Your Gravity: Part Two

by L. G. Castillo

  If I gave Caroline back to her, would her life be filled with more screaming and tears, and, god forbid, maybe someday, bruises and cuts?

  “No.”

  “Excuse me?” Julie’s blue eyes, so much like Jax’s, widened with shock.

  “I know eventually, I’ll have to give her back to you. You’re her mother. But she doesn’t deserve this kind of life . . . and neither do you.”

  “Nicole, I know you care for her and for Jax. But our family’s situation is not your business. You don’t know—”

  “I do know. I mean, I don’t know what it’s like to be beaten with angry words or fists, but I know what it’s like to be beaten by silence, to have the core of what makes you special be stripped away until you don’t have any confidence in yourself. And I’m making it my business because I love Jax and I love Caroline.”

  Whoa! Did that come out of my mouth?

  Julie’s dark lashes fluttered, and her eyes grew moist as she gazed down at me.

  Yes, it did. I’d admitted to Jax’s mother that I loved him.

  And I’d told her off. But with that soft expression on her face, she didn’t appear to notice that part.

  “You don’t understand, Nicole. I can’t leave.”

  “Yes, you can. You can do this for your son. He’s so . . .”

  I paused, my voice choking up as I thought of Jax.

  “He’s so perfect. Do this for your little girl. Look at her. She isn’t afraid of anything. She’s only six year’s old, and she was asking about her big brother. SHE was worried about HIM. If you asked her right now, she’d be willing to give up her home, her doll, everything for him in a heartbeat. If she can do it, so can you. Do it for her. Do it for your son. Do it because they deserve better, and so do you.”

  Tears rolled down her bruised cheeks as she brushed damp wisps of hair off of Caroline’s sweet face. “I’ll try. I will. I’ve tried before, you know, when Jax was a baby.”

  “You did?”

  She nodded. “His father never wanted children. I don’t even think he ever really wanted me either. I don’t know why he stayed. I tried to protect Jax and Caroline and keep them away from him as much as possible. It was easy when Jax was little. But the older Jax got, the more he wanted to protect me. Everything got worse when Caroline was born.”

  Caroline stirred in my arms. “Mommy? Don’t cry, mommy.”

  My heart broke at the sound of her tiny voice. Even half asleep, she wanted to protect her mother.

  “I’m fine, Shortcake. Mommy’s fine. Why don’t we go to bed? It’s been a long day.”

  She looked at me, and I nodded, placing Caroline in her arms. Before letting go, I looked her straight in the eye. “You’re daughter is strong. Please do something so she can stay that way.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Snuggling a pillow against my chest, I gazed out the window, watching the dozens of stars twinkling against the dark sky. It was so quiet I could hear the rustling of leaves as the wind moved through the trees. I lay there for hours, trying to sleep. For the first time since I could remember, I wanted to fall asleep. I wanted to forget, forget where I was, forget meeting Jax and Caroline and even Charlie, anything to take away the unbearable ache in my chest.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could take away the image of Jax running out of the house and driving away. The moment he left, I felt a twinge start in the pit of my stomach. As the hours passed, it grew to the familiar cold emptiness. I was living my nightmare.

  So was this fate’s cruel joke? Was this why I’d come back in time, to live my nightmare in in another decade?

  My eyes flew open when I heard my moped. When the motor cut off, I held my breath, waiting for the sound of an opening door and footsteps.

  Nothing.

  I fought between the powerful urge to go to Jax and the fear that I’d only get hurt even more.

  I’ll be with you every step of the way.

  Jax’s voice echoed in my mind. He’d always been by my side . . . until now.

  He was afraid and broken, beaten down not only by his father’s fists, but by the fear that maybe he was like his father.

  I jumped out of bed and padded down the hall. He was too good for that. I wasn’t going to let him give into those fears.

  Opening the screen door, I saw Jax standing in the middle of the yard, gazing up at the roof.

  “Hey.” My voice was a hoarse whisper.

  “Christmas lights.” His voice was empty as he stared at the string of colorful lights lining the roof.

  “Yeah, Charlie put them up early. She likes them.”

  Bleary sapphire eyes finally drifted down and locked with mine. We stood there for a few moments in silence, looking at each other. Something inside me stirred as I took in his handsome face under the moonlight. It was gentle at first, lapping against the edges of my heart. With each breath I took, the sensation grew stronger and stronger until it thundered over me like a tidal wave.

  I gripped the porch railing as the feeling surged through my body and every single fiber in my being screamed, “I love you!”

  I loved him. Oh god, I loved him, so very, very much.

  “Are you . . .?” He took a step toward me and stopped. Dark lashes blinked as realization filled his face. Then, taking a deep breath, he schooled his face.

  “Is Caroline okay? My mom?” he asked.

  The invisible wall was around him again. He was shutting me out. I bit down on my lip, holding back the tears that threatened to spill over.

  “Yeah, they’re sleeping. I placed a blanket and a couple of pillows on the couch for you.”

  He nodded, jamming his hands into his pockets. He swayed on his feet, his face shifting as the wall came down a little.

  “I, uh, I’m sorry I ran out like that. I had to think.”

  I moved to him ever so slowly, holding on to the hint of blue sky in his eyes, to the blue iris on the verge of bursting into life, to the hope that he’d let me be there for him like he was always there for me.

  “About what?” I stopped and gazed up at him. I was so close I could see the light smattering of dark stubble along his sculpted jaw. Puffy lips parted as his eyes scanned slowly over my face. He lifted his hand, his long fingers curling. I tilted my head, waiting to feel his touch against my cheek.

  He made a guttural sound and clenched his hand. Dropping it to his side, his face twisted as if the simple movement caused him great pain.

  Then the light in his eyes vanished. The words that tumbled out belonged to a stranger’s voice.

  “I have to let you go.”

  “Jax, don’t do this.”

  “It’s over, Nicole.”

  I blinked, unable to believe what he was saying. He winced as he forced a smile. Giving me a playful nudge, he continued, “But hey, it was fun.”

  That’s when I smelled the alcohol on his breath. Gasping, I took a step back. In his left hand, he held a small bottle.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  He held up the near empty bottle that was in his hand.

  “This? I figured fighting the inevitable was a waste of time.” With a flick of the bottle’s top, he opened it and brought it up to his lips.

  “Stop it!” I snatched it out of his hand and flung it away.

  “Hey! That stuff is expensive.” He stumbled in the direction where I’d thrown it.

  Grabbing the front of his shirt, I jerked him to me.

  “I’m not letting you do this to yourself,” I growled. “Do you hear me?”

  He ducked his head away from me, shaking it. “You don’t understand, Nicole. I can’t deny what I am. Me and the old man are the same.”

  “Don’t you dare say that, Jax Reynolds. You are the kindest, most thoughtful, most loving man I’ve ever known. You’re nothing like your father. You’d never hurt anyone.”

  Gently, he peeled my fingers off his shirt

  “But I did, Nicole. The moment I saw his fist land on my mother, I w
ent insane. I barely remember what happened. All I can remember is hitting him until he stopped moving. If it wasn’t for Mom pulling me away, I don’t think I would’ve stopped. I think . . . I think I could’ve of killed him if she let me.”

  “Don’t you see? You were protecting her.”

  Pained eyes shot up to mine.

  “It was more than that. I hate him,” he seethed. “I hate him for reminding me that I’m like him. Every day I look in the mirror and I see it. I’m turning into him, the same hair, the same face, the same temper. Do you know what he said to me before I punched him out?”

  I shook my head, wishing I could find the right words to help him out of the dark hole he was digging himself into.

  “He said, ‘Now that’s the son I was waiting to see. I knew you were in there somewhere.’”

  “Oh, Jax.” I reached out to him.

  “Nicole, don’t. Please.”

  I placed my hands on his chest anyway.

  “No. I’m not leaving you alone. And what we have isn’t over. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you. I love you, damn it! Do you hear me? I. Love. You!”

  Light flickered in his eyes.

  “Nicole,” he breathed.

  This was it. I was standing at the crossroads with a decision to make. I could walk away from the one man I’d waited for my entire life, the only person who filled the empty space inside of me, or I could fight, fight for his love, fight the demons that held him back from loving me.

  “I love you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can show me your dark side, and I’ll still love you. Nothing will ever change that. Even in your darkest hour, I’ll be by your side, loving you. I know for a fact that you’re nothing like you father, and I can prove it.”

  “How?” he choked.

  “This.”

  Cupping his face gently, I slid my thumb across his cheek, wiping away a tear.

  “This tells me you’re not the monster your father is. You’re not ashamed to cry. You’re not afraid to act silly or tell lame knock-knock jokes just to make a little girl smile. That’s how I know. So you got mad and you finally fought back. Fine. Get mad. But don’t shut me out. Don’t run away from me and hide because there’s nothing to hide. I get angry too. The only difference is that my entire life I’ve held that anger in. I guess it was because I’d never had anything I really wanted to fight for. Now I do. I have you. I have Caroline. And I’m going to get angry at anyone who hurts you, including yourself. So go ahead and show me your worst because I’m not leaving.”

  Standing on my toes, I drew him closer. His lips were a breath away from mine. “I don’t scare away easily, mister.”

  He sucked in a breath when I gently kissed his swollen lips.

  “Nicole.”

  “I love you,” I kept repeating as I kissed his chin, his cheeks, his neck.

  He let out a soft moan as he slowly pulled away. “You can’t love me.”

  “I do.” I held on to him tighter. I’d traveled back in time to find him. And I was never letting him go.

  I pressed down harder on his lips. Suddenly, his arms were around me, lifting me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me into the house and to my room.

  Closing my bedroom door, he set me down. His fingers splayed out over my hips as he held me close. I kept my arms locked around his neck. Neither of us wanted to let go of the other, even for a second. We stood like that for minutes or hours, I wasn’t sure. Time seemed to stand still as we gazed at each in the quiet house with only Caroline’s soft snores breaking the still night.

  Soft moonlight kissed his handsome face, revealing the Jax I’d fallen in love with; his breathtaking spirit; the gentle soul who wanted nothing more than to stand there, touching my hair, my cheeks, my lips as if he couldn’t believe that I was real and that I loved him.

  Breathe.

  As I slowly unbuttoned his shirt, my eyes held onto that beautiful spirit, determined not to lose it ever again. I’d lost it for only a few hours and that had been enough. I couldn’t bear the cold emptiness that seeped inside my chest when he’d pulled away and disappeared. I’d lived with it for a lifetime and now that I knew what it felt like to live in the sunlight of Jax’s love, I never wanted to let go.

  When the last button was undone, I pushed the shirt off his broad shoulders, and it fluttered to the floor. My eyes drank his muscular body in wonderment.

  Breathe.

  His breathing quickened the moment I touched his hard abs. Leisurely, my fingers worked their way up, tracing every single curve of his muscles until they rested on his pecs. Underneath warm skin and taut muscle, I felt the steady thumping of his heart. And as I drew closer to him, my lips parting, it skipped a beat. I tasted the salty skin of his chest and the flavor of him was an exquisite buzz on my tongue.

  Breathe.

  Dipping his head, his lips locked with mine. His kiss was slow, deep, consuming as he breathed life, his soul into me. Our lips touched gently, and then I sucked his lower lip into my mouth, tasting more of him, loving him. My right hand wound its way into his silky hair, and I felt the rumble of his moan in his chest as I pressed against him.

  My left hand slid up the side of his stomach and he winced.

  “What’s wrong?” I looked down. My eyes widened at the patch of bruised skin on his side. “Oh, Jax.”

  “It’s okay. It doesn’t really—oh god, Nicole.” He moaned again when my lips lovingly kissed his bruise. Gently, I kissed every inch of him, traveling up from his side to his chest and neck, murmuring, “I love you,” until my lips met his again.

  My heart fluttered as his hands found the bottom of my T-shirt and lifted it. Dipping his head, he ran his lips and nose down the side of my neck and over one of my shoulders, breathing me in. At the edge of my shoulder, he slowly slid my bra strap off. Then he kissed his way back along the edge of my collarbone, making me moan and hold onto him for dear life. He didn’t disappoint and recreated the same sensations on my other shoulder, sliding off that bra strap when he got to the edge of my other shoulder. Then, with one quick tug, my bra dropped to the ground, and I stood facing him, waiting. He didn’t move. He just stood there, his eyes filled with raw emotion as his eyes drank me in.

  “You’re so . . .” he swallowed thickly. “There are no words for it.”

  He buried his hand in my hair, drawing me to him. Strong arms brought me into him. Skin against skin, my body was enclosed in the warmth and safety of his arms.

  Falling back into the bed, his lips traveled down my body with such tenderness and worship, I thought my heart would burst.

  Breathe.

  How did I get so lucky to find him? What hands of fate had sent me through time to be with him? This beautiful man who had haunted my dreams for most of my life was here in my arms, loving me.

  My hands weaved into his soft hair as his lips latched onto my nipple and my back arched in response. He kneaded the other as he teased and tormented me with his tongue. I moaned as he laved the crest of my breast followed by the other. I squirmed at the throbbing at my core, wanting him, needing him.

  My hands reached down, tugging at the waistband of his jeans and then unzipped them.

  “Here. Let me.” He grinned. In one smooth motion, his jeans and boxers were tossed to the side. And then I felt him, hard and throbbing against my thigh.

  “Jax,” I breathed, arching up to meet him.

  “I’m here.” Sapphire eyes locked with mine as he hovered over me. “I’ll always be here.”

  In one smooth motion, we became one. I wrapped my legs around his waist, never wanting to let go.

  Light filled my being, so bright, any remnants of cold shadows of the past disappeared. All that was left was Jax and me, a perfect connection. We rocked to the rhythm of our heartbeats. His muscles tensed and legs tightened, bringing him deeper into me until I couldn’t distinguish between our heartbeats, our breaths. We were one being, one soul.

&n
bsp; “Nicole,” he moaned as he gave a final thrust. I bit into his shoulder, muffling cries of ecstasy that threatened to wake everyone in the house. He shuddered and his groan sent me flying to the edge, and I shattered. My fingers dug into his back as we flew over the edge together, our bodies entwined.

  In the afterglow of his love, lying securely in his arms, his lips brushed against the top of my head. His chest rumbled as his words drifted from his heart, through my soul, and into my heart.

  “I love you too.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Pulling Charlie’s rocking chair out onto the porch, I sat down to watch the dark clouds rolling across the horizon and enjoy the cool breeze. It was stuffy in the house. It was hard to believe that it was winter. It felt more like spring. Charlie mentioned Texas weather was crazy like that. Ice storm one day and heat wave the next.

  I inhaled deeply. I loved the way the air smelled before it rained. In the distance, it was already raining. I had to remember to ask Charlie if she had a spare raincoat I could borrow before I went to meet up with Jax after he was done moving their stuff out of the trailer.

  Rocking, I smiled as I thought about how vibrant Jax looked when we ate breakfast. He was back to his usual teasing self, rubbing his shoulder and saying we need to get the house checked for bed bugs. He even managed to make Caroline laugh with one of his lame knock-knock jokes, which was saying something. That little girl had been pissed off when she had seen him sitting at the table. Ethel had been even more pissed.

  Caroline made a big show of holding Ethel back. Despite Caroline’s protests, Ethel managed to slap Jax’s arm repeatedly, her tiny doll hands flying. Keeping a straight face, Jax had apologized to them both for leaving and promised to never do it again.

  Julie’s announcement that she was moving out of the trailer and into the temporary housing Charlie had found for her made the morning an even more joyous occasion. The relief on Jax’s face was visible. It was as if a weight had been lifted off him.