by J. M. Miller
“Hey,” Dad’s voice called from down the newly quiet hallway.
I turned. “Hey.”
“You have a minute?”
I looked down at the hay on my hoodie and wiped my brow with my sleeve. “I guess.”
He followed me into my room. “How are you feeling today?”
I took off my hoodie and chucked it in the hamper. “I’m still pissed that Mom crashed the party.” I laughed humorlessly. “Did you see her face? She acted like she was shocked I was mad.”
He nodded and scratched his chin. “I know. I’m sorry. She didn’t tell me she was coming.”
“Figured.”
“She thought I was trying to keep you guys from her because you hadn’t called back.” He walked through the room and stared out the window, leaning a hand on the tall frame.
I kicked my boots off and crossed my arms. I wouldn’t even discuss her delusions with him. It was pointless to trudge through a shallow pool of crap that he knew wasn’t true. “Is she staying?”
He glanced back at me and straightened up. “She found a place in town. She knows Janine gave this place to you and, supposedly, she’s not here to dispute that. All she wants is to apologize.”
I huffed as yesterday’s anger rushed back. My heart knocked around like a hammer that I would’ve gladly thrown at her last night. She had some nerve. “Do you believe her?” I needed his perspective. He knew her better than anyone.
He shook his head and rounded his shoulders. “She’s the most sober I’ve seen her a long time. But am I skeptical? Of course,” he admitted. I nodded at his honesty. “She won’t drop by without notice again, and she agreed to go through me first before anything is set up.”
“Good,” I said and took a deep breath. “Did Gavin see her?”
“No. He came outside to wait for Taylor’s dad after your mom was gone. But I told him everything as soon as Taylor left. He handled it okay.”
So he knew last night, but chose not to bring it up, probably because Ben was with me. “He’s out riding with Ben. And Ben’s coming over later to help me go through more of Janine’s stuff.”
He moved toward the bedroom door while I dug through my dresser for clean clothes. “Everything okay with Ben after last night then?”
My hands stopped moving. He knew? “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“I heard he did a number on that other kid. Something you want to talk about?”
“Nope,” I replied as I mindlessly moved more yoga pants around in the dresser drawer. “It was just a misunderstanding.”
“Okay.” He paused, tapping his hand on the door jam. “I know it’s not easy to talk to me about relationships, but I could give a different perspective.”
I felt like screaming at him. After all the crap he’d been giving me about being with Ben, now he wanted to talk to me about my relationship? “I’m not sure who told you what, but there’s no need to worry. Ben and I are fine. Besides, I think you’ve already shared enough of your perspective about our relationship.”
He sighed. “Fair enough. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Perfectly fine.”
He pursed his lips and nodded. “I’m not working tonight so I’ll make dinner around five.”
I nodded without looking at him and he left, thankfully choosing not to press me further. All he was doing was piling more crap for me to shovel and I was running out of energy.
The shower felt amazing. My mind drifted as the water soothed me, dissolving yesterday’s worries, allowing me a few minutes to let it all go. When I finished, I worked on my weekend assignments. There was still time left before Ben came over so I dug through Aunt Janine’s trunk for close to the hundredth time. I removed the stone from the threadbare quilt and rubbed my fingers over the stone’s inscription.
Give of yourself, part of the line. Make one wish to set the bind.
I’d been over it again and again, wondering how broken Dahlia had been to curse the well and my family. She was the true definition of a woman scorned. The love she’d trusted implicitly lied to her and gave her up to marry another. Even if pressure from his father was the reason, it still tore her apart. Unfortunately for his next of kin, she couldn’t just slash a couple tires or slander him on social media. She made it last forever.
And I was the latest victim.
I dug my fingers into the stone, feeling my nails scratch my anger against the grainy surface. Ben and I had been searching for more all this time. That was the goal. But it was growing more disappointing with each day we came up empty. It was frustrating, and infuriating.
The doorbell rang downstairs. I folded the thin quilt around the stone and tucked it back into the bottom of the trunk. On the way downstairs, I passed the hallway bathroom. Steam lingered in the air and a towel was left in a heap on the floor, evidence Gavin was done biking. Music kicked on in his room to confirm. When I entered the kitchen, Ben was already there with Dad.
“Hey,” I said and they both turned. I couldn’t tell if they’d been talking or not.
“Hey,” Ben replied, taking off his hoodie as he walked toward me. His hair was still damp from a shower, the tips pointing in every direction. He wore a snug black T-shirt with loose jeans that hung low on his hips. I watched the movement of his muscles beneath the shirt as he approached. His level of handsome was heart stopping. With my dad unable to see his face, he cocked a sexy eyebrow at my blatant stare. I grinned wickedly and he chuckled as he slid his arms around me and gave me a chaste kiss on my cheek.
“So what are your plans again?” Dad said, interrupting our simple greeting.
I rolled my eyes as Ben pulled back from me. It could be a lot worse, Dad, I thought, contemplating what I actually wanted to do with Ben right now. Ben just smiled and shifted beside me to face Dad.
“We’re going to tear up Janine’s office for some secrets,” I stated as he flipped through a magazine at the breakfast bar. Ben choked a little. I slapped him on the back in jest and he glanced at me with narrowed eyes. He knew I was not happy about this. I’d much rather spend the time making out with him then feel the disappointment of another fruitless search.
“Well that sounds like fun,” Dad gladly dismissed my statement as a joke that he clearly wasn’t supposed to know. “I’m glad I don’t have to remind you to clean up when you’re done since I’m certain ‘the queen of clean’ won’t let anything get too disorganized.”
“Ha! You’re a riot,” I retorted as Ben laughed beside me. That got Dad’s attention. He tipped the magazine’s pages down and laughed lightly with Ben. Oh boy, a little bit of male bonding over my idiosyncrasies. How wonderful. I nudged Ben in the ribs. “I’ll grab some drinks and meet you back there. Do you want anything to eat?”
“Nah,” he said with a head shake. “A drink’s fine.” I went to the fridge and grabbed a couple of sodas after he walked out of the kitchen.
Dad didn’t address me again until I was on my way out. “Keep the door open,” he said to the magazine.
I huffed over my shoulder. “Really?” Like I’d screw Ben in the office in the middle of the day with my family walking around? Well… I chuckled to myself and made my way to the grand office.
Stepping through the door, I was met by the glorious sight of Ben bent over, inspecting a book in one of the wall cases. I quietly shoved the door closed until there was only a crack of airspace—technically still open. Then I set the drinks on a side table and crept up behind him.
“I can hear you,” he said with a laugh.
“Darn,” I replied, running my hands over his backside before pushing them forward so I could feel his stomach.
He stood up and grabbed my hands, letting me hold him from behind for a moment before turning around. “Were you honestly trying to scare me?”
“No. I was just enjoying the view,” I replied, staring up into his tranquil brown eyes while his fingers traveled into my hair. “Besides, I know I wouldn’t have been able to. Isn’t th
ere anything you are afraid of?” He knew I was afraid of plenty, dark and confined spaces being at the top of that list, but he’d never mentioned being afraid of anything.
His lips pressed together tightly and his eyes drifted closed. When he opened them again, he said, “I’m more afraid than you’ll ever know.” It wasn’t until his lips were on mine that I realized he was probably referring to what happened at the party. Is he afraid I’ll leave him?
I pictured the way his eyes had looked last night. All the pain. All the hurt.
The memory had me fighting tears while his arms flexed against me and his tongue caressed mine. The kiss suddenly became more powerful and expressive than any I’d ever felt. It was packed with so much emotion that I knew I could live an infinite amount of lives and never experience this raw beauty with anyone else.
His lips slowed with smaller kisses. He smiled, but not big enough to show me the reassuring dimples I longed to see.
I needed to know there was no doubt in his heart. “I love you, Ben.”
“Oh yeah?” he teased, but he couldn’t hide the somber look in his eyes.
“I mean it, Ben. I won’t leave you.”
His hands rubbed up and down my back and he took a deep breath. “I know you don’t want to,” he said and kissed my forehead. “And I love you, too. Now let’s get to work before your dad comes in and catches me groping his daughter.” He stepped away and returned to one of the cherry bookcases. I knew he was being truthful, but it also felt like something was off. I dropped it, though. He had a lot on his mind, too, so I thought it was best to let it go.
We picked up where we’d left off on Halloween night. I sifted through pictures and receipts at Janine’s desk and Ben thumbed through ledgers and books by the double doors. Before long, the narrow strips of sunlight peeking through the empire curtains faded as night took over outside. Dad checked on us twice, both times suggesting that we eat dinner, but we declined. Ben kissed me once when he took a bathroom break. Aside from that, his face was buried inside books and notes. He barely spoke.
I excused myself to use the bathroom later and went to the kitchen to replace our drinks. Dad was nowhere to be found so I snatched a couple of muffins without the fear of hearing “I told you so.” As soon as I returned to the office, Ben had his hoodie bunched in his hand like he was ready to leave.
I took a bite of my muffin while walking to him. “Here. I don’t care what you say. I know you have to be starving.” I handed him the muffin and drink, then licked a couple of crumbs from my lip.
“Almond poppy. How did you know?” he teased.
“I must be psychic or something.” I giggled. He’d been so distant for the last few hours that his sudden flirty banter made me sigh with relief.
He set his hoodie down on the leather chair. Two huge bites later, his muffin was gone. He took a few drinks then silently watched me finish eating.
“What?” I asked, unsettled by his pensive stare. “I’m sorry I can’t eat that fast.” I put the wrapper down and stared back at him.
He smiled, though it was more solemn than happy. “Nothing. I just really love you, you know? I love that you sometimes giggle when you’re nervous,” he said, stepping closer to me and running a finger along my lower lip. “I love how you shiver when I touch certain spots on your body. I love that you’re clever, witty, and have the same sense of humor as me. That’s what I love most about you, your mind.”
“Please,” I scoffed as my cheeks heated from his compliments.
“I mean it, LJ. I love the way you think, the way you act. I love it all.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine so gently I could barely feel him. He backed up too quickly and smiled solemnly again. “I should get home. Are you okay with looking again tomorrow? Gavin knows we can’t ride because of the wedding so I figured we could keep looking.”
I sighed. Looking through albums and ledgers all day again tomorrow did not sound like fun to me, especially after how quiet he’d been today.
He picked up his hoodie, keeping it bunched inside his hand. “Maybe we can do something else too?” His dark eyes glanced around the dim office. “I’m sure a few farms extend their Halloween activities through this weekend. We could take the Cuda or the bike, get some apple cider, and go through a daylight hay maze. Or just go for a ride.”
“That sounds fantastic,” I admitted. “I’d love that.”
“Okay,” he confirmed. “It’s a date.”
We walked to the front door, making more noise than necessary so Dad knew Ben was leaving. “Will I see you before tomorrow?” I whispered when he stepped outside. The night’s air nipped at my bare arms, shaking me until I crossed them for warmth. He kept his hoodie bunched in his hand and pressed to his leg, obviously not affected by the cold.
“It’s been a long day, babe. Last night was long, too. But so wonderful,” he added with a shy grin. “I’ll come over early tomorrow and we can go out and do whatever you want.”
“Okay,” I said with a little pout. I wasn’t going to hide my disappointment. Waking up with him this morning was incredible and only made me crave him more.
He placed a palm on my cheek and gave me another soft kiss before stepping out into the dark.
A minute later, I climbed the stairs and said goodnight to Dad. He was on the phone so he smiled and waved through his open door. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I threw on Ben’s green T-shirt and hopped in bed. The moon’s glow streamed through my curtainless windows. Clouds moved lazily through the night sky, stirring light and shadows around the room. Unsettled like my mind. I stared up to the ceiling. It was early still. Too early to sleep. I grabbed my phone and looked at the pictures Ben had taken last night. He was so sexy and charming, but today was the first time in a while that I couldn’t grasp what he was thinking.
I love you, I texted him.
He texted back a minute later, Goodnight, beautiful. Love you.
I lay there for another hour, my thoughts restless. Tomorrow was too long of a wait to see him. I wanted to climb in his arms and stay there until the sun rose. The memories of his fingers rubbing my bare back, his leg propped snugly between mine, and the sound of his sleepy voice made every nerve in my body jolt with want. There was no way I’d wait. I leapt out of bed and clumsily stepped into a pair of yoga pants while I padded to the bedroom door. The house was silent. I locked the door, grabbed my phone, and climbed into the trapdoor, ready to spend another night with him.
“How was your day? I haven’t seen you since this morning,” Pop said when I walked through the door. He had a fire going. The rich scent of burning wood now overpowered the house’s usual smell of pipe. I inhaled the comfort of it, listening to the familiar crackle that I’d grown accustomed to each fall and winter since I’d moved here. During the ten years with my parents, we lived in multiple apartments. None had the warmth of a fireplace.
“It was good.” I clutched the hoodie in my hand and pressed it against my hip, hoping what was wrapped inside didn’t look as heavy as it felt. It wasn’t physically heavy. All two tons of it was mental. And it was destroying me. That amount of guilt I held could crush even the strongest of men. I steadied my hand and pushed it all aside so I could get through this conversation. “Carson’s still leery of me. I’m not sure who’s been telling him things, but I’m pretty sure he knows about last night’s fight, too.”
He folded his hands across his stomach as he leaned back into his favorite dining chair. “If LJ didn’t tell him, maybe it was Simone. I saw them talking before the fight last night when he escorted LJ’s mother out of the building.”
Simone. It instantly made sense. “I saw them doing more than talking,” I recalled. His face tipped sideways and he furrowed his white brows curiously. “They kissed. I’m guessing no one else knows. And now that I think about it, she’s probably the one who talked to Carson about me. Fantastic. I guess I need to have a chat with her.”
Pop propped an elbow on the arm of th
e chair and started twisting his mustache between his fingers. “I’m sure whatever she said wasn’t meant to be malicious. I don’t think she’d ever talk bad about you.”
I cocked a sarcastic eyebrow at him. “I wouldn’t take that bet.”
He grabbed a toothpick from the table and stuck it between his lips. “I think she values you as an employee of this property, and as a friend. She might not act like she cares, but I know she does. She’s not evil, Ben. I’m sure there’s a simple explanation.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I said, though not thoroughly convinced. It was an agreement to get out of the conversation. There were a couple cases in the extra refrigerator downstairs calling to me tonight.
“Well, she was good enough to overlook that display last night. She could’ve fired you. I’m sure you’ve thought all about that, though.”
“Yes, sir,” I said, waiting for the lecture to begin. It’d been a while since I’d disappointed him, but I remembered how his lectures usually started. I clutched the hoodie in my hand tighter, afraid of what he’d say if he knew the truth I was carrying tonight.
He crossed his arms over his chest again and rolled the toothpick back and forth over his lips. “I don’t know what’s been going on with you Benjamin, but I hope you remember there are always consequences to your actions. Even with good intentions. Always consider the outcome because backfires happen.” He leaned up a little in his seat and rubbed the top of his bald head thoughtfully. “How’s LJ doing? She seemed okay this morning when you were outside.”
“Last night was stressful for her. She was better today. I know a lot of it had to do with her mom. Of course, the fight didn’t help.”
“I’m glad she’s okay.” He stood up and tapped his fingers on the dining table. “I’m going to call it a night. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight,” I said to him when he smacked a consoling hand on my shoulder.
