Nobody's Perfect

by Marlee Matlin

  I also want to tell you that I really like your little brother. Your mom told me how he’s different and all. And I am sure he’s probably a huge pain sometimes. (I know my brother can be a pain.) But I’m a little less than perfect myself, so I “get” Justin. Tell him “hey” for me.

  Does this make any sense?

  All for now—your friend—MEGAN P.S. What’s up with the science fair? I still want to do it. Just a question. No big deal. E-mail me back, okay?

  Megan hit send.

  Immediately she wished that she hadn’t pushed send yet. She worried that what she had written sounded dumb or foolish, or that she had said too much when she should have said too little.

  But what was the point? She’d sent it now. Alexis would either read the e-mail and like it or read it and not like it at all. It was out of Megan’s control.

  Except Megan had asked Alexis to e-mail her back. Megan wondered how long she should wait for a response. On heavy homework nights it was easy to get an instant reply from any friend you e-mailed because almost everyone was at the computer. However, Megan had never e-mailed Alexis before, so she didn’t know how much time it might take.

  Megan updated her e-mail address book and checked the in-box again. Nothing. She deleted some old mail and checked the in-box again. Still nothing. She played a quick game of computer solitaire and checked her in-box one last time. Nothing!

  This is ridiculous, Megan thought. I should give up. She was about to shut the computer down when a small box popped open on the screen. It read: “You’ve got mail.” Megan clicked the mouse to reveal the message, and sure enough, it was from Alexis.

  Megan:

  If you still want to come over and run our experiment with the hamster maze, I’m here.

  Alexis

  That was all. No apology. No explanation. No nothing.

  Megan wasn’t sure what to make of that response. Alexis could have apologized. Alexis could have said, “Megan, you’re absolutely right, and I’m totally wrong!” Alexis could have said, “Megan, I want you to be my friend and I will do anything to make this up to you.” But all Alexis wanted was for Megan to show up so they could do the stupid hamster maze!

  Megan wasn’t so sure she wanted to go over there at all. That Alexis girl was too much work. She was too mean! Too perfect! Too difficult! Alexis couldn’t even admit she had a problem. She was that stuck up! That worried about looking perfect all the time!

  Megan had given Alexis second chance after second chance. Megan didn’t think she had any second chances left in her!

  At the same time, Megan had promised Mr. Ryan, Ms. Endee, and Jann that she and Alexis would work together on the science fair project. This weekend was the only chance to make that happen. And it sounded like Alexis wanted to make that happen too. It wasn’t necessarily a matter of helping Alexis pretend to be perfect. It was a matter of Megan meeting her own commitments.

  If only Matt hadn’t been allergic to Zippity so they could have run the hamster maze at Megan’s house instead. Then Megan would never have had to go to Alexis’s house in the first place. The last thing she wanted to do was go back to Alexis’s now.

  At that moment, Matt descended the back stairs into the kitchen, dropping his baseball gear all over the floor. He was frantic and his hair looked like he had just rolled out of bed. “I’m gonna be late for baseball tryouts!” he shouted.

  “Are you feeling better?” Megan asked. “Are you still sneezing? Are your gross hives gone?”

  “Why didn’t anybody wake me?” Matt groused. Apparently he was back to his old self.

  “I woke you an hour ago,” said Megan’s dad, who had followed Matt down the back stairs, “but you fell back to sleep. I guess you needed the rest.”

  “But I said wake me on time,” said Matt. “Now I’m gonna be late.”

  “Don’t look at me,” said Megan. “I got up early to save your life by taking Zippity over to Alexis’s house, only to get yelled at by Alexis because I was playing with her little brother.”

  “What?” asked Matt. The expression on his face indicated that he didn’t want to know the whole story. He simply didn’t think Megan was making sense.

  “That’s not exactly what happened,” said Megan’s dad, reaching for the car keys on the hook. “I’ll go warm up the car,” he said to Matt, “so I’ll be in the driveway when you’re ready.”

  “So what happened?” said Matt, hurriedly tying the laces on his baseball shoes.

  “Alexis has a kid brother who’s autistic,” Megan explained. “So he looks normal but he’s not.”

  “I know what autistic means. It means he’s normal but he’s got a problem,” Matt said, correcting her. “Being autistic is just a problem.”

  “Right, right, right, whatever,” said Megan. “So anyway, Alexis walked in and freaked out because I was playing with her autistic brother, and Dad says it’s because Alexis has to be perfect all the time.”

  “I gotta go,” said Matt, grabbing his baseball glove and his batting helmet.

  “But, Matt,” said Megan, “now Alexis wants me to go over there and do our science fair experiment, but I don’t want to go.”

  Matt hesitated. “Don’t you want to see how Zippity handles the maze?” he asked. “Don’t you want to know whether Zippity chooses purple? Don’t you want to be in the science fair?”

  “Of course I do,” Megan said begrudgingly.

  “Then get in the car,” said Matt. “We’ll drop you off at Alexis’s house on the way.”

  “But Matt—,” Megan protested.

  “Hurry!” Matt demanded. “I’m already late for tryouts!”

  10

  Lost and Found

  MEGAN’S DAD INSISTED ON WAITING at the curb until Megan signaled him that somebody had opened the door at Alexis’s house. It was Alexis herself who opened the door. There was a slight moment of awkwardness between them but before anyone said anything, Megan motioned “One second!” She leaped off the front step onto the walkway where she waved her arms overhead, signaling her dad that he could pull away from the curb and get Matt to baseball tryouts. Matt was leaning out the car window, doing sign language for “Good luck!” Megan signed “Good luck!” back at him. Alexis was still holding the door open. “I’m sorry about what happened,” she said with a bashful wince.

  “Forget about it,” said Megan. “I already did.” Of course, she hadn’t forgotten at all. She only said that so they could get on with the hamster experiment. Alexis headed inside and Megan followed.

  “I asked Mom to make Justin take his nap so that he won’t bug us when we run Zippity through the maze,” said Alexis.

  “You don’t think he’d want to watch?” said Megan. “He seemed to really like that hamster.”

  “Trust me,” said Alexis. “We don’t want him in our hair. He’s a total pest. If we let him run loose around that hamster, it will be a total disaster.”

  “I think your little brother is cute,” said Megan.

  Alexis scrunched her face. “Cute? He’s not cute.”

  “Alexis, he’s cute,” Megan insisted. “He’s got that curly hair, and he’s kind of cuddly, and he runs around all the time like somebody let a teddy bear loose.” Megan snickered, recalling the way Justin collided into everything in the room.

  “You don’t have to live with him all the time,” said Alexis. “It’s a real challenge, believe me. You don’t know.”

  “You’re right,” Megan agreed. “But I live with being deaf. That’s a challenge too.”

  Alexis hesitated slightly. Then she said, “I don’t want to talk about this right now. Maybe we should do the hamster maze.”

  “Whatever,” said Megan with a flip of her hand. Alexis led Megan through the kitchen and into the laundry room, where the maze had been stacked on top of the washing machine. Working together, the girls lifted it down and carried it toward the kitchen table. As they did, Alexis asked, “Can’t they fix it?”

  “Fix what?”r />
  “Your hearing,” said Alexis.

  “They can’t fix my hearing,” said Megan with a little laugh. “I’m deaf.”

  “But can’t they fix your ears?” asked Alexis.

  “My ears aren’t broken,” said Megan. “They don’t work. Well, they did for a while when I was really little but it’s not like I remember. All I remember is being deaf. So that’s me—I’m deaf. That’s what I am.”

  “Sorry,” said Alexis. “I mean I’m sorry you’re deaf, and I’m sorry I said something stupid.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” said Megan. “It makes me who I am. I’m not sorry about it. What fun is that?”

  Alexis eyed Megan curiously. “I guess you’re right.”

  “I know I’m right,” said Megan. “I know a little bit about being deaf.”

  Megan smiled and Alexis smiled too. They set the maze down on the kitchen table and adjusted the corner so that it was square. It felt like things were okay between Megan and Alexis. Megan figured she could ask a tough question of her own but she approached it carefully. “Hey, Alexis. Can I ask you a question?” she said. “You could totally have won that spelling bee, right? You’re smart. You know how to spell ‘perceive.’ You only let Ronnie Jiu win because you didn’t want to win,” said Megan. “Am I right?”

  “Maybe,” Alexis said sheepishly.

  Megan figured, under the circumstances, “maybe” was as good as “yes.” “Why did you do that?”

  “I didn’t say I did. I only said maybe.”

  “Right,” said Megan, unconvinced. “You want to know what I think?”

  “Not really.”

  “I think you lost the spelling bee because you didn’t want your whole family to show up at the big spelling bee finals,” Megan continued.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Megan crossed her arms and spoke her mind. “You were afraid your mom would show up at the spelling bee with your little brother, Justin, and embarrass you.

  Alexis rolled her eyes like she couldn’t believe her ears. “I don’t know where you came up with that,” she said. “I wanted to win the spelling bee. ‘Perceive’ is just one of those words I always mess up. Ask my mom. I came home and cried because I messed up that stupid word.”

  “Really?”

  “I’m not a great loser,” said Alexis. “My dad has this thing about—‘aim for excellence’—and he gets really disappointed when I’m not the best at something.”

  Megan tilted her head. “My dad says there’s no chance that anybody in my family is perfect.”

  “You’re lucky,” said Alexis. “My mom and dad expect me to be perfect.”

  Megan tilted her head to the other side. “Really?”

  “It feels that way sometimes,” said Alexis.

  “Your mom didn’t seem like that to me.”

  “Stick around,” said Alexis. “You haven’t even met my dad yet.”

  Megan shook her head, unconvinced. “I think you’re the one who likes being perfect,” she said, poking a finger at Alexis. “Perfect is easy for you.”

  “It’s not that easy,” said Alexis.

  “So you admit that you’re perfect?”

  Alexis leaned against the table. “I think maybe we better do the hamster experiment,” she said.

  Megan could tell Alexis wanted to change the subject. “Okay, sure,” she agreed although neither of them budged. They stood at opposite ends of the kitchen table with the hamster maze between them. Megan’s lips were pursed as though she had something on her mind. She hadn’t planned on saying what she said next, but for some reason she felt like being really direct with Alexis. Megan had been totally honest when Alexis asked her about being deaf, but she didn’t think Alexis had been 100 percent honest when she had asked her about losing the spelling bee. Megan felt that surprising Alexis with a hard-to-ask question might force her to be more honest—and before Megan knew it, the hard-to-ask question popped out.

  “Alexis, you don’t like deaf people, do you?”

  Alexis looked surprised. “That’s not true.”

  “I think it is,” Megan replied. “Because of the way you acted when you first met me and—well, I still think it sometimes.”

  Alexis’s mouth hung open for a few seconds. She couldn’t think of anything to say.

  “You’re so mean to me all the time,” Megan continued. “It seems like you never look at me when I’m talking to you. I do nice things for you, and you never say ‘thank you.’ Not really.”

  Megan was on a roll.

  “And Alexis, you don’t know it,” she added, “but you scrunch your nose when you talk to a person you don’t like.” Megan circled the table, scrunching her nose in an imitation of Alexis with an attitude.

  “I do not do that!” Alexis protested. Then she shielded her nose behind her hand.

  “You do it a lot,” said Megan, nodding. It was just a fact.

  “Do I?” asked Alexis, lowering her hand. “How can you do something and not even know about it?”

  “Don’t ask me,” said Megan. “You’re the one who does it.”

  “But that’s so weird!”

  “Not so weird,” said Megan. “Besides, my dad says people aren’t ‘weird.’ He says, ‘People are different.’ ”

  “Now I’m afraid to react to anything,” said Alexis. “It’s like I can’t control it.”

  “It’s okay,” said Megan, tugging gently on Alexis’s arm. “I’m used to it. I already figured out that you don’t like me.”

  “I like you fine,” Alexis protested. “I like you a lot! I don’t know why you think I don’t!”

  “You’re doing that thing with your nose again,” said Megan, pointing at Alexis’s face. Alexis was upset and defensive, and her nose twitched like a rabbit.

  Alexis gasped and turned bright red. She leaned over to the toaster to peek at her nose.

  “Believe me now?” said Megan.

  Alexis faced Megan. “I do like you, Megan,” she said. “Maybe I was uncomfortable at first, I don’t know. I was in a new school. I didn’t know anybody. And I hadn’t met anyone like you before.”

  “You never met anyone who was deaf?” asked Megan.

  “I’d met deaf kids before. I’d met lots of kids who are ‘different’ before.”

  “So how come you didn’t like me?” asked Megan.

  “I liked you fine,” Alexis insisted. “But you were so popular. And you had so many friends. I’d never met anyone like you.”

  “So how come you said no when I invited you to my party?” Megan held out a hand as though she expected Alexis to drop her answer into it.

  Alexis flipped her hair out of her face and then she said, “Maybe you’re right. Kids who are different make me nervous. It’s like with my brother. I never know what to expect.”

  “But you know what to expect with me,” said Megan. “I have always been nice to you.”

  “Not really,” said Alexis. “You’re kind of moody. Sometimes you’re hard to talk to. You always have to be the center of attention. And sometimes you’re friendly and other times you’re judging me or waiting for me to mess up. It’s like you expect me to be perfect all the time. It makes me really nervous.”

  That wasn’t the response Megan had expected. This time it was Megan’s turn to let her mouth hang open. She couldn’t think of anything to say except, “Wow, I had no idea.”

  “It’s kind of true,” said Alexis.

  The girls sat in silence for a moment, both deep in thought. Megan was wondering if she had a mistaken impression of Alexis—and Alexis was wondering the same thing about Megan. Megan suspected she was right about Alexis—Megan’s radar went off when people were uncomfortable with deafness. But maybe, she thought, maybe I should cut Alexis some slack. Megan couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have people expect you to be perfect all the time.

  At the same time, Megan wondered if what Alexis said was true—about her being moody and diffi
cult, and having to be the center of attention. Megan had so much to think about that her head was spinning.

  Megan sat straight up and flapped her hands to clear the air of all these thoughts. “So, Alexis,” she declared, “all I really meant to say was that—even though we don’t always get along—you’re still invited to my birthday party. In case you were wondering.”

  Alexis smiled a bit, but she didn’t say yes or no. She didn’t even say “Thanks.” She only shrugged.

  Megan shrugged too. “Yeah, so you let me know when you make up your mind whether to come to my party or not. Whatever. In the meantime we better run that hamster through our maze.”

  “Good idea,” Alexis said, raising a hand, “but Megan, before we get started—if I ask a favor, do you promise not to get mad?”

  “Why would I get mad?”

  “Just promise.”

  “I won’t get mad,” said Megan, raising her own hand in the Brownie pledge. “I promise.”

  Alexis began shyly. “It’s okay if you know about Justin and his condition,” she said, “but could you keep it a secret? Just for now? I don’t want all the other kids at school talking about it or asking me questions about it or whatever.”

  “I can keep a secret! Trust me! Your secret’s safe with me!” Megan zipped her lip and threw away the imaginary key. “But Justin is your kid brother,” she continued, “and he happens to be autistic. You can’t keep it a secret for life.”

  Alexis didn’t say anything.

  I guess I got her, thought Megan. She didn’t have an answer for that.

  “Like, I mean,” Megan went on, “my brother doesn’t ever try to keep me a secret.”

  “You? Fat chance keeping you a secret,” Alexis said, and laughed. Her laughter caught Megan by surprise. “You’re having a big birthday party, and your favorite color is purple. Your best friend is Cindy, and you’re not crazy about grammar or spelling but you work real hard, and you’re really good at math. And you’re deaf. I’ve only known you a week and look how much I know about you.”

  “I know stuff about you,” Megan argued back. “I know you’re practically perfect, but you’re really shy.”