Godmother Night

by Rachel Pollack

  “Could we stop somewhere?” Laurie asked.

  “We’re almost home,” Bill said. They were driving along a tree-lined road that ran from the highway to the housing development.

  “Honey,” Janet told him, “pull over.” When Bill had parked the car on the shoulder, Janet reached over and shut off the engine. She put on the blinker and then nodded to Laurie.

  Laurie stared at the back of the front seat. “The thing is,” she said, “I’m not a scholar anymore.”

  Bill said, “I don’t get it.”

  “I’ve dropped out.”

  “Resigned,” Jaqe said.

  “Resigned from graduate school,” Laurie said.

  Bill said, “Jesus, what’d you do that for?”

  Janet said, “We knew you were having some problems, dear—”

  “It wasn’t just problems,” Laurie said. “It didn’t make any sense. I don’t belong there.”

  Her mother said, “Maybe you could take a leave of absence. Don’t they have that?”

  “It’s too late, Mom. I’ve already made it official.”

  “Are you having trouble?” Janet asked. “You could have asked for help.”

  “What could you have done, change all of graduate school?”

  Bill said, “Maybe you could try somewhere else.”

  “Dad, it’s not for me. It just isn’t.”

  Janet said, “Is it because of those papers? Couldn’t you get an extension?”

  “Mom,” Laurie said, “I told you, I resigned. I’m no longer a student there.”

  Jaqe said, “And besides, she did the papers. She finished every one of them.”

  “I don’t understand,” Janet said.

  Jaqe waited, but when Laurie said nothing, Jaqe said, “It was the papers that made her realize. She could do them, but they didn’t mean anything to her. She knew she had to get out.”

  Laurie said, “I felt like if I didn’t do it now, I’d never do it.”

  Janet said, “I just wish you had told us. Maybe we could have helped or something.”

  “Hey,” Bill said, “she’s a big kid now. She knows what she’s doing.” He winked at Jaqe. “Right? I’ll bet Jaqe’s learned that.”

  “I don’t need any help,” Laurie said. “I mean, I did the right thing.”

  Janet asked, “What are you going to do?”

  “Well,” Laurie said, “for now I’m working in the bookstore.”

  “That’s hardly a career.”

  Bill said, “She probably just needs some time.” Leaning over the seat as if he were about to climb into the back, he said, “If my Laurie says she did the right thing, that’s good enough for me. Right?” His voice bounced off the metal and glass.

  “Of course,” Janet said, and her voice had gotten softer again. “We love you, darling. Whatever you do is fine with us.”

  Bill held out his arms. “How about a hug?” he said. For a moment Laurie sat where she was, looking at the back of the front seat. Then she leaned forward. Bill put his right arm around her. “Come on,” he said to Jaqe, “you too. I want both my favorite women here.” Jaqe slid forward and put her arm around Laurie’s waist as Bill scooped her up. His slightly pudgy fingers squeezed her shoulders.

  When Bill let go, Janet bent over to kiss Laurie on the cheek. She said, “We love you, darling.”

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  “Great,” Bill said. “Now let’s go home; we’ll pick up Ellen and we’ll go celebrate.” He started up the car. “After all,” he said, “you’ve made a big decision, right?”

  “Right,” Laurie said.

  Jaqe thought, it was so easy. If only her own folks could act like Bill and Janet. Even a little. She sighed.

  “What is it?” Laurie asked. Her voice sounded sharp.

  “Nothing,” Jaqe said. “I was just thinking about my parents.” To her surprise, Laurie turned away and looked out the window. When Jaqe took Laurie’s hand she thought at first that Laurie would pull away, but a moment later she turned around and put her free arm around Jaqe’s shoulder. She pulled Jaqe to her and kissed her on the lips. For a moment, before she closed her eyes, Jaqe glanced at the front. Janet was looking out the window, but Bill, she saw, was grinning as he looked in the rearview mirror.

  That night they were making love in Laurie’s bedroom at the back of the house, when Jaqe decided that Laurie was making too much noise. “Shh,” she whispered, and patted Laurie’s shoulder.

  “Don’t stop,” Laurie said. When Jaqe moved her hand again Laurie let out another explosive breath.

  Jaqe moved away from her. “Laurie,” she said, “Please.”

  Laurie shook herself as if coming back from a dream. “What? Why did you stop?”

  Jaqe smiled. “You were making so much noise.”

  “Oh God,” Laurie said, and let her head fall back on the pillow. “Do it again.”

  Jaqe said, “Can’t you be more quiet?”

  “Grunts of happiness,” Laurie said. “Explosions of ecstasy.”

  “Can’t your ecstasies explode a little more softly? You’ll wake up your sister.”

  Laurie laughed. “Nothing wakes Ellen up. I once had to throw water in her face to get her up for school.”

  “Well, your parents then.”

  “They don’t mind.”

  “I mind,” Jaqe said. “I love your parents, but I don’t want them knowing everything we do.”

  Laurie said nothing for several seconds, only lay there on her back as her breathing settled. Finally, she said, “Do you really love them?”

  “Yes, of course. They’ve been so good to me. I wish my parents could accept you the way yours accept me.”

  Again silence, then, “I guess there’s not too many like them.”

  “They’re really special,” Jaqe said.

  “The treasure of Thorny Woods.”

  Jaqe laughed. “That’s right. And you should appreciate them more. But that doesn’t include letting them hear every bump.”

  “On the rocky road to orgasm?”

  “Sometimes I think you’re just showing off.”

  “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”

  “Not to your parents.”

  Laurie sighed. “Maybe we should just go to sleep.”

  “Because you can’t grunt and scream? I didn’t say we had to stop. Just—just more quietly.”

  “I guess I just don’t feel relaxed.”

  “Why do you have to shout to feel relaxed?”

  “I just do, okay? I don’t want to censor myself.”

  Jaqe stopped herself from some furious answer. Instead, she kissed Laurie on the mouth. “I’m sorry I upset you,” she said.

  “It’s all right. I love you, Jaqe.”

  Jaqe said, “I feel so lucky having your parents. I feel almost like I lost one set and got another in return.”

  Laurie said, “Let’s go to sleep.”

  The next day, after breakfast, Janet announced she was taking the girls shopping. Laurie said she didn’t need anything, but Janet insisted it wasn’t a question of need. “Buying your daughter clothes is a perk of motherhood,” she said. When Ellen said she wanted to watch a swimming meet on television Janet told her she couldn’t spend her life in front of a box. “You can watch people swim among the dresses.” Ellen made a face.

  Laurie grinned at Jaqe. “You want to come see the glories of our local mall? I’ll buy you a present.”

  “An offer I can’t refuse,” Jaqe said.

  Janet said, “How about if I buy you a present? You’re one of my girls, too, you know.”

  Jaqe felt shy for some reason and lowered her eyes. Before she could thank Janet, however, she felt Bill’s fingers stir her hair. “I’ve got an idea,” Laurie’s father said. “You let them go get you a present, and I’ll cut your hair. What do you say?”

  “I’d love to have you cut my hair.” She looked at Laurie. “Do you mind?”

  A strange look formed in Laurie’s face
and then vanished. Grinning, she said, “Suppose I get something you don’t like?”

  “I’ll be happy with anything you get me.”

  “But suppose I get something for myself and you think it’s ugly?”

  “It’ll become beautiful the moment you put it on. You could buy a hair shirt and it would turn into gold the moment it touched your skin.”

  “I could stay here,” Laurie said, “make sure he doesn’t cut it too short.”

  “Laurie,” Janet said, “your father is capable of cutting Jaqe’s hair without your help.”

  Again the strange look flickered over Laurie’s face. Jaqe said, “Sweetheart, are you all right?”

  “Yeah, of course,” Laurie said. “I would just like it if you came along.”

  Janet said, “Oh, stop fussing. You’ll get some great clothes and Jaqe’ll get a great haircut.”

  Jaqe asked Laurie, “Is that okay? I’ll come if you really want me to.”

  Laurie said nothing for a moment, then she shrugged. “No, it’s okay. It’s fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  Janet sighed loudly. “Well, I’m glad that’s settled.” To Laurie she said, “Now go brush your teeth or whatever you need to do.” She waved a finger at Ellen. “You too. Come on, go get ready.” Ellen said, “Oh, Mom,” but Janet told her, “Move.”

  In the driveway a few minutes later, as Jaqe kissed Laurie she thought again of her own parents, how hysterical they would be if she and Laurie so much as hugged each other in front of the house. “I’m so lucky,” she told Laurie.

  “Make sure he doesn’t do anything you don’t want.”

  Jaqe laughed. “I’ll keep a close watch,” she said.

  Inside, Bill held up a green smock with snaps up the front. “Here,” he said, “go put this on instead of your T-shirt.”

  “Why can’t I put it on over my T-shirt?” Jaqe asked.

  “Whatever you like, but Janet’s found it doesn’t close completely at the top. This way, if any hairs get on your shoulders you can just go in the shower and brush them off.”

  “I guess so,” Jaqe said. She took the smock and went into her and Laurie’s bedroom. The polyester felt cool against her skin. When she folded her T-shirt and laid it in her overnight bag she spotted something gray in the corner of the case, underneath a bead necklace she’d worn the night before. When she reached down she discovered the gray stone with the tree and the ferryman. A squeamishness passed through her as she squeezed the stone in her hand. She was sure she hadn’t packed it. Maybe it had been in her extra jeans. She put it in the pocket of her shorts and went back to Bill.

  “We’ll do it in the guest room,” Bill told her. “Janet’ll scream if we get any hair in the living room and I don’t like the light in the den or the kitchen.”

  “What about the bathroom?”

  “I don’t like working in there. Too small. Too hot, too.”

  “Should I wash my hair?”

  Bill smiled at her. “I’ll wash it. Part of the service for my extra-special customers.”

  Jaqe smiled back at him. “Thank you, sir.”

  “First part of the service is a short massage.”

  “Massage?” Jaqe asked.

  “A thing of mine. The cut goes better if the customer’s relaxed.”

  Jaqe said, “Am I supposed to lie down or something?”

  Bill laughed. “No, no, we just do your shoulders.” He grabbed a chair from the dinette and set it in the middle of the living room. “Madam,” he said, with a slight bow.

  Jaqe curtsied with the smock and sat down. As Bill’s hands began to knead and push her muscles she smiled, thinking of Dr. Root. Then the smile softened at the feel of her shoulders loosening, and she let her head tilt back. She must have made a noise because Bill said, “That sounds very nice.”

  “Do you massage all your clients?” Jaqe asked.

  “Only the ones I really care about. Besides,” he added, “some of them are so heavy you wouldn’t want to touch anything but the hair.” Jaqe didn’t answer. Bill slid his hands to the ends of her shoulders and held them as he bent down and kissed Jaqe lightly on the cheek. Surprised, she turned and looked at him, but he’d already straightened up. “Now we’ll go wash your hair,” he said.

  Jaqe said, “I can just do it myself.”

  “Hey, you’re in the beauty parlor. A wash is part of the service.” He led her into the bathroom, where he’d set out a folding chair by the sink. Bottles of salon shampoo and conditioner were lined up along the counter. When Jaqe sat down, Bill wrapped a towel around her shoulders and tucked the edge into the collar of her smock. “I had this sink put in special,” he said.

  Jaqe leaned back. She wished she could watch what he was doing, but all she could see was the ceiling. Behind her she heard the water running, and then she felt his hands brush her neck and the sides of her face as he lifted her hair back. “Loosen up,” he said, “you’ve just had a massage.”

  Jaqe did her best to drop her shoulders and let her head rest in Bill’s hands. When he finished rinsing out the conditioner he wrapped her hair in another towel, thick and fluffy, and gave her head a good rub. Jaqe sighed. “Nice, huh?” Bill said. “You should get Laurie to wash and dry your hair for you.”

  In the guest room Bill laid a plastic tablecloth on the floor and set the dinette chair in the middle facing the bed. The white outer curtains were closed so that filtered sunlight glowed in the room. Jaqe said, “It’s such a nice day. Let’s open the curtains.”

  “Sorry,” Bill said as he gestured her to the chair. “Janet gets furious if I let in direct light. Says the furniture will fade.”

  “Well, can we turn the chair then? If I face the bed, I’ll just get sleepy.” Wrong move, she thought. He’ll suggest lying down. The thought surprised and embarrassed her. All he did, she told herself, was kiss her cheek.

  Bill turned the chair to the side so that Jaqe was facing the dresser with her back to the windows. “How’s that?” he said.

  “Fine,” Jaqe said. She sat down.

  Bill’s hand rested against her neck as he held her hair. “You’ve got beautiful hair,” he said. “You’re the kind of client I love to work on.”

  “Thanks.” She thought, Why didn’t I go shopping?

  “What would you like me to do to you?”

  “Cut my hair.”

  Bill laughed. “Right. How do you want it?”

  “Pretty much the same, I guess. Just, you know, more shape.”

  “You’ve already got a great shape. But I’ll see what I can do.”

  One more line, Jaqe thought. One more, and the beauty parlor shuts down. Bill settled in to separating her hair, clipping it in bunches, snipping off split ends. Once again, Jaqe felt rotten for misjudging him. “Do you cut hair much yourself?” she asked.

  “No, usually I’ve got too much to do running the business.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  “Sure, sometimes. But then I get to work on someone wonderful. Like you.” There was a silence again, and then Bill said, “You know we all feel really lucky that Laurie’s got you.”

  “I’m lucky I’ve got her,” Jaqe said.

  Bill was combing locks of hair and clipping off the ends. As he worked beside her, Jaqe could see the gleam of the scissors, dotted here and there with black spots, like mold or corrosion.

  Bill said, “You know, Janet and I have always supported Laurie. We figure, as long as she’s happy, you know? But I’ll tell you the truth, we’re real happy she’s found you. Some of those other girls were kind of wild, if you know what I mean. Go after anything.”

  “None of the women I know are like that at all,” Jaqe said.

  “Maybe you just like to see the best in people. Anyway, Laurie’s got you now, and you are the best.” He bent down and kissed her shoulder.

  Jaqe twisted away. She said, “Let’s stick to the haircut, okay?”

  “Hey, come o
n,” Bill said. “You know I think of you like my own daughter.” A moment later he announced, “Done.”

  Jaqe turned to look in the mirror. He’d cut it a little shorter than she’d expected, but even with her hair damp she could see it had more curl, more…excitement. She said, “It looks great.”

  Bill inclined his head. “Thank you, madam. Shall I blow-dry it?”

  “I think I’ll just go outside and let the sun dry it.” She started to get up, but Bill’s hands held her shoulders.

  “I’m glad you like it,” he said. “If I didn’t know it was impossible, I’d say it made you even more beautiful than before.”

  “I’m getting up now,” Jaqe said. Before she could move, Bill bent down and kissed her on the lips. Or tried to, for Jaqe snapped her head away and all Bill got was her chin. As hard as she could, Jaqe shoved him away and jumped up for the door. But he was already there, grinning as if they were playing a children’s game.

  “Hey,” he said, “doesn’t the hairdresser get a tip?”

  “I’ll give you a tip,” Jaqe said. “Keep away from me or you’ll really regret it.”

  “You don’t mean that,” he said, and moved toward her.

  “Like hell I don’t.” Jaqe tried again for the door only to have Bill grab her arm as she tried to get past him. With his free hand he took the scissors from his shirt pocket. He said, “Don’t you know you should always act nice to a man with a sharp object? Or one of us could trip and get hurt.”

  Jaqe stood very still. “C’mon, Bill,” she said, “throw that away. I’m sure we can work something out.”

  “Yeah?” Bill said. He hefted the scissors as if they weighed several pounds. “Is that a promise?”

  “A promise,” Jaqe said.

  Bill looked again at the scissors, then Jaqe. He grinned. “What the hell,” he said, and tossed the scissors on the floor next to the bed. Immediately, Jaqe tried to pull loose her arm. “Hey,” Bill said, “we had a deal.”

  “Go to hell,” Jaqe said.

  “What’s the matter with you? What are you so worked up about? Are you worried about Laurie? Is that the problem? Don’t. She knows all about it.” When Jaqe stopped struggling he grabbed her other arm by the wrist.

  Jaqe said, “What do you mean? What are you talking about?”