops me in the corridor to tell me how pleased she is that I’m staying out of trouble. ‘You’ve not been sent out of any lessons for a month!’ she says.

  I reek of fags and my hands are icy, but I just grin and say, ‘Thanks, Miss!’

  ‘I’m still watching you,’ she adds and my smile vanishes the second she walks away.

  I keep this up until Friday, the day of the trip.

  As I’m walking to the station I imagine sitting on my own on the train, or worse, Miss and Sir making me sit with them. I also think about what Hoshi said. ‘Aitai, Pearl.’ Miss you.

  That’s when I decide to take a quick detour to Asda to buy a peace offering.

  ‘Hey, losers!’ I say when I find the girls on the train. ‘Move up. I’ve got doughnuts.’ They give me the uncertain look that I’ve been getting all week, but then Bea wriggles along the seat so I can sit down.

  Hoshi isn’t with them, which makes what I have to do a bit easier. ‘Betty, Kat, mini strawberry doughnut?’

  ‘Pink sprinkles,’ says Bea, and she actually licks her lips. ‘Go on, then.’

  Betty takes one with narrowed eyes, then I hold the box across the aisle to Kat. ‘If I eat a doughnut,’ she says, ‘I’m not saying I’m cool with what you’ve been doing to Hoshi … but I do want to eat one. Badly.’

  ‘Eat it,’ I say, sticking the box under her nose, ‘and I promise to be nice to her. I’ve had enough of you all treating me like I’m Satan.’

  Kat takes a doughnut and puts the entire thing in her mouth.

  ‘Wow,’ says Betty. ‘Was that a challenge?’ She takes another doughnut out of the box, stacks it on top of the one she’s already holding and opens her mouth as wide as it can possibly go.

  ‘No, Betty,’ says Ms Kapoor as she walks down the carriage doing a head count. ‘Dangerous.’

  ‘I can do three,’ says a voice by my shoulder.

  Hoshi is standing in the aisle wearing ridiculously baggy tracksuit bottoms, a Barbie vest and a knitted cardi. Somehow she’s twisted her white hair into two horns on each side of her head. ‘Speaking of Satan …’ I say. Three pairs of eyes shoot on to me. ‘Joke!’ I say. ‘C’mon, Hoshi.’ I wriggle up closer to Bea. ‘Room for a little one.’