Blessed Assurance

by Lyn Cote

  “Papa!” Pearl knelt beside her father and bent forward to hug him. “I’ve been so worried—”

  Lee stepped back, not wanting to intrude on their reunion, one of many he’d witnessed over the last two days. Had Jessie, Linc, and everyone else come through the fire safely? Where were they? Did they need him?

  At last, Pearl stood up. “How long will my father have to stay here?” She dabbed her moist eyes with a smudged hankie.

  “All he really needs is good food and bedrest.”

  “You don’t know…the worry…” She sagged. Lee caught her, holding her against him.

  Her eyes fluttered open. “What happened? Did I faint? I never—”

  “Over the past two days, we’ve all done things we normally don’t do.”

  She nodded, her lips pursed. “How’s your Jessie?”

  Holding in the pain, Lee shook his head. “It’s early yet. The fires only stopped burning hours ago. That made it hard to get news.” He repeated the same words he’d comforted so many others within the past hours.

  “The Workman’s Rest is a total loss.” She looked down at the toes of her muddy shoes.

  “What will you do?”

  She sighed. “Right now, I’m just glad we’re all alive.” She smiled suddenly; her usual teasing manner returning, “Are you going to tell me why a doctor was bartending for me?”

  Lee recognized and appreciated her attempt to rally him from gloom. He grinned for her. “Sometime.”

  “You really are a doctor?”

  Lee said in a mock serious tone, “Harvard Class of 1861.”

  She shook her head at him. “You never didn’t fit my idea of a barkeep.”

  “Pearl, you never fit my idea of a bar owner. You know you made the best nickel lunch in town. Why not build a restaurant instead of a new saloon?”

  “You may be right, Doctor.” Pearl gave him a quick hug.

  “Leave your address with the nurse. I’ll want to check on him daily for a week.”

  “That suits me.”

  As Lee watched Pearl leave with her father, he thought how none of them could have prepared for this ordeal.

  In the face of this tragic fire, he had responded the same way he had to President Lincoln’s calling up of troops in 1860. On a street corner downtown, he’d told a police captain that he was a veteran army surgeon, new to Chicago. He’d, in effect, enlisted in this battle, the best way he could.

  He’d been dispatched to this church with two other doctors to set up a temporary shelter for the injured. When he’d revealed his experience in field medicine, the other doctors had unanimously promoted him to director.

  Though uneasy, he’d surprised himself by falling into remembered duties and procedures. The past two fiery days and nights had been a round of cleansing and bandaging burns and cuts, setting broken limbs, and delivering a baby. He’d searched the face of each refugee, hoping to see Jessie, Linc, Susan. But in vain. Now the awful terror of not knowing, of facing a future without Jessie and Linc, overwhelmed him.

  Never to see Jessie again, in her crisp white apron in command of her kitchen. Or late in the afternoon when tendrils of her hair escaped from her tight bun and formed a light brown halo of curls around her face. The thought of losing her forever slid through him like honed steel, left him reeling. He slumped onto a chair at the back of the church. Yearning for Jessie and Linc swirled through his heart. I can’t live without them. God, Will was right. I can’t survive this on my own. Tears gathered in Lee’s smoke-raw throat.

  He recalled Will’s face by campfire light on battlefield after battlefield. Will’s low comforting voice came to him, “You must humble yourself. Every man must let God be God. We are not able to understand why God allows death. Such matters are too great for us to know.”

  “I know that now, Will,” Lee whispered and slid to his knees. God, I’m on my knees at last. I have resisted You all my adult years. Now I see Your hand in my life.

  You fed my ambition to be a doctor and gave me the strength to defy my family. You led me into the war I hated. But some men lived because Will and I were there.

  Now because of my war service, I was able to help people again.

  Lee looked up. I lost myself, but now You’ve let me taste life with Linc and Jessie. I can’t face life without them. I can’t believe You would take them from me now, just when I know what I really want in life. I don’t deserve them. But have mercy on me—a sinner. He stifled a wrenching sob.

  The cinched-in feeling, which had gripped him more tightly over the last few days, but which had been with him since Will died, began to loosen. He took a free breath, testing the new feeling of freedom. He stood up.

  “I thank You, God,” he whispered. “I don’t know if Jessie and Linc will be restored to me, but I know we’re in Your hands. Henceforth, I want to be the best man, the best doctor You can help me to be.”

  “Smith!”

  Lee looked up and exclaimed, “Huff, praise God! You’re safe!” He took Hiram’s hand and gripped it.

  The fire captain’s uniform was torn, burned, smudged with soot. Huff’s blackened face was covered with blistered burns. “Smith, is it really you?” Huff’s voice sounded gritty from a smoke-burned throat.

  “Yes, it’s a long story, but I’m really Dr., not Mr., Smith. Let me treat those burns on your face and hands.”

  Huff pulled back. “Have you seen Esther?”

  “No, do you have any news about Jessie’s neighborhood?”

  “Burned to the ground. Even the chimneys were turned to ash.”

  These words slammed into Lee’s gut.

  “That devil wind swept the fire ahead of us. We couldn’t keep up. We couldn’t stop it!” Pain contorting his face, Huff looked near to breaking down.

  “Let’s get you some coffee and a sandwich.”

  “I’ve got to find her.” Hiram shook with emotion.

  “You will.” Lee put his hand on Hiram’s shoulder. “Coffee and food will help you keep going.”

  “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t argued with her, she would have been safe at home with the twins.” Huff coughed into a blackened handkerchief. “Our neighborhood wasn’t touched. My fault. Mine.”

  Lee led Hiram out to the tent where Lee forced him to sit down on a rickety chair and take a cup of strong coffee. Motioning to one of the woman volunteers, Lee murmured to her, “Make sure he eats something before you let him leave. He’s near collapse.” She nodded.

  An older, female volunteer approached him. “Dr. Smith, do you have a sister by the name of Eugenia?”

  “Yes, is she here?”

  “No, Mayor Mason has sent a call out to locate you for her.”

  “How is my sister? How did she know where to find me?”

  The white-haired woman smiled. “She’s safe. And she told the mayor you’d be found as a volunteer doctor at one of the shelters.”

  “She did?” Lee shook his head. Evidently Eugenia knew more about him than he did. “Please let her know I’m fine.”

  The woman nodded. “And, Dr. Smith, more injured have been brought in.”

  Hiram jolted to his feet, spilling his coffee. “Any women?”

  “No, sorry. No women.”

  The chair creaked as Hiram let himself drop back into it.

  Lee squeezed Hiram’s shoulder. “I’ll be here for the duration. If you locate any of our loved ones, let me know?”

  Hiram nodded, his red-rimmed eyes nearly shut. When he brought the tin coffee cup to his lips, his hand trembled.

  Lee left to join the other two doctors where an area had been set aside for examining the wounded. Before he reached them, Butch bounded up to Lee, yipping, leaping knee-high.

  “Butch, where’s Linc?” Barking, the pup surged away. The dog led Lee to a small boy huddled among battered and blackened men.

  “Lincoln!” Lee swung the boy up into his arms. He couldn’t speak, hold back tears. Thank You, Father. “Linc, where’s your mother?”
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  “I don’t know.” Linc’s voice vibrated with the force of his own tears. “I ran away. To find you.”

  As Lee stroked Linc’s hair, rocking him in his arms, he gently examined the boy’s arms, legs, and ribs and found only bruises and a few cuts. Lee looked around.

  Linc clutched him. “Don’t leave me!”

  “I won’t.”

  One doctor was swabbing the burns. The other, setting a dislocated shoulder, said, “We can handle these, Smith.”

  “Thanks.” Lee turned to one of the nurses. “A weak solution of laudanum, please.” Within minutes, Lee was coaxing Linc to swallow the nasty-tasting medicine and settling him onto a blanket. While waiting for the sedative to work, Lee asked, “Linc, how did you get so bumped and bruised?”

  “Everybody was running. I was on the bridge…” His small voice started to quaver with more tears.

  “Son, it’s all over. There’s nothing to worry about anymore.”

  “But, my mother—”

  “It’s late. We’ll find her together in the morning. I’ll stay until you fall asleep. Don’t worry.”

  Linc rolled onto his side. “You won’t let them take Butch away?”

  “No, of course, not.”

  “I ran away from the other place they took me to. They wanted to take Butch—”

  “Don’t worry. He’ll stay right here with you.”

  The boy, sighing, closed his eyes and fell asleep. Butch settled down on the floor beside his master, panting happily.

  Soon Lee was engrossed in setting the wrist of a policeman. After that, nearly a complete company of firemen came in, led by the hand like blind men. It took the doctors over an hour to bathe their swollen, red, smoke-burned eyes and treat all their burns, contusions, and lacerations.

  Lee tied the last bandage on the final firefighter needing treatment. “It’s a wonder you men were able to walk here at all.”

  “We’d still be out there if it wasn’t for Milwaukee sending practically their whole fire department by rail on Monday.”

  “They’ve been as dry as us. Hope Milwaukee gets rain, so they don’t burn,” another added.

  Lee marveled at these men who’d fought the fire Sunday night through Tuesday afternoon.

  One of the volunteers came to lead the smoked-blinded firemen away to a hot meal. They each put a hand on the shoulder of the man in front of him, then walked single file down the main aisle.

  At the back of the church again, Lee stood over Linc, content just to watch him sleep. Butch had jumped up on the cot to lie with the boy. Scratching the loyal dog behind his ears, Lee gazed at the child he thought he had lost.

  Thoughts of Jessie intruded. He prayed until a nurse bullied him into sitting down. Settling himself onto the creaky chair, he watched the gentle rise and fall of Linc’s chest in slumber. His head drooped.

  Startled, Lee awoke to see Jessie stride into the candle-lit room. Butch yipped nearby. Lee leaped out of the chair and rushed to her. “Jess!” At first, all he could do was hold her—feel the softness of her body against his, knowing she was real, not imagined. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, letting his cheek glory in the feel of her soft hair against his face.

  Finally he looked down into her face. “Jess.”

  “Lee.” Rising onto her toes, she gave him a tender kiss. Then she rested her hands on his arms and studied him as though memorizing him.

  His words came out husky with emotion. “I was so worried.”

  She sighed wearily. “It has been the longest two days of my life.” She ran her hands over his arms again, as though making certain he was real. “I feared I’d lost you.”

  Butch gave another yip from where he guarded Linc.

  Jessie glanced at the pup. “Linc’s here?”

  “Yes. Come.” He took her to the pew where Linc slept.

  Jessie dropped to her knees, pressing her prayer-folded hands to her lips. “My son.” With an angel touch, she examined his face, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, abdomen, and legs. She looked up, concern in her expression.

  Lee dropped to one knee beside her. “He’s bruised up and very tired. He said there was a stampede on one of the bridges when it caught fire.”

  Jessie moaned and laid her head on her son’s chest. “It’s all my fault—”

  “No, I was the one who lied and caused Linc to run away—”

  “But if I hadn’t—”

  Lee lifted her to her feet. “None of us could have predicted this fire.” Again he had to hold her, had to know that she was really with him.

  “Dr. Smith?” One of the other physicians cleared his throat. “The kitchen is just about out of food again. You haven’t eaten since lunch and we insist you go to supper now.”

  Lee was touched by the genuine concern in the other doctor’s voice. “Thank you. Dr. Cooledge, this is my very dear friend, Mrs. Wagstaff. The boy is her son, Lincoln.”

  The doctor greeted Jessie, then urged her to go with Lee.

  “I don’t want to leave Linc.” Jessie hung back. “What if he awakes and I’m not here?”

  “I gave him a sedative. He won’t wake until morning,” Lee assured her. “Besides, Butch is here to keep watch, aren’t you, Butch?”

  The little dog sat up and looked at Lee with serious eyes.

  “See? Linc’s safe. Jess, come on.”

  Outside, the day’s light had waned to a faint glow over the bleak, burned-over horizon. “I can’t believe what I’m seeing,” Jessie murmured.

  “It’s still a miracle the fires are finally out. I have never experienced such wind in my life.”

  “It was horrible.” Jessie’s voice broke on the last word and she began to tremble.

  Lee put his arm around her shoulders and drew her to a chair and table beneath a canvas canopy. Soon he returned with two tin cups of soup and hunks of warm, fresh bread. He sat down beside her.

  “The thought of food makes me sick. I haven’t been able to eat anything.” She clenched her hands in her lap.

  “What is troubling you? Are Susan, Ruby—”

  “They’re all safe, but not thanks to me. We should have left the house long before we did. I couldn’t believe the fire would reach us.” She bowed her head.

  “You weren’t the only one who thought that.” He lifted her chin with his hand.

  “But it could have cost us all our lives. Susan, Ruby, Miss Wright were depending on me. God sent warning after warning, but I wouldn’t listen. I was going to save my house no matter what.”

  “Jess, how could you know how devastating this fire would be? We’re only human. We don’t, can’t know everything. We’re not God.”

  “You speaking of God?” She touched his hand.

  He took her hand in both of his. “Yes, this fire burned away a lot of foolish guilt and pride from me, too. Now God’s brought you safely here—you and Linc.” He drew her hand to his lips and kissed it.

  They sat a long time, knee to knee, hand in hand. Finally Lee came to his senses. “I insist you eat some of this before it’s stone cold.” He pushed the tin cup toward her and lifted his own. “You must eat,” he coaxed.

  “I can’t. Not until I find my mother.”

  “You became separated from her?”

  Jessie nodded, fresh tears beginning to fall. “She went to town to look for Linc. She thought he might try to find you at the Workman’s Rest.”

  “Where have you looked?”

  “Everywhere. Yesterday we were finally able to leave the beach. We had been marooned on a sandbar for hours—all through that damp night. Miss Wright and Ruby are suffering dreadful pain in their joints from it. When we left the beach, I found shelter for Susan, Ruby, and Miss Wright at a Lutheran church. I spent all today searching.” She passed her hand over her forehead.

  “Your stepfather was here, looking for her, too. I had forgotten…Seeing you pushed every other thought out of my mind.”

  “That man.” Jessie’s voice surged with anger.
“Their neighborhood wasn’t touched. If that man hadn’t driven her away, Mother would have been safely at home! If anything has happened to Mother, I’ll…I’ll,” Jessie’s voice broke.

  “Dr. Gooden was here, too. He’s working with the mayor to keep cholera from breaking out in these conditions.”

  “I’m glad. But where’s Mother?”

  Lee moved so Jessie’s cheek rested on his shoulder. Knowing he could do nothing to ease her heartbreak shook him. Minutes passed. Jessie finally was able to eat. “How about one more cup of coffee?” Lee suggested. “Then you can sit the rest of the night beside your son.”

  Jessie accepted coffee from the volunteer. Looking over Lee’s shoulder, Jessie saw her stepfather. Rage shot through her like the thrust of a hot poker. The cup of coffee dropped from her hands. “You!”

  Before she could say more, Hiram rushed forward and—for the first time in her life—wrapped his arms around her. Shock froze her.

  “Jessie.” Shaking with emotion, Hiram tried to catch his breath.

  Sudden dread gripped Jessie. “Mother. It’s Mother, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Hiram gasped. Releasing Jessie, he gripped the back of a chair.

  “Tell me.” Jessie heard the shrillness in her plea. Hiram continued to struggle for words; she fought the urge to shake them out of him.

  “The captain of the Coventry Company,” Hiram said, “caught up with me at my station.” He gasped again, drawing another ragged breath. “He saw Esther. He’s sure it was Esther—”

  “What happened? Is she at another hospital?” Jessie’s control began slipping. “Where is she?”

  “We’ve lost her. Dear God, she’s gone.” He began to weep in strangling gasps.

  “No!” Jessie shook him by one of his shoulders.

  “She was helping a family get out of their burning house. She went back in. Coventry Company tried to stop her.” He struggled for breath. “The roof collapsed. She never made it out.” Dry rasping sobs wrenched his body.

  Jessie swayed. “No, you’re lying. You’re lying!” Voices buzzed in her ear. Lee gripped her, holding her up.

  Hiram moaned. “If I hadn’t argued with her, she would have been home safe with the twins.”

  Jessie wrenched herself from Lee. Her hands clenched and unclenched. She wanted to beat her stepfather, see him bleeding and broken on the floor in front of her. She wanted to hear him scream with anguish.