If Only We Knew

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If Only We Knew Page 8

by Ancelli


  A while later, Karen strolled in his office. “Matt, we need to talk.” He looked up at her. “I need more out of this relationship.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? I’ve giving you everything I can. I take care of you emotionally, physically, and financially. I’ve done all I can do, but if you think I’m missing something, tell me.”

  “Do you trust me?” she asked, sitting in front of his desk.

  He didn’t answer.

  “Why don’t I have access to all your accounts?” she asked, staring at him.

  “This is about fucking money?” he yelled, getting up from the chair. “Look, Karen, I give you anything you want, and you still want more. No, I will not give you access to all my accounts because I would be broke in less than a week. Sometimes I wonder if you married me for my money, because if you did, you’re in for a big surprise.” He stormed out the office and the house slamming the door. Fuck her!

  ***

  Shannon’s cell phone rang. “Hello.”

  “I’m outside. I didn’t want to ring the bell or knock just in case Matthew was sleeping,” Matt said.

  “I’m coming.” She hung up the phone and walked to the front door with Matthew in her arms.

  “Please don’t be mad at me for coming over so late,” he said, staring at her as she opened the door.

  “I’m not mad. Come in. I was still up.” She moved so that he could pass.

  He walked in, touching his son’s face. “What are you still doing up, little guy?”

  “I just finished eating, Daddy.” She giggled, looking at Matthew smiling in her arms.

  Matt closed the door and followed her to the living room. “I just needed to see him.” He looked at Matthew. “He’s getting so big.”

  “He is.” She kissed his cheek. “The doctor said he gained three pounds.”

  “You took him to the doctor?”

  “Yes, his six-week checkup.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve gone.”

  “I did. I told you we had our appointments on the same day.”

  “I must have forgotten, but why didn’t you call me?”

  “Matt, it was just a doctor’s appointment. He is healthy.”

  “When do you start work?” He took the baby from her.

  “Next week. I’m not looking forward to all the gossiping about us. Susan from accounting called and filled me in,” she said, sitting down, and folded tiny clothes.

  “At least you missed the first couple of months. By the time you go back to work, there will be another juicy story going around. People at my branch talked, but it doesn’t faze me because I know I’m good at my job, and my personal life is just that…personal.” He sat next to her, burping the baby.

  She smiled. “Nicely said.”

  “Now tell me what’s wrong.” She said finishing up with the clothes.

  “Do you regret having a biracial baby?” he asked, looking at his son.

  “No, do you?” She got up. “Because it’s not too late. I told you if you don’t want to be involved you don’t have to be. From the beginning, my intention was to raise him by myself. I don’t care about his race. If I did, you wouldn’t be my friend.” She looked at him with sadness in her eyes and was about to turn around.

  “Shannon, don’t walk away. You misunderstood me. I don’t regret our son. I just asked you a question.”

  “Why would you ask me that?”

  Matt got off the sofa and put Matthew down in his bassinet. He walked over to Shannon, touching her arm. “You’re not going to raise him by yourself. I would never turn my back on him, no matter what people think or do.” Taking her hand in his.

  “Who said something to you?”

  “I saw my mother tonight, and what she had to say just got to me.”

  “What did she say?”

  “She said that Matthew would never fit into her world.” Matt shared what happened during dinner.

  He released his hold on her hand. “Matt, I don’t care what your mother thinks. I know you love him, and that’s what really matters to me. If she doesn’t want to be involved in his life, it’s her loss. He can never miss something he never knew.” She led him over to the sofa, and sat down. “What happened between your mom and you was completely different. You knew and loved her, but she hurt you when she abandoned your brother and you. I think you’ve never let go of that pain. Matthew is not going to feel like that, because even though we live in different homes, we love him, and you are not going anywhere.”

  He pushed some of her hair from her face. “What would I do without you to talk to?”

  “Well, at least you don’t have to find out until eighteen years from now.”

  “More than that. I still need my dad and you still need your parents, and we’re over eighteen.”

  “You’re right about that, way older than eighteen.” They laughed. “Happy anniversary. What did you get?”

  “Nothing.”

  Shannon thought about saying something silly but didn’t. “It’s eleven o’clock. Why aren’t you at home with your wife?” He looked at her like he was thinking of what to say. “It’s none of my business.”

  “It’s not—” Putting her fingers to his lips, she didn’t let him finish.

  “It’s none of my business it’s between your wife and you.”

  “Thanks for understanding.” He clasped her finger and kissed it. “I have to go home.” He got up and went over to the bassinet. “You’re still awake! Goodnight, papito.” He bent and kissed his forehead. “He smiled at me.” He laughed and turned around.

  Shannon walked to the door with Matt behind her. When she was about to turn the doorknob, he stopped her, putting his hand over hers on the knob and his other arm over her head, trapping her in with her face to the door. He moved down to her ear, and whispered. “Thank you for always being here for me, Mamita.”

  Please don’t kiss me. I don’t think I can stop myself. No, I can’t. “You’re welcome,” she whispered. He kissed her neck and moved away, letting her open the door.

  “Adios.”

  She hoped he couldn’t see the goose bumps he’d caused when he kissed her neck. “Bye.”

  She closed the door, leaning against it, not daring to think about him. About them.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Shannon’s first day back at work almost didn’t start. She stepped into her office and the first thing she did was call the daycare to check up on Matthew.

  “Ms. Jones, Matthew’s okay.” Briana, the day care manager, tried not to laugh.

  Shannon chuckled. “Just making sure. I’ll try to not call again, but I can’t promise.”

  “You sound just like his dad. He called too, checking in on him.”

  “Thank you—bye.” Shannon hung up. There was a knock on her door. “Come in.”

  The human resources secretary came in holding a dozen pink roses. “Ms. Shannon, these came in for you.” Amanda set them on her desk. “Congratulations on your baby. He is beautiful. Mr. Johnston showed me a picture. He’s a proud dad. He looks just like him.”

  Shannon knew she was just being nosy, because earlier she overheard her talking in the break room about her situation with Matt, and how Shannon should be ashamed of herself. “Thank you, Amanda. I have to get back to work.” She continued typing on the keyboard. Amanda walked out her office and closed her door.

  She pulled the vase with the roses closer to her and sniffed them, smiling. She picked up the envelope, and took out the card.

  Shannon,

  Welcome back.

  Thank you for the precious gift you’ve given me.

  Te quiero mucho,

  Matt

  When she was about to put the card back into the envelope, a picture of Matt and their son dropped on her desk, making her smile. The baby looked more and more like his dad. His eyes were just a little lighter.

  ***

  Matt’s office door was open. That way he could see what was go
ing on in the branch. He sat in his office, behind his desk, just looking at his computer screen. I guess she didn’t like the roses, just like Karen didn’t like her bracelet. He could feel someone watching him, and he looked up to find Shannon. He stood. Here it comes.

  Shannon stared at him before strolling into his office. She got closer and pulled him into a hug and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for the roses. No one has ever sent me flowers,” she said with a big smile.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, smiling back. “I thought you were mad when I didn’t hear from you.”

  “Why would you think that? I waited until lunch because I just wanted to say thank you in person and give your branch something more to talk about.”

  “It’s been that type of day.”

  “Yes, it’s been that type, but I expected it. That’s what I get for sleeping with my married co-worker.”

  “I wasn’t married at the time.”

  “They don’t know that.”

  “But we do, so who cares what people think? Let them think whatever they want.”

  “I have to go back to work. Just stopped by to say thank you. It meant more than you know.”

  “I hope you have a better day.”

  “Oh, I will.” She walked out his office.

  As he walked her out, he could see the way his employees stared at her and began to whisper to each other. This will die down soon.

  He sighed. I hope.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Two months later.

  It was Matthew’s first sleepover at Matt and Karen’s home. Matt was sitting on his love seat with the baby in his arms when his cell phone rang. Even before he saw the caller ID, he knew who it was. She never called the house phone. “Hi Shannon. He’s okay.” He chuckled into the phone.

  “Don’t laugh. I was just checking in.”

  “He’s fine,” Matt said, trying to sound serious. “I expected you to call. I remember his first day at daycare. You called about ten times that day.”

  “No I didn’t.” She laughed. “It’s different. He’s going to be away from me for two whole days.”

  “Shannon, I promise to take care of our son.”

  “I know, silly. You better not spoil him. I bet you’re holding him right now.”

  Matt looked at the baby in his arms and kissed his cheeks. “I’m not.”

  “Yeah, right. I promise not to call you again today.”

  “We’ll see, but I understand how you feel. It’s his first time staying with Daddy.”

  “Well, since I have time on my hands, I should do something relaxing. Maybe go to the spa.”

  “I think that’s a great idea.”

  “How is Karen with him?”

  He couldn’t tell her the truth, which was that Karen didn’t even look at Matthew. That as soon as he’d come home with the baby, she’d said she was going shopping. “She’s good. She just has to get used to him.”

  “If you need anything, call me, promise you’ll call me.”

  “I will. Bye, Mamita.”

  “Bye.” She disconnected.

  Matt looked at Matthew. “Mommy’s worried, but you’re with Daddy.” He tickled his nose.

  There was a knock at the front door. Matt got up and with the baby over his shoulder, walked over and opened it.

  “Looks who’s here, Matthew. It’s your uncle.” Matt moved out the way to let Andrew by. “Come in.”

  Andrew walked in and closed the door behind him. “Give me my nephew.” Matt handed him the baby, and both of them moved into the family room and sat.

  “You’re getting so big, Mr. Johnston,” Andrew said, playing with Matthew. “You’re my favorite nephew.” He kissed his cheeks.

  “He’s your only nephew. Shannon is going to kill you for spoiling him,” he said, playing around.

  “I just held him, but you, on the other hand, had him in your arms all day.”

  “That might be, but I’m going to tell her it was you. I can’t help it. I don’t get to see him every day.”

  “How do you feel having the baby here with your wife?”

  “I wouldn’t know about my wife. As soon as I got here, she disappeared. But I feel wonderful having him with me.”

  “Seeing him here with you makes me remember what you said a year ago about not wanting your baby living in two different homes, but he’s here and there, and you’re both great parents. I told you it could be done.” He looked at Matt.

  “Why would you bring up that shit?” He put Matthew in his playpen.

  “Because that’s why you married Karen, but it’s all turned around now. The things you wanted for your son are not what you’re getting. You married the wrong woman.”

  “I didn’t plan this. It was out of my hands.”

  Andrew got up. “If you’d have known about the baby before you got married, would you have still married Karen or would you have married Shannon instead? Technically, they were both pregnant. Matthew could’ve had a brother or sister.” He observed him. “The look on your face is priceless. You never thought about that.”

  “No. Shannon would’ve told me no, and you know it. I don’t regret marrying Karen. She’s forgiven me and has accepted Matthew.”

  “Has she?”

  “Yes, she has.” he answered, getting aggravated.

  “The first day you get to bring him home, where is she? If she forgave you, she needs to act like it. I know you’re getting pissed, so I’m going shut up. Just think of what I said. Your son shouldn’t feel like he doesn’t belong, the way we did when we visited Mom.” He walked into the kitchen.

  “I wouldn’t let that happen.”

  “I know, just think about it. Okay, I’m done lecturing you. What do you have to eat?”

  ***

  Four hours later, Karen came into the house with shopping bags in her hands. “Matt, I’m home.”

  He ran out of the kitchen. “Shh, Matthew’s sleeping.”

  Karen put her bags down on the floor, ran over to where Matt was, and kissed him. Matt pulled back. “That’s a good welcoming. I tried to cook dinner.” He looked into her hazel eyes.

  “I ate already.” She pulled away. “I’m going to take a shower and go to bed.” She turning and went up the stairs without even glancing at the baby.

  Matt sat down by himself and ate dinner, feeling lonely even with his wife there under the same roof. He picked up the phone and dialed Shannon’s number without thinking about it.

  She answered on the first ring. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, just wanted to let you know he’s doing great. I didn’t want you to worry.” He didn’t want to let her know he just needed to hear her voice.

  “Matt, I’m not worried he’s with you. I trust you.”

  “Mami, Did you go to the spa?”

  “No I just stayed home, relaxed and cleaned.”

  Matthew started crying. “You hear our son? I need to go. Call you tomorrow.”

  “Okay, bye.”

  ***

  Matt fell asleep with Matthew on his chest. Shannon is going to kill me, he thought when he woke up. He took Matthew upstairs to the guest bedroom he’d turned into a nursery. He placed the baby in his crib, kissed him, turned on the night-light, and walked to his room, stripping off his clothes on his way. He looked down at Karen. She was beautiful, her brunette hair up in a ponytail, and her skin was two shades lighter than his. He lay down beside her.

  She turned to face him. “Hi, sweetie.”

  Something was bothering him, and he needed to ask her. “Karen, you haven’t looked at Matthew all day.”

  “I’m trying, Matt.”

  “You call ignoring him trying? It’s not his fault. You said you were going to try and fix us. I care about you, Karen, but if you can’t eventually accept him, we should just stop here.”

  “If it’s about today, I left so you could have some alone time with him. I will accept him. He’s part of you.” She began to kiss him.

 
He pulled away. “Karen, can you try to be more involved? I don’t want him to feel he doesn’t belong here, in our house.”

  “I would never want him to feel like that.” She pulled him back into a passionate kiss.

  He kissed her back with all the lust he was feeling. “I’ve missed you,” he said, moving over her, fully aroused.

  “I’ve missed you, too.” She removed her top.

  He kissed her neck, moving to her small, perky breasts, sucking and nibbling on each one of them. All of a sudden, flashes of the night with Shannon came back to him as he thought of the way his body had reacted to her when she touched him. He leaned up and stared into Karen’s eyes. When she stared back, there was something missing. He slid his boxers off.

  Karen put her hands behind his neck and pulled him down for another passionate kiss. “Mmm, I miss those the most.” She moaned.

  He opened her legs, grabbed his cock, and rubbed her pussy, feeling how wet she was. He was about to put his dick into her when Matthew’s crying came through the baby monitor on his nightstand. “Shit.” He grunted, trying to move off her.

  Karen wrapped her legs around his waist and wouldn’t let go. “Don’t go, please, Matt,” she pleaded with him. “He’ll eventually stop crying.”

  Matthew’s cries got louder. He pried himself away from Karen. “I have to.” He got off Karen. Jumping off the bed, picking up his boxers and pulling them back on, he went in the bathroom to wash his hands and headed out of their bedroom. He entered the nursery. “Hey, little one, I’m here.” He picked him up. “You’re chewing on your fist. You’re hungry.” He went over to the dresser and picked up the baby’s bottle, sat down in the rocking chair, and fed him. “How can she look at you and not feel anything? You’d have to not have a heart to see you and not love you.” He gently combed Matthew’s hair.

 

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