A Torey Hope Novel Series: The Complete 4-Book Box Set

by A. D. Ellis

  “I’m pretty new to the dating scene, Eric, so I think I better talk to Nate before I agree to coffee. If I feel up to it, I’ll ask him for your number, okay?” I hated turning him down, but I wasn’t really in the right frame of mind to be dating anyone. Well, anyone but the unattainable man I lived with.

  Eric took the rejection good-naturedly and I thought, for just a moment, that maybe I should date other people. Waiting around for Kyle to come to his senses and possibly choose me over the memory of his dead wife could be completely pointless. But, would I just be fooling myself if I tried dating other people?

  I heard Kyle coming in the house as I was hanging up the phone.

  Pretend you’re still on the phone, Josie. Let him hear you talking to that guy who just called. Let him think you’re planning a date with him. I know it’s a little white lie, but Kyle needs a swift kick to the balls to get his ass in gear and this will do it.

  I didn’t have much time to think about Izzy’s words; I just picked up the phone and put it to my ear and pretended to be having a conversation.

  “Yeah, Eric, that’s a great idea. I’ve not been there before. What night did you have in mind? Yeah, I don’t think I have any plans then so that should work great. Ok, sounds good. Alright, I’ll see you at 6:00 then. Thanks for calling. You too. Bye.” I had kept my back to the doorway the whole time so Kyle couldn’t see my face. I knew I’d not be able to pull the charade off if I looked him in the eyes. I felt bad trying to trick him, but when your love interest’s dead wife speaks to you and offers a way to get him to realize he’s into you, you don’t question it. Well, that’s not true, you question the hell out of it; you question the hell out of yourself; you convince yourself you’ve gone insane. But, I still followed Izzy’s instructions.

  I hung up and turned around, wondering if Kyle had even heard my play acting. He was directly behind me and his eyes were intense. “Hey, Jo-Jo. How was your day? Good time with the girls?”

  “Yeah, it was a lot of fun, just what we all needed I think.” I shuffled my feet, not really looking at him, feeling guilty for the lie I was letting him believe. It’s ok, Josie, I’ll take the blame if this goes south. Give it a little time, he’s processing it.

  Kyle walked toward me, stopping right before his body was flush with mine. My heartbeat doubled and my body tingled. The slight touch of his fingertips running down the back of my arms brought shivers to my skin. Having no way to control my racing heartbeat, I gave into the feelings racing through me; my breathing increased, but I noticed that his did too. Looking up into those deep brown eyes, I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his chest. Instead, he brushed a strand of hair from my face and leaned in to quickly kiss my cheek. Working hard to overcome his racing pulse and his heavy breathing, he spoke, “I’m glad you had a good day, Jose. I’m going to shower, then let’s get dinner and watch a movie. You up for that?”

  Swallowing my disappointment that he didn’t kiss me while rejoicing that we had the evening together, I smiled at him and agreed. “Sure, KJ, I’ll order something. What do we want? Mexican? Chinese? Pizza? Italian?”

  We decided on Chinese; I placed the order while he took his shower. I’m not proud of it, but I stood outside of the bathroom and just imagined what he looked like. I visualized the water running down his perfectly taut, perfectly tatted, perfectly toned body. I had no clue what I was doing in that department, but I wanted to run my hands down his body and lick the water from his skin. My fantasies were interrupted when I heard him talking.

  “Fuck it, Izzy, I’m too late. She was making a DATE when I walked in. I knew I’d ruined it and today proves it. You were right, I was being stubborn and stupid and now I’ve lost her.” His voice was anguished and low, my heart broke for him while it fluttered for what this meant for us.

  I couldn’t actually hear Izzy, maybe because the door was closed or maybe because she wasn’t speaking directly to me; but I could hear a low whispery buzz and I took that to be Izzy as she spoke to him. He was quiet while the whispery buzz floated through the air then I heard him laugh and speak sarcastically.

  “Yeah, sure, Iz. I’ll just go out there and say, ‘Listen, I heard you making a date. Well, after talking to the shrink today, I’ve realized I can love you and I’m pretty sure I do love you. So forget all that shit I told you about never being able to give you my whole heart, cancel your date, and love me.’ Yeah, that will work just great.” He was quiet again while he listened to the whispery buzz.

  “I was kidding Izzy, just being a smartass. I can’t just say that to her.” He paused as the whispery buzz was heard. “No, I won’t. I won’t put her in that situation.” Pause. “So, what do you suggest I do then?” Pause. “Yeah. Yeah, I could do that. Thanks, Izzy. I’m really glad you’re here. I mean, I know you’re not here, but I’m glad you’re helping me. I guess I was being pretty stupid, huh?” The whispery buzz faded away and Kyle finished his shower.

  Heading to my room to change into something more comfortable for the movie, I felt a breeze against the back of my neck. Turning to close the window I stopped short when I realized the window wasn’t open. I felt the soft kiss of breeze against my cheek as I turned around slowly. A paper on my nightstand fluttered to the ground. “Izzy, is that you? If it is, could you talk to me? You’re sort of creeping me out.” I knew Izzy wasn’t going to hurt me or cause problems but her “presence” in the room was a little unnerving.

  It’s me, Josie. I’m learning what I can and can’t do. Talking to you and Kyle is easier, although it took me a while to learn how to do it. Moving things is much harder. Touching you or him is near impossible. I touch, but you don’t really feel it.

  Listen, Kyle fell for the fake date thing. I’m not sure if he’ll bring it up or not; just let him think you’re going out on Saturday night. He’s going to ask you out on a real date before that. Make him work for it, but cut him some slack. Talk to him, make him explain how he knows he can love you now; believe him when he tells you he CAN love you now. Once you two get your shit together I’m not sure how long I’ll be around; love him, be happy, live life.

  I started to reply to her, but I felt her absence before I could. She had left. Putting on my pajama bottoms and a tank, I headed to the door to pay for the Chinese food. I had just set it all up on the coffee table when Kyle came into the room. His hair was still damp and flopping in his eyes with the lack of styling products he usually used to keep it in place. My mouth went dry at the sight of him with no shirt on; his perfect abs gave way to the most delicious V surrounded by colorful tattoos. All too quickly he pulled on a black t-shirt, but I noticed the fire in his eyes as he took in my white tank and flannel pants.

  We quickly doused the fire building between us by settling in to eat our dinner. Talking with Kyle came so naturally; we never ran out of topics to discuss, from random to important. I loved nothing more than laughing with him and being around him.

  “You want to watch a movie, Jo?” His eyes told me that he’d rather do something else, but he was keeping things casual. I was anticipating how he was going to bring up his appointment with Dr. Xander and how he was going to ask me out. Maybe Izzy was wrong, maybe he wasn’t planning on that. We could keep it safe and watch a movie for now.

  Kyle and I had a game we played called Movie Roulette. We’d made up a list of numbers corresponding with movie genres. A roll of some dice would pick our genre. A second roll of the dice took us to the list of movies available to watch on television at that time and we’d pick the movie that corresponded with the numbers on the dice. Sometimes we got some great movies, sometimes it backfired terribly and we ended up talking through most of the show.

  I picked up the dice. “Come on, baby, bring me something good!” I giggled as I tossed the dice. I watched in complete disbelief and amusement as the dice floated in the air for a bit, spun around, and landed on two. Two was the romance genre. I had no doubt that Izzy had made those dice lan
d on two. I glanced quickly at Kyle to see if he’d noticed. He was frowning a bit; I got the idea that he noticed and wasn’t amused. He didn’t know at that moment that I’d spoken to Izzy so he was probably worried she’d blow her cover.

  “Nice roll, Jo-Jo”, he said as he cleared his throat. He picked up the dice and tossed them. Again, the dice took on a life of their own, stopped in midair, looked to be spinning around, and landed softly on the coffee table. Kyle’s head jerked up to find me looking at him; I shrugged and smiled at him. I didn’t want him to think I was freaked out by Izzy’s antics.

  The movie we, um, Izzy landed on was Message in a Bottle. It was an older movie but one neither of us had seen. I wondered briefly why Izzy had picked this particular movie out of all the movies out there.

  We settled in, comfy cozy on the couch. Kyle was in the corner and he held his arm out to me so that I could settle into his side. If Izzy hadn’t told me that he was going to ask me out; if I didn’t know that he knew now that this could go somewhere, it wouldn’t have been smart to cuddle into his side. But, because I knew all of that, I let myself curl my body into his and revel in his scent.

  The movie was a strong message to both Kyle and me. Some of the coincidences were scary. The main character had lost his wife and didn’t want to or know how to move on. Throughout the movie I kept glancing up at Kyle or I’d feel his gaze on me. The ending of the movie had me crying; all that they missed out on and then it was too late. I understood in that instant why Izzy had picked this movie for us. I think it was a movie more for Kyle than for me; the message of loving each other and living in the now before it becomes too late was apparent and very clear to me. I glanced towards Kyle to see if the message had resonated with him as well.

  We both chuckled nervously and spoke simultaneously.

  “Well played, Izzy.”

  “Well, she got her point across didn’t she?”

  The words came out at the same time and we sort of just looked at each other as if waiting for the other to explain the statement.

  Kyle spoke first, “Who got her point across, Jo? The woman in the movie?” His hand caressed my cheek.

  “No, um, I’m referring to another woman. I don’t think you know this, but Izzy has been talking to me as well as talking to you. I know she manipulated those dice so that we’d watch that movie. I think she wanted us to see the message in that movie.” I spoke hesitantly, not sure how Kyle would react to my words.

  He ran his hand over his face and blew out a laughing breath. “So, Izzy’s been talking to you, too, huh? Well, I should have known when you didn’t seem freaked out by what those dice did.” He glanced around the room, “Are you here Izzy-bel? We get the message loud and clear. I get the message.” We both sat waiting in silence to hear Izzy or see something to indicate she was in the room.

  “I don’t think she’s here, KJ. I think we’d feel her. She’s probably really tired. She said talking to us was easier than moving things; I bet moving those dice took a lot of her energy.” I turned to speak to the room in case Izzy could hear us, “Thank you for the message, Izzy. I think it was one we both needed. We’ll take it to heart.”

  “Let’s get this mess cleaned up and then spend some time talking, Jo. Whatdya say? I think we’ve got a lot to talk about.” He pulled me close to him and kissed my head.

  After cleaning up our dinner we naturally made our way up to Kyle’s studio. He spent a lot of time in this room; drawing his artwork for tattoo designs and listening to his eclectic collection of music was something I could almost always find him doing. When we entered the room, he automatically flipped on some music.

  A random song started playing but within seconds the music skipped ahead two or three songs and landed on “Say Goodnight” by Bullet for my Valentine. This wasn’t a song I had ever heard, it was a bit too hard for my taste, but Kyle and I stood in his studio riveted by the lyrics.

  I live my life in misery

  I'd sacrifice this world to hold you

  No breath left inside of me

  Shattered glass keeps falling

  Flowers laid out for you

  So many colors leave me blind

  Seeing your face reflect from our baby's eyes

  Here I am with you!

  I'm there till the end!

  Memories are calling!

  So farewell, my friend

  There was no doubt in either of our minds that Izzy had chosen this song. The song was harsh and dark and haunting; the words causing us both to catch our breath. It was as if Izzy was letting Kyle know she was never leaving him, she was with him forever, but she had to move on with Addyson Rose just like he needed to move on with me. When the song ended, Kyle reached for my hand and pulled me close to him.

  “Well, that’s another score 1 for Izzy on her selections and messages,” Kyle laughed after a moment. “Ok, Iz, I get it. No need to beat a dead horse.”

  I smiled sadly; I was grateful for Izzy being on our side, cheering us on. But, part of me felt guilty; if I could have given him back his wife and baby, I would have in a heartbeat.

  Moving away from the dark, haunting lyrics we’d just heard, Kyle pulled me over to his workspace. “Jose, I wanted to play a song for you. I think it’s going to come across terribly cheesy, but it’s got to be done. That movie we watched wasn’t the best movie ever, but it had a powerful message of acting on something before it’s too late. Being the music fan that I am, I immediately thought of the song ‘Message in a Bottle’ by The Police. I want you to hear a couple of the lyrics.” He flipped through some files on his computer and pulled up the song, complete with lyrics. The song was one I had heard before, but I’d never focused on the words.

  Kyle pulled two stools over to his computer station, placing mine in front of his. Sitting behind me, wrapping his arms around me to mess with the computer, he paused the music on one part. “‘Another lonely day with no one here but me, more loneliness than any man could bear, rescue me before I fall into despair’. Jo, even though I was doing it because I didn’t want to lose Izzy’s memory, my days were so terribly lonely until I met you; you’ve rescued me from the despair I had fallen into.” He spoke softly into my ear as the song played on. My heart caught on the words, “A year has passed…” knowing that he’d been without Izzy for over a year.

  Pausing the music again, he let me read the lyrics to myself, ‘Only hope can keep me together, love can mend your life, but love can break your heart.’ I looked at him, hoping he’d elaborate more on the message in those words.

  “Josie, you’re my hope, you’re what’s been keeping me together. Your love is mending my life. But I’m scared of all of this too; I’m scared because love can break my heart. I don’t know if I would survive the pain again.” He hugged me close to his chest, and I felt the raw honesty of his words.

  He stood and walked to the light switch to dim the lights in the room. I felt my breathing increase and stood facing him, waiting for what was next.

  Walking towards me slowly, he turned me around and caressed his thumbs along my shoulders. With achingly slow movements he moved the straps of my shirt slowly off my shoulders and down my shoulders. Leaning in, he feathered kisses along the nape of my neck and along my shoulders. My breathing stopped. My body ached for his touch.

  “We need to get those wild horses drawn up, Jose. I want to get it on you; I want to see my work on you.” His hands ran seductively down my sides and then back up to return the straps of my shirt to their original position.

  Turning me around he tipped my chin up, “We need to talk, Jo. Some things have changed. No more practice dating. No more stopping kisses and pretending they shouldn’t happen. I want to see more than my ink on you; I want to see me on you.” With that final comment he brought his mouth down on mine. This kiss was different than all of the others had been. This kiss was all Kyle, he was holding nothing back.

  Kyle

  “Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” ~
Cherokee Indian Proverb

  I knew this had to go slow; I couldn’t move too fast when I’d not even told her about my session with Dr. Xander. Hell, I’d not even asked her out on a date; she still had a date with some other guy. We needed to clear some things up, but I couldn’t stop just yet.

  My hand curled around the back of her neck so that I could position her head in such a way that I could deepen the kiss. We had kissed before, but this time was different. This one wasn’t about testing forbidden waters, this one wasn’t about tasting what we couldn’t have. This kiss was about hope and heat and us, just us.

  I pulled her close to me knowing that she would feel the evidence of just how much I wanted her pressing into her belly. The gasp that escaped her was my undoing. My hands traveled up her torso and I hovered dangerously close to her breasts. She must have sensed my question because she strained her chest in such a way that my hands were on her before I knew it; she was perfect. “I’m sorry they are so small, I know there’s nothing arousing about them.” Her voice caught, and I pulled back slightly; I knew we needed to slow down, but I couldn’t stop right now, not when she needed to hear what I had to say.

  “Josie, I don’t want to hear you put yourself down like that again. I know your parents and Wayne did a number on your confidence, but you’re with me now and you’re absolutely perfect.” As she scoffed, I kissed her to stop her doubt and brought my thumbs to her breasts, groaning as her nipples strained against the fabric of her shirt. “Jo, you fit in my hands perfectly and your body responds to mine just right. Feel that? Feel how your body is straining to meet mine? Whatever you’ve believed about yourself in the past, let it all go and believe only what I tell you. Your body is alive for me, and we’re going to have a damn good time finding out all about what your body wants from me and what mine wants from you.” I kissed her one last time and pulled her close to press myself against her soft belly once more. “But, until I take you out on a proper date, our bodies are going to have to just deal with some longing.” I laughed at her pouty little face, I could sense her discomfort and sexual tension. I knew she didn’t have experience with feeling this way, so I offered her a compromise.