Family of Convenience

by Victoria W. Austin

  “Oh, a sliver or two. Probably not enough to clean me up tomorrow, sadly.”

  “I’ll put some more out for you after supper.” That way, she could hand it to him directly. Millie went into Adam’s room as little as possible. Even after months of living here, cleaning and caring for this home, making this home hers, Adam’s room felt very much like forbidden territory.

  They had never talked about it, but Millie viewed her room as something special just for her. She was not comfortable with Adam being in there, and she actively disliked the thought of him going into her room when she wasn’t there, not that he ever had. She felt the same about his room.

  Millie couldn’t ignore it entirely, though, because it needed to be cleaned. Sheets needed to be changed. The water bowl and pitcher needed to be regularly filled. It was silly, but Millie only went in there when the children were with her. For some reason, it felt safer that way. And there was far less temptation to look around and try to understand the parts of Adam he didn’t share with her when she was being watched by a three-and five-year-old.

  Millie set the plates of food on the table and took her seat. Adam prayed and the sound of his Amen had barely faded from Millie’s ears before he took a huge bite of the vegetables she had roasted. He saw her watching him and actually flushed.

  “Sorry. I’ve been dreaming about supper since I finished lunch.”

  “I didn’t send enough food with you?”

  Adam took another huge bite, chewing and swallowing so fast that Millie thought he might actually choke. “You did. It was just a long day. Every single animal we own has decided to be stubborn. I think they’re plotting against me in unison.”

  Millie understood better about farming now, but the ranching was still a bit of a mystery. “I’m not an expert on livestock, but I don’t think they actually plot.”

  Adam swallowed another bite. “They do. There is no other explanation for every single one of them deciding today was the day to stand there and look at me like I’m a fool.”

  Millie tried to suppress her laugh but failed.

  “I saw that, Millie. You better be careful or I’m going to take you with me tomorrow and make you deal with those ornery beasts.”

  “You have more to do with them tomorrow?” she asked. He nodded as he ate yet another massive bite of food. Adam had stopped coming home in the middle of the day. At first, Millie had thought it was because the cradle was finished. But then Caty had mentioned that she missed seeing him so much, and Adam had said he missed it, too, but that he had some work that needed to get done in the next couple of weeks. After that, he planned to come home as he had been doing.

  Millie remembered with shame her thought that he was just making up a story for his daughter. That he was tired of always being in the house with them. But she believed him now. Adam was gone all day, and when he came home he looked like he had fought in a thousand wars.

  “What are you doing with the cows, Daddy?” Millie was thankful, again, that Caty asked the question she had been wondering.

  “I’m sorting them, Caty-girl.”

  “For what?”

  Adam set down his fork with a serious look on his face, and Millie’s stomach clenched. “I’m going through and deciding which ones to sell.”

  “Why do you have to sell some?”

  Adam glanced at Millie before turning to answer his daughter. Millie put down her fork, too, willing the food she had eaten to stay in her stomach.

  “Well, we don’t have enough water for them all. It’s better to sell some now rather than leave all of them thirsty. But, it’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  “Okay.” Caty went back to eating. Genie was humming to himself as he used his fingers to break his biscuit into tiny pieces. Millie and Adam looked at one another across the table, and Millie wished she too were a little girl who could accept with blind faith that her daddy was taking care of things.

  * * *

  Adam waved goodbye at the men taking half his herd to Kansas City. He was so tired he considered a nap right here in the corral. But even with half the herd gone, Adam was still left half to deal with. He needed to get them out to a fresh pasture. Then, he was going to go home.

  Home.

  He’d had dreams of what would happen inside that wood structure when he’d built it. Dreams of what he had known. A family. Every board he nailed into place was another step toward his ultimate goal.

  Then, he had brought his bride there. To live in a place he had literally made for them. Surrounded by the proof that Adam was working toward something. Instead, he ended up watching his wife die there.

  And that had been the end of that. Adam would be practical. Settle for the best he could give his children within the circumstances he found himself in. Marry a woman who seemed honest and honorable and hope she would do what she promised.

  Adam shook his head as he mounted his horse and signaled the two men waiting that he was ready to start moving the remaining herd. Millie was amazing. The things she had done were amazing. It was a painful truth to admit that she loved his children more than their own mother had. It was a wonderful truth to admit that Millie loved his children like they were her children because in her eyes they really and truly were. She would fight anyone for them. Even him.

  It was almost incomprehensible how that had happened. Especially since Millie was carrying her own child. Adam would have thought that she would love the child she was carrying more than the two she married into. But, she didn’t. She couldn’t. Millie was giving every ounce of love she had to Genie and Caty, and there was no way she was holding back.

  He’d been further surprised to discover he felt the same way about her child-to-be. When Millie had first been suggested as a potential second wife, the fact that she was pregnant had given Adam pause. Of course, it explained why she was willing to marry a man she had never met. But Adam recalled wishing she were not pregnant.

  And now Adam was excited. He had not made that cradle out of some sense of obligation. He was not trying to placate Millie or win her over. Adam had considered the life growing in her womb. The baby that would be born before the end of the year. A little girl like Caty or a little boy like Genie. A child who would be his.

  Adam had looked at the rough wood and seen his child sleeping there. Had looked at the spindles and imagined tiny fingers grasping them. Had made the curved legs so the cradle could rock and saw his child being comforted there.

  Adam understood that Millie could love Caty and Genie as her own because he loved this baby as his own. Somehow, in between him avoiding the house and her keeping to herself as much as possible, that had happened.

  And then they didn’t keep their distance anymore. Adam came home as often as he could during the day to soak up the love that seemed to coat the walls inside. Millie started talking to him without weighing her every word.

  Things were good. Inside, at least.

  Outside, things were a whole lot harder. Hotter. Drier. But they were going to be okay. He and Mike had spoken after church last week. They were both selling off half their herds. They were both still taking care of the crops in the fields, trying to give the plants the best possible chance of survival. They were both trying to be hopeful for their families, but secretly resigned that most of it would be wasted effort. The crops were not going to make it.

  This year. This season. This sense of watching things die would not last. The feeling like a failure was not for forever. They would do the best they could and then they would do it again.

  Adam was so thankful for men like Mike in his life. Every week at church, the pews seemed to be a little more empty as family after family called it quits. Moved to the cities. Tried something not dependent on water falling from the sky.

  Every week at church, Adam held himself stiff next to Millie. Knowing she saw
it, too. Praying she did not suggest they do likewise.

  Adam got the cattle settled and wished the ranch hands who had remained a good night. He went home, thankful his horse knew the way. Adam had officially done all that he knew how to do. All that he possibly could do. The money from this sale gave them some security for another year. The crops and the cattle were up to God now.

  Adam put his horse away for the night, trying to give the animal the attention it deserved after the difficult weeks they’d had. He walked inside to find Caty, Genie and Millie just standing in the kitchen, smiling at him like they knew a secret he didn’t.

  “Well, you all look like trouble.”

  Genie and Caty giggled, and Adam saw Millie’s lips twitch. “I’m sure we don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just waiting on you to get washed up so we can eat supper.”

  Genie’s giggle became a delighted laugh. He opened his mouth, and Caty put a hand over it, muffling whatever he was trying to say. Millie’s face twitched again. “You’ve got to be starving. Why don’t you go get clean.”

  It was the first time she had ever told him to do something. The first time she’d ever ordered him about in the caring, no-nonsense manner she used with the children. He straightened up as though a soldier. “Yes, ma’am.”

  The water felt blessedly cool against his face as he washed up in his bedroom. Adam tried not to look at the bed, knowing that he would be tempted to lie down, close his eyes and rest for just a minute and that just a minute would turn into sleeping all night long. When Adam walked back into the main room, he saw plates already on the table. Each one was covered with a cloth napkin. His family was definitely plotting something.

  Millie whispered to the children, and they all sat, looking at Adam expectantly. He took a second to relish the atmosphere of fun and play that seemed to live in this structure now. Then, he sat down and prayed.

  “Dear Lord, we thank You for this day. Thank You for this food and for the energy that went into its preparation. We ask that You continue to bless us as we will continue to praise Your name.” Adam looked down at the napkin covering up his plate. “Lord, I also ask that You protect me from whatever trouble these three have concocted. I can tell I’m going to need Your assistance. Amen.”

  He looked up and saw Millie watching him. “You’re something else, Adam Beale.”

  He winked at her. “Hey, I’m clearly outnumbered here. I need all the help I can get.” Adam looked at the napkin. “Am I allowed to take this off?” Both kids nodded their heads furiously, and Adam narrowed his eyes. Looking at their plates. “How about you all go first?”

  Millie leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms, resting them on the swell of her stomach. Caty and Genie looked at her and then both of them did the same. Adam decided to play along, and he also leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms.

  They all stared at one another until the sound of Adam’s stomach growling seemed to echo loudly through the room. He held up his hands in surrender as Caty and Genie laughed so hard they could barely breathe. “Okay, okay. I give up.” He pulled the napkin off his plate with a flourish and stared in disbelief. His plate was filled with pie.

  A lot of pie.

  “Pie for supper!” Genie was actually bouncing up and down in his seat with excitement.

  Adam looked at Millie in almost disbelief. “We’re seriously having pie for supper?”

  She looked embarrassed. “Well, I thought you might like a treat. You’ve been working so hard for weeks, and I knew you were finishing up today, and the kids and I wanted to do something nice for you to say thank you, and we had a lot of berries left, and I mean, I can make something else real quick if you want, we don’t—”

  Adam pushed his chair away from the table and hurried over to kneel by where Millie was sitting, still talking nonstop as though she had been caught stealing instead of making him his favorite food for no real reason at all other than she appreciated him and wanted to give him a nice surprise. “Millie, stop.” He had a finger over her mouth, but her eyes were still too wide. “I’m sorry. I was just surprised, but in the best possible way. I have never, in all the years I’ve been alive, had just pie for supper. And I can’t remember the last time someone noticed my hard work and wanted to say thank you.”

  He moved his finger away from her lips and took both of her hands, holding his together around them as if to cradle them. “Thank you, Millie. Thank you.”

  Her eyes were watery, but she nodded. “I didn’t do it alone. Once I convinced Genie and Caty that we should have pie for supper, they were a huge help.”

  Adam stood up and went back to his seat. He tousled Genie’s hair as he walked by and winked at Caty. “Convinced them, huh? I bet Genie said no, didn’t he? I bet he cried and begged to not have to have pie for supper.” Adam looked at Caty. “You can tell me, Caty-girl. How much of a fit did Genie throw over having to eat pie for supper?”

  Caty giggled. “He didn’t throw a fit, Daddy.”

  Adam appeared to be shocked. “What? No fit? You must be joking.”

  She giggled again and shook her head. Adam saw Millie smiling out of the corner of his eye. She wasn’t upset anymore.

  That was good. That meant it was time to eat pie. He picked up his fork and took a huge bite, trying to savor the taste as much as possible. It was delicious. Adam thought about all the months that he hadn’t known Millie could make pie, and he almost wept. What a waste of delicious pie-eating time.

  The kids followed his lead without hesitation, and Adam smiled as Millie picked up her own fork and began to eat her pie.

  Adam was on his third slice, dreaming of how he was going to spend tomorrow sleeping and eating pie and doing only the essential chores, when he heard thunder.

  Caty and Genie kept eating, but Millie looked at him with wide eyes. Adam held his breath, trying to stay very still as though that would have some kind of impact on what was happening outside.

  Another crash of thunder.

  He and Millie put down their forks and raced for the front door. Adam beat her, flinging it open and running down the porch steps to stand in the yard and look up at the sky. It was dark, the moon not visible at all.

  The moon should have been visible this time of the month, but it wasn’t. It was hidden behind something. Behind clouds.

  Millie was a few feet away, also looking at the sky. Caty and Genie came to stand outside, too, staring upward, though Adam wondered if they knew what they were looking for.

  A third crack of thunder, and Adam felt it in his bones. Caty jumped and put her hands over her ears. She ran to Millie, who drew her in close. But, Millie never looked down, her face focused on the sheer blackness above as though she could see through it. See what was going to happen next.

  Adam blinked when a raindrop almost hit him in the eye. Another on his forehead. The third and fourth came quick, blending with the fifth and sixth and seventh. Adam lost count, drops turning into a stream turning into a downpour.

  Caty yelped and ran for the safety of the front porch. Genie clapped and began to spin around in circles, arms held wide. Millie just stood there, getting wet, staring at the sky. Adam went back to doing the same.

  Chapter Eleven

  Today, I’m thankful for:

  Millie looked at her gratitude list with disgust. After going from the pure excitement of seeing rain the night before to the desolate realization that the rain was not going to be enough water to save the crops, she was not feeling very thankful today.

  Millie turned the page and looked at the clean sheet, feeling the kind of restlessness in her soul that used to be a constant part of her life. A restlessness that had slowly faded over the past months until it had seemed to disappear altogether. But, obviously not for good, because it was back now, and Millie could barely stand to sit still in her
chair.

  Millie wanted to yell. She wanted to throw something. Once, in The Home, the matron had discovered a girl had stolen from her. The matron had yelled and ranted and screamed until her face was red and a blood vessel actually burst in her eye. Still, her furor had not been appeased. Then, the matron had begun throwing dishes. Plates. Cups. Bowls. They hit the wall one at a time with a tremendous crash and the tinkling sound of glass scattering across the floor. And, that had somehow worked. The matron had become calmer with each piece thrown. It had worked so well that The Home still had dishes left by the time the matron was done.

  The experience had terrified Millie at the time. Her nightmares the following weeks had involved dishes being thrown at her head and with her unable to duck out of the way in time. Today, though, Millie recalled the experience with envy. She looked at the dishes sitting in the cupboard and imagined sending them flying one at a time into the kitchen wall. If the children had not been sleeping in the next room, Millie really thought she would have done it.

  The rain had come, and they had danced. Then the rain had stopped. As quickly as it appeared, it was gone. Millie and Adam had stood in the revealed moonlight and looked at the ground.

  It wasn’t enough. She wasn’t a farmer, but she just knew. It wasn’t going to be enough.

  Millie looked up from where she had been glaring at her notebook when Adam came in the door. He had skipped breakfast this morning, saying he wanted to check the fields. He’d promised to come back with a report, and had said they could eat breakfast then.

  Millie stared at his face as he came and sat down at the table, trying to read what he might be thinking as he stayed silent. He had to know she was worried about what was going on with the crops; why wasn’t the man talking to her?

  Millie started imagining throwing dishes again. Only this time they were not crashing against the kitchen wall. No. Instead, they were hitting her husband in his very hard head. Repeatedly.