Inked Nights

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  She grinned. “As I’m currently wearing yoga pants and no makeup, it makes up a different picture altogether, doesn’t it?”

  Since he liked seeing the shape of her ass and thighs in those yoga pants, he wasn’t going to complain. “You look sexy no matter what you wear. Not going to lie about that. And I like you with and without makeup. I’m not one of those guys who’s going to say which one he prefers since it’s not about what I like, it’s about what you like. Plus, you’re beyond beautiful either way.”

  Her eyes widened even more, and she blinked quickly. “Oh. Well, that’s nice to hear. Most guys are jerks about things like that even when they think they’re being sophisticated by saying something that contradicts that entirely.”

  “I still can’t believe you’re Austin’s neighbor.”

  “How…how do you know Austin, exactly? Because it’s weird that you know him. You know?”

  He nodded, not taking a step closer to her, knowing they both might need space to keep their thoughts in order. The problem when he was near her was that he always wanted to touch her, and that didn’t make for easy thinking.

  “I’m a tattoo artist at Montgomery Ink. I used to be a floater and would come in every month from a different city as I tried to get my credentials in order and build my portfolio. But you knew when I was in town since that time always coincided with our time.”

  She didn’t say anything, but he didn’t really expect her to. There wasn’t much to say about the idea that they had an unusual arrangement—especially now that she wanted it to end.

  He just hoped she didn’t really mean that.

  “Now I’m here in Denver full-time. I used to live here when I was younger, moved away after school, and am finally here to stay. Austin and Maya, the owners of the shop, hired me on full-time, so now I have a steady income and all that.” He didn’t know why he was rambling, but hell, he had no idea what he should say to her.

  How did he tell a woman that he still wanted her in his bed and wanted to see what they could possibly be outside of it, all the while knowing he might not ever be ready for a real commitment?

  He’d lost a part of himself years ago when it came to someone he loved, and he wasn’t sure he could ever let himself feel what he needed in a relationship. Maybe he was a selfish bastard when it came to Olivia, but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting her, wanting more.

  And that was the problem.

  “They’re a good crew. Austin did some of my ink in the past.”

  As Derek had licked over that ink, he’d admired the work, thought it looked familiar, and now he knew why. Small world.

  “They’re the best. I’m just glad they let me stay.” He was silent a bit longer as he tried to think about what to say, what he wanted to say. He was good with words when it came to other people, but with himself and his own needs and desires? He was beyond lacking in that department.

  Maybe if he could get his head around what he actually wanted, he’d be able to say what he needed to, but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

  Worry covered her face, and he stepped forward, cupping her cheeks between his hands before he thought better of it.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I…I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “I can’t either.”

  “There are things I need to tell you.”

  He nodded, his eyes on hers but not truly hearing the words. He was so damn selfish when it came to Olivia, and he knew it.

  “Later.”

  And because he couldn’t help himself, he kissed her, needing her touch more than the air he breathed. When she put her hands on his chest, he was afraid that she might push him away, but she didn’t.

  Instead, she kept her palms on him, not pushing or pulling, just resting, so he took that as an agreement. He deepened the kiss, his hands sliding through her hair as he pressed her back gently against the door. She moaned into him, and he pulled away slightly so he could bite down on her lip where she had before. When she let out a slight gasp, he licked over the sting and then sucked, loving the way her eyes darkened.

  He kissed down her neck to her shoulder, tugging the strap of her bra over slightly so he could reach the spot on her skin that always made her shudder beneath his touch. He knew this part of her, knew so damn much, but yet he knew it wasn’t enough. Because there was more to life than great sex, and though he and Olivia had the best of it, he wanted more from her and with her.

  Hadn’t he wanted more when he told her to call him Derek? That had been the trigger, he knew. The reason she’d pushed him away. And he needed to find out the why of it. Once he pulled away, once he was able to think clearly and not keep kissing and tasting her skin like he was currently doing, he’d be able to ask her, be able to find out more about her.

  But he couldn’t stop his hands from going down her curves to cup her breasts, molding them in his big palms. And, yeah, he had big hands, but her generous tits overfilled them. He fucking loved that. He loved sliding his dick between them in the hotel shower as he fucked her tits and how she would lower her head to suck on the tip of his dick. It was always so damn sexy, and she was the one who usually initiated it since she liked it, too. Then he’d suck and bite on her nipples until she came without him even touching her pussy. He’d heard that was hard to do with women with larger breasts since, apparently, their nipples weren’t as sensitive in most cases, but not when it came to his Olivia.

  He groaned at the memory of two months ago when he’d fucked her tits for the final time. He’d come on her skin, pearly liquid flowing down her breasts and over her nipples until he was spent. Then he washed her fully, making her come again with his hands and mouth.

  They’d both been exhausted by the end of it and had curled up in bed together, only to wake a couple of hours later and make love again.

  And then the two of them had parted ways, their only promise that there was to be no promises other than a month’s gap in time.

  Things had changed this last time, and as he kissed her again now, rocking his hips into hers, he knew that things had changed yet again. He just didn’t know what they were going to do about it. That was why they needed to talk. Why he needed to pull his mouth and hands away from her and actually listen.

  He needed to stop being such a selfish dick.

  So he pulled away, breathing heavily along with her as he rested his forehead on hers. “That…that is something we’ve always been good at.”

  She seemed to shrink in on herself at his words, and he leaned back, worried that he’d hurt her. “Olivia? Did I fuck up? What’s wrong?”

  She shook her head. “No, you didn’t. I need to talk to you, though. I really, really do before you kiss me again and before I let you kiss me.”

  Worry crept up his spine, and he was about to say that they should head to the living room and sit down so she could tell him what could possibly put that look in her eyes, but his phone buzzed a familiar pattern, and he let out a curse.

  “Shit, I’m sorry, it’s my mom. I can’t let it go to voicemail.” He had reasons for that, but they were far too complicated to tell Olivia just then.

  She seemed to pale even more but gave him a tight nod as he answered.

  “Mom?”

  “I need you to come to the house.” Her voice was a shallow rasp, and he knew he didn’t have much time to get to her. He never did.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Just lay down. Okay?”

  She didn’t answer, but she never did. Not since…well, not since their world had changed, and Derek had lost what he’d thought was his future. He hung up and put his phone back into his pocket.

  “I’ve got to go. My mom needs me.” He shook his head at Olivia’s look. “I’ll explain one day.” He hoped. Maybe.

  “I understand.” And for some reason, he thought maybe she did, but he didn’t know how she could. “Just…there’s something I need to tell you.”

  He kissed her hard one more time.
“Okay.” She let out a relieved breath. “Next month.” When she stiffened again, he hoped he’d done the right thing.

  But as he walked out of her house and back into the reality fate had given him one sunny day that had changed everything, he knew that he’d have to think about exactly what he wanted from Olivia—and for himself.

  Because she was different, that much he knew. Putting her at arm’s length for so long hadn’t been wise for either of them, but maybe it had been what they needed. But now, maybe they needed more.

  He didn’t know, but he promised himself that by the next time he saw her, he’d know exactly what he wanted and he’d make sure that he never hurt her. He’d seen enough hurt in his lifetime, and he never wanted to be the cause of it for another.

  Never again.

  Chapter Five

  Olivia knew she’d made a mistake, but she’d gotten used to making them. After all, she couldn’t quite help herself when it came to Derek, and that was something she knew would have to change.

  Was she going to meet him in a week? She didn’t know, but part of her understood she wouldn’t have a choice. Even if she didn’t touch him, even if she didn’t let herself break for him, she’d still have to tell him the truth. She should have done it already when he came by her house the week before, but she hadn’t been thinking clearly. She’d been in shock at just seeing him again, at knowing that they had yet another connection she didn’t know about, so much so that she’d lost the words she needed to say to him.

  And that made her a horrible person.

  She’d even been avoiding Austin and Sierra of late, telling herself that she needed to work and had hidden herself inside, ordering groceries and other things for the house so she didn’t chance seeing them and somehow telling them everything she’d done. The connections were too clear now, the ties that bound them together fraying at the edges now that she knew that the Montgomerys were part of Derek’s world.

  Derek was going to hate her even more now, but there was nothing to be done about it. She’d made her bed, slept in it with Derek, and now she would have to lie in it until the end of her days, knowing what she’d done.

  And because she knew she’d burst if she didn’t let at least something out of her soon, she picked up her phone and called Alice. Her friend and author was the one who usually called, with Olivia rarely making the calls herself, but desperate times called for desperate measures—and phone calls. As it was, whenever Alice called, Olivia was able to get whatever she needed to off her chest anyway. Alice knew her so well that the calls always came when they needed to. Today, however, she couldn’t wait for her friend.

  “What’s wrong?” Alice didn’t pull any punches and, apparently, the other woman knew something had to be up for Olivia to be the one to initiate the call.

  “Nothing.” Olivia let out a breath. “Okay, that was a total lie. I need to talk to someone about everything going on, but it’s a long story, and I feel like I’m making something huge out of nothing or I’m not taking it seriously enough. I need help, Alice.”

  “Talk to me.”

  Alice lived across the country so it wasn’t as if she could come over in a pinch and have a drink with Olivia like she might have wanted to if she had a core group of friends in town. Her business meant that she was constantly online and made friends that were true friends and closer to her than some of her friends in real life, though. But it also meant that having meet-ups that had nothing to do with work trips didn’t really happen. Calling Alice from across the country was one of the only ways Olivia would be able to have a friend in her life for advice. That fact kind of saddened her, but that was the country they were living in now, and she would cope.

  If she could figure out what to do about Derek, that was.

  “Remember what I couldn’t talk about before?”

  “I do. Are you ready now?”

  “I think I have to be. But if you’re working—”

  “I’m always working. Same as you. But I’m here for you. Talk, Olivia. What’s wrong?”

  And that was the thing about her friend. They both worked far too much for their own reasons, but Alice’s husband supported the time she put into the career that was part of both of their lives. Olivia only had herself and her own timelines to worry about.

  And that seemed to be enough for her. Or, at least, it had been.

  “I met a man.”

  “Oh?”

  “I…well, I met this man, Derek, four years ago.” Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose. She still couldn’t quite believe that it had been four years since she first saw the man who would change her life, even if she didn’t realize it at the time.

  “Derek? I like the name. Very hero worthy.”

  “You could say that. Only I didn’t know his name was Derek until a little less than a month ago.” She paused while Alice went silent. So quiet, and so unlike the other woman that Olivia was afraid she’d shocked her. “Alice?”

  “I’m waiting for the rest. You just found out his name? Interesting. Now, tell me. Everything. Okay? Just let it all out, and I promise not to judge. But it sounds to me like you’re going around the main issue because you’re scared and you don’t know what to do with the pieces you have. I’m your author. You’re my editor. I’m usually the one who gives you the pieces while you help me arrange them. How about we switch it up for now?”

  And this was why she’d called Alice. Her friend understood, even if Olivia didn’t.

  “I met Derek in a hotel bar four years ago. I’d been out on a blind date that ended ten minutes in when I found out he was married. The fact that it was a blind date at a four-star restaurant in a hotel seems a bit slimy now, but for some reason, I didn’t think it was weird then. The woman that set me up—a friend who is no longer a friend—had thought the divorce was final. Not so much. So, I took myself to the bar after throwing my martini in the guy’s face. I needed a second drink at that point and just wanted some peace to try and forget men and their horrible ways and just be before I headed home.”

  “Asshole.”

  “Indeed. I have no idea if the guy is still married or not, but it doesn’t matter anyway. He’s out of my life, and I hope his wife is okay because he really was an asshole. Where was I? Oh, yeah, so I was at the bar, and a man in dark jeans, a blue Henley, and a sexy beard comes up to me, taking the last seat at the bar. He was broad-shouldered, sexy as hell, and had a deep voice that went straight to the right places.”

  Alice gave a smoky laugh, and Olivia realized exactly how detailed she’d been just then. Apparently, Derek brought that out in her even when he wasn’t near.

  “We didn’t speak for a few moments until he finally turned and smiled.” She paused, remembering even as her heart ached. She loved that smile. Loved him if she were being honest. And she could never see him again. “I don’t remember exactly what we said that first time. But we talked for over an hour and had more than a few drinks. He said he was visiting, though I didn’t ask from where.” She figured now that he’d most likely been at the hotel traveling for his job, but she really didn’t know. She hadn’t asked and was afraid she never would. Though now that she thought about it, there had been a tattoo convention near, so maybe he’d been staying for that and not just the shop?

  “Somehow, we ended up in his hotel room.”

  “Damn, girl.”

  “I know. It was so unlike me. It’s still so unlike me. And when we were through with each other, he said he wanted to see me again but couldn’t until he came back to town. So we promised to meet again the next month. Same time. Same place. We made our promises to ourselves, no names, just sex, just time. And we kept with it for four years without missing a month. I can’t believe we made it last as long as we did without finding out more about each other, but we did. And now…and now it’s crazy.”

  “You called him Derek. So you must know his name now.”

  “He asked me to call him by his name this last time.” She paused. “And
that’s how I realized I knew him.”

  Alice paused. “You know him? Of course you do. You’ve been sleeping with him for four years. I’m not judging. You know I wouldn’t because what you’re doing is damn hot and I know you’re being careful because you wouldn’t be Olivia if you weren’t, so there must be something to it.”

  “I know him from when I was younger. Much younger. I didn’t realize it was him because of the beard and, honestly, I never thought I’d see the Derek I knew again. He doesn’t recognize me, though. I don’t know why he would. It’s been so long.”

  “And that means you can’t see him again? Because, from the way you’re sounding, I have a feeling you want to run away from him and what you could have.”

  Alice knew her far too well. “There are things…there are things I need to tell him before I tell anyone else. Reasons why I never should have been with him. Why I can’t be with him again. I’ll tell him. I have to. But I just don’t know how.”

  Then she told Alice about the fact that Derek knew her neighbor and how he’d come over and that everything seemed to be falling apart around her. She was her own undoing, and she had to figure out the next step.

  “Damn, girl. You have your work cut out for you. You sound like someone I’d write. And you know what the next page would be?”

  “No, I’m the editor, not the author.”

  “You’re the heroine, Olivia. Be heroic. Take a stand. Go to him on the day you’re supposed to meet him and tell him what you need to. Maybe he’ll be okay with whatever it is. Maybe he won’t. But you owe it to yourself and possibly even him to make it right. Tell him. Take away that burden, and maybe you’ll end up with the happiness I know you’ve always wanted.”

  Tears slid down Olivia’s cheeks, and she quickly wiped them away. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel like there’s so much on my chest, so much pressure, and yet it’s not a huge thing in the grand scheme of things. It’s not anything that’s going to destroy someone’s world.” Only hers and perhaps Derek’s. “I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I shouldn’t feel like everything’s coming down on top of me.”