Red Hot Alphas: 11 Novels of Sexy, Bad Boy, Alpha Males (Red Hot Boxed Sets Book 2)

by Jo Raven

  He hugs me tighter. “Well, if it's not something like that, then you have nothing to worry about.”

  “It's not something like that.” I settle against him, still frowning.

  “Then what?” He kisses the side of my head, soothing me.

  I still don't want to tell him. What I fantasize about most sounds ludicrous, especially since it's every woman's worst nightmare. In truth, I'd never want it to happen to me, but the thought of a strong, handsome man taking me against my will still gets me off. “Rape.” The word even sounds horrible as it rolls off of my tongue.

  “Rape.” He repeats it with a steady tone.

  “It's sick. I know.” I hide my face against him.

  “It's not sick. A lot of people have that fantasy, even men.” He gives my arm a gentle shake to drive me out of hiding. I look up at him, and his expression is completely nonjudgmental. “A lot of people enjoy the thought of being helpless at the whim of an impassioned lover.” It sounds far more erotic when he describes it.

  “My friend is throwing me a celebration party for starting school. You should go.” I quickly change the subject, resting my head against his chest and staring out into the space that will soon be filled with his rejection. I had never planned to bring this up, but it's the only thing I can think of to discuss in place of my weird fantasies.

  “You started school a month ago.” He quirks a brow, deflecting as he always does.

  “That's what I told her, but she still wants to have it.” I lean into him, listening to his heartbeat.

  “Where is this celebration taking place?”

  I'm surprised he's even interested enough to ask. Maybe there's hope after all. “I think we're going to have it at Longhorn Steakhouse on Culebra Road at seven o'clock on Saturday. She wanted to go to the Tower of the Americas, but I thought that would be a bit too much. I told her they can take me somewhere extravagant after I graduate.”

  “Well, I'm sure you guys will have fun wherever you go.” He nuzzles the top of my head with his, rubbing my arm at the same time. And with that, he successfully avoided being seen in public with me yet again. It's an exasperating thought, and one that makes my heart ache. All I am to him is a quick lay—a cheap whore.

  “You must want your massage now.” I pull myself out of his arms and stand. He gives me a queer look, but follows shortly, not wanting to pass up the chance for a rubdown.

  “I'll get you a present for your celebration instead.” The edge in his voice is telling that he knows he's offended me. He avoids my gaze as he climbs onto the massage table and lies face down.

  “You don't have to get me anything.” It feels like all the energy has drained out of me at the realization that Yolanda was right. Despite what he says to me, he's not actually interested in me as a person. He's just interested in my body.

  “It's the least I can do.” He presses his face into the head cradle, and the tension seeps out of him as he relaxes. “So tell me, what do you want? If you could have anything, within reason?”

  My shoulders slump as I face him, staring at his naked backside. “All I want is for you to be there.”

  ***

  We drown in awkward silence and lost hope for the rest of the afternoon. By the next day, my plea is all but forgotten, and things go on as normal. Now it's Saturday night at seven o'clock, and I feel more like crawling into my bed and sleeping the rest of the weekend away than celebrating. I am embarrassingly dateless. This is not a celebration for me, it's an I-told-you-so party for Yolanda.

  She and Jason greet me at the door to the restaurant, smiling as bright as the sun. When she notices that Parker isn't on my arm, she gives me a sympathetic look. “He didn't want to come?”

  “I told you he wouldn't,” I sigh, trying not to sound too bitter about it. While I want to blame her for the way that I feel, it's really not her fault. I should have spent the rest of the week trying to replace Parker as my date. I certainly had the time to do it, considering I informed him about the party on Monday. Five whole days to find another man. Picking anyone would have been better than coming alone, I realize too late. Oh well, so is my life.

  We're led to a table in the middle of the dining room and seated with menus. Yolanda and I both know what we want almost immediately, but Jason is taking his sweet time, reading everything on the menu twice over before he decides. I scan the room in boredom. The restaurant is a bit crowded, as to be expected for a Saturday night.

  When my eyes lock onto a familiar face, my heart takes off like a racehorse to the sound of a starter pistol. Holy shit, could my night get any worse? Reflexively, I grab my menu, holding it up to hide my face and wondering what I'm going to do when the waitress comes to take it away.

  “Change your mind?” Yolanda's head peeks up over my menu to look at me.

  “Can we switch seats?” Where I'm sitting now, Asher and I are facing each other. He's a few tables behind us, right in my line of vision. If he can only see the back of my head, maybe he won't notice me.

  “Why?” She twists around in her seat, trying to locate who I'm staring at.

  “Don't.” I reach across the table and grab her arm, pulling her attention back to me. “It's Asher. I don't want him to know I'm here.”

  “Ohhh, Mister Heartbreaker.” She grins, despite my obvious devastation. “I want to see him.”

  “I'll point him out when we switch places. Just don't make a scene about it, please.” I stand, wanting to get this done and over with as soon as possible. Despite myself, my eyes keep darting to the table he's at. He's supposed to be back in San Francisco. What in the hell is he doing here?

  Even Jason casts a glance in his general direction, looking displeased that I made them switch places with me. He scowls in the direction of the unknown stranger. “What's this all about?”

  “Just shut up and move,” I bark at him, allowing my anxiety to get the better of me.

  Relief washes over me as we make the switch without Asher noticing. Maybe I'll be okay after all… if Yolanda will stop searching the faces of every man on that side of the restaurant.

  “Who am I looking for?” she whispers as if it's some big secret.

  “Two o'clock. He's sitting at a table alone. He's wearing a dark-gray blazer and a green polo.” I hold my face in my hands, still in shock that I'm sharing the same space with Asher Shepard yet again. God must hate me. There's no way this would coincidentally happen twice in the span of a few months.

  Yolanda zeroes in on him almost instantly. “Jesus Christ, Kira, he's gorgeous.” Her eyes widen. “You were banging that for six months? No wonder you fell in love.”

  “Hey.” Jason nudges her arm. “I'm right here, you know.”

  “I know, hun. You're a prize too.” She leans over to give him a peck on the lips. I can't help but giggle at them. Jason is far from a prize, in my opinion. The only thing he has going for him is his love for my best friend.

  The waitress comes to take our order, and I begin to relax a little. Asher didn't notice me, and I doubt he'll recognize the back of my head.

  Yolanda lightly kicks my foot under the table. “He's getting up to leave.”

  Thank God. The sooner he leaves, the better. He has to pass by this way to get to the front. It's the last time I have to be close to him before he hopefully disappears from my life forever.

  A large hand on my shoulder is the first sign that I'm not getting out of this unscathed. “Kira.” His voice rips through me like it's made of razor blades. “We just keep running into each other. It must be fate.”

  I turn to look up into the face of the man I fell in love with over six months ago. He's wearing a charming smile. Mine is completely forced. “Asher. What are the odds?” It sounds every bit as awkward as I feel.

  “Indeed.”

  I turn back around to face Yolanda, trying to make it seem like he's interrupting something, so he'll get the hint and leave.

  “We should talk while I'm still in town.” His tone is sweet and
playful.

  “Text me, and I'll get back to you.” The meaning of my words won't be lost on him. I haven't responded to the half-dozen text messages he's sent me since we last saw each other. He'd be dumb to think I'd respond now.

  “Unfortunately, I won't be in town much longer. Perhaps I could have a word with you now.” He stands like a sentinel at my side. I can feel his eyes bearing down on me with expectation.

  “Apologies, but I'm absolutely starving. Maybe I'll catch up with you next time you're in town.” I turn to him, trying to look sincere, so he might fall for it and go away.

  “We could get faster service at the bar. Come on. I'll buy you an appetizer.” He nods towards the crowded bar where there's thankfully not enough seating for the both of us.

  “There's nowhere to sit.” I point out.

  He turns his gaze to the bar and frowns. “So there isn't. A moment outside then.”

  “There's no food outside.”

  “Just go, Kira,” Yolanda pipes in. “I promise we won't eat all of your food while you're gone.”

  If looks could kill, I would have murdered her fifty different ways in that moment. How can she possibly take his side when she knows what he's done to me? We're going to have to have a serious conversation about this later.

  “Fine,” I relent, dragging myself out of my chair like even my feet are trying to keep me glued in place. Apprehensively, I follow Asher outside, knowing that my night is about to get a lot worse.

  “What's your friend’s name? I like her,” he says as soon as we're standing in front of the restaurant.

  The declaration pierces my heart, and my protective instincts kick in. “Too bad for you, she's with her boyfriend. Though, last I checked, you don't care about relationships. The more the merrier, right?” I turn on him, letting my anger shine through.

  “Kira, you're not being fair.” His happy demeanor falls away from my jab.

  “Fair?” I spit out the word like it's venom. “Fair to you is when you're banging two women at the same time and they don't know about each other.”

  “Would you just sit down and listen to me? You've never allowed me to explain.” He grabs both of my shoulders, and I avert my eyes.

  I'm so disgusted that I can't even look at him.

  “There's nothing to explain. I know what I saw.”

  “No. You don't.”

  I brush his hands off of me. “I don't care. That was in the past. You're in my past.” I circle him to walk back into the restaurant, but he catches my wrist before I can disappear inside.

  “I don't want to be in your past.”

  “Well, that's too damn bad, now isn't it?” I bark, trying to jerk my hand away. He has an iron grip on it though and won't let me escape.

  “I'm in love with you, Kira Golden.”

  My jaw clenches from the confession. When we were still together, I would have hung the moon to hear him say that. It's too late now though.

  “I can't do this tonight, Asher.” I try to get away from him again, but he's unrelenting.

  “At least let me tell you what happened. Please. Just let me explain. I need this more than you'll ever know.” His voice is pleading.

  While I don't want to hear him out, part of me is curious what his side of the story will be. Maybe this will give us both closure, and we can move on. I certainly won't be moving on with him. “Fine.” I stop struggling and walk back towards one of the benches sitting outside of the restaurant. There's no doubt in my mind that this story doesn't have a short version.

  He sighs in relief and releases me, following behind, though he doesn't sit next to me on the bench. Instead, he stays standing with his hands in his pockets. I'm eye level with his crotch, and my mind is assaulted with every time I've pulled his cock out of his jeans and sucked it. Even Parker can't erase that, though I wish that he could. I wish he could erase all of it.

  “As I told you in text, Norma and I were going through a divorce when I met you.” He did tell me that—after I had seen them together. It was a detail that he conveniently omitted throughout our entire relationship, as well as the fact that he has a son. When I finally discovered the truth about his life, I felt like our relationship was a lie. “I didn't want to tell you because I was worried it would scare you away.”

  “You're right. It would have.” I wrap my arms around myself protectively.

  “It was selfish of me. I know. I was so afraid of losing you though.

  “Norma and I had already been separated for half a year. She was the one who wanted the divorce, but she wouldn't file for it. When I started seeing you, I decided it was time to serve her the papers. I knew it was over between us, and I wanted to move on with my life.” His eyes are distant, like he's recalling memories that are equally as painful to him as mine are to me. “When I went to give them to her, she told me she didn't want the divorce anymore. She missed me. John missed me. She wanted to be a family again.”

  The thought that Asher already had a family the whole time we were together pierces straight through my heart. I was like some fucked-up rebound for him. He was just filling the void with my presence until she decided to take him back.

  “Having a kid… it changes things when it comes to relationships.” He shakes his head. “It's not just about you anymore. It's about the life you brought into this world. When you have kids, they mean more to you than anything. You'd do anything for them. Sacrifice anything for them. You'll understand someday.”

  The way he assumes I don't understand offends me. But maybe it's true. In my current state of mind, I never would have left him to go back with the father of my non-existent child. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

  “I was already in love with you at the time. I knew that. I knew I didn't love Norma anymore. But all I could think about was what John's life would be like if he grew up in a broken home.” Asher sighs, raking his fingers through his hair. “I did the wrong thing. I made the wrong move. I told her we could try to work things out, for John's sake. I never intended on telling you until I figured out which direction my life was going to take.”

  It's a painful confession and all I needed to hear. He was playing us both, keeping me around just in case his relationship with his wife fell apart again. A fresh dose of pain assaults me from the admission. I thought I was beyond this, but hearing him speak about it now peels open old scars so they can bleed out again.

  “How did that work out for you?” I ask bitterly. If he's here begging at my feet again, it's pretty obvious what happened. She kicked his ass to the curb, and he came running back to me.

  “Not well.” He finally sits beside me. “Even though she said she wanted to be with me, she kept acting like she didn't. Things were always strained, and our relationship hung by a thread. The fact that I was in love with you didn't make it any easier. In truth, it was stupid for us to even try again.” He's silent for a moment, carefully choosing his next words. “That night you saw us together, I felt horrible. It was the night I decided things were over between her and I. Seeing the pain on your face… I knew I never wanted to hurt you again. I ended things with her the next day, but by that time, I had already lost you. You were packing up to leave, and you wouldn't answer my text messages. You wouldn't let me explain.”

  He destroyed my heart that night. Knowing that he got up the balls to tell his wife about us doesn't excuse the fact that he never told me about her. He likely would have kept it a secret forever had I not caught them together.

  “You weren't going to tell me about her, were you?” I'm not even sure why I'm asking the question.

  “Eventually, I would have. I wanted you to know everything. I was just so afraid of losing you. But I lost you anyway because of my idiocy.” He looks down, tugging on a loose string hanging from his right blazer cuff. “You don't know how many times I've lain in bed wishing I could take it all back. That I had immediately pressed her for the divorce the second you walked into my life. Had I done that, things might have been d
ifferent.”

  I cast a glance at his hand, thinking of how it used to feel entwined with mine. He was so perfect back then. I laughed and loved more freely with him than I ever had with another man. If he would have just told me the truth… I bite my bottom lip. “Things might have been different, but they weren't.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “I'm not hungry anymore,” I say softly as I lower myself into my chair across from Yolanda and Jason. The conversation with Asher sucked everything out of me. It was a painful reminder of how much my life is lacking and how messed up everything is.

  “What happened?” Yolanda leans forward in interest.

  “Nothing that is going to change the course of my future.” I sigh as I stare out towards the bench where Asher and I were sitting. Mercifully, he decided to leave after our discussion, telling me to text him if I wanted to talk to him. I won't text him. I still want nothing to do with him.

  “Things seemed like they were getting pretty intense out there. I was worried about you.” It's mock concern. The only thing she was worried about was not getting an entertaining story.

  “He's still in love with me.” The words are painful as they spill from my lips. I'm still having a hard time believing them.

  “After all this time?” She seems equally surprised.

  “I don't know if I believe him or not.” I turn away from her as our waiter passes by and ask him for a to-go box.

  “Hasn't he been kind of stalking you lately?”

  I'm not sure if I would call it stalking. He showed up at Parker's Christmas party because he was invited. He showed up at the restaurant out of coincidence. God definitely hates me. Or maybe He's subtly trying to tell me something else.

  “I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just want to go home.” I scoop the contents of my cold meal into the to-go box and close the lid before standing to leave.

  “Are you seriously going?” There's no masking the offense in her voice. “This celebration is for you.”

  “I don't much feel like celebrating anymore. Seriously, this is too much for me. I just want to go home.” Arguing with her is the last thing I want to do right now, but there's no chance that my mood will be salvaged tonight, not when I have so much on my mind.