The Space Before (The Space Between Heartbeats #0.5)

by Melissa Pearl

  I clear my throat. "So, Luis and her aren't still together, are they?"

  Toby shakes his head. "I don't think it was a couple kind of situation; just a little hot sex to teach Luis a thing or two before he went after another girl he's been eyeing up."

  That's sick. I mean, isn't it?

  I empty the bottle in two gulps and pass it back to Toby. "I'm gonna go get some air."

  "You okay, man?" Toby frowns.

  "Yeah, I'm fine."

  I ignore his perplexed expression as I weave my way out of the house. Man, I feel dirty. I don't know why. It was only sex, right? But the fact that Luis had a piece of the same pie makes me want to hurl.

  I should be reveling in this glorious moment. I just had sex!

  So, why am I feeling like this?

  "Finnigan! Hey, Finn."

  I don't want to stop, but I turn at the sound of Milo's voice. He's running down the street after me. I wait while he catches up, and then continue walking. Milo slaps me on the back. "Where you going, man?"

  "Just walkin'." I shrug, glancing at the rows of cars lining the street. The music from the party is still thumping, disrupting the quiet night air.

  Milo nudges me with his shoulder. "Decompressing after the big event, huh?"

  I frown.

  "It's cool, man. Carly told me what you guys got up to." His large hand slaps me on the back again.

  I roll my eyes and grimace.

  Milo laughs. "You know, she's really into you."

  "I hear she's into a lot of guys." I scoff.

  "Nah, you're different. You didn't see her face when she walked out of that room tonight. She really likes you, man."

  This news should make me happy, but I still feel gross, so I pick up my pace. The music is starting to fade, and there’s something about the hushed darkness that pulls at me. Milo catches up and matches my stride. He doesn't say anything for a minute, and that makes me slow down a little. Then he pulls a packet of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and offers me one. I gratefully slide one free and lean towards his lighter. I'm now down to a saunter.

  Milo takes a drag and slowly releases it. "You should be proud, Finnigan. You scored with an older woman."

  "How old is she?" I can’t help asking.

  "Eighteen. Wait a sec..." Milo grabs my shirt and forces me to stop. "How old are you?"

  I cringe and blow a stream of smoke out the side of my mouth. "I told her I was seventeen, but I'm actually fifteen."

  There's this long pause and then he bursts into laugher, throwing his head back with a loud whoop.

  "Finnigan, you are the man!"

  This makes me feel a touch better. I put the cigarette in my mouth and start walking again. Milo continues beside me in silence. The lack of conversation doesn't seem to bother either of us, and we stroll along quite content until we round the corner and spot a lush Corvette.

  Milo whistles as we slow down and stand beside the dark red vehicle.

  "Damn, that is sexy." He runs his hand over the glossy paint, looking completely enamored. I get why—the car is gorgeous.

  I drop my cigarette butt on the ground and grin. "Imagine driving this beauty. It'd be such a sweet ride."

  Milo nods, raising his eyebrows with a chuckle. His fingers drum over the roof of the car as his eyes narrow slightly. "So, Mr. Fifteen. You ever driven a car before?"

  I shake my head, suddenly feeling like a young squirt beside him.

  Clearing his throat, Milo looks over his shoulder and hitches his pants. "Want to learn?"

  I glance up, surprised. "In this?"

  Milo's smile is crooked. He runs his tongue up the inside of his cheek. "Yeah."

  An instant caution pulls my chest tight, and I take a step back from the vehicle.

  "Oh, come on. We'll just take it for a little spin. I’ll teach you a few moves. It's not like we're stealing it. It'll be right back here within an hour."

  I shake my head. "I can't—I can't steal a car, man."

  "We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it." I can just make out the gleam in Milo’s gaze, the dim light from the street lamps highlighting his rugged features.

  I chew the inside of my cheek and frown. "But what if the owner calls the cops?"

  "He probably won't even notice it's gone." Milo raises his hand at the house behind me.

  I look over my shoulder. The owner is most likely sitting inside, oblivious to our sidewalk conversation. The TV is up so loud I can practically hear every word of dialogue. With that and the thumping music down the street, the owner probably won't even hear the car leave.

  My nerves clang together like church bells. I can't do this. I shouldn’t do this.

  Milo's thrown his cigarette away and is now leaning down, examining the lock. Reaching into his back pocket, he pulls out a metal device. It looks like a bobby pin on steroids. Placing a thick ring over the lock, he shoves the ‘key’ into it and gives it a jiggle. With the ease of a pro, he pops the lock and gently opens the door. He tenses for an alarm, but there's not even a beep. He chuckles and looks over at me.

  He can obviously see how reticent I am and lets out a short sigh.

  "Finnigan." His gaze is serious, his voice deep. "I don't pass by luscious girls or beautiful cars. You don't want to get to the end of your life with a bunch of sad-sack stories about how you ticked every box and followed every rule. People like that are boring. Wouldn't you rather be a legend everyone talks about at parties?"

  Something about his speech inspires me. Maybe it's the ‘following every rule’ part, or maybe it's the word ‘legend’, but I know for a fact I don't want to turn out like my stuffy parents who never have any fun.

  Before I can process any more thoughts, I reach for the passenger door. Milo grins and slides into the driver's seat.

  Pulling a few wires free, Milo shows me how to hotwire a car. I am completely focused in spite of the fact I never intend to steal another car again. I hold my breath as the engine rumbles to life, and we ease away from the curb. As soon as we're down the end of the street, Milo gives me a wicked grin and accelerates into the traffic with a loud whoop.

  I can't help but join him.

  The guy's right. Less than an hour ago, I hooked up with an eighteen-year-old hottie, and now I'm about to learn how to drive a damn nice Corvette. This night is legendary.

  Chapter Six

  The night Milo taught me how to drive was a total rush. Since then, I've personally taken at least four gorgeous cars for a spin. Not to mention all of the other joyrides I've been a passenger for.

  In the past two months, Milo has taught me how to pick locks, hotwire cars and dodge alarms. I don't feel bad about it because we always return the cars exactly where they were, and in the same condition as we found them. We're not stealing…we're just borrowing. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

  Tonight, I've roped Jack and Toby in with me. Jack's dad has been deployed again, so his son is now free to do what he wants. His smile is a mile wide as he speeds us around another corner. He loves the rush as much as I do.

  I laugh as we cruise down a narrow road and accelerate out of Altadena. We're heading back to Arcadia to drop off the car and go to Milo's place. Choosing a convertible was another one of Toby's genius ideas. The top is down, we're blasting the music, and we feel like free men—invincible.

  We're in Arcadia before we know it, and Jack slows down to get his bearings.

  "Where'd we find this car again?"

  "It was 2nd Ave, wasn't it?" I lean down to try and figure out how to raise the top again. We have to leave the car just as we found it.

  "Nah, it was Longden, man," Toby says, resting his elbows between the two front seats.

  I look back at him and shake my head. "It wasn't Longden. Milo lives on Le Roy. We walked east, not south."

  "Okay, Mr. Nav-Man." Toby raises his hands and slumps back in his seat.

  "I'm sure we'll recognize it when we get closer," says Jack as he accelerates aroun
d the corner, taking a right.

  I try to look for street signs, but miss the one we just passed.

  "Slow down, dude. I can't read the signs."

  Jack laughs. "No way. The ride’s nearly over; I don't want to waste it."

  I can't help grinning. I know exactly how he feels. We pass another street sign, and I strain to read it. I think we're on Arcadia Ave, so we must be getting close. Jack seems to sense this as well, and picks up his pace even more. We screech around another corner, the car fishtailing slightly.

  "Dude, seriously, slow down," I warn him.

  The fishtail thing obviously freaks Jack a little because he does ease off the gas, but he's looking at me when he does it. Idiot.

  "Stop!" I brace my hand on the dashboard as Jack looks back to the road and slams on the brakes. The car swerves. The tires let out a high-pitched scream as we skid towards the curb, crashing into a line of trashcans. They clang together, two of them rolling to their sides and spilling garbage across the road. The air smells like burnt rubber. I hold my hand under my nose and look at Jack. His eyes are wide, and breaths are snorting out of his nose. He's clutching the wheel so tight I think his arms might snap. I can't help laughing.

  This sets Toby off, and soon all three of us are in wild hysterics. It only gets worse when a neighbor two houses down pops her head out the door and starts screaming at us to pick up that trash.

  We jump out of the car and make a run for it. Her curses chase us down the street as we jostle each other. Our laughter, most likely spawned from fear, keeps us going all the way to Milo's place.

  The music isn't as loud as normal. We bustle up the front steps and walk in to find a smaller gathering than usual. They're all sitting in the lounge, downing beers.

  Carly spots me straight away and jumps up from the beanbag. As soon as she reaches me, I pull her into a tight embrace and kiss her. I don't care that everyone's watching; my body is pumping with an adrenaline high, and I need to release it somehow. Our tongues dance as our hot lips crush together. She grabs a handful of my hair and pulls away from me long enough to whisper, "I want you now."

  I don't hesitate as she drags me to a vacant room.

  This time, we don't even bother undressing. She slips her panties off and raises her skirt while I unzip my jeans. The bed is in sight, but we don't make it. She pulls me to the floor, and I go for it.

  It's a hot, passionate rush, and over in what feels like an instant.

  I roll to my back, out of breath. She giggles, sitting up to search for her underwear.

  "Wow, you must have had a good night."

  Licking my lips, I turn to look at her. "You just made it an epic one."

  She loves it when I say shit like that. Now that it's over and the hot blood is cooling in my veins, I start to feel bad that our encounter ended so fast. The searing intensity was awesome, but once again has left me feeling empty. Over the past few weeks, Carly's been teaching me how to make our interludes better. I've learned where to touch her, how to make her writhe beneath me. It makes me feel like a king being able to do that to her. I've enjoyed our sessions together, but I can’t shake the empty feeling when it’s all over.

  "Get cleaned up. I want to hear about your night." She slips out the door and leaves me to it.

  I lean up on my elbows and eye the wooden door. She never stays. After it's over, she's always out within a couple of minutes. Why does that bug me so much? It's not like I really want to snuggle. But it's like we want to get away from each other as quickly as we can—or, at least, she does.

  Is it supposed to be like that?

  I take my time doing up my jeans. I hate the numb feeling that follows sex. Scratching my head in confusion, I slump back into the party. Carly is on the other side of the room, laughing as Jack retells our escapades. She's leaning against Milo's legs, sipping her beer, nearly spilling it when Toby cracks a joke at Jack's expense. Everyone bursts into laughter, and I manage to slip out the front door unnoticed.

  Catching the bus home takes forever, and basically sucks, but I had to get out of there. The time alone gives me a chance to start feeling really guilty about stealing that car. It isn't borrowing when you crash it and run for your life. I hate that I feel so bad for the owner. I shouldn't give a shit, but I do. Those thoughts lead me back to Carly and our frantic interlude. I suddenly realize I didn't even use protection. Was that my fault? She usually dealt with that side of things. Crap, what if she gets pregnant? The thought makes me want to puke.

  I stop at a drugstore on the way home and purchase supplies for next time. I don't even know if I want there to be a next time, but I don't know how I would get out of it, either. I can't deny the spiral effect I sometimes feel. I am the polar opposite to my sister. When she was fifteen, she followed every rule my parents gave her. She went to church, she said her prayers, and she did her homework. I still couldn't fathom how she'd been such a happy person. My parents had been trying to enforce all of those rules on me for years, and I always felt totally suffocated.

  I reach my front door and look at my watch. At least I'm home on time. I have school tomorrow, and although my grades are starting to suck big-time, I don't want to ditch. Getting into another fight with my dad before bed is not how I want to play it. I look at the paper bag in my hand and frown. I’m not so keen on explaining this purchase to my parents. I tear into it and rip the plastic off the condom packet. Pulling out the two strips, I shove them into my pockets and scrunch up the empty box. I walk around the back of the house and bury the evidence in the bottom of the trashcan.

  I sniff my filthy hands and grimace, thinking a scalding-hot shower might be in order.

  I saunter through the kitchen door and proceed to wash my hands with three generous squirts of liquid soap. Shaking off the water, I dry my hands on the neatly hanging towel, grateful I haven't been drinking tonight—one less battle to face.

  My parents aren't in the living room, which surprises me. They usually expect me to check in.

  Since my grounding, I've managed to stay within their boundaries enough to avoid further punishment. I've been telling lie after lie, fooling them into thinking I've made new friends. They probably don't buy it, but they haven't said anything so far.

  Maybe they're worried that if they try to punish me again, I'll just rebel even more.

  I creep up the stairs and notice their bedroom light is on. I'm tempted to keep walking and not tell them I'm home, but that won't win me any favors, so I pause outside their door.

  "He's been home on time every night this week," my mother says.

  "That's not the point, Mary. He's not telling us the truth...and I hate not being able to keep a closer eye on him. Where is he going each night? He should be studying in his room."

  She sighs, "I know. I guess I'm afraid if we call him on it, he'll just run further away. I don't want to lose my baby."

  I hear the shuffling of sheets and a light kissing sound. I guess Dad is wrapping my mom in a hug and kissing her forehead the way he often does. His sigh is deep and heavy. "We put these rules in place to protect him. We can't have him running wild. We don't want him to make the same mistakes we did."

  I frown. The same mistakes? What the hell is he talking about?

  "We were hardly wild, Charles. We were in love and couldn't resist each other. We weren't going out and getting drunk on the weekends. I would have married you at sixteen if I'd been allowed to."

  Dad chuckles. "I know. I was gone the second I saw you."

  The softness of his voice makes me smile.

  Mom sniffs. "When I got pregnant, everything fell apart."

  I frown. My parents had always told me they got married really young...straight out of high school.

  "I know. I can still feel the pain. The day I found out you'd been sent away..." He sniffs. "I never thought I'd see you again."

  "Ten years of living with my grandparents and raising Raelyn under their judgment nearly killed me. I thought of you every day."


  "As did I."

  What the hell? I frown again. Are they seriously saying what I think they're saying?

  Why had they never told me this? Ten years! Rae must know this, too. Anger flashes inside me at the realization that I've spent my life being lied to.

  "It was so awful, Charles. I don't want my kids to ever suffer the way we did."

  "I know. I just wish Dale would understand that."

  Well, maybe if they'd told me!

  My mom sniffs, and I wonder if she's crying. My insides squeeze with instant sympathy, but the feeling doesn't last. How could they keep this from me? I feel betrayed by my entire family, and it makes me want to smash my fist through the door and yell at them.

  "Raelyn was always so good.” Mom’s voice is soft and trembling. “She never resisted anything. Dale's been pushing boundaries forever, but I never expected this. Half the time, I don't even want to know what he's been up to. I'm scared, Charles. I'm scared he's going to throw his life away."

  "Well, we'll just have to tighten the reins even more. I want to protect him. I say we stop letting him go out. He can attend church and youth group, but other than that, he needs to stay home."

  "Like a permanent grounding?" Mom whispers.

  "We'll ease up eventually, but we should have kept on him after his last grounding. He has to learn to fall into line."

  "Or what?" My mother sounds afraid.

  Dad sucks in his breath and holds it, obviously knowing his wife won't like what he's about to say. "Or we consider sending him to live with your grandparents for a while."

  Screw that! Like hell I'm going to live with those two Mussolinis.

  I don't bother checking in. I don't even want to look at my parents right now. Instead, I let them know I'm home by slamming my bedroom door as forcefully as I can.

  Chapter Seven

  I haven't spoken to my parents since last night. Dad tried to open my door, but I jammed it shut so it wouldn't budge. I even sat on the floor, leaning against it in case he tried a little harder. I was steaming big-time. Finally, Dad gave up with a sigh and whispered, "I don't know what's going on right now, Dale, but I want you to know I'm praying for you."