Inside and Out

by Stephanie Taylor

  “You should go.”

  “Because you want me to stay?” he asked.

  She twisted the knob and held the door open for him. “Because I’m too old for you. Because I have kids you shouldn’t have to be tied down to. Because your whole life is in front of you. Because every time I look at you I wonder why on earth you keep doing this. I’m not worth it.”

  He ambled toward her, his index finger tapping lightly against his full lips. “Have you ever seen stained glass?”

  Cora frowned, not following the sudden change in subject. “Yes.”

  “Have you ever noticed when the sun shines through stained glass it sparkles and shines?”

  “Sure.”

  “Ah, but when the sun sets, the true, intricate beauty can only be seen if there’s a light shining from within.”

  Cora’s heart stopped and then began beating again with a great thump.

  He faced her, waiting. She refused to look at him for fear her resolve would crumble. She could only say no for so long before the word held no more meaning.

  “Outward beauty fades with time. Yes, you’re older than me. Yes, you have kids, but you have something I’ve never found in anyone else that I’ve been looking for my whole life. You’re strong and your beauty transcends the physical. You don’t get to decide what you’re worth to me. I decide that.” He tapped his chest lightly with his fingertips.

  “I can’t do this right now. Will you please just go?”

  Finally when she looked at him, everything melted away and only his face was crystal clear. The intensity on his face shocked her. This wasn’t just a game to him. He meant it. The question was could she accept it?

  He took her hand and led her on the porch, closing the front door behind them.

  “What are you doing?” Her voice wobbled.

  “I’m done arguing with you.” His palms framed her face, and his mouth descended to hers. His touch was so light she feared she’d just imagined it. But then he kissed her again, more pressure, more heat. His fingers slid through the length of her hair and then his arms gathered her against him. His soft groan was like a sledgehammer to her willpower. Cora encircled her arms around his trim waist.

  For a moment they were just skin-to-skin, mouth-to-mouth, body-to-body. He didn’t move save his lips working over hers. It was Cora who grew tired of the little he offered and asked for more.

  Standing on her tiptoes, Cora pressed her mouth against his harder, her tongue seeking his. When they finally touched, she melted and his strong arms held her steady when her knees begged to buckle. They held each other for a long time, his hands fisted through her long hair, doing nothing more than kissing. It felt innocent and beautiful and right.

  Cora tried not to linger on that last thought. Nothing about kissing a man ten years younger than her was right.

  After a failed attempt to pull away, she gave in and stopped pushing him. His kiss was as perfect as a kiss could get this side of heaven.

  “Was that so bad?” he finally asked as he pressed his forehead to hers, rocking back and forth.

  “Physical attraction can only take us so far,” she reasoned, catching her breath.

  He grinned his charming lop-sided grin. “What else worries you about this?”

  “We have nothing in common.”

  He squinted and his mouth twisted. He raised a single eyebrow as if to ask her if that was all she had.

  “You have more in common with Jolie than me,” she continued. “We don’t listen to the same kind of music. We don’t have the same hobbies.”

  “Does any of that matter if we really want to be with each other?”

  She tore away from him. “But why, Liam? What’s the big deal?”

  “For starters, I happen to think we get along pretty great. We make a good team. We did beat the kids bowling tonight.”

  She gave him a motherly look. “Anyone with a ball and somewhat decent hand/eye coordination could beat them. That’s only the second time they’ve bowled in their life.”

  “I’m just trying to say this feels right to me. Maybe it’s unconventional, but I don’t really care about that. When I look at you, I don’t see your age or your past. I only see that we’re friends and we’re attracted to each other.”

  “That attraction won’t last, Liam.”

  “Why not?”

  She sighed. How many times would she need to tell him? “Because whatever physical beauty you think I have will fade much sooner than yours and then you’re left with the short end of the stick. I’ll have to worry about how to keep you happy.”

  “If you have to worry about that, I’m not doing my job making you feel secure. Attraction is much more than physical appearance. I gave you a pretty awesome illustration of that just a few minutes ago.” His cocked brows did nothing more than unnerve her further.

  Cora moved to the steps and took a seat. Liam joined her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

  “Look, all I’m asking is for you to give this a chance. Aren’t you curious?”

  “Of course.”

  “I know you’re not ready, but when you are, I want to be the first to know.”

  Cora looked and him and laughed. “It’s not like there’s a waiting list.”

  He gave her a quick kiss on her temple. “Not yet, but then again, the word hasn’t really gotten out.”

  With a playful nudge, she laughed. “You’re good for my ego.”

  He didn’t reply. His positioned himself behind Cora, and she lay against him as they looked up at the stars. “Did you know your eyes twinkle like stars when you giggle?”

  “Oh, stars don’t actually twinkle. When they look like they’re twinkling, it’s really just air flow in our line of vision.” Cora cringed at herself.

  A long silence stretched between them.

  “You’re such a dork,” he teased softly with a chuckle.

  “Hey!” She laughed and realized it felt good to just be there with him and enjoy his company. It had been a long time since anyone had willingly spent time with her.

  With nimble hands, he massaged her shoulders and placed a soft kiss on her neck.

  “I could kiss you all night.” His voice was low, his body warm behind her.

  “But you’re not going to because you’re going to be a gentleman and go home, right?”

  He gave a long-suffering sigh. “I want to see you tomorrow.”

  Cora turned to him. “I can’t make promises, Liam.”

  “I’m not asking you to.”

  “But you will. And I need you to understand that right now my kids are my priority. Everything else is background noise.”

  “I just said I want to see you. Can I stop by tomorrow evening? Maybe after the kids go to bed and we can do this again? It’s nice sitting here with you.”

  She agreed, all right. It was too nice. Nice enough for her to get addicted and start acting like a fool. “Mmm.”

  “Then it’s settled. I’ll drop by around nine tomorrow evening, and we can just sit out here and enjoy.”

  They stood. Cora tried to walk past him to go inside, but he reeled her back in for a hot, breathless kiss. When he pulled away, he licked his lips.

  “Just want to give you something to remember me by between now and tomorrow.”

  She watched him get in his truck and leave. Without thinking, her fingers came up and touched her lips where his had just been.

  It had been ages since someone had kissed her like that. She had a feeling she wouldn’t forget it anytime soon.

  Chapter Five

  The next evening, Liam closed his car door at exactly nine. He was always punctual, but this time he was more anxious to see her than he was to be on time. She walked out of the house, closing the front door quietly behind her.

  He couldn’t help the elemental rush of emotion that tugged at his heart the second Cora held her arms out to him. He didn’t bother with words, but rather pulled her to him and kissed her the way he’d been dying to f
or hours.

  A man could get used to having a woman as responsive as her in his life.

  “I’ve been waiting twenty-four hours to do that again,” he mumbled against her mouth. His lips nibbled at hers then sought her neck, where she’d most likely put a drop of perfume. She smelled like flowers and sunshine in that one spot.

  “Liam?” she asked, panting. He loved it when she sounded that way.

  “Mmm?”

  “Do you want kids?”

  Liam froze then stood up straight, frowning at her. “What kind of question is that?”

  “A real one.”

  “Um…” He didn’t know how to answer that. While he was sure she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, he was equally sure neither of them was ready for this kind of discussion. She was still hesitant toward his touch. They had a lot of other issues to get through before they got down the bones of their relationship.

  “Answer me.” Cora gently pushed away from him and crossed her arms in front of herself. A classic insecure pose.

  “Uh…” Fight or flight played havoc on his heart rate. Should he distract or give her what she wanted? What if this was part of her ploy to drive a wedge between them before they had a chance to make this work?

  “Liam?”

  “It depends,” he hedged.

  “I’m thirty-four years old, Liam. I’m not sure I ever want more kids.”

  “Is this another age talk? Cause if it is, I’m going to be forced to distract you.”

  “I just need to know. I was laying awake last night thinking about…us. If you want more kids, I think you need to move on. I can’t say I’ll ever want anymore.”

  Liam let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not worried about that right now.”

  “Then what is this?” She gestured between the two of them

  “It’s certainly not the date where we define what we are. I’m perfectly happy just sitting on this porch, listening to the crickets and making out.”

  Cora closed her eyes. When they opened, they flashed with anger. “That’s just it! I don’t… make out. We’re not eighteen anymore!”

  “This is getting old, Cora.” His deadpan voice held no menace but rather a simple fact. He was tired of her excuses. If he didn’t tonight, soon he’d be demanding she make a choice.

  “Tell me about it. Every time I convince myself this might work, you say something that reminds me we can’t. There’re just too many differences between us.”

  So this was how she was going to play, eh? Allowing what an ex-girlfriend had once deemed the “wicked” smile play across his lips, he walked toward her and then backed her against the house. Entwining their fingers together, he then raised their hands above her head and settled against her.

  “You mean to tell me you’re too old to enjoy a good make out session?” He tsked. Her breath fanned his face in short bursts. Despite the darkness, he could see her flushed cheeks.

  “I never said that.”

  “Oh, but you did. And I quote, ‘I don’t make out.’ What do you do, Cora? Do you just enjoy driving a man to distraction? Quite frankly, when I look at you, I need to touch you.”

  “I…” Her mouth worked, but no words came out. His grin widened.

  “I also heard you say something about laying in bed last night, thinking of me.”

  That earned him a laugh. “You’re impossible.”

  “Did you think about how we’d feel skin-to-skin? Without our clothes on?”

  Cora’s mouth snapped shut and her eyes glazed at his words, her pupils dilated. He pushed closer to her, so their noses touched. Her chin lifted, their mouths only a breath apart.

  Deftly he transferred her wrists into one hand, still holding them above her head and ran his free palm down her rib cage. She squirmed beneath him.

  “Did you think about my hands on you, like this?”

  The hem of her shirt rode up slightly, and he touched the scorching skin on her side. He was so close to everything he’d always wanted. It was literally in his hands.

  Unable to make the torture last, no matter how sweet it was, he crushed his mouth against Cora’s. Her untamed moan fed his wild side. As he pushed her against the wall, trying to get as close as humanly possible, her legs came around his waist. Desire, boiling and intoxicating, fueled his physical need to the point of near breaking. Their tongues tangled. Their moans filled the night around them. At some point, he’d released her hands and they were now running up and down his back underneath his shirt, holding him close against her. Her nails scraped his skin causing goose bumps to rise.

  One by one, he unbuttoned her shirt. Maybe it was wrong for him to do this where her children could find them so easily, but he was past the point of rational thinking. He needed to be inside her. Now.

  When all the buttons were freed, his hands roamed her smooth stomach. Her mouth was on his neck, kissing trails of fire up and down his skin. His grip tightened when she playfully bit him.

  Then she was gone. Before Liam could truly comprehend what happened, Cora wrenched away from him, keeping her back to him on the other end of the porch as she fingered her buttons back together. He was too worked up to say anything so he took a minute and placed his palms against the house and lowered his head to gather his composure.

  “Wanna tell me what’s going on?” he finally asked. Pushing away from the wall, he then turned to her. His heart ached when he saw tears shining against her cheeks in the moonlight.

  “You… You can’t touch me like that.”

  “You seemed to like it,” he argued. Why couldn’t this just be simple? Whoever said women were hard to understand lied. He understood her perfectly. She was overthinking their time together, too caught up in what was socially acceptable and not allowing herself to feel.

  “No, I did.” She shifted her weight from one leg to the other. “I do. I’m just not what you’re used to.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “It means I’m not toned anymore. I’ve had babies and my body isn’t like it used to be. I have stretch marks and cellulite, and…”

  Liam was thrilled when she closed her mouth. Anger boiled inside of him like a neglected kettle.

  Her eyes rounded. She clearly understood what she’d said to upset him.

  It was only a matter of seconds before he blew his lid. “And I’m assuming you stopped because I wasn’t into you just now, right?”

  “I can’t sleep with you. Not yet. Not now. Not until you know I’m not what someone your age is used to… physically.” She worried her hands together.

  He took a long, cleansing breath, placing his hands on his hips, and he knew she could tell he was mad when she took a step back.

  “Let’s get one thing straight, Cora. One thing. After that, I won’t come back until you’ve figured out what you want.”

  She swallowed. It was the only physical sign he had that she’d heard him. Well, he was about to make everything loud and clear between them. Again.

  “There’s not a woman out there I can find, twenty or eighty, who makes me feel the way you do. You have three beautiful children. So what if you’ve got stretch marks? So what if you look at your body and don’t see perfection? I’m going to say this one more time and hope and pray it sticks in your thick skull for good. Because after this, I’m walking away until you can figure out what you want.

  “You’re beautiful. I’ve always thought you were beautiful. Love goes so far beyond the physical. And that’s how I feel, Cora. I’m in love with you.”

  Cora’s mouth dropped. “Did you…?”

  “Yes, I did. I think I’ve loved you ever since you cried on my shoulder in a parking lot. And that’s not going to stop because you have a few stretch marks. To say that it does makes everything between us shallow. That’s the one thing I know we’re not.”

  She lowered her gaze to the ground, but he stepped into her space and lifted her chin with a finger. “If the situations were reversed, do you think
it would change how you feel about me?”

  Her silence frustrated him. He could have been a lawyer and still lost the argument. She just wasn’t where she needed to be to move forward with him yet.

  “Hey,” he whispered softly.

  She raised her brows, waiting for him to continue.

  “This isn’t a race. If it was only physical, it might be different. But I’m in this for the long haul. I’ll wait as long as I have to.”

  She grabbed a fistful of his shirt, her voice urgent. “That’s not fair, Liam. If you spend your whole life waiting, you’ll never be happy.”

  He pressed his forehead to hers and his eyes drifted closed. “I’ve waited this long, haven’t I? Every day is one step closer to you.”

  “I can’t ask you to do this.”

  Tenderly he touched his mouth to hers. When he pulled back, he ran his thumb over her lips. “I’m here, Cora. I’m ready. I know it’s too soon after Sam for you to really understand things can be different, but when you realize that, you know where to find me. And to answer your question, yes. I want kids. I want kids with you. If that means it’s the ones inside sleeping right now, I’m perfectly fine with it.”

  With that, he got in his truck and drove away.

  ****

  Four weeks later, Cora washed dishes and watched Ashton and Aldin playing in the back yard. Summer was in full swing. They both wielded sticks and jabbed at each other playfully. Beside her, Jolie dried the dishes and hummed.

  “So I saw Liam in town today,” Jolie began.

  “Oh yeah?” Cora had explained to them while Liam would always be family and someone they could trust, he wouldn’t be coming around as much anymore. She’d also had to explain to them why she was planning on taking Sam to court for full custody. All of the kids had agreed, but Jolie had walked around in a daze since she’d pulled the trigger and contacted her lawyer. She’d even come home from school with her first B on a chemistry test.

  Cora’s father had abandoned her as a teenager, shortly after sleeping with another woman and leaving her mother. It was like déja vu watching Jolie go through the same situation she’d gone through so many years ago. It was like history was doomed to repeat itself, no matter what she did to get away from it.