by Kim Lawrence
Matt picked up his bag from the luggage carousel and headed out of customs and toward the long-term parking lot. He was dog tired but anxious to get home. The three day assignment had stretched out to a week. He’d missed Sara. He’d called her when he could, but with the time differences and their conflicting work schedules, the calls had been few and far between. And unsatisfactory to boot.
He didn’t want to hear her voice, he wanted to hold her, see her enthusiasm when she spotted something new, or fascinating. He wanted to hear her laugh, watch her. Share places he loved, see if she’d love them, too.
As he put his laptop and bag into the car, he made up his mind. He’d force the issue of her resigning if she had not already done so. They’d talked about traveling together, if she was serious, he wanted her with him starting with the next trip, or the one after that for sure.
He understood loyalty, and admired her for wishing to help the firm through the busiest season, but there was no reason she couldn’t give notice now for April 16 as her last day. It was only a few weeks away.
He wanted some show of faith in him from his wife. Was she afraid he couldn’t support them? Maybe they needed a frank talk about finances. He had enough invested to see them secure the rest of their lives. Maybe if she understood that, and being an accountant, she’d be able to recognize it at once, she’d feel better about letting go her job.
In the meantime, he’d see if he could keep closer to home, maybe stay in the office for a while and get a better handle on some of the new representatives they’d hired. He wanted to check out their training program to make sure it wasn’t lacking in any areas. The young rep who had gone with him to Stockholm had been fast and efficient, and thrilled to be on his first overseas assignment. But shaky on some of the company’s protocols.
After a while travel became routine, as the new rep would find out. Since most of their clients were clustered in a few locations, he’d seen it all before, many times.
Being with Sara would make it all new again for Matt. New and different and far more exciting than he remembered it being in a long time. He wanted to show her the world.
He almost called her from the car, but he’d had enough of telephones. He’d be home in less than half an hour. With no assignment on the horizon, he could focus on packing up his place, helping her with hers and moving into the new apartment that would be their home for the future.
When Matt opened the door of the apartment a little later, he paused a moment, hearing the soft music, inhaling the tempting aromas coming from the kitchen, catching a whiff of Sara’s special scent. His fatigue fled. He wanted his wife.
“Sara?”
“Matt?” She came to the kitchen door, a radiant smile on her face.
“You’re home. I’m so happy to see you!”
Her kiss was welcoming, ripe with a hint of things to come. He hugged her closely, delighting in the feel of her slim body, of the fragrance that she always wore. His finger threaded in her silken hair, treasuring the softness.
“I thought you’d call from the airport,” she said breathlessly a few moments later. The pink color in her cheeks caused him to reach up and caress them with his thumbs.
“Phone calls are no substitute for the real thing,” he said, kissing her lightly on her lips.
“Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes. I wasn’t sure if your flight would be late or not.”
“Uneventful. What’s for dinner, it smells good.”
“Veal cutlets. Do you like them?”
“I haven’t met any meat I don’t like.”
She laughed, and patted his arm, as if reassuring herself he was here in person. “And I bet you’ve tried some I haven’t even heard of.”
“Not too far off the mark.”
“Are you exhausted?” she said as they walked to the kitchen.
“Not too bad. A night’s rest will catch me up.”
She fussed around preparing the dinner. Matt sat at the counter and watched her, delighting in her femininity. He’d always liked women, some more than others. But none before had given him that deep-down delight that Sara did.
“…home for a while?” she asked.
He’d missed the first part, but took a chance. “Home for a while. I said I’ll be here for the move.”
At the comment, she hesitated a moment, looked away. “That’s good.” She concentrated on checking the potatoes in the oven, squeezing them to test for doneness.
“Have you finished packing?” he asked, knowing she and Amber had been back to their old apartment a couple of times according to their nightly conversations.
“Not finished, but made some headway. There’s so much we have to go through. It was easier to keep things than toss them before, but now I don’t want to have to move things we no longer need.
“And treasures Amber thought she’d always want now seem silly. It was fine for her to leave them at her old room, but she, too, doesn’t want to bother moving them and finding room in her apartment.”
“I imagine she and Jimmy will have a simple set up if they plan to move every few years as the military does,” Matt said.
“He’s going to college once his enlistment is up. They’ll only have a couple of moves I think. But it does make sense to streamline.”
He took a sip of the coffee she’d prepared him, trying to keep awake. And trying to decipher if there was a change in Sara. He couldn’t put his finger on anything specific, but she seemed to be avoiding his eyes.
She was busy fixing them dinner. She couldn’t forever be looking at him. Though Matt admitted he wouldn’t mind a little of that wide-eyed, hero-worship look she sometimes gave.
“Did you give your notice?” he asked.
She had her back to him. He could have sworn she tightened up.
“Not yet.”
“When, Sara?” he asked. He was going to push. He wanted it settled once and for all.
“I told you I can’t leave them in the middle of tax season.”
“It’s the end of March, the big thrust will be over within a few weeks. No reason you can’t give notice for April 16 now, is there?”
He didn’t imagine the hesitation this time.
“It’s complicated,” she said.
“No, it’s not. Just write up a note saying you quit as of April 16 and turn it in.”
She said nothing.
Matt felt a spark of anger. “Unless you don’t plan to do so.”
“I want to,” she said.
Doubt pierced.
“You want to? What does that mean? I thought we planned to. I’ve been patient, I think, about this. You said you would quit, that we’d travel. So far I’m traveling and you are not quitting.”
Did she want something else? He had never had a long-term relationship with a woman before. Sara had been so different from the women he’d known, he’d been smitten with her before he knew it. But they didn’t have a long history together. Was this some convoluted way to get something else?
“Let’s eat dinner,” she said, taking plates down from the cabinet.
“I want an answer.”
“I said, it’s complicated. We can discuss it later if you insist.”
“Now!” He rose and crossed the narrow space to stand beside her, turning her to face him. “What’s going on? I thought you liked London. Are you having second thoughts about traveling? Don’t want to leave Amber? What? I have money enough to take care of us, you don’t have to worry about that. We can go over our finances later if you want reassurance.”
“It’s not that. Matt, I know you’ll always provide for us. Though I do think I should contribute as well, not be a drain.”
“Honey.” He slid his hands under her hair, drawing her closer. “You would never be a drain. We’ll find something for you to do if you feel you need to contribute. I don’t want to make you feel like a dependent. I just want you to go with me. Let’s explore everything we can, see the sights most Americans only dream about.
We’ll go hiking in Nepal, sailing on the Nile, try rock climbing in the Dolomites.”
With that, she burst into tears.
Matt was shocked. He stared at her, totally out of his element.
“Sara?” He pulled her into his arms, holding her while she cried. “What’s going on?” he asked. Getting anything out of her was like pulling teeth. Something must be terribly wrong to have her cry like this.
Her hands clutched his shirt, he could feel the dampness from her tears soak through. Rubbing her back, he tried to think what he’d just said that would bring such a reaction. Had someone she known died rock climbing?
“Sara?”
“I want to,” she said. Her tears blurred her words. “I would love to sail on the Nile, but I got seasick. Only I don’t think it was that. And I’d want to hike in Nepal, and rock climb but in a few months, I wouldn’t be able to get close enough to the face to maintain any balance.”
“What are you talking about?”
She clutched his shirt even harder, burying her face against his chest. “I’m pregnant,” she said.
Matt felt poleaxed. Sara was pregnant? Never in his wildest dreams had he pictured himself as a father. They’d used protection. He’d urged her to get birth control pills, but had faithfully donned a condom every time. Every single time.
“How?” he asked, stunned as the implications swept through. The plans they’d made crumbled. The life he’d known and loved was changing and there was nothing he could do about it.
“I don’t know. Did a condom break? Did we remember every time? Perhaps one of them leaked. Does it matter how?” She still refused to look at him.
Matt gripped her arms and pushed her back enough to see her face, if she would lift it from gazing at the floor.
“Sara, look at me,” he ordered. “When did you find out? Are you sure?”
She shrugged, and looked at hm. The miserable expression on her face should have eased his own frustration, but it didn’t.
“I took a home pregnancy test last Thursday,” she said. “It came up positive.”
“God,” he said, letting her go and turning to walk into the living room. He paced the space for a moment, denying this was happening. He wasn’t father material. He hadn’t planned on even getting married before he met Sara. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t envision himself in a house with a yard and a role in the PTA. He liked traveling. He liked new environments, new locations, new experiences.
Well this was one hell of a new experience.
“You didn’t want a baby, did you?” Sara asked from the doorway.
He spun around to face her. “I didn’t plan on one, if that’s what you are asking. It’ll take some getting used to. I never pictured myself as a father.”
“I think you’d make a good father.”
“Based on what? That I’m male?”
“You’re intelligent, honest, honorable.”
“I know nothing about children.”
“Neither do any parents. They don’t come with instruction books. We just do the best we can.”
“It’ll take some getting use to,” he said. A whole lot of getting used to. He thought about his uncle, how he’d never seemed to know how to talk to a kid. How hard it had been to get his point across when telling his uncle something he’d considered important.
How his uncle hadn’t been much of a traditionalist or holiday man. Christmases had been austere, birthdays hardly noticed. School plays and sport events missed.
He could be a perfect father if he did everything his uncle had never done.
The buzzer on the kitchen timer sounded.
“Do you want dinner?” Sara asked.
Food was the last thing he wanted. But he’d been hungry when he arrived. It had been a long time since his last meal. Might as well eat to keep up his strength. He was going to need it to come to terms with being a father.
“Let’s eat,” he said, heading toward the kitchen, unable to look at Sara.
Nothing about this homecoming was going as he’d hoped, Matt thought as he ate the delicious meal. The meat was tender, but could have been cardboard for all he savored it. The potatoes just the way he liked them, only he wasn’t interested in enjoying his meal. He was trying to come to terms with the shocking news Sara had dropped on him.
“When is the baby due?” he asked as the meal ended. Their conversation had been nonexistent.
“I don’t know exactly, probably late November, around Thanksgiving,” she said. He noticed she had hardly eaten anything. She was pushing a piece of potato around on her plate.
“Eat up, Sara, you’re eating for two now.”
Tears welled as she studied her plate. Damn, he hadn’t wanted her to cry again.
“We’ll manage,” he said, hoping to end the tears.
“Will kids be allowed at the new apartment?” she asked.
“I have no idea. We’ll have to call and check it out. It didn’t come up in the discussion as I recall.”
“It never came up in any discussion as I recall,” Sara said, standing and tossing her napkin on the table. She turned and walked quickly into the bedroom.
It had not. There was no denying that.
CHAPTER SEVEN
MATT cleared the table and put up the left over food. He stacked the dishes in the sink and filled it with soapy water before heading to the bedroom to talk to his wife. He still felt stunned at the news. At the changes that would come with a baby.
Tired almost beyond belief, he wondered if he could muster his arguments. What arguments? It was a done deal. They just had to decide how they were going to handle it.
Sara was in the bathroom when he entered their bedroom. He paced for a few moments, wondering how long she would be. As the minutes stretched out, he wondered what she was doing in there. Maybe he’d just lie down for a few minutes and rest until she came out. It had been a long day, first getting things set in Stockholm, then the long flight home, then the startling news.
His head hardly touched the pillow before he fell fast to sleep.
Sara came out of the bathroom dressed in one of her sleep shirts a few minutes later. The bath had helped. She didn’t feel as vulnerable as she had earlier. They had to talk, she knew that. She was not in the mood for any romantic overtures no matter how much she’d missed Matt over the last few days. But talk she could handle.
She stopped and stared, feeling chagrined to see him asleep, fully clothed. Her heart was touched. He had to be exhausted coming all the way to California from Europe. With the time delays at airports these days, long trips became nightmares of waiting. She took off his shoes, hesitating over whether to waken him or not, but elected to let him sleep. She took the blanket from the closet and covered him.
Then she checked the rest of the apartment, debating whether to do the dishes or not. Electing not, she flicked off the lights and went to bed. The homecoming had not gone like either of them expected.
Matt awoke to an empty apartment. He lay still a few moments, orienting himself to being back in his own home. Turning, he saw the imprint from Sara on her pillow. But she was not there.
He checked his watch, noticing he was still dressed. It was after nine. Sara had obviously already left for work.
Rising, he headed for the bathroom. He was getting too old to spring back instantly after a fourteen-hour flight and eight time zones. Hell of a thought.
By midafternoon Matt had tackled the urgent items in his in box and debriefed his trip to the managers involved. He and his partners had shared a quick lunch in Tony’s office, then he and Dex had headed back to his own office.
“Need help moving?” Dex asked as they entered Matt’s office.
“Might. Still got that pickup truck?”
“Yeah. We can get a couple of the new guys to lend some brawn.”
Matt nodded, walking to the window and looking out over the other office buildings in the financial district. The wind must be blowing, he thought idly, watch
ing some trash skip along the gutter of the busy street. People walking were few, but the cars were endless.
“Something on your mind?” Dex said, leaning against the doorjamb. “You’ve seemed preoccupied all day. Was there something else we needed to know about the situation in Stockholm, or how Davis handled himself?”
Matt shook his head. Slowly he turned and looked at his longtime friend. “I’m going to be a father.”
“What?” Dex was clearly taken aback. “You’re kidding!”
“Sara told me last night.”
“I thought—” Dex stopped talking.
“Yeah, me, too. I’ve been nagging her to quit her job so we could travel. Now this. What am I going to do?”
“What do you want to do?” Dex asked cautiously.
“I want to take my wife and fly to Paris, then on to Rome, or Hong Kong. Can you picture me changing diapers or attending a Little League game?”
“White picket fence, minivan.” Dex chuckled.
“Glad you find it funny,” Matt snarled. “Get out, I’ve got work to do.”
“Hey, it’s not so bad. Millions of men do it every year.”
“I’m not them.”
“It can’t be all bad, look at Sam Bond.”
“Who?”
“Remember him, from college. Sambo? He married right after graduation and he and his wife have three kids.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I kid you not. I get a card from them each Christmas. Her doing, I think. Last year had a picture of the whole family. If he can do it, so can you.”
“He doesn’t travel like I do. He came from a normal family. He obviously knows what to do about the whole scene.”
“So learn,” Dex said, shrugging his shoulders. “Hey, can I be an uncle?”
Matt glared at him and Dex held out his hands as if warding off a blow. “Hey, old buddy, I’m happy for you, really I am.”
“Go on and get out of here, I have work to do,” Matt said, going to sit behind his desk. He waited until Dex took off, then rose and closed his door. He returned to the window. He couldn’t concentrate on anything. All he could think about was Sara’s announcement last night.
