Never Try To Explain

by Donna McDonald

  Her giggle filled the air between them. It was like listening to champagne bubbles popping around him.

  “Sorry. I’m not laughing at you—not really—just at our situation,” she said, covering her mouth.

  “Don’t be sorry. You look great. I’m just glad you didn’t wear that red dress in your bio. You’d have had fifty guys to choose from instead of just thirty. You might even have found another accountant to date.”

  Jellica sighed and frowned. “Dr. Livingston’s been very chatty, I see.”

  “Don’t blame Della. It took a lot of chatty to get me here. Now I realize I should have been more flattered that you wanted to go out with me. I can see why you’re in such demand.”

  Jellica conjured up a smile. “Thank you for the compliments. My dress is borrowed from a good friend. These aren’t my real clothes. I just felt the need to make a good impression after all the trouble you went through for our date. I wanted you to be comfortable with me.”

  “You look perfect—like a dressed-up yoga teacher. I’d thank your friend if she was here,” Greg said, his pants tightening when she laughed again. “Do you really consider yourself to be a woo-woo person? It struck me as an odd way to describe yourself.” His question was far too blunt but something in her stare unbalanced him.

  Jellica hung her purse on the back of her chair and tried to find her center. “Yes, but calling myself that is mostly a joke between me and my friends. It just means I approach life a little differently than most people. I’m actually quite average as a woman.”

  “I don’t buy that, but okay. So which look is the real you?” Greg asked, unable to stop himself from asking rude questions. He felt a deep need to get to the bottom of her… and fast.

  “You mean the red dress, the formal suit, or the yoga clothes? All of them to some degree, I guess,” Jellica said being as honest as she could.

  Greg drummed his fingers on the table. “I chose this place because Dr. Livingston said to take you someplace healthy.”

  Jellica ducked her head and smiled. “I don’t know why Della would say that because I’m honestly not that picky. It’s not like I eat tofu at every meal. In fact, the boys and I like to visit this great hot dog vendor in our favorite park. He makes a great Chicago dog.”

  “You eat hot dogs?” Greg asked in surprise.

  Jellica sighed. “At least as often as I eat tofu. Do I really seem like such a paragon?”

  Greg chuckled nervously. “I’m not sure. I think I’m thrown off my game because you’re so beautiful and yet, you picked me to date. I’m trying to figure out why. This is not what happens to me, Angelica. There has to be a catch.”

  Jellica cleared her throat and tucked her hair behind her ears. “My friend Ann said you were nice and I’d like us to be friends.”

  “Friends?” Greg asked, lifting his wine glass to take a sip. That didn’t sound quite right to his ears. Or maybe it was his need to reject the idea that someone so beautiful wasn’t more interested in him as a man. Apparently, his over forty male ego wasn’t as bullet-proof as he’d thought it was.

  The waiter rushed over to pour her a glass of wine when he saw Greg drinking. Now he was being openly rude. He’d forgotten to think of her. “Sorry,” he said, putting down his glass. “I don’t know where my manners are hiding tonight.”

  Jellica sighed in apology. “I really did throw you off your dating game, didn’t I?”

  Greg nodded. “Yes, but that’s no excuse for bad manners though. My mother raised me better.”

  “No, it’s okay—really,” Jellica said holding up a hand. “I knew I was going to have to explain myself to you, but I didn’t figure on it happening in the first five minutes. I figured we’d have a nice dinner, talk about our lives, and get to know each other a bit first. Then I could confess with a clear conscience that what I really want is a male friend who’s smart and knows a lot about how the world works. I have two sons and all they have is me. I’m looking for…”

  “A male friend to model maleness to your sons—I get it,” Greg said, finishing with finality. “Tell me the truth, Angelica Quartz. Is it the sweater vest turning you off?”

  Jellica looked appalled. Had it been on her face? “No, of course not…” she said, uncomfortable with lying.

  “I promise I’m paying for dinner no matter what you say, so tell me,” Greg said, insisting she come clean.

  Jellica squirmed in her chair. It was like she had to obey his bossy tone. “Well… your clothes make you look very sturdy and reliable, but…”

  “Sturdy and reliable?”

  Jellica winced. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

  “That’s not what I was going for either,” Greg replied. “I’m sitting across the table from the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met in my life and she’s thinking I’m sturdy and reliable instead of hot. How would you feel in my shoes?”

  His hurt finally penetrated the emotional shield she’d worn here tonight. She hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings. “Do you really think I’m beautiful?”

  Greg snorted. “Don’t be so modest. You’re a knockout and you know it.”

  Jellica sighed. “Not really. To answer your question… you’d be a lot hotter as a guy if you lost the sweater vest.”

  “Done,” Greg said, pulling the garment over his head. His action surprised both of them, which actually made him feel a bit better. He motioned the waiter over. “Get rid of this for me, will you?”

  Jellica laughed and put out a hand. “No. Give me that,” she ordered, taking the sweater vest from their very confused waiter. “My date is teasing me. We’d like to see a dinner menu now please.”

  She took the sweater vest and folded it carefully as the stunned waiter walked off. She laid it across her lap because she didn’t trust Greg not to try another tactic to rid himself of the garment.

  “You can’t get rid of cashmere.” Before she realized what she was doing, she had lifted it to her nose to sniff. “Nice cologne. Sandalwood. Smells great.”

  “Woman, you’re killing me,” Greg said flatly, staring at the strange creature seated across from him now sniffing his clothes. “You can’t be so simple-minded about life.”

  “Stop exaggerating my behavior as odd,” Jellica ordered, lowering the sweater vest to her lap for safe keeping. “I’ve merely made you uncomfortable with my honesty. It’s not fatal. You’ll be fine.”

  “This is not mere discomfort. It’s closer to mortification.”

  Jellica giggled, even though it wasn’t really funny. Okay, it was, but only because Greg really meant it. “It’s not just the sweater vest…”

  Greg was beyond being thoughtless. Rude seemed to be his default setting in her presence. “Since this night is costing me three large, I’m going to consider it therapy. Tell me, Dr. Quartz, what’s keeping me from being considered hot?”

  Jellica bit her bottom lip and then breathed out a sigh. This was not how friendships with the opposite sex began. She was sure of it. But what could she do? His questions were so sincere.

  “You haven’t smiled at me once since I showed up at your table.”

  “That’s it? I haven’t smiled at you?” Greg parroted.

  “Do you want my honesty or not?” Jellica asked softly, leaning across the table. “I already feel bad enough getting you to go out with me. I don’t want to top that with insulting you all through dinner.”

  Greg sighed loudly and frowned. He felt himself frowning. Why didn’t he ever feel himself smiling? “I’m sorry. This may be the most illuminating date I’ve ever been on. Continue.”

  “Your body language says ‘don’t bother me’ like now when you’re leaning back in your chair even though you’ve demanded I tell you the worst things you could hear about your appearance. It’s obvious you’re trying to put as much physical distance between us as possible.”

  Greg leaned over the table. “Honey, I just got shut down hard by a beautiful woman. Don’t I get a pass for being a little
defensive?”

  “Will you quit saying that? You don’t have to placate me with false compliments. Stop being a too-polite jerk and just… be yourself,” Jellica ordered, waving a hand at him.

  Greg leaned back in his chair again, but this time it was to stare long and hard. “You really don’t know, do you?”

  “Know what?” Jellica asked, irritated at his glare.

  Greg sat up, cleared his throat, and leaned over their glasses of wine until his face was less than six inches from hers. He had little to lose and she needed to know.

  “You. Are. Beautiful. You may not know it or want to deal with it or see what the rest of world does when you look at yourself. That doesn’t change the facts. If you were a number, you’d be up in the millions. Statues of Venus should all look like you. THAT’s how beautiful you are.”

  “If all you’re going to do is make fun of me, this date is going to be over before it’s barely begun,” Jellica said.

  Greg leaned way, way back again, as far he could in the chair, totally stunned by her anger over his compliment. “You’re the strangest woman I’ve ever met.”

  “Finally… something I can believe,” Jellica said dryly, lifting a hand a defeat. Rolling her eyes, she passed her menu over to him. “Here. You seem like the commanding type. Order for both of us. I’ll have the halibut with asparagus. Let’s get this evening over with so we can both go home.”

  Greg took her menu, held both in the air for a few seconds, and then burst out laughing. “Halibut with asparagus.”

  “Yes. Halibut. They didn’t have tofu or hot dogs on the menu. Ha. Ha,” she said sarcastically.

  The waiter appeared before he could set her straight so Greg placed their orders for two of what she’d chosen. When she glared at him, he held up a hand. “I like halibut too. I swear.”

  It was the defensive look on his face that broke through the wall she was building. Humor rose to replace her irritation. Her laughter filled the air between them once more. It faded when he smiled. “Good God, Greg. You should really do that more often.”

  “What? Irritate a beautiful woman until she gets testy with me?”

  “No, dummy. Smile. Your smile changes your entire face. Definitely makes you hotter.”

  Greg rubbed his face and felt his mouth tilted at the corners. “Oh, that’s what this is. I thought I was having a seizure of some kind.”

  Jellica put her face in her hand to smother her amusement. “You’re nothing like I imagined you’d be.”

  “Pot, kettle, black, Sweetie,” he said.

  Then the halibut showed up. It looked delicious. He watched her meditate over her food for a moment before digging in to eat with enthusiasm. It made him wonder if she gave that kind of sincere, caring attention to everything she did. Suddenly he had to know what made such a beautiful, gut-honest woman tick.

  “Okay. I’ll be your freaking friend. How do you figure our non-dating friendship should work?”

  Her shocked expression was photo worthy. Too bad he kept his phone tucked away during dinner. It was a promise he’d kept to himself to stay in the moment and live as fully as he could.

  “Are you sure you really want to be my friend?” she asked.

  Greg narrowed his eyes as he let them take in their fill. She was beautiful and clueless. Not a great combination, but he couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that Angelica Quartz didn’t find him attractive. Maybe he was having his mid-life crisis at last—one date too many being a bust.

  “Guess that depends on what you expect from me as your friend,” Greg said, snorting as he ate. “Got some plumbing that needs fixing or something? If so, I should warn you that I have limited man skills around the house.”

  Jellica giggled. “I do actually have plumbing problems, but I’ll get that done by a professional eventually. What I need from you is far more important.”

  Greg huffed but continued to eat their excellent dinner. “Now I’m fascinated even though I should probably be afraid.”

  Jellica paused eating to speak. “My sons will be going to college in a couple years. I don’t want them thinking the way I make a living is their only choice in life. I’d like to expose them to a financial role model who can demonstrate a better-earning capacity than I will ever have.”

  Brittany’s joking about the woman becoming a porn star danced through his head. Given how Angelica Quartz looked, he had a hard time chasing the fantasy away.

  “What exactly do you do for a living?” he finally asked, hoping to dull his imagination.

  “Teach yoga mostly. I also model for artists, walk dogs, house sit, care for the elderly, and do an assortment of other things. I have an online store where I sell homemade soaps and lotions. I used to drive for Uber on the weekends but had to quit because my car needed too many repairs. Now I need more money than ever, and I’ve done okay up to now, but I could use a friend who was good at money stuff to give me some guidance.”

  Speechlessness wasn’t new to him, but Greg had never had it choke the words out of him before. He had to clear his throat several times to speak. “With so many sources of only part-time income, how do you get by day-to-day?”

  “Grace. Luck. Positive thinking,” Jellica recited. “My ex-husband gave me a house in our divorce, but the tradeoff was that I wasn’t allowed to ask for more money. He was a lawyer. The stipulation was part of our final decree. It definitely helps my day-to-day costs that I don’t have to pay a mortgage. Challenges only mount up when my car needs repairs or I have to replace something major at the house.”

  The woman needed a whole lot more than a friend. She needed rescuing… and her ex-husband needed to be strung up. Greg nodded because there wasn’t a more polite response he could make. He made himself think of her as a client he’d just met. It helped if he didn’t gaze too long into her eyes. They made him think of her being a beautiful—and probably flexible—yoga teacher which circled back to the whole porn star fantasy and… whoa, brain. Just stop, he ordered.

  “How about your parents? You said they died. Didn’t they leave you an inheritance?”

  Jellica stopped eating again. She knew he’d ask. It was an obvious question for most people.

  “One day my parents got into a car and drove off the edge of a cliff together. They never said goodbye or left a note or explained anything that was going on. The general consensus was that my father’s business was on the brink of failing.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Jellica shrugged. “My divorce came less than a year later. My ex-husband remarried immediately after to a debutante half my age with a whopping dowry. I went from being a married heiress to being a broke thirty-five-year-old mother of twins in a very short time. In retrospect, I see now that marriage was a financial investment to my ex-husband. I didn’t know he felt like that until the divorce was final.”

  “Wow,” Greg said, staring at her bent head while she ate. “That was a lot to happen to you all at once.”

  Jellica nodded. “It was tough. I won’t deny it. Being my parents’ only child I had to sign off on the business dissolution… and literally everything in the dissolution of their estate too. The car accident was deemed a suicide so the insurance money didn’t pay out. I lost everything familiar to me in a very short period of time.”

  Greg narrowed his gaze as his internal alarms went off. “Was it actually proven your parents committed suicide?”

  “As far as I know,” Jellica said quietly. “Those awful two years of my life are hazy now. It was a very dark time for me. I made a lot of mistakes, but I eventually got it together. I had the boys to raise. I couldn't fall into a pit of despair about my life.”

  “How long ago did all this happen?” Greg asked.

  Jellica sighed. “Six years.”

  “Good. The statute of limitations hasn’t run out. Let me look into the matter for you. This is what I do for a living… and something I would certainly do to help a friend.”

  Jellica shook her head. “It�
��s too much, even if you’re serious about being my friend. I just need some good advice occasionally. Honestly, that’s all I expected to get from knowing you.”

  “Angelica…”

  “Just Jellica,” she corrected. “Friends call me Jellica.”

  “Okay, Jellica… in my opinion, as your new friend, you need an expert to investigate your financial picture and see if I can clear that haze for you,” Greg said firmly, spearing the last bite of his asparagus. “It won’t hurt for me to do a little digging, now will it? If I find nothing—I find nothing. Afterward, I can give you friendly advice about what to do with your future.”

  “But…”

  “But what?” Greg asked. “I’m being a friend. This is what you wanted. Right?”

  Jellica bit her lip. “Well yes, but I have to reciprocate, or it won’t work. What can I do for you in return?”

  Wickedness danced on his tongue, begging to be released. A thousand suggestions occurred to him and he’d have been grateful for just one of them to come true with her. But Angelica Quartz would shut him down for sure if she even suspected his motives were to win her gratitude the old-fashioned way.

  So if he couldn’t tell her the whole truth, what could he ask her to do for him that she would buy until she came to trust him?

  “Hotness lessons,” Greg said finally, struggling not to laugh at himself. No rational woman would fall for such a line, but woo-woo Jellica might just believe him. “Teach me how to be hot. I never had one of those helpful girlfriends. Maybe it’s high time I did. In exchange for hotness lessons, I’ll dig into your financial history and see what I can find.”

  Jellica propped her chin on her fist. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I swear on my expensive Italian shoes,” Greg said. Her giggling made the corners of his mouth twitch. He took it as a good sign.

  “Fine,” Jellica said. “I’ve done stranger things. Teaching you to be hot shouldn’t take more than five or six sessions.”