by A. D. Ellis
“Audrey, you know this jackass?” He wanted her to say no. He wanted her to scream at the greasy pig with the gloating smile standing in her kitchen. Instead, Audrey sauntered over to the man and ran her finger up his arm.
“Max, baby, what are you doing here? I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t come back here unless I invited you.” Jeremiah felt his insides revolt at the breathy, sultry sound her voice had taken on.
“Audrey, this guy broke into your apartment. We should call the police.” Jeremiah spoke, seemingly still grasping at straws that this man wasn’t part of Audrey’s past.
“Oh, no, Max is just an old friend. I’m not going to call the police. I do wish that Max hadn’t come by without an invitation, but it’s ok that he’s here. No harm, no foul.” Audrey was faking it, she was trying to come off unaffected and aloof, but he noticed her hands were shaking and her voice sounded quivery.
Jeremiah turned to Max; the man was obviously a user and probably a dealer as well. “Listen, dipshit, I don’t care if you’re an old friend or not. You don’t come into a woman’s apartment; you scared the shit out of her. Maybe you should leave for now and wait for that invite before you come back.” Jeremiah spoke with authority born from years in the military. Max clearly didn’t respect authority; the fucker laughed and put his arm around Audrey’s shoulders.
“Nah, Audrey and I have some unfinished business. She’s not going to press charges because she knows I could turn her in on a couple different offenses. Plus, like I said, I got a nice taste of that pussy and ass not long ago and I think I’m ready for a sampling again. Whatdya say, Audrey? Want to take this somewhere more private or should I share more details with your friend here?” Max’s greasy hair hung into his face and his sneer was revolting.
Jeremiah watched the fear flicker in Audrey’s eyes. No way was he letting her be alone with Max. He walked around the island and pushed his way between Audrey and Max, taking advantage of the fact that Max was clearly under the influence of some sort of chemical. He quickly slid Audrey behind him and faced Max.
“Listen, cocksucker, I’m going to tell you this one more time. You need to leave. It’s not ok for you to be here. Get the fuck out of this apartment.” Jeremiah’s voice shook with a fury that was building inside of his gut. Was he more upset at the gall of this drugged out mother fucker or at the fact that Audrey obviously had a past with him? When Max made no move to leave, Jeremiah pulled his arm back quickly and connected with the other man’s jaw before his drugged up brain even registered what was happening. Grabbing the neck of his shirt, Jeremiah pushed a stumbling Max down the hall and toward the door.
“Fine, I’ll leave, for now. You’re probably hoping to get a little of that action. God knows enough of us have had a piece of it, there’s plenty to share. Her pussy is nice, but that fucking ass is even better. Nice and tight, I highly recommend.” Max slurred these words either because of the drugs or his broken jaw or both. He let loose with a maniacal laugh as he headed out the door.
Jeremiah closed the door and locked it, laying his forehead against the door frame, trying to gather his thoughts before turning back toward the kitchen and Audrey. What would she be like? Shattered? Pissed? Would she want to talk about what had just happened?
“Jeremiah, you can go now. Thanks for getting rid of him, but you don’t have to be here now.” Audrey’s voice was tiny and flat; she was shutting down.
“Audrey, who the hell was that? I don’t want to leave you alone, what if he comes back?” Jeremiah refrained from asking more questions. Like, did you let that man touch you? Do you do drugs? Just what is all this baggage you’ve got? He knew that now was not the time to get into all of that.
“Jeremiah, he’s just one piece of my baggage. I never said I was proud of my past; I just said I had a past and I didn’t want to drag you down with me. Well, today was a perfect example of my past dragging you down. You need to go. I’ll get the party stuff planned. You can mail me the check or give it to Beth. It’s for the best if you just accept that I’m not the girl for you. I’m a screw up; I’m no good for you. I’ll text you questions if I have them. Otherwise, I’ll take care of everything. Goodbye, Jeremiah.”
Audrey had walked the two of them towards the door; she opened it and shooed him out. He waited to hear her lock and chain the door. He waited a split second too long and also heard her head bang against the door and her sobs start. His chest hurt, he wanted to go back in, gather her in his arms, and hold her while she cried. He wanted her to be the type of girl who would want to settle down and help him raise Beckett. He wanted to spend hours talking to her. But, as much as it hurt his heart, she reminded him too much of Shelly right at this moment. No, that’s not true; Shelly was never as broken up as Audrey was right now. But Audrey had obviously done some bad shit with a bad guy; if there was one screw up like that, there was likely more. He wanted her in his arms. He wanted her in his life. Hell, she was already in his heart a lot more than he ever thought a girl could be. But, as much as it hurt, he had to let her go. Didn’t he? Yeah, because of Beckett, he couldn’t risk Audrey’s past catching up to her and causing her to break his and his son’s, heart.
Chapter 18
Jeremiah
Waking up the next morning, Jeremiah rolled over and felt the warmth of another body lying next to him. He reached out and pulled the warmth closer to his chest with a tickling hand. Beckett giggled and wiggled against him. “Daddy! That tickles!” Jeremiah’s groggy laugh rumbled through his chest.
“Well, Beckett, I wouldn’t have to tickle a certain little boy if he wasn’t in my bed so early waking me up.” Jeremiah didn’t enjoy being awakened early, but if he had to be, he couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather wake up to. Well, actually, yes, he could. But, waking up to Beck was still one of the best things in his life.
A half hour later, Beckett and his parents were eating breakfast when Jeremiah came out of the shower. His heart warmed when he saw his parents and Beckett together. The little boy was so lucky to have them in his life. Jeremiah knew that he, too, was blessed that his parents were willing and able to devote so much time to him and his son. He grabbed some eggs and toast that his mom had left for him and settled at the table with the other three.
“So, Beck, what are we doing today? Church then the park? We could eat lunch at the park.” Jeremiah lived for days when he got to spend so much time with his son. Beckett happily agreed to church and lunch at the park.
Beckett always enjoyed the little preschool class he attended in the children’s wing of church while Jeremiah and his parents attended the adult service. Once they were home from church, Judy and Jeremiah packed up a picnic lunch while Grandpa Jack got Beckett’s clothes changed. Soon the four of them were ready and they headed out the door into a gorgeous day. Beckett wanted to play for a while when they first got there so Jeremiah headed towards the swings with him. Beck probably could have stayed on the swings for an hour if his tummy had not gotten hungry. Jeremiah’s mind had drifted while he settled into a rhythm of pushing his son on the swing. He recalled the spectacular night he spent with Audrey, the shock of finding out that his party planner was the woman who had rocked his world, the anger he felt over finding Max at her place and the insinuations that Max made that Audrey didn’t deny, and the emptiness he had felt since leaving Audrey’s house the night before. He had sacrificed a lot to be a good daddy for Beckett and this was just another sacrifice he was going to have to make. He couldn’t bring Audrey and her messed up past into their lives. He had his own messed up past lurking with the name of Shelly; he just couldn’t risk Audrey hurting him or his son. So, he’d forget about Audrey. Because of Beckett.
That night, Jack and Judy offered to give Beckett a bath and put in his favorite dinosaur movie and tuck him in if Jeremiah wanted to go play ball with the guys at the school gym. His parents never ceased to amaze him with the way they always knew when he needed a break.
He changed into ball clothes and c
aught his dad outside before jumping in the Bronco. “Hey, Dad, I was wondering what you think I should do about Shelly. Should I ignore her for now? She’s made some threats in the past, but this one seemed more legit. What do you think?” Jeremiah knew his dad wasn’t a fan of Shelly at all, but he also knew that his dad would give solid advice.
“I’ve been thinking about it, Jer, and for the time being I say you ignore it. Shelly may have been stoned when she called and she may not even remember her threat. But, that being said, I’ve contacted a lawyer here in town to see what he thinks about the case. He’s reviewing all the info right now but I expect to hear from him this week. Until then, let’s just let the threat go and see what he says.” Jack Jordan clapped his son on the shoulder and sent him off to play ball. Jeremiah felt better knowing that his dad was on his side and that they’d have a lawyer fighting with them as well, if it came to that.
A good, hard, sweaty game of basketball always made Jeremiah feel better. The physical effort, the endorphins, the camaraderie, all of it always relaxed him and just made things better. After a quick shower, he was grabbing a clean set of clothes out of his gym bag when Nate Morgan walked in. Jeremiah and Nate hadn’t spoken much since Nate gave him Audrey’s number.
“Hey, Morgan, just wanted to thank you for giving me that number to the party planner. She’s going to do my son’s party which is saving me a huge stress headache.” Jeremiah laughed good-naturedly as he pulled his sweatpants over his boxer briefs.
Nate also laughed. “Good, I’m glad it worked out. Audrey is good at what she does.” Nate shoved his dirty clothes into his gym bag. “Hey, my brother, Nicky, has been talking non-stop about his new friend, Beckett. My girlfriend, Libby, told me that Beckett is your son. I just want you to know that Nicky is a good guy. It’s a little strange to see a grown man and four-year-old as friends, but you have to remember that Nicky is still a kid in a lot of ways. He’s really enjoying being friends with Beckett. He’s also enjoying reading about dinosaurs. I guess I should thank Beckett for giving Nicky something to obsess over other than video games.” As Nate spoke, the love for his brother was heavy and clearly evident.
Jeremiah’s laugh rumbled through the locker room. “Yeah, Beckett is quite fond of dinosaurs. I guess there are worse things he could like. At least there are a lot of books and movies and toys and crafts featuring dinosaurs. Speaking of Beckett’s new friend, I think Audrey was going to do this, but I’m not sure I’ll be in touch with her as much as I had planned, so I want to be sure to invite Nicky and all of your family to Beck’s party. You and Libby, Nicky, your parents, and Captain Decker are all invited. My mom and dad would love to meet some more people here in town and I know Beckett would be thrilled to have Nicky at his party.” Jeremiah didn’t fail to notice Nate’s questioning look at the mention of not being in touch with Audrey as much as he thought he would be.
“So, Audrey. Yeah, how’s that all going? I don’t mean to be nosey, but she’s Libby’s sister and I know she packs quite the punch and not always in a good way. If you ever want to talk about her, I can maybe offer a little insight.” Nate and Jeremiah headed out toward the parking lot. Jeremiah hesitated, not really feeling like having a bonding session over Audrey with Nate. But, Nate was fairly close to her since Audrey was such good friends with Nicky and he was dating her sister.
“Well, Audrey and I definitely have a pull, an attraction, whatever you want to call it. Unfortunately, she doesn’t feel like she’s the girl for me or Beckett because of her baggage and past. I wanted to overlook it, but last night I took her home and found some drugged up sleaze ball in her kitchen. He made some pretty bad accusations against her and she didn’t deny them. After I punched him and threw him out, she held herself together long enough to flippantly tell me, ‘Yep, that’s who I am, that’s why we can’t let this go any further’ and then pushed me out the door. I didn’t leave right away so I heard her sobbing on the other side of the door. I wanted to go back in there, but if what Max said is true, is she really the woman I should have around my son? Hell, his own mother was a drugged up slut; can I bring that back into our lives? I don’t know Audrey’s past, but she leads me to believe that it may run pretty close to my ex-wife’s past. If I wasn’t a father, I’d pursue it because Audrey and I definitely have something between us. But, as a dad, I’m not sure I can. Because of Beckett.” Jeremiah gave Nate a look that said, “Yeah, pansy right here, I know,” but Nate just chuckled.
“Well, I could tell you some stories that would probably shock the shit out of you about Audrey, but that’s not me and it’s not my place. Someday maybe you’ll find out why I’m not Audrey’s biggest fan. If it weren’t for Libby, I’d prefer to never speak to Audrey, but because I love Libby with everything I have and she loves her sister, I have to play nice. Audrey and I have been through a lot. A LOT. I can tell you that her past is full of baggage. But I can also tell you that she’s been changing lately. Again, not my place to go into details on the how or why, but I see a lot of improvements in Audrey. She’s used to a certain way of handling things and learning a new way to cope has been a learning experience for her. If I know Audrey, she is scared of how much she likes you and the whole Max thing dragged up a lot of insecurities and it was easier for her to shove you out than to admit to you that she likes you and she was embarrassed. Now, before we both grow vaginas, I think it’s time to head home. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you that Audrey has the potential of being a really wonderful person; she just needs someone in her life to teach her that she deserves to be that person. So, maybe don’t give up on her completely.” Nate slapped him on the back as Jeremiah laughed at the vaginas comment. Nate hopped in his red Jeep while Jeremiah climbed into his Bronco and they both sped off. Nothing could be proven, but it appeared they both revved their engines and gunned the gas a little more than usual to offset the potentially embarrassing girl talk they just had.
Jeremiah’s head was swimming as he drove home. His phone chimed and he saw a text from Shelly.
Shelly: I want to see my son. You can either let me see him or pay me to stay away. You can’t ignore me forever.
“I can try.” Jeremiah sighed out loud. He blocked out the Shelly issue and thought about Audrey. He had known, from that night in the bar, that she had some issues. Her need to control sex, in hindsight, was a red flag pointing to issues. But, and he didn’t think he was thinking with the wrong head, the sex had been so much more with Audrey. Shouldn’t that show that there was something special with them? Or was it just sex? The image of Audrey on her knees, hugging Beckett was burned into his mind. The feeling of walking, hand-in-hand, with Beckett and Audrey made his chest ache. But, then the recollection of Max in her kitchen and the accusations he made come rushing in. Jeremiah had never felt so conflicted about a woman in his life.
He walked into his home and gave his parents each a hug as he sent them on to their own house. He thanked them and let his dad know that Shelly had sent another text. “Forward it to me and save it. We may need it.” Jack Jordan said gruffly as he ushered his wife down the back steps toward their gate.
When Jeremiah entered Beckett’s bedroom, he was surprised to see the little boy still awake. Usually, a warm bath and a dinosaur movie were enough to conk Beckett out right away. “Hey, Beck, what are you doing still awake?” Jeremiah sat on the edge of the twin bed and, as usual, felt his heart tug at his chest looking down on the miracle that was his son.
“Daddy, I like Miss Audrey, don’t you?” Beckett asked in his sleepy little boy voice.
Jeremiah was a little caught off guard, so he cleared his throat and adjusted Beck’s blanket before answering. “Sure, Miss Audrey is a nice lady and she’s going to plan a great party for your birthday. Why do you ask?” Jeremiah had learned the lesson that so many parents learn: Answer simply, don’t go into too much detail, your child may not be asking what you think they are asking.
“I just like Miss Audrey so much and I think
she likes you and me too. Maybe she could be our new mommy and live in our house with us.” Jeremiah’s heart sank, in part because he wanted that more than anything. Wait. Did he want that? Already? But, his heart also sank because he had a feeling that scenario wasn’t going to happen and he didn’t want Beckett to feel hurt. He chose his words carefully.
“Well, Beck, I think Miss Audrey likes me. And I know she adores you. Who wouldn’t? You’re a great kid and Miss Audrey can see that. But, Miss Audrey has made a lot of mistakes in her life and she doesn’t want her bad choices to be bad for you or me. So, I think Miss Audrey will just be our friend.” Jeremiah looked at his son, hoping his answer would satisfy him. His inquisitive four-year-old mind was thinking; Jeremiah could almost see the wheels turning in his perfect little head. His eyes were very serious behind his thick glasses when he spoke again.
“Daddy, you said we all make mistakes and we need to just say we are sorry and move on. Right?” Beckett sounded so hopeful, Jeremiah hated to continue.
“Well, I think Miss Audrey’s mistakes were so big that she’s afraid she can’t just say she’s sorry and move on.” Again, Jeremiah held his breath, praying that this little philosopher would get sleepy before his next question. No such luck.
“But, Daddy, is there any mistake I could ever make that would make you not love me? You tell me that you will love me forever, no matter what I do. You say that as long as we admit we were wrong and ask for forgiveness, we shouldn’t let our mistakes dit-tate us. Right?” Jeremiah chuckled as Beck stumbled over the word dictate. When did his kid get so deep and smart? On the other hand, at least he knew his little boy had been listening to him.
“You’re right, buddy, there’s nothing you could do that would make me not love you.” Jeremiah moved to tuck Beckett in, hoping this would be the end of the conversation. But, Beckett was having none of that and he sat up and grabbed Jeremiah’s hand.
