Fighting to Start

by S. L. Ziegler

  “Hadley, I won’t stop you from talking to anyone that makes you happy. How did Bennett come into your life?”

  “I knew him because he worked some deals with my brothers. One night, he was there when… Well, that part isn’t important. But he turned into an ass and one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. Reed, if I knew you would come back, I swear, I wouldn’t have been with him. I just… Baby, I’m just so sorry about it. So sorry.”

  Reed’s teeth clench and I know this hurts him, but I can’t open up about my whole past with Bennett. “Hadley, never—and I mean, never—apologize for any of this shit. You hear me? I am the fucker, he is the fucker, but definitely not you. You thought I was gone, that’s all on me. I should have done so much shit different, but damn, we can’t go back, so we just have to move forward and deal with this shit head-on. Love you.”

  “Madly, right?” I smile at Reed

  “That’s a fucking given, babe.”

  “When I lost my mom, I was thinking about stupid things I would miss about her, and it made me think of the things I missed about you.”

  “And what were those things, babe?”

  “It was the way you always put the perfect amount of creamer in my coffee and hid Milk Duds all around because you knew they were my favorite. I found them for months after you left. But I never ate them—I couldn’t. Still haven’t touched a damn box of them. The weirdest was how you would leave socks all over the place and it would drive me crazy, but when you left, I dreamed about those socks and I swore if you came back, I would never bitch about those damn nasty-ass socks ever again.”

  “Well, I guess that settles it—I’m telling the maid that the socks stay on the floor.” Reed laughs against me.

  What I didn’t tell him was every time I would drink coffee, every time I saw Milk Duds, every time I would see any socks, it made the pain, the hurt, the missing him just a little harder to deal with.

  Forgiveness doesn’t change what happened, it never will, but it will make you feel right. In this moment, in this perfect moment, I know with every ounce of my being that I forgive him.

  It’s like Reed knows in this instant that I am his completely. He places his lips on me and kisses me. He gradually takes off my shirt and takes me again while the lights in the Atlanta background twinkle and the pain from our past slowly melts away.

  Chapter 23

  Hadley

  “Hadley, I’m home. What is that fucking smell? Did something burn?”

  I stand over a burnt turkey and stare at Reed.

  “Babe, is that supposed to be a turkey?”

  “Supposed to be is the key word, Reed. I burnt the damn turkey. What am I going to do?”

  Reed looks around, probably figuring out his escape plan. “Hadley, I think it was past burnt an hour ago. We can just order pizza. It’s not the end of the world.”

  Tears, huge fat tears come out of my eyes. “Yes, it is. How am I going to make a turkey in a week for all those people if I can’t cook a small one? Reed, this is a colossal mess. My mom’s turkey was always the best and I can’t even make a decent one. Thanksgiving is ruined because the only thing I can cook is protein pancakes.”

  Reed takes a step forward and pulls me into him with his hands around my waist. “They are really good pancakes—personally, my favorite meal of the day, babe. But fuck, I’ve heard of crying over spilled milk but not burnt turkey.”

  I slap his arm. “It’s not funny. Thanksgiving is going to suck and it’ll all be my fault.” Reed’s chest shakes and it reverberates through me. Asshole thinks it’s funny, totally not. “Really, it’s not.”

  “Okay, let me go fix this. I’ll go get dinner and then we can figure this out, okay?”

  “What are you going to get?” They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I don’t know about that, but it’s certainly the way to mine.

  “That chicken place you like so much, good?” He knows me so well, makes this mess a little better.

  “Yep, my regular, with extra sauce. And yes, I know it costs twenty-five cents, but it’s so worth it.” Reed gives me a kiss on the lips and leaves.

  Thirty minutes and two glasses of wine later, everything is right in the world when Reed walks into his house.

  “Babe, will you come out to the garage for a minute? Got something to show you,” he says with a smile so big his face should be breaking.

  “Okay.”

  “Close your eyes.”

  What in the world?

  “Just do it.”

  So I do.

  He leads me out. “Open them.”

  Opening my eyes, I see a huge box. “What’s that?”

  “Babe, that’s my answer to your problem, me fixing it.”

  “I still don’t get it.”

  “It’s a fryer, we’re doing fried turkey. I used to eat some at this buffet in Vegas, and must say it’s the shit. I did some research and all you do is inject the turkey the night before, warm the oil, and fry it. Can’t be too fucking hard, rednecks can do it, figured I can, too. That way, maybe we can start our shit now. You know, with your mom gone, you may want something that’s—”

  I don’t let him finish before I jump on him, squeezing him hard. “Reed Collins that is by far the best thing you ever thought of.”

  “Okay, glad you liked it, anything to make my girl not fucking cry. I hate that shit. Now, let’s go eat and air out the house so it doesn’t smell like something died in it.”

  “Ass.” I chuckle at him, but it does smell like something died.

  “Hads, never said I wasn’t an ass, now I’m just your ass.”

  “Shit. Sarah, did you get the dressing out of the oven?” Doing Thanksgiving for a family of men that have no clue how to cook is a lot harder than I ever thought, making me miss Mom even more.

  “Oh no, was I supposed to?” Looking over, I see Sarah grinning from ear to ear, pointing at the dressing on the counter.

  I roll my eyes throw my apron on the counter, and take a big gulp of my wine. “I don’t know how Mom did it. She only ever let me help with the desserts and she did everything else. Thank God I told Dad I wanted it to only be us instead of the party we usually have.”

  “Let’s hope your boyfriend over there really knows what he’s doing deep frying that turkey. I still can’t get over the fact any of those boys wanted to try that. They all loved your mom’s baked one so much.”

  “I think Reed talked them into it. Don’t tell anyone, but I may have tried baking a turkey and it was awful. That big, sexy, alpha, tattooed man out there hugged me and told me he would fix it right up. That same day, he bought that fryer, saying we are starting our own tradition this year.” I look over to Reed outside with a huge smile on my face.

  Sarah laughs at me. “You guys seem to be really good, I haven’t seen a smile on your face that big in forever…it’s nice.”

  “It’s funny because I never thought we would be here, just happy, you know? We talked last night about the next couple of weeks. He leaves for Vegas to prep for his fight and wants me to go with him. He did warn me that it’s going to be crazy there, and it’s scary since so much happened in Vegas with just him. I’m afraid going will stir up shit that we may not be ready for. They have a party the night after and it’s huge from what Laura says. Everyone that is anyone in MMPL will be there, which means that Krystal whore will be there. Not sure how that is going to work out.”

  “You know, he’s not the same person that he used to be and neither are you. You’ve been apart for almost six years and you seem happier now than ever before, so try not to let it bother you. Reed left all that mess to come back to you, try thinking about that every time you see her. Enjoy it. Have fun with it. And I like ‘Crotch Rot’—it suits her better.”

  I nod my head. I will try my hardest, but it being right in my face makes my skin crawl.

  I grab some beers from the fridge for the boys, some sparkling grape juice for the two pregos, and more wine for me
. “Okay, enough with all this heavy shit, Sarah. Do you want to join the boys and Courtney since the rest of the stuff is in the slow cookers and the dressing can be warmed up?”

  We both go outside with our hands full of drinks for everyone. I love the fact that everyone is laughing at one another and it makes me completely content with this low-key Thanksgiving. There’s no dressing up and no servers handing out things to people we couldn’t care less about. Only the people I love the most. One thing about Georgia I love is that, usually, on Thanksgiving, you can sit outside with a jacket and not freeze—that doesn’t happen in Ohio.

  I sit down beside my dad, who is hidden in the corner. “Here you go, Daddy. How are you holding up?”

  “A lot better than I thought I would be. It’s nice to have it just us. At first, I was sad since your mom loved to throw her Thanksgiving party for everyone, but it feels right, like this may be something new for us.”

  “I know, I was just thinking the same thing, and the thought of cooking for all those people sent me into an anxiety attack. The only holiday Mom never catered was Thanksgiving, and I wanted to keep it that way.”

  We both glance over at Reed and Matt laughing at something Courtney said. My dad nudges my shoulder. “You guys look into each other. While you were inside, he kept glancing at you, and usually, that would make me want to get up and punch him, but I was him many years ago.”

  I look at my dad for him to continue. “Okay, your mom would have killed me if I told you this, but what the hell. Right before I signed up for the Army, I broke up with her. All my friends thought it was because I wanted to hang out with other girls, but that’s not why. Your mom always had something special about her…even when we were younger, I saw it. I thought she deserved more than I could give her so I broke it off. It only lasted a few months, not as long as yours. Your mom knew what I was doing before I did and fought me on it every step of the way. But you two are both some stubborn kids. I knew it would take longer, didn’t know this long, but hey, you are happy now.”

  “Why wouldn’t you tell me that? I felt like I was going crazy.”

  “Because you are too much like me, baby girl. Nothing would have changed your mind. That boy you have is a stubborn ass, too. But you got back there, didn’t you?”

  Reed’s and my eyes meet as I give in to the huge smile forming on my lips. “Daddy, I have never been happier in my life, even with missing Mom. I know she is watching all this and happy that I finally took her advice, and maybe that’s why I feel this peace.” I turn my head away from Reed to look into my dad’s baby blues. “Do you think that everything happens for a reason? I didn’t before, but Mom dying brought us together. I am not only talking about Reed and me, but all of us. Yes, we were a family before, but now we feel closer. That sounds so stupid doesn’t it?”

  “No, baby girl. I think if your mom could do anything up there, it would be this.” He leans over and kisses me on the top of my head. “So when are Mark and Sarah going to tell us she’s pregnant?”

  “What? How did you know?”

  “Sweetheart, I may be old and not much into the game nowadays, but I made my money looking for details. There is a reason why you guys couldn’t get away with anything you did when you were younger. She isn’t drinking, and you both usually have a wine glass glued to you during the holidays. I guess you are the odd ball between the girls, and don’t get any ideas. Wedding and then a baby, you hear me?”

  That’s my Daddy. “Yes, sir. There’s no wedding or baby in our near future, anyway.”

  Dad nods over to Reed. “That boy will ask you before you know it—trust me.”

  “Say what? He didn’t ask you, did he? Because I am not ready for that yet. I mean, we just got back together. That’s too early. Some major crazy talk right here.” I can’t help but ramble on and on, freaking out. It is way too soon for that. I mean, way too soon.

  My dad throws his head back, laughing at me. “No need for your dramatics, Hadley. A dad knows when he has to hand over his only baby girl, trust me.”

  I shake my head—no way are we even close to being there yet. Hell, we’ve only been back together for six weeks. Yes, it’s been amazing, but no way near ready for a ring on my damn finger. Dad continues to laugh at my freak out, pats my knee, and stands up.

  I’m so lost in my own thoughts that I don’t even notice Reed walk closer until he is right over me, looking at me with concern on his face. “Babe, you okay? You look sick.”

  I shake off the thoughts of me in a white dress, walking toward Reed waiting for me at the end of the aisle. “Oh yeah, baby, sorry. Daddy just got me thinking about things, but I’m good.” I hold out my hand, tugging him to sit down next to me.

  “Good, you scared me for a second. You looked like someone told you something bad.”

  I squeeze his hand. The thoughts of what my dad said freaked me out, but I do see us together forever. I trust Reed one hundred percent with my heart, like I never did before. I handed it over to him eight years ago and then again six weeks ago. Trust is funny like that—Reed has the ability to crush me, but I believe with every ounce of my being that he would do everything in his power to stop anything from hurting me, including himself.

  Reed

  “So, you really are okay? You would tell me if you weren’t?” I know today is the first holiday without her mom and this shit has to be hard for her. She was so damn upset that she had butchered the damn turkey, I would fry a hundred fucking turkeys for her not to ever cry again.

  “Yes, I’m sure—really, baby.” She smiles at me, grabs my face with her hands, and kisses me. “I love you madly, Reed Collins, and thanks for everything. Not just today, but for all of it.” Hadley smiles and damn…more of her smiles have been reaching those fucking eyes I love. I’ll do damn near anything to have her smile at me like that every single fucking minute of every single fucking day. It grabs me by the balls and doesn’t let go.

  We sit there in silence while everyone else laughs and talks around. When Hadley had the idea to invite all the guys and Laura here for Thanksgiving, I thought she was bat-shit crazy. We are a group of guys that don’t do manners, grace, or fancy dinners, but seeing how my chosen family is interacting with Hads’ family, she was right once again. It lets me know that we may be two totally different groups of people but, somehow, it works for us.

  “Well, look at these two love bugs.” Laura walks over with a beer in her hand. “You know, Hadley, thank you so much for bringing my boss back to all of us. He was the biggest prick till you came back, and now I actually see him smile—well, sometimes but that’s better than nothing.”

  “Not sure about all that…he is still a prick, but I guess now he’s just my prick.” Hadley kisses me on the cheek while Laura laughs.

  “Hadley, I knew there was a reason I liked you.” Hadley and Laura clink their glasses together.

  “Where is the love, guys? And don’t forget, I pay you, Laura.”

  Laura grabs at her chest, pretending like she’s heartbroken. “Well, Reed, let’s face it, you would be lost without me. Don’t forget about all the appointments I get you to on time, how many endorsement deals I work out, making sure your clothing company is on point. Not to mention, how many girls have I had to throw out of hotel rooms for you?”

  Three things happen all at the same time: Laura’s eyes pop out of her head and she frantically stutters through an apology, Matt’s face turns red and his hands ball into fists near his sides like he is about to beat the shit out of me, and Hadley laughs so hard she snorts.

  We all turn and look at Hadley like she’s crazy. “What, guys? What Laura said was funny. Did you think I was going to be mad? Awe, no, I knew he was a man-whore, and I can’t change it, so there’s no point in getting upset about it. It’s something I can get a kick out of because that shit isn’t happening anymore. Is it, Reed?”

  “Damn right. I’m all yours.”

  I continue to look at her with confusion while the rest of her
family goes back to what they were doing before.

  Laura mouths another apology and quickly gets up.

  “Babe…fuck, babe.”

  Hadley stops me before I can say anything else and kisses me, hard and fast, then pulls my hat off my head. “Stop it right now, I really am all right. Yes, I wish that shit never happened, but it did and we can’t change it. I slept with someone else, too. I wouldn’t be here with you if I didn’t accept what you did before, okay? Remember, no moving back—only forward.”

  I kiss her again, but with more hunger this time. How the hell did I get so fucking lucky to have my girl back and to understand this shit? “Thanks for that, babe, and that shit will never fucking happen again.” She nods her head.

  “Go check on the turkey. If we don’t feed these people soon, more drunken confessions will come out. As funny as the last one was, I’m not sure I want to hear what my brothers want to come clean about.”

  “Yes ma’am.” I stand up and tug her to her feet gently, wrapping her into a hug. “You and me really are those damn birds you were always talking about. No matter what happens, we stick together.”

  Hadley laughs at me as she walks away into the kitchen. I can’t help but stare at the sway of her hips.

  “Careful, son. I may be good with you two together, but it doesn’t mean I want to see all of that. You hear me?” William, Hadley’s father, tells me with no expression on his face.

  I have a fucking shit ton of stuff to be thankful for this year.

  “Babe, do you want to go again? You know I’m always up for that.”

  Hadley slaps my stomach. “You’re going to break me in two if we don’t stop for at least an hour, and I think I need a little break. Let’s go downstairs and have some leftovers. I worked up one hell of an appetite with you.”