Autumn's Dance (Season Named Series Book 1)

by Sarah Gai

  Autumn didn’t know what to say; she just sat in companionable silence, letting him work through his own torment.

  After a while, Aiden raised his head once more to peer at her through glassy eyes. “You know I love you, Autumn. You know that, right?”

  Autumn nodded her head, her heart aching at the expression of agony etched on his face.

  “I love you, too, Aiden.” She sensed he needed to hear it, and she really did mean it.

  Aiden gave her a downward smile, “I know you do, Autumn. But you don’t love me the way I want you to.”

  “Aiden…”

  He winced again. “No, it’s okay. Well, it will be. I thought you would grow to love me like that, but some things can’t be forced,” he grumbled, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Slowly, he reached out and entwined his fingers with hers; the gesture was an understanding between them—a goodbye neither was ready to admit.

  They sat silently for a few minutes, allowing the certainty of their decision to register. Finally, with pain marring his face, Aiden whispered, “Autumn, I think we should just be friends.”

  It was the best type of relationship for both of them, Autumn deemed. It pained her to let go of Aiden’s hand; she tilted her head towards him and admitted, “I think friends sounds good, too.”

  Aiden slapped his knees with his hands before standing, “Great, now how about I walk you home? I think I need to go and mend another friendship.”

  Autumn allowed him to walk her home; as they reached the house, they embraced and gave a half-smile to one another. Watching Aiden walk up the street towards Graham’s house, she blew him a kiss he never saw; her private way of saying goodbye.

  Autumn

  It had been two weeks since Eric returned and Autumn had not seen him once. It was driving her mad. Alec dropped into the bookstore and let her know he apologized to Eric for his actions and after some explaining, Eric reluctantly forgave him.

  Meg called her to see how she was after hearing of the break-up. Surprisingly, Meg was okay about it. She promised Autumn that Aiden would move on one day. Autumn had yet to see Aiden too, wanting to give him time to adjust to their new friendship.

  Autumn had no idea what to do. Should she go to see Eric? Should she wait for him to come see her? Would he come to see her? It was all so confusing.

  At the start of her shift, Autumn was going out of her mind, but by closing time she made up her mind, finally knowing what she had to do. Slinging her satchel over her shoulder, she began the hike towards Graham's house.

  She would often trek through the trees and pass the spot where she and her father would set up camp every summer. As she reached the site, she wondered how her father was doing. Was someone looking after him? Was he still alive? A part of Autumn loved him, after all, he was the only parent she ever knew. It was sorrowful to know that a parent who was so cruel, never showing an ounce of kindness, and assaulted her body, still had the love of his child. But that was as far as Autumn would go; she would never return to him—he didn’t deserve her. Those years of loneliness almost consumed her, weighing down her soul like an anchor, slowly drowning her. Autumn spent a lifetime trying to reach the surface to breathe, to feel the sunlight on her face. There were fleeting moments, their impressions seared into her memory; Eric, Ava, Sharon, and her friends were the rays of light, the life jackets keeping her afloat during the darkest moments.

  Standing up from the ground, Autumn pulled her shoulders back and started walking again. She needed him, she wanted him, and she was going to prove it to him. Although Autumn thought she was doing the right thing to let Eric live his life, her life just wasn't going to be fulfilled without him by her side. You don't have to know someone a lifetime to know they are the one for you. Time and distance proved that, for there wasn't a day Autumn didn’t think about the boy who gave her a prom and made her smile—she ached for his presence. She was almost certain they belonged together. No!, she knew they did.

  Clearing the woods, Autumn stepped out into the snow-covered paddock at the back of Graham’s farmhouse. Her nerves were shot, but there was no turning back. As she approached the house, instead of entering the back door and through the kitchen as she was accustomed to, she decided the appropriate way to expect a visitor was by knocking politely on the front door. She pressed the doorbell and took a step back.

  Pastor Graham opened the door and smiled. Autumn released a breath, the tension in her shoulders relaxing a little.

  "Well, what a lovely surprise," the old man smiled at her.

  Autumn could not reciprocate, as she braced herself for why she actually came. Graham peered back at her, a glint of understanding in his eye though he seemed quite amused by her bravery.

  "How about I go get Eric for you? I see you're standing in that fight or flight mode so I have a feeling you will not take me up on the offer to come in," he chuckled.

  Autumn couldn't have stated it better herself, as she stood frozen to the spot. Her courage wavered and she was ready to flee when the most captivating sight left her teetering on her feet.

  Eric walked along the hallway towards the open front door in a black cashmere sweater with his sleeves pushed up to the elbows, exposing ink Autumn never knew he had. Dark denim jeans and combat boots completed his look—almost; his raven hair, curling at the tips of his ears, was adorably disheveled and the stubble from last week still covered his jaw, making him look like a mature man rather than the boy she remembered.

  As she peered into his dark, ocean blue eyes, Autumn's mind screamed, “Home!” Yet as he approached, his eyes voiced his feelings; the hurt and confusion conveyed in his stare pierced her heart with each step he took toward her. When he reached the front door, he tried to look intimidating with his head down, arms folded defensively in front of him, and his legs spread in a wide stance, but somehow Autumn knew he was just scared.

  There was no turning back and no games to be played. Autumn reached deep down within her soul, yanking out a boldness within her she never knew existed in her twenty-four years of living. "I miss you. Heck, I’ve missed you for seven years, Eric. I tried to leave you alone, to let you be happy, but I'm selfish, okay! Here you are back in town and I haven't seen you and my heart is breaking," she managed to blurt out in one breath, sucking in a lungful of air to replace the lack of oxygen. Looking up at him, straight in his face, she watched a slow smile begin to creep up the left side of his mouth.

  "You finished?" he asked. With a slight nod, she lowered her head. "Good, because now I have something to say. I've missed you like crazy. There wasn't a day that I didn’t think about you. I spent the last few years wondering if you were dead and praying you weren't. When I came home and saw you standing there...my heart almost couldn't take it."

  "Really?" Autumn interjected, surprised by his fast admission. She searched his gaze for genuineness, for that light, the fire that drew her in.

  Eric chuckled, "Yes, really. I’ve missed you so much, Autumn. God knows how much I've missed you. When you didn't return that summer I went out of my mind! We searched as much as we could to find you, but with no luck. Thank God you're okay and you're here now," he stepped out the door and swooped her up in one move, cradling her close to his body. Autumn wrapped her arms around his shoulders and breathed him in.

  Eric refused to let her go. "There's still a lot of catching up to do beutiful, but I'm home for good so we have a lot of time to figure this out...us out. I mean, I know it's been years, but I...I…"

  "Yes, us. Eric, it's always been us in my heart." She untangled one arm and brought it to his chest, pressing her hand above his heart. He lowered his head, resting his forehead against hers.

  "My heart has always beat for you. When I thought...thought you were dead, I couldn't breath. For years I did things, acted ways you would be ashamed of. But this right here," he tapped the hand she had over his heart, "this never belonged to another."

  Autumn knew what he was saying. She had seen it briefly herself.
"I...saw you once, a while back," she admitted.

  "Huh?" Eric looked at her puzzled.

  "My father...he took us to Memphis, for peach season and..."

  "That was you? Are you serious?" Eric pulled away. "You were at the fruit stand? And that was you outside the hospital?" His face was hurt and confused as he peered down at her. Threading a hand through his hair, he was visibly upset.

  "I wanted to run over and see you, but...I saw you with a girl and I..."

  "No, it wasn't like that. Jeez, trust me it's not what it looked like. Shit Autumn, you were really there," Eric’s voice was melancholic. "I thought I was going crazy, seeing you places. Imagining you were there when you weren't. All this time, I wasn't crazy…” he said stunned.

  Autumn could not wait a minute more; she grabbed his shoulders, pulling him down as she lifted up on her tippy-toes and claimed his lips, taking him by surprise. Eric kissed her back as if he was drowning and she was the air he needed to keep breathing.

  She knew in that moment, as his mouth moved against hers, she was utterly where she should be. She pressed herself closer, coiling tighter around him as if trying to meld them together as one. A tear slid from her eye at the feeling of being together. Sometimes there were no words or actions large enough to explain everything you felt; you just had to hold on tight and hope the other person detected even a glimpse of the torrent of an all-consuming unexplainable love.

  There was nothing hurried about the moment; even the cold of winter could not cool the burn travelling between them. Time stopped moving as Autumn and Eric reacquainted themselves. The coveting feeling of devotion between them was magnified compared to years gone by; their absence from one another and their reaction at being together skyrocketed.

  There was not a doubt in Autumn's mind he was the one—her one and only, as their mouths remained locked together, their slow rhythmic reunion like a symphonic harmony playing a hauntingly melodic piece of love lost and found.

  Eric was right; there was no need to rush. They were in a place where they could finally get to know each other, to discover new changes, talk of the past, and plan for the future.

  Eric reluctantly broke the kiss, looking at her in wonderment to be sure she was real. "As much as I seriously want to do this for the rest of the night, believe me," he chuckled, kissing her sweetly on the tip of her nose, "I think we should take this inside and talk a little more."

  He gently lowered her back onto her feet. Reaching for her hand, he pulled her in through the front door and sealed the cold weather out.

  Eric

  They talked much of the night. Autumn disclosed her father’s abuse and the reason she had not called Eric for help; she also explained how he tried to sell her to thugs and the state of his health condition.

  Eric sat still, his fists clenched as he listened to the girl he loved since their first meeting, retell the traumatic events she endured. Autumn would never live abused, scared, or feel unloved ever again for as long as they both lived. He would show her the kind of life she deserved in which she knew how much he loved her, every single day.

  The girl he had known—the shy, almost skittish at times, beauty he remembered, was long gone and had been replaced by a more confident, alluring woman. As she spoke, her hands animatedly expressed her tragic story. Her long blonde hair fell over her shoulder as her head swung back and forth with fervor; it had grown so long, now reaching to her waist. She was mesmerizing and Eric could happily look at her forever.

  He should have knocked Liam Nash into the ground all those years ago and just ran away with Autumn. He should have done a lot of things differently; he would not make the same juvenile mistakes again.

  As the talk turned lighter, Eric fell under her spell, her sweet voice was a melody of vocals rising and falling like peaks and valleys as she spoke of all she accomplished since being back in Ligonier. Her adoration for Ava and Sharon was apparent; their kindness and the sense of family emanated when she spoke of them. She also expressed a sweetness when she spoke of his father; Eric had no idea they had grown so close. There was still a part of Eric that felt the crushing weight of his father’s actions. He understood what Alec was trying to do as a parent, but to keep him from the person whom changed his life all those years ago, a fact his father knew, crushed his soul.

  Autumn broke Eric’s wanderings, unaware he had retreated into himself, as she concluded, “So that’s pretty much it. I’ve just told you everything that happened the last seven years in just a few hours of conversation.” She giggled, unsure of herself as she focused on Eric, giving him a questioning look as if she was afraid she said too much. “So…what about you?” she timidly asked.

  Eric reached out and tucked away the stray piece of blonde hair that fell in front of her face, blocking his perfect view. His hand lingered on her chin; her soft skin against his calloused fingers was like silk. Her porcelain features were a treasure to behold, but her sapphire blue eyes held him captive. He forgot what her question was as he lost himself within the depths of her soul, her eyes like pools of tranquility and promises of things to come. He sank into them without a lifeboat and he could not be happier.

  “Eric, did you hear me?” she whispered, as he drew their lips close. Her warm breath hit his mouth and he watched her pupils dilate with a longing to be with him.

  Eric could barely constrain himself. “Shh…we have all the time in the world to hear about me. Now it’s time just for kissing,” he whispered back before their lips once again discovered one another.

  He could not imagine life getting any better; all the pain, the hurt, and the lost feelings he lived with for so many years without her by his side faded. There were no more yesterdays that could be changed; no more what ifs to be played over. All they had was the present and all the tomorrows after it—he could not wait.

  Autumn pulled back breathless, her eyes darting between his; he wondered if she was searching for that same feeling, that pinch yourself moment, contemplating if this was really happening.

  With a small nod of her head, she crashed her lips against his once more and crawled onto his lap. Eric buried his hands in her hair and pulled her closer, her body feeling to far away. The raging inferno through their bodies was a combustion just waiting to happen.

  Eric never felt this way before; a small thought sprung forth warning him if he didn’t stop soon, something they couldn’t turn back from and do over again, would happen. With a panicked groan, he drew back, breaking their lock on one another.

  Autumn whimpered and it almost became his undoing. Dropping his head to her shoulder, his breathing heavy, he panted, “I’m barely containing myself here, baby.”

  “Yeah,” she grudgingly agreed.

  It pained him as she scooted off his lap and flopped down beside him. After a few minutes, Autumn turned her head to look at him and smiled, “I think I should be going.”

  Eric nodded with a small grin of his own, “I’ll drive you home.”

  Eric had not driven his truck since he returned home, but he knew his father took good care of it. Opening up the shed, he jumped into the Ford and cranked the engine. Turning the heaters on full blast, he let the cab heat up before pulling it out around the front of the house where Autumn was waiting.

  She climbed in and they set off for Ava’s. “So, tell me,” she turned to him, about to throw a question out. “How are you and Aiden? Seriously, I…feel so horrible. I think I hurt him pretty badly.”

  Eric’s hands tightened on the steering wheel and his eyes focused on the road. “We’re…getting there. He came to apologize and some unfriendly words were exchanged. Ahhh…truth is if I was in his position I probably would have done the same. I think one day we will be friends again, but damn it, he knew how I felt about you.”

  The silence between them at the mentioning of Aiden was unambiguous. Autumn tried to love him as more than a friend, but her heart always belonged to Eric.

  Eric was the first to change the subject, a div
ersion they both needed. “So, I was hoping you would like to go on a date with me tomorrow night.” He peered over at her as she smiled back giddily, nodding her head up and down. Eric chuckled, “I’d like to take you back to our spot, except that might have to wait until warmer weather because it’s freezing.”

  “Our spot, huh?” Autumn looked at him mischievously.

  “You know it. That night in the woods was the last real happy moment I had of us…well, except for today.” He grinned before lifting his butt slightly off the seat and reaching a hand into his back pocket to pull out his wallet. He handed it to her and implored, “Open it up.”

  Autumn unfolded his wallet and reached into the note compartment, withdrawing the folded Polaroid, now bent and aged; it had been everywhere with him since the day it was taken. It was dirty, scratched, and had been handled a thousand times too many, but it was his most sacred possession. Autumn continued to stare at it silently causing Eric to worry she deemed him a loon.

  He watched as Autumn placed the photo on the seat between them and reached into her satchel. She pulled out the white Bible he remembered his grandfather gave her all those years ago; it was now discolored and, by the looks of it, well read. Opening to the back page, she pulled something out, holding it between them and Eric’s throat constricted when he saw what she had in her hand.

  “I’ve had this Polaroid since that night, too. It goes everywhere with me. There’s barely a day I haven’t looked at it and longed for that moment again. That was the night I knew I would never love another boy like I loved you,” she admitted.

  Eric pulled the truck up onto the curb outside of the B&B. He grabbed the photo gently out of Autumn’s hand and stared at it. His heart almost exploded from the overwhelming emotion he had about that moment, and about his girl.