by Kim Lawrence
“Is that your normal way, eat out all the time?” she asked, kicking off her shoes.
“Yeah, works for me.”
“Well, now you have a wife who enjoys cooking, so we don’t have to go out all the time. I want to change my clothes before we do anything,” she said heading for the bedroom.
If she had to get out of those clothes anyway…
He followed her into the bedroom.
Some time later Matt drove to a small Chinese restaurant on Lombard Street.
As they were eating, Sara said, “I have to stop by the apartment and get some more clothes. Amber called today. She’d left some messages on my machine. I need to check and see if anyone else called.”
“Fine.” As long as she didn’t stay at the apartment, they could stop there as often as she wanted. He liked having her in his place. And in his bed.
“We also need to stop at the supermarket for some food,” she added.
“Tonight?” he asked.
“Yes. What were you planning to have for breakfast if we don’t get something?”
“We could eat out.”
“Are you made of money?” she asked.
Matt went quiet. They’d never discussed finances in any detail. He suspected Sara hadn’t a clue how much money he did have. Aste was a huge success. He and Dex and Tony had made millions the first five years in business. And he had not spent much of it. Even if he quit work today, he’d have enough invested to live comfortably for the rest of his life.
He reached for her hand.
“Sara, I have enough money to cover any expenses we come up with. If we want to eat out every meal, we can. If we want to hire a cook for our meals, that’ll work. If you want to cook, that’s fine by me, but only if you want to.”
She stared at him for a long moment, then shook her head.
“I’m not sure I can comprehend that,” she said. “For so long I’ve pinched pennies to make ends meet. It was so hard when Amber was little. We didn’t live in a nice neighborhood or have enough money for the toys I wished I could have given her. Sometimes I had to walk to school and then to work because I couldn’t even afford bus fare.”
“You don’t have money worries now,” Matt said.
“No, I don’t. I make a good income, but I still watch where we spend the money.”
“I meant, with me,” he said. He certainly couldn’t accuse Sara of being a gold digger. She seemed to have a hard time remembering they were married, a couple who shared everything. He didn’t need his wife to work. And she need never worry about money again.
“Oh.”
“I wanted you to know so you won’t worry about quitting your job.”
“Quitting my job?” she repeated.
He nodded. “We talked about it, remember? So you can travel with me.”
“I remember.”
“But?” Matt didn’t like the stubborn look that appeared. Nor did he like it when she withdrew her hand.
“But not yet,” she said, beginning to eat again.
“Not yet? Why not? I’ll be getting another assignment soon. Who knows where, but you’ll want to go, right?”
She nodded. “If I can get time off.”
“If you can get time off! Sara, take the time. Quit the blasted job and come with me.”
“You don’t know that you’ll get an assignment soon. Besides, I can’t leave the company in the lurch at this time of year. You know it’s the busiest time.” Her tone was reasonable, but he didn’t like what she was saying.
“They’ll find another accountant.”
“My boss told me today how valued an employee I am.”
“He’s undoubtably right about that. Should have told you long ago.” And paid her more. Heck, made her a partner. No, not that. A partnership would be hard to leave.
“Maybe my being away helped him realize that,” she said, smiling. “Eat up, Matt. We can discuss this later. We still have to visit the supermarket, don’t forget.”
Matt ate the remainder of his meal in silence, studying his new wife. That conversation had not gone the way he wanted. He’d thought she’d be thrilled to learn money was not an issue. Be glad to quit her job and plan their next trip together.
Instead she acted as if he was being unreasonable expecting her to give up the work to travel. Which is what she said she wanted.
Women. He knew he’d never understand them. Where was the logic in her thinking?
Sara ate, forcing the food down. It tasted like cardboard. She tried to keep a bright smile on her face, but it was an effort. She felt panic at the thought of quitting her job. She’d worked so hard to put herself through college, get her degree and then the job at the firm. How could she just quit?
What would happen to her if Matt left?
The thought stunned her. She looked at her plate, not seeing the egg rolls and sweet and sour pork, but seeing Bill walk out on her and Amber. Seeing the years of struggle with no help to speak of. The fear that had lived with her for so long that she’d be destitute.
How could she fear Matt would leave? The circumstances were totally different. He wasn’t some young boy just out of high school, but a man who knew his own mind. She wasn’t the uneducated mother of an infant struggling to make ends meet.
Still, the need for security proved stronger than she expected. It was one thing for him to say he had money, something else for her to be dependent on his money. What if he left?
“I’m finished,” she said, pushing away the plate. Her appetite had fled. The happiness that had bubbled around her for weeks evaporated. For the first time she took a long look at where she was and what she’d done.
She’d married a man she hardly knew. So far married life had been perfect. What happened when it didn’t go as they wanted? How would they weather hard times—united, or divided?
Dare she risk her security on a man she hardly knew?
She loved Matt, but as she watched him summon the waiter and settle the bill, it struck her—he had never told her he loved her.
Don’t be silly, she scolded herself as they walked out of the restaurant. Of course he loved her. Hadn’t he proved that a dozen ways? Men were not as free with emotional revelations as women. Just because he hadn’t said the words didn’t mean anything. Obviously not, since tonight was the first time she’d realized the lack.
“Where to first, your place or the supermarket?” he asked as he held the car door.
“My place. We’ll see what I have on hand that we can take to your apartment and then I’ll know more what to get at the store.”
“Our apartment,” he growled.
“Oops, sorry,” she apologized. Touchy, wasn’t he? It would take a while to adjust to being married, she thought. And the sooner they found a place that was theirs, the easier it would be. No matter what he said, the apartment felt like it was his. Just as her place was hers. He didn’t even want to stay at her apartment, at least she’d compromised enough to agree to move into his until they found a larger place.
The next morning Sara was swamped. Her work seemed to have multiplied overnight and she wondered if she slept in her office, she’d find gremlins mass producing new accounts at midnight each night.
Despite the increase in workload, she left in plenty of time to meet Amber for lunch. The week and a day since the wedding was one of the longest stretches she’d been apart from her daughter. She missed her. She had thought it would be cool to live in London, but now she wasn’t sure. Amber would be so far away. They didn’t have to decide immediately.
Today, she wanted to catch up on all her news, how her classes was going, if she and Jimmy had heard any more about where his next posting would be. To see if she had any questions now as a married woman she hadn’t had before.
Sara arrived before Amber and picked a quiet table in the back. Waving when she spotted her daughter, she rose and hugged her.
“It’s so good to see you, honey,” she said, brushing back Amber’s blond hair, win
dblown from the breeze.
“It’s great to see you, Mom. Wow, you look ten years younger. Being married must agree with you.”
“With Matt it does,” Sara confirmed, sitting at the table.
When Amber slid into the seat across from her, Sara studied her. “You look tired, honey.”
“A bit. The quarter will be ending soon and I’m slogging through for finals.”
Once their order had been placed, Sara smiled at her daughter.
“How’s married life?” Sara asked, expecting a glowing report, like the one she’d give if asked.
“Okay. Not what I thought it would be,” Amber said, studying the menu.
“Only okay?” Never in her wildest dreams could Sara quantify her marriage as okay. She missed Matt. Even the difference of opinion last night had been a small blip on the great scheme of happiness. As if he were making up for something, their lovemaking had been fantastic.
“Actually, I don’t much feel married. Jimmy is on base all the time. He spends the weekends with me, but says it’s too much trouble to fight the traffic to get to my place during the week, when he has to be on duty so early the next morning.” Amber sipped her water, and looked around the restaurant. Looking back at her mother, she shrugged. “I guess I thought it would be fireworks. Instead I’m still studying and he’s still in the Army. He returns to Germany in another week.”
“It’ll be different when you two live together,” Sara said, wondering why Jimmy wasn’t pushing to make sure he and Amber spent as much time together as possible before he returned to Germany. They would be six months apart when he departed.
“I know. When he gets rotated Stateside, I hope we are posted somewhere away from California,” Amber said.
“What?” Sara had known there was a big possibility they’d be posted outside California. She didn’t want to think about not being close to Amber. But to hear her daughter say it surprised her.
“Virginia is driving me crazy. She’s forever stopping over and bringing goodies, as if I don’t know how to cook or something. ‘Jimmy loves my brownies,’ or ‘Jimmy can’t get enough of my lemon meringue pie.’ Sheesh, he hardly eats at my place anyway. We go out on the weekends and he’s at the base the rest of the time.”
“He’s her only son, she’s probably glad he’s back for a while and just wants to do things for him,” Sara said gently, remembering how overprotective Virginia Woodworth could be.
Their food was served and they began to eat.
Amber looked at her mother and smiled. “So, tell me about being married to that hunk and how your honeymoon was.”
“It’s terrific. And the honeymoon was wonderful. We saw Big Ben, heard it chime. Toured Westminster Abbey, and the Houses of Parliament. Did you know they bury people right in the walkways of the church? I rode a double-decker bus and—”
“Mom,” Amber said, laughing. “I don’t want a sight-seeing guide, I want to hear detail about you and Matt.”
“X-rated,” Sara said with satisfaction.
“Wow,” Amber’s expression picked up. “Tell all.”
“I hardly think it’s appropriate,” Sara said, then giggled. “Oh, my, if I had had any idea what I’d been missing all those years, I would have started dating when you were one!”
“I doubt you would have found many men like Matt Tucker,” Amber said dryly. “He seems one of a kind to me.”
“I believe you’re right,” Sara said, knowing she had a sappy smile on her face. But just thinking about the man made her insides tingle and her heart pound. She glanced at her watch. Another six hours until she saw him again.
It was closer to eight hours later when Matt arrived home. Sara had beat him by more than an hour. She’d changed, and prepared dinner. When he hadn’t arrived by seven, she began to worry. When he opened the door, she felt a wave of relief.
“I thought you’d gotten lost,” she said, running to meet him.
“Tough day,” he said, drawing her into his embrace and kissing her. Then he lifted his head and sniffed.
“Something smells terrific, and it isn’t just you.”
“Nothing fancy, just spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread and salad. This weekend we need to stock up on your pantry. Our pantry,” she quickly corrected herself. This was their place, until they found another. She needed to remember that.
He took off his jacket and tossed it on the sofa. “Won’t be here this weekend. Pack your bags, sweetheart, we’re off to Paris!”
“Matt, Paris!” Her favorite dream, visiting that old city, walking along the Seine, riding up the Eiffel Tower and seeing the entire the City of Lights spread before her.
“I can’t.” The disappointment was tangible.
“What do you mean, you can’t? You said you wanted to see Paris.”
“I do, but I can’t ask for more time off. I’ve had two weeks in the last month. This is our busy season. I can’t expect the others to shoulder my workload.”
“Quit the damn job.”
She jerked as if she’d been slapped. “It’s my career,” she said with dignity. “I’m not asking you to give up yours.”
“Mine pays a lot more and offers perks you could never dream of. I thought you wanted to be footloose and fancy-free—going where we could when we could.”
“I do. But to quit my job…”
“Independence is a fine thing, Sara. I admire you for all you’ve done with your life. But live a little. Come with me,” he coaxed.
She was so tempted. But doubts rose. She knew they’d talked about her leaving her job and going with him when he went on assignments, but somehow she’d thought of it more like daydreaming. Or long vacations from work. She hadn’t really thought it through. What if something happened? She would need a way to support herself. She had a good job, with seniority, the respect of her boss and coworkers. She couldn’t just chuck it all for a fling in Paris.
“I can’t, Matt.”
“Can’t? Or won’t?” he asked.
“Be reasonable, I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I can’t just leave it all behind.”
“We planned to travel, to see the world together. That’s what you said you wanted.” He had a hard edge to his voice.
“I do want that. I can get more time off after April, really.”
“So you’ll skip Paris for a bunch of tax forms?”
“I’m sure you’ll go again before we die,” she said, struggling to keep from throwing herself into his arms and agreeing to anything he wanted. “Can’t you see my side of it?” she asked.
“No,” he said. “I have money, that’s not an issue. You said you wanted to travel, so what’s the deal? You don’t need a career, unless it’s professional traveler. Which you’ll never be staying home all the time to do other people’s taxes.”
The buzzer sounded in the kitchen. Sara whirled around, glad for the distraction. How could she fully explain her need to keep her career going without giving away her greatest fear—that he’d leave her one day just as her first husband had?
CHAPTER FIVE
SARA had to give Matt credit for not belaboring the point. He tried once more at dinner to convince her to come with him to Paris. When she refused, he dropped the subject, saying only he had to leave the next afternoon.
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
“Forget it. You’re right, Paris will always be there. I had one of the secretaries at the firm run down a list of places for rent in our neighborhood. Want to go over that tonight?”
“Yes.” Anything to cover the disappointment she felt. She was so torn, stay and keep her career as a buffer against what might never happen, or splurge and go. What happened to the new woman, daring and adventuresome? She was too cautious.
As soon as their few dinner dishes were washed and put away, Sara joined Matt on the sofa, looking at the listings. They discussed the locations of several apartments. Sara couldn’t help noticing the exorbitant rents. She bit her tongue, not saying a word. M
att had made it clear he could afford this, she would not make an issue of it, but she was stunned at how much money they’d be spending each month. She had better keep her job, and maybe lobby for a raise.
“We can take a look at these in the morning,” he said a little while later, indicating the ones they’d circled as being the most suitable—on paper at least.
She wanted to see them personally before deciding anything.
“Let’s get up early then,” she suggested.
“Good idea,” he said, drawing her into his arms. “Which means we should get to bed soon, right?” He nuzzled her neck, causing shivers of excitement.
The next morning they ate breakfast at a bakery near the apartment. The warm croissants were huge, light and delicious. Sara could have stayed all morning, but they were on a schedule. Matt was leaving that afternoon for Paris.
Once finished eating, they headed for the first listing on their sheet. The place had a great location, but no view. Sara shook her head at one point and Matt picked up on it quickly. He thanked the manager showing the place and they headed for number two.
By early afternoon, Matt began checking his watch.
“Is time getting short?” Sara asked, noticing. She felt a clutch of panic. She didn’t want him to leave. She wished she was going with him.
“This is the last one we have time to check today. I’ve got to get home and pack. My plane leaves at six.”
Sara paused in the lobby of the building. “Then, let’s skip this one and go home now. I don’t want to see any more today. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to find something we both like. I was so glad to get my current apartment when I did that I never considered how lucky it was to get just what I could afford as well as liked. Too bad we couldn’t rent the apartment next to yours and knock out a wall.”
“We’ll find something. This is just the first day. You can look at these others while I’m gone. If you like one, we’ll go together as soon as I get back.”
She nodded, still feeling the pang of disappointment that he was leaving so soon after they returned home from London. She should have expected it, Matt had told her sometimes he barely had time to change clothes before heading out again. She’d seen evidence of that first hand in Tahoe.
