Love at Last Call

by M. Ullrich

  She brushed Lou off. “Tell me, Dad, please. Bestow upon me this knowledge you’ve gained while working at the same body shop for the same old geezer and throwing not just your money but your family’s money into foolish schemes. I bet having Matt follow in your footsteps feels pretty great, like maybe you didn’t mess us all up.”

  Florence dropped her silverware loudly. “That’s enough, Berit,” she said in a firm tone.

  Berit looked to her mother with big eyes. “If it wasn’t for the extra time you spent selling Mary Kay and Tupperware, we would’ve never had money for food or clothes. Am I the only one who remembers this, or am I the only one who was really affected?”

  “That was a long time ago,” Jefffey said.

  “Maybe, but your poor decisions continue to haunt me, not you. You go about your life keeping the past behind you, while I’m hitting roadblocks with my business and having the police send underage girls into my bar because of your recklessness with other people’s money.”

  Jeffrey set his jaw. “You don’t know Mayor McCarthy had anything to do with this.”

  “You say the same thing every time another threat comes to my bar. How many times am I going to have to dodge being closed down before you drop your denial and actually believe your daughter?”

  Berit saw her own stubbornness shimmer deep in her father’s eyes. He would never admit his actions had greater consequences. She stood up, and Hugo trotted over to her side.

  “Forget it. I’m going to get out of here so you can enjoy the rest of your birthday.” Berit looked at her sad mother. She hated this pattern they’d fallen into as a family, but she was powerless to improve it. “Good night, Mom.”

  Berit grabbed Hugo’s leash and secured it to his harness before leaving. She made it no farther than the lawn before Lou ran after her. “Go back inside before your food gets cold,” Berit said. She didn’t even have to look at Lou to know she had just sounded like their mother.

  “Are you okay to drive?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” Berit knew that didn’t quite describe her feelings, but it’d do for the moment.

  Lou continued to head to the car. “Good, because you drove us here, and I really didn’t want to get in the car with a madwoman.”

  “You don’t have to leave. You know any of the guys would’ve driven you home.” They got in the car and buckled up. Berit started the engine just as Lou laughed.

  “I know they would have. But Matt would’ve bitched and moaned about it the whole time, I would’ve owed Bart a huge favor in return, and JJ would’ve talked about Christen the whole way. I’d rather ride with my volatile sister than listen to that.” Lou slapped Berit’s thigh. “It’s important to me that you know I’m on your side.”

  Berit drove silently for a minute, glancing at Lou out of the corner of her eye. “I thought you wanted me to forgive Dad.”

  “Oh, I do, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand why you still feel this way. I do have one question, though.”

  “This doesn’t surprise me.” Berit waited until she came to a full stop at a red light. “What’s your question?”

  “Something seems different this time. You’re always short with Dad and you always let it be known when the Dollhouse hits a snag because of him, but I’ve never seen you like this. You didn’t even mention how he was on time for once.”

  Berit tightened her grip on the steering wheel. “That’s not a question.” She stepped on the gas a little too heavily when the light turned green, and the car bucked forward.

  “Are you just worried about losing the Dollhouse, or are you more scared of losing Lauren?”

  Berit could feel Lou’s eyes on her. She heard Hugo’s whimper and wondered if he could sense the tension in the car. “I know how to handle problems with the business. I feel in control.” Berit said quietly. “But the one thing I don’t feel with Lauren right now is confidence and control. I’m not scared of losing her, Lou.” Berit looked at Lou briefly during a stop. “I’m terrified she’s already gone.”

  “Have you tried calling her?”

  “No, and she hasn’t tried to call me, either.”

  “And you’re expecting her to? Jesus, Berit, pick up the phone and fix things.” Lou’s voice grew louder. She looked up at her apartment building as they pulled up to the curb. “I know you’re not stupid.”

  Berit rolled her eyes, definitely disagreeing with Lou.

  “Call her,” Lou said sternly. “Clear up this misunderstanding about the job and make sure she knows how you feel about her. Make sure she knows you love her.”

  “I don’t—” Lou shot Berit a look that stopped her words in their tracks. She sighed. “I don’t know if I’m ready for her to know that.”

  “If you feel it, it’s time for her to know it.” Lou patted Berit’s arm before opening the car door. “Call her.”

  “Bellamy said the same thing, but I don’t think I can.” Berit swallowed thickly. “Maybe that makes me sound like a coward, but I don’t feel like I have a right to approach her, not after how I acted. What if she doesn’t want to talk to me, like she’s okay with things ending now? I don’t know how I’d handle that.”

  “You’d just handle it.”

  “My heart would break.”

  “Is your heart doing any better right now?”

  Berit bent forward and rested her head on the steering wheel. “People always wondered why I was okay keeping things casual. Why would anyone want this?” Berit groaned dramatically.

  “Think about the smallest, most wonderful moment you shared with Lauren.”

  Berit thought about the last night they spent together, and the way every touch turned soft and they talked for hours.

  “That,” Lou said, pointing directly at Berit’s face. “That’s why.” She got out of the car and bent into the door to pet Hugo good night. “Call her, Berit. Don’t lose that ooey-gooiness you were just feeling. It looks good on you.”

  Berit lifted Hugo over the center console and plopped him onto the seat. She stared at her dog, who sat excitedly in the passenger seat. “Why can’t loving people be as uncomplicated as loving dogs?” Hugo tilted his head. His big ears pointed straight up. “That’s what I thought.”

  If everyone’s advice was to call Lauren, then why did it feel like the wrong thing to do? Berit drove home, still determined to wait for Lauren’s phone call.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Lauren lay in bed, watching the blades of her fan go around and around. Late August was the worst time to turn off the air-conditioning, but they had no choice since Lauren’s income had ceased again. She hadn’t moved in nearly thirty minutes, which made the sheets beneath her body feel hotter, but the air around her felt cooler. She couldn’t win with this extreme summer heat. She’d spent Sunday and Monday wallowing and crying over her failures—both professionally and personally—and Tuesday appeared to be following suit. Except now she was too hot to cry or move, and even the thought of wallowing made sweat trickle down the side of her brow. Lauren could hear Briana making noise out in the kitchen, and the television was louder than necessary.

  Questions came to mind, a million different instances of what-if and if-only. Her decisions were always the best she could make at the time: a seemingly steady career, laying low in office politics, the right friends, and sticking with a girlfriend simply to fill a void of loneliness and feed an insecurity. If Lauren allowed herself to be honest, she hadn’t made very many decisions with herself or her well-being in mind.

  Berit was the first of many things for Lauren. Until Berit, Lauren had never stepped outside of a heart-shaped box when it came to love. She believed in chemistry and sensibility, and when that approach was no longer fruitful, she turned to accepting what she was given—Rebecca. Lauren believed she had learned from repeating that mistake and knew she’d have to shield her heart. That shield should’ve been impenetrable to Berit. But it hadn’t been.

  Lauren’s heart ached for Berit. She felt inco
mplete and silly for it. In such a short time, Lauren had grown to depend on Berit for her support, her kindness, and more recently, the love she so willingly gave.

  Lauren groaned at her ceiling and pulled her pillow over her face. No other person made Lauren feel the way Berit had. Their every exchange carried a unique softness and a fierce heat that burned uncontrollably within their shared passion. Their connection was remarkable—and just another thing Lauren could add to her list of losses.

  A loud crash resounded from the kitchen. Lauren threw her pillow across the room and jumped out of bed. She was done being patient, kind, and considerate. If she had lost the one person in her life who treated her that way, no one else deserved to experience it either. She swung her bedroom door open and stormed into the common area. Briana was in the kitchen, harshly whispering to Jorge about too many mugs being in her way, while Rebecca was gathering her keys to head out.

  “I’m done,” Lauren said in a growl. Not one person acknowledged her. She looked at the pile of colorful, jagged remains scattered across the floor and felt her blood pressure rise. Amongst the ceramic shards lay lone pieces of clear glass. Lauren quickly identified it as the pint glass Berit had given to her after their flair training. She screamed, “I’m done!” Rebecca froze at the door while Jorge and Briana looked at Lauren the same way a skeptic would stare at Bigfoot.

  “Should I pick up more mugs while I’m at the store?” Rebecca said, her voice barely loud enough to travel through the room.

  “No.” Lauren met Rebecca’s worried eyes. “What I need is for you to find somewhere else to live.”

  Rebecca’s jaw dropped. “But I—”

  “And you,” Lauren said through clenched teeth as she pinned Briana with her wicked stare. “You either need to start contributing or get the fuck out.”

  Jorge stepped in front of Briana. “Don’t talk to her like that.”

  “No. I’ll talk to her however I damn well please, and you will watch how you talk to me. I’ve dealt with this long enough. I understand how the dynamics of a friendship change when you get into a serious relationship, but we’re not in college anymore. If this,” Lauren said with her thumb pointed at Briana, “is what you want to spend the rest of your life with, I’m here to support you. But you will no longer disrespect me in the process. I’m done.” Lauren threw her hands up and turned to make her retreat, but decided go back to Jorge and lean in to whisper, “Please stop being a pussy.”

  Lauren walked back to her room, collected her toiletries, and headed for the bathroom. She needed a long shower before she got out of the house for the day, and getting outside was a necessity.

  She stood beneath the steady stream of warm water and felt her muscles relax one by one. She moved slowly as she scrubbed her skin clean, the image of every poor decision and rough year swirling down the drain playing behind her eyelids. But those images had little effect on the one worry in her mind: What was to come next?

  She’d eventually have to face her roommates and have a mature conversation, if any of them were capable of such things. She cut the water and towel-dried her red skin. When Lauren wiped the moisture away from the mirror, she was startled to see how bloodshot her eyes were. Crying over Berit didn’t solve anything, and it certainly didn’t do the rest of her any good. Lauren gave her hair a quick blow-dry before pulling it back as best as she could. She threw on the first clean outfit she spotted and ran out of the house, wanting to avoid another confrontation.

  Lauren sat in her car and considered where to go. She picked up her phone more than once to call Amber, but she couldn’t reach out to her. Lauren felt guilty for being a shitty friend lately. Every time she sat with Amber, she’d go on another tirade about her own misfortunes and completely ignore whatever it was Amber was going through. She’d have to work through this latest debacle on her own and call Amber later to find out what had happened with her instant family.

  She wanted to go to Mel’s Café, but Lauren wasn’t sure if it was the coffee or the chance to run into Berit, so she shut the idea down. It dawned on Lauren that she didn’t have a place, a sanctuary to turn to when she needed time to herself or when her mind and heart needed calming. Berit had the overlook at the river, and the only peace Lauren had lately was Berit. Lauren imagined the most peaceful place she had been, thoughts of Berit and the sun filling her mind. Lauren did a quick search on her phone and started the car.

  Lauren might have added fifteen minutes to the drive after getting lost, but eventually she had arrived at the public gardens. The space seemed different when you looked at it with a broken heart. Lauren dropped off her embarrassingly small donation at the front desk and hurried to the spot where she had watched the sunset with Berit. Families and couples now crowded the area, sucking the intimacy from it, but that didn’t deter Lauren.

  If she stood still and remained quiet, she could almost put herself back into the moment. Berit had looked at her with such love, she could remember the way her heart beat and tripped over itself when she realized they were falling in love with each other. No sunset or floral display could outshine love. Lauren walked away with her head down and continued to stroll through the gardens. A peacock crossed her path, and she watched, unaffected, as the bird went along its way.

  She walked along a path lined with wildflowers and poppies. Just as she came to a fork in the road, her phone buzzed. She considered not checking it, but she hadn’t heard from her mother in a while, and the chance Berit was reaching out to her was slim, but a possibility. She checked the phone, deflated when Rebecca’s name lit up on the screen.

  Are you okay? Lauren was momentarily touched by Rebecca caring enough to check on her.

  She typed her response quickly. I’m fine. Getting some fresh air to calm down. She sent the message and looked back to the path. She noticed an older couple strolling hand in hand down one side of the split path, basking in the beautiful day together. Her phone buzzed again, and she ignored it. Lauren noticed one elderly woman wearing an easy smile while sitting on a bench. Lauren wondered if she frequented the gardens and if she was always alone. Her phone buzzed two more times in succession, but she kept her eyes on the woman on the bench. Lauren imagined she had also come here once with someone special, and that fond memory still lived in her heart. Lauren grew annoyed the next time her phone buzzed, and she checked it.

  Rebecca’s messages read like a paragraph. I think we should talk, one-on-one. I can’t say everything I feel in front of Briana and Jorge. I want to be alone with you. And make you feel better. If you’re single again…and even if you’re not.

  Lauren laughed humorlessly at the predictability of her sad life. Rebecca was there, yet again, after a breakup. Their pattern was starting over, but this time Lauren felt more confident, more sure of her resolve to say no. She didn’t need Rebecca or her validation. Lauren felt an inexplicable pull to the elderly woman. She walked along and took a seat beside her. She waited to speak, listening instead to the chirping birds in the trees around them. In the distance, Lauren watched as tiger lilies swayed in the breeze.

  “I started coming here for the roses, but now I think they’re boring,” the elderly woman said.

  Her hair was white and her skin pale. She wore perfectly pressed navy trousers with a light pink button-up. Lauren smiled and said, “What do you come here for now?”

  The woman’s sweet blue eyes were strikingly soft. “Everything else.” She looked back out to the trees and the wildflowers. “Once upon a time, I’d come here and ignore anything that wasn’t a rose. It’s kind of funny how we can do that, not notice what we don’t care enough to see.” She pointed with her right hand. “Imagine all the beauty we miss in the world because we just don’t care enough.”

  Lauren’s heart ached as she thought of Berit. She felt tears well in her eyes, even after she had convinced herself she had no tears left to cry. “What if you saw that beauty, had that beauty in your life, but lost it?”

  “Nonsense,” the ol
d woman said with a laugh. The joke was lost on Lauren. “I made the choice to only see the roses, just like how I’m making the choice now to see everything but. The roses are still there, and will be if I decide to see them again.”

  What this woman was rambling on about had no real connection to her life or her problems, but she searched for a hidden, significant meaning anyway. She looked at her phone again and reread Rebecca’s messages. Rebecca was the roses and Berit was everything else. Or maybe Rebecca was everything else and Berit was roses.

  “A flower analogy isn’t going to help you, dear.” The woman patted Lauren’s shoulder and stood gingerly. “Whatever’s troubling you, just do what you think is best for you. Screw everyone else.”

  Lauren sat in shock and watched as her temporary companion walked in the opposite direction down the path. The phone vibrated again.

  Come home. Rebecca’s message was so simple, and Lauren felt consumed with clarity.

  Lauren smiled gleefully as she typed. Maybe she had found a way to see the whole garden and smell the roses, too.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Berit grabbed a stubby piece of white chalk and climbed the small ladder in front of the specials board. Maybe adding some new recipes would help keep her wandering mind in place. She had yet to hear from Lauren, and she was beginning to doubt Lauren would come to her. She’d been such an ass to Lauren and felt unworthy.

  Berit crafted each letter slowly and focused not just on her handwriting but also on the dust falling from the board. She wasn’t fully satisfied when she stepped down from the ladder. It wasn’t whimsical, but you could at least read the words and prices.

  “Seriously?” Bellamy’s voice startled Berit.

  “What?” Berit asked, looking at Bellamy, then scrutinizing her artwork again. “I think I did a pretty good job.”

  Bellamy began reading the list. “Silk Panties, Absolut Pleasure, a Cocksucking Cowboy—”

  “For the guys,” Berit interjected.