Shattered Lives

by Joseph Lewis

  The tall boy with longish curly black hair wore a light blue Nike tank top, dark blue gym shorts with two thin white stripes running down each thigh, and expensive looking basketball shoes. He dribbled the basketball in a figure eight around and through his legs, concentrating so intently that he didn’t notice Tim watching him. When he did, he stood up straight with the basketball on his right hip and stared at his friend.

  “You’ve gotten better,” Tim said with a smile.

  The boy didn’t say anything, but slow-dribbled the basketball using just his right hand.

  Finally he said, “So . . . you’re back.”

  Tim nodded, smiled and said, “So I am.”

  “Your hair is kinda long.”

  Tim laughed and said, “And yours isn’t?”

  “You look just like Cody on Suite Life On Deck.”

  That was the second or third time Tim had heard the comparison, so as he walked down the end of the driveway, he decided he’d have to check out the show to see if they were right.

  He stood in front of the deeply tanned boy. The boy had grown to at least a half a head taller than Tim, and his shoulders and chest had gotten broader. Self-consciously, Tim glanced at his own skinny arms and legs, a shell of what they were before he was taken. He felt embarrassed at how he looked, but determined he’d do something about it.

  Usually if Cal was around, so was his brother Kaiden, younger by a year.

  “Where’s Kaid?”

  Cal stopped dribbling, held the ball on his right hip, and stared down at his shoes before answering.

  “He’s mowing the lawn. He’ll be here in a little while,” Cal said not looking at Tim.

  “What’s wrong?” Tim asked, squinting at his friend.

  Tim lived at the end of a cul de sac, and Cal and Kaid lived just around the corner on Silverbrook Drive. Cal turned around and looked off in the direction of his house. Off in the distance, they could hear the mower, or at least a mower. It could have been Kaid.

  “Listen . . .” Cal started. He stopped dribbling, shook his head and said, “Before he gets here, I have to tell you something.”

  Tim waited. Cal and Kaid were unusually close for brothers. They shared the same friends and were seldom away from each other. The fact that Cal stood in front of Tim without Kaid was unusual because one would generally wait for the other before going anywhere.

  “When you were . . .” Cal searched for the right word and settled on, “. . . gone, Kaid had a really tough time.”

  “How so?”

  “When you were gone, Kaid . . .” Cal stopped and shook his head and glanced towards his house again.

  “What?” Tim said impatiently.

  Cal wandered to the curb and sat down, his long legs stretched out in front of him.

  Tim followed and sat down next to him.

  “When you were gone, for the first couple of days, Kaid would come to your house, ring the doorbell and ask your parents if you were home. Then after a couple days, he wouldn’t ring the doorbell, but would sit on your front porch and wait for you. That lasted about a week, maybe a couple days more. When Mom didn’t see him around the house, she would send me to go find him and I always found him here, sitting on your front steps,” he said jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “I’d get him and bring him home. I think he’d sit there all day and all night if he could.”

  Cal didn’t, maybe couldn’t, look at Tim. Instead he stared towards Silverbrook Drive as if he were waiting for Kaid to appear.

  He paused and shrugged before continuing. “There’s other stuff. He sleeps with a light on, and if mom or dad turn it off after he falls asleep, he loses it. You know his temper, right?”

  Tim nodded.

  “He has nightmares and screams at night. That really freaks me out,” Cal said with emphasis.

  Cal paused once more, looked off in the distance and sighed.

  “He got in a fight with Gavin.”

  “With Gavin?” Tim asked. “Why?”

  Cal glanced at Tim, shrugged and said, “Just after you were gone, Gavin said something stupid.”

  “What did he say?” Tim frowned not understanding what Gavin might have said that would be stupid enough to cause a fight between him and Kaid.

  Cal turned slightly, faced Tim and stared at him.

  “What?” Tim asked again.

  “I forget exactly. We were at baseball practice, and the guys were talking about . . . you know, what might have happened to you and stuff.”

  Tim figured that would happen. He also knew it would probably happen again.

  “Somebody said something and somebody else said something, and I could tell Kaid was getting worked up.” Cal looked at him intently and said, “You know you mean a lot to Kaid, right?”

  Tim nodded.

  “Well, Gavin said that maybe if you . . . you know, had to do stuff, maybe you’d end up gay or something. And Kaid punched Gavin and when Gavin went down, Kaid jumped on him and beat the shit out of him.”

  “Seriously? Kaid beat Gavin up over that?”

  Cal opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it.

  “Didn’t you try to stop him?”

  Cal blinked in disbelief, thinking that Tim would be pissed at Gavin.

  He said, “It happened really fast. Before I could pull him off, he beat the shit out of him. Hell, when I grabbed him, he swung at me. Finally Coach Schlicht came over, yelled at us, and called Gavin’s mom and Gavin went home and that was the last we saw him.”

  Tim leaned back on his elbows stretching his legs out in front of him.

  “You said that was the last you saw him,” Tim said puzzled.

  “Yeah.”

  “What about games or practice?”

  Cal shook his head.

  “He quit the team.”

  Tim sat up and ran his hands through his hair, and said, “He quit?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But . . . gees, Cal. We played basketball almost every day. Didn’t you guys play after I was taken?”

  Cal shook his head.

  “Didn’t you make Kaid apologize?”

  Stunned, Cal said, “Kaid was sticking up for you. He was pissed at Gavin for saying you were gay.”

  Patiently, Tim said, “The four of us are friends, Cal. I like Gavin. I like you, and I like Kaid. The four of us are friends.”

  Cal shrugged and looked away.

  The two sat for a bit and finally Tim said, “Come on. Let’s go get Kaid.”

  “He’s mowing the lawn.”

  “It can wait.”

  Tim ran back into the house to change into the shoes his parents bought him when he was in the hospital. The basketball shoes he had on were too small and uncomfortable. He also wanted to let his mother know that he and Cal were going to go to Cal’s house to get Kaiden. His mom protested, but he promised he’d be safe and that he’d return in an hour to help set up for the party. So the two boys walked back to the Mattenauer house side by side in silence. Cal wasn’t sure what Tim was thinking, and Tim was so deeply intent on figuring out how to fix things between Kaid and Gavin that he didn’t catch Cal sneaking glances at him.

  “Are you pissed?” Cal asked when they reached Silverbrook and made the right turn towards Decorah Avenue and the Mattenauer house.

  Tim wasn’t sure. Angry was one feeling. Sad, because two of his friends had fought over him, was another.

  “Yeah,” Tim answered.

  They finished the walk in silence.

  They reached the yard and stood on the lawn in the path of the oncoming self-propelled red Tecumseh, which Kaid pushed and ran behind to make the mowing go faster. When he saw them, he cut the engine and stared at Tim.

  Kaid had the same curly black hair as Cal. He stood almost as tall as Tim, and he looked physically bigger than Tim, but wasn’t nearly as filled out as his older brother. He had softer features than Cal. Cal had more of a cut-in-granite look, while Kaid’s was softer. Maybe Kaid was just better
looking, cuter.

  Cal watched the two of them stare at each other, lowered his eyes to the lawn, and then finally said, “Well, aren’t you two gonna say hello or something?”

  Without turning towards Cal, Tim smiled and said with a laugh, “Hello or something.”

  Kaid slowly walked forward and stood in front of Tim, blinking rapidly.

  “Hey, Bud. I missed you,” Tim said with a smile.

  Kaid broke down and wept and Tim reached out and held him and let him cry into his shoulder, patting his back as he did so, and saying, “It’s okay, Kaid. It’s okay.”

  He felt Kaiden nod, but Kaiden’s grip never loosened.

  Finally, Tim took Kaiden by the shoulders and said, “It’s okay.”

  Kaiden wiped his eyes with his hands and then wiped his eyes with the bottom of his shirt.

  He stopped weeping, smiled at Tim and said, “Kind of a baby, huh?”

  “Not really,” Tim said with a smile and then he reached out and hugged Kaiden again.

  “I missed you, Tim.”

  “I know. Me, too.” Then he let go and asked, “How much more lawn do you have to do?”

  “A little. I’m almost done.”

  “Okay, it can wait. Let’s go.”

  “Where?”

  “To Gavin’s house,” Tim said looking first at Kaiden and then at Cal. “We need to fix things.”

  Kaiden looked at Cal, but didn’t say anything. Cal shrugged at him.

  “I don’t think he’ll want to see me,” Kaiden said quietly.

  “We have to try,” Tim said quietly. “You guys are my friends so we’re going to try to get back to normal, okay?”

  Reluctantly, Kaiden lowered his head and fell in step behind Tim who had already turned around to walk down the street away from the Mattenauer house, expecting the brothers to follow him.

  The short walk was solemn and silent. They reached the Hemauer house and stood on the sidewalk, but the brothers hung back wanting to be anywhere else.

  “Come on. We need to do this.”

  Tim moved forward with Cal a step behind. When Kaiden didn’t move, Cal went back, took a gentle hold of his arm and led him forward. Tim stood on the porch and rang the doorbell. Cal and Kaid stood side by side on the sidewalk. Both had their heads down.

  The door opened and Ellie Hemauer saw Tim. She covered her mouth with one hand and reached out to hug Tim with the other. Tears sprung to her eyes as she held and kissed him.

  “Oh my Lord!”

  “Hi, Mrs. Hemauer.”

  “Oh my God, Tim Pruett! I’ve been praying for you. Oh my God!” Then she turned around and said, “Gavin! Gavin! Come see who’s here!”

  Then to Tim, she said, “Come in! Come in!”

  As she was shutting the door, Tim said, “Mrs. Hemauer, can Cal and Kaiden come in? We have to talk to Gavin.”

  Ellie looked over Tim’s shoulder and saw the brothers. She glanced at them without expression, staring mostly at Kaiden and then turned her attention to Tim.

  “I need to try to fix things,” Tim said quietly. “Please?”

  Reluctantly, Ellie held the door open for Cal and Kaiden, who entered the home quietly, sliding in and away from her, afraid she would smack them.

  Ellie led them into the kitchen. Cal and Kaiden lingered in the entry hallway, not quite in the kitchen with Kaiden hiding behind his older brother. Ellie and Tim faced the back hallway waiting for Gavin to appear.

  Gavin came out of his room yawning, saw Tim and stopped in his tracks, mouth still open but not from the yawn. He blinked and reached out to touch the wall to catch his balance.

  “Hey, Gav,” Tim said with a smile.

  Gavin stepped into the kitchen and stood in front of Tim. Of the four boys, Gavin had always been the shortest, but now, he stood eye to eye with Tim. He had brown hair, green eyes and a smattering of small freckles on his nose and under his eyes. He was also the quietest.

  As Cal would often say, “Gav, I don’t know if you’d say shit if your mouth was full of it.”

  Gavin would smile and shrug. Tim thought it was funny that whenever Gavin smiled, his eyes disappeared. He wasn’t smiling now.

  “Hi,” Tim said.

  Gavin stared at him and when Tim reached out to place a hand on his shoulder, he flinched. Tim felt sad.

  When Gavin spied Cal and then Kaid, he retreated two steps, glanced at his mother, at Tim and then back at Cal and Kaid. He took another step backward. The fear on his face was real, and Tim could feel the tension in the kitchen. Ellie stood close to Gavin, but didn’t say anything.

  “Gavin,” Tim said softly, “I want to try to fix things . . . between you and Kaid and Cal. We’re friends . . . or at least we were. I want us to be friends again.”

  Gavin looked at Cal and Kaiden, then at Tim, then at his mom, and then back at Tim. Tim suspected that Gavin was about to cry.

  “Cal and Kaiden, come in here. I have something I want to say to all of you.”

  The two brothers took a step closer, but more or less stayed behind Tim. They faced Mrs. Hemauer but didn’t dare look at her. They glanced at Gavin every so often without sustaining any significant or prolonged eye contact.

  Sadly, Tim said, “Listen . . . please.”

  The brothers looked up and stared at Tim, as did Gavin and Ellie.

  “Guys, I don’t know what happened, and I don’t care. All I know is that the four of us are friends.”

  The three boys stared at him, glanced at each other, and then back at Tim.

  “I was gone over two years. I was almost killed twice, and I lost a lot of friends.” He wiped his eyes with his hands and continued. “My friend Johnny died. He was really sick, and maybe if we would have been rescued sooner, he would have lived. But he didn’t.”

  Tim’s voice caught and the lump in his chest grew, making it hard for him to speak. He wiped his eyes again.

  “The first couple days and nights after I was taken, I was really scared. Johnny helped me. He helped all of us, and I really miss him.” He stopped, looked at the floor. “There was this other guy, Ryan. He was taken away the morning we were rescued. They took him away in handcuffs, and they killed him. There were other guys they took away and none of us knew who would be taken next. We just knew that if they came to get us, we wouldn’t be seen again. We’d be dead.”

  “My friend, Brett,” Tim wept silently. “He got shot trying to save us, and his shoulder’s all screwed up. He might never get to play football or basketball again, but he risked all of that to save us.”

  Ellie reached for a tissue and dabbed her eyes. Cal had started to weep, and he and Gavin wiped their eyes with their hands, while Kaid used the bottom of his t-shirt.

  “There’s this other guy, George. His whole family was murdered. His whole family. He saved my life in the hospital when a man tried to take me. George stood in his way and wouldn’t move. He had a gun pointed right at his face, but he never moved. He didn’t even flinch. He did that for me and he didn’t even know me.”

  Tim wiped his eyes on his shirt sleeves.

  “I can’t worry about the four of us because I’m worried about Brett and George. I’m worried about two other guys, Mike and Steve. There are perverts out there trying to kill them. They’re my friends! I worry about them! That’s who I have to worry about so I can’t worry about us.”

  The four boys were weeping pretty freely now.

  “Gavin, I was really stupid. I was worried about Tim, and I lost my temper, and I should never have hit you. I wanted to apologize, but I didn’t know how.” Kaiden had trouble getting it all out, but felt relieved that he did. “I called, but when you or your mom answered, I hung up. I was afraid and I’m really sorry. If you want to hit me, you can ‘cause I deserve it.”

  “No one’s hitting anyone,” Tim said sadly. “Friends don’t hit friends.”

  “I said something stupid, but I didn’t mean it the way it came out,” Gavin pleaded. He took a deep breath, stared at
Tim and said, “I said that if men forced you to . . . you know . . . do stuff, then you might be gay. But that’s not what I meant to say. I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but I know that’s not what I meant,” Gavin said. “Really.”

  “Kaid, you had no right to beat up Gavin,” Tim said staring at Kaiden. “Friends don’t beat up friends. You could have said something like, ‘That was stupid’ and then forget about it. You don’t beat up friends.”

  “I know,” Kaiden said to his shoes.

  “There’s going to be a lot of stuff said about me, and you can’t beat someone up every time you hear somebody say something stupid. Okay?”

  Kaiden nodded, resting his chin on his chest.

  Tim held out his arm to Kaiden and said, “Kaid, come here.”

  Kaiden stepped forward and Tim put his arm around his shoulders.

  And then to Gavin, Tim said, “Gav, come here.”

  Gavin hesitated and glanced at Tim, who nodded at him. He stepped next to Tim, who placed his other arm around Gavin’s shoulders. He gave both boys a gentle hug.

  “Cal, come here.”

  Cal stepped forward and faced Tim, and like him, placed his arms around Kaiden’s and Gavin’s shoulders.

  Tim wept.

  “I want us to be friends. We were friends before I was taken. Please . . . I can’t worry about us. I can’t. I’ve got Brett and George and Stephen and Mike to worry about. I worry about the next phone call,” Tim’s voice caught. He could hardly breathe. He struggled and stammered, “I worry that the next phone call I get will be someone telling me that one of them is dead.” He wiped his eyes and in a small, quiet voice said, “I can’t worry about us.”

  It was a relief for him to talk about it, but at the same time, verbalizing his biggest fear brought it all into focus. Perhaps this was what was causing him to feel out of place. Perhaps this was what made him feel like he didn’t belong. He needed to be with his friends. With Brett, George, Mike and Stephen. He knew he couldn’t, but he knew he needed to be with them.

  “Are you okay?” Cal asked, eyeing him closely.

  He nodded and said, “My parents are having a party this afternoon. I want you guys to come. You too, Gavin.”