The Mistakes I've Made

by J. L. Berg

  There were fabrics and tile samples in the corner, but the middle of the room, that was where I’d really outdone myself.

  “I wanted to see what it could be,” I explained as I watched his eyes move about the room—from the four-poster bed I’d refinished in matte black to the soft white linens and the fresh plants nearby. It was by no means finished, but I could see it.

  “And what do you see?” he asked, letting me slip down his legs, my feet touching the floor.

  A small smile crept across my face. “I see two lovers sneaking away for a weekend. Two busy lives finally taking a few moments for themselves in this hotel. They’ll walk into this room and feel like they can breathe for maybe the first time in years.”

  His eyes darkened as his fingers traced the skin down my bare shoulder. “And what will they do once they’ve taken that deep breath, Lani?”

  “Maybe the man will strip off all of their clothes,” I said, feeling emboldened by this wicked game he was playing.

  Obviously, he was, too, because he didn’t waste any time, taking my words at face value. He reached for the waistband of my skirt first, and I mentally high-fived myself for wearing it as his hands easily peeled it off my body.

  I was left standing before him in a barely there satin thong I’d worn specifically to his house in hopes that he might see it.

  We might not be at his house anymore, but, oh boy…

  He saw it, and that lusty twinkle in his eyes, it made me feel like the most beautiful woman alive.

  “Damn,” he swore, brushing his thumb across his bottom lip as his eyes took in every inch of me. “I kind of want to just stand here and look at you.” A mischievous smile spread across his face. “But,” he said, his hands going to his belt buckle, “I really want to find out what happens after the couple takes off their clothes.”

  Oh, holy crap.

  I’d never been so in love with the sound of a belt buckle hitting the ground before.

  Now, it was my time to stare.

  If Taylor half-naked had made my fantasies go wild, seeing him in all his glorious splendor was enough to send my brain into overdrive.

  “I have so many new places I want to lick,” I found myself whispering.

  He chuckled, stepping in close. “And I’m going to let you, believe me. But, first—”

  He slowly lowered himself down my body as his fingers curled around the thin edge of my panties. Tender kisses scattered over my hip bone as he eased them down to the floor, revealing the sensitive flesh beneath.

  On his knees now, he looked up at me, this gorgeous god of a man, and said, “What happens next? After the man strips his woman bare?”

  I could barely think, my mind a lust-filled haze, so consumed with the feel of his hands sliding up my ass, his mouth so close to my core.

  “He breathes life back into her,” I answered. “With his mouth, his hands, and his strong, hard body. Over and over until neither of them can ever forget what it feels like to be here, in each other’s arms.”

  His eyes darkened once more, and a tiny squeak escaped my lips when he popped up with me in his arms. He turned, placing me on the delicate white bed next to us.

  I looked up to find he’d disappeared. Concerned, I rose up, only to find him wrestling with something in his pants pocket.

  He turned to find me giving him an amused expression. “Condom,” he explained, holding the little foil packet up between two fingers.

  My cheeks reddened. “Oh.”

  It had been so long, I was ashamed to admit that I hadn’t even thought of that particular part of the puzzle.

  Obviously, he had.

  Because, for him, it probably hadn’t been nearly as long.

  What if I was just a notch on a very crowded bedpost for him? Was I okay with that?

  He could sense my shift, crawling beside me, and he pushed back a piece of my hair. “Did this just become too real?” he asked.

  “No,” I lied. “I just—”

  His brows rose, his eyes giving a look that said he could see through all the bullshit I had tried to push his way.

  I let out a sigh. “It’s been a while since I—”

  “You don’t have to explain yourself,” he said.

  “No, I want to,” I said, trying to find the right words. “I don’t do one-night stands, and I don’t do the casual, multiple-partner thing.”

  His smile broadened. “Are you trying to say, you don’t want me to date anyone else?”

  I swallowed hard. “We did say we were going to break all the rules,” I reminded him.

  He kissed my forehead. “Well, that is one we can leave firmly in place.”

  “Really?” I perked up.

  “Really,” he confirmed, cupping my cheek. “It’s not just a vision you’re seeing in this room, Lani. When I’m with you, I feel like I can breathe…maybe for the first time in my life. I don’t want to share that with anyone.”

  This time, when our lips met, it was me who reached for him and pulled him close. It was me who took the condom from his hand and tore it open, so another moment wouldn’t pass without him inside me.

  Seize the moment, I’d been told.

  I’d seize every damn moment I had with this man.

  Starting now.

  Taylor made quick work of the condom, rolling it down his impressive length. I reached up and splayed my hands over his chest as he positioned himself, rubbing his fingers over the tender, slick folds between my thighs.

  Pressed possessively above me, he whispered in my ear, “I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you in this moment.”

  My fingers curled around his shoulders, and I cried out as our bodies became one. He filled me so completely, so absolutely, that I didn’t think I’d ever recover.

  “Jesus,” Taylor breathed out. “So fucking tight.”

  I knew it had been a while, but I seemed to remember that was a good thing. Especially since Taylor’s eyes seemed to be rolling back in his head a little, and his pace quickened.

  That only made my eyes want to roll back in my own head.

  We became an entangled mess of limbs, panting and moaning to the frantic beat of our lovemaking.

  I’d thought being with Taylor would make all my fantasies come to life.

  But the reality was so much more.

  With him, I could envision endless fantasies, never-ending possibilities… A lifetime of pleasure.

  “You feel so good,” he said, pushing my knees tight against my chest, so he could thrust deeper.

  The angle sent shock waves down my spine.

  “Oh, yes!” I cried out, feeling almost feverish from the frenzied pace he’d set.

  Sweat dripped down our bodies as he drove me closer to climax. I could feel it coming, like a freight train, ready to consume us both.

  My skin prickled, my belly tightened, and my breath caught.

  And then bliss.

  Pure, unequivocal bliss.

  There was no other word to describe the way I felt when that orgasm exploded through my entire body. My core tightened as endless waves of pleasures passed over me. I felt Taylor buck, his body going rigid as his fingers weaved into my hair, and he gave in to his own earth-shattering finale.

  “That was…” he breathed out, his forehead resting against mine, our bodies still joined.

  “I know,” I said before adding, “I hope you have a couple more condoms in that wallet of yours.”

  He pulled back, a smug grin written all over his face. “Just a couple?”

  A smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. “You might need to go back to your place for reinforcements.”

  A passionate kiss fell upon my lips.

  “Now, that’s what I’m talking about.”

  I was in for a late night, and I’d never been happier to pass up sleep.

  Exciting new things?

  Check, check and check.

  I awoke the next morning, the familiar salty sea air gently waking me from the
best night’s sleep I’d had in years. Opening my eyes, I reached for her, a gesture that felt almost second nature even though I’d never done so before this moment.

  But Lani wasn’t there.

  Sitting up, I found myself alone in the messy bed we’d made our own last night, making love into the wee hours of the morning until we fell into each other’s arms, exhausted, achy, and sated.

  But, now, I felt the pull again, the desire.

  The hunger.

  Searching the room, it didn’t take me long to locate her. Standing just outside on the balcony, dressed in my T-shirt that nearly came down to her knees, she scanned the water as if she were in desperate need of answers this morning.

  Rising, I immediately went to her.

  She must have felt my presence because, the second my arms wrapped around her waist, she seemed to melt into me. Her head turned, and I kissed her temple, such an intimate gesture but one I felt she needed.

  “You okay?” I asked, sensing turmoil buried deep inside her, like her mind and emotions were mirroring the choppy waves below.

  She turned in my arms, and I saw a glint of something in her eyes.

  Sadness perhaps?

  But it was gone and replaced before I had the chance to decipher it.

  “Yep,” she answered, a wicked grin spreading across her face. “Just tired.”

  I couldn’t resist that smile. “Tired, huh?” I said, pushing her back against the railing of the balcony. “Why is that, Lani?”

  Her cheeks reddened. “You know why.”

  My hand slipped under the T-shirt she wore, finding the curve of her ass and grabbing it with a satisfied grin on my face. “I do,” I acknowledged. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t like hearing you tell me all about it. In detail, if you’d like.”

  She laughed, but it wasn’t the laugh I was used to. This one didn’t reach her eyes, and I found myself willing to do anything to bring it back.

  “Hey,” I said, taking a step back. “What if I took the day off today and we spent the whole day together?”

  Her gaze widened. “What? You can’t do that.”

  “Sure I can. I am the boss,” I assured her.

  “But what would your brother think?” She bit down on her bottom lip, obviously uncertain with the idea.

  “He’ll think it’s about time. I haven’t taken an entire day off in well over a year.”

  That seemed to surprise her. That was, until she realized she was running out of excuses. “But I’m already so far behind.”

  She got me there. Too bad for her, I was always a quick thinker.

  “Think of it as a research trip. You need to get more acquainted with the area.”

  She responded with silence.

  My smile widened.

  “Oh, come on,” I said. “I’ll let you pick. We can do anything, and the history lessons can be optional.”

  “I love your history lessons,” she said with enthusiasm.

  Now, it was me who was lost for words.

  “I could take you out on one of the boats,” I said, my voice hoarse with emotion. I didn’t know why, but hearing her say she loved my stupid history lectures had really gotten to me.

  And I was having a hard time processing the emotions coursing through me.

  “Can it be a long boat ride?” she asked, an idea obviously forming in that mind of hers.

  “Uh, sure. Why?”

  “Well, there is this resort up the coast that we built—”

  “The Lighthouse Inn and Resort,” I said.

  “You’ve heard of it?”

  I grinned. “The Outer Banks isn’t that big. When a hotel is built, especially by a company as big as Hart, we all know about it, even all the way down here.”

  “Oh, right. Well anyway, my dad personally oversaw that one, and he never does that. So I kind of want to go see it.”

  “Check out the competition?”

  She shrugged. “Yeah.”

  An idea of my own sprang to mind. “What if I took more than a day off?”

  “What?”

  “Why don’t we make a weekend of it? That way, you can get the ultimate feel for the place. We can stay in a room and make sure the bed works.” I gave her a good waggle of my eyebrows for that one, making her giggle.

  “I mean, I guess I would technically be working.”

  “Exactly,” I agreed.

  “And it would be nice to see a room.”

  “Mmhmm.” I leaned in closer to her, giving her a tender kiss on her neck before working my way down. Thankfully, my T-shirt on her was gigantic, making it easy to pull off her shoulder so that I could continue the path I’d started.

  “Okay,” she agreed, the word coming out more like a moan. “But can we leave in a couple of hours?”

  I grinned against her naked skin, pulling the T-shirt even lower. “Absolutely.”

  “For an heiress, there sure are a lot of things you haven’t done,” I told her as we made our way to the hotel in Corolla.

  “I told you,” she said as we walked the short distance between the dock and The Lighthouse Inn, “I’ve been on a boat before.”

  “Yes, but you barely remember because you were five.”

  She stopped short, her eyes reaching out toward the water. “Things sort of stopped when my dad became the big CEO. He tried to be a dad,” she said. “For a long time he tried, but it wasn’t the same. And all the stuff we used to do—the family outings and the adventures—they were few and far between because his visits were few and far between.”

  I took her hand, squeezing it in mine. “I’m sure you have some wonderful memories with your mom though. Things you did together when he was away?”

  It was like she’d just been struck across the face. All the color fell from it, and she instantly turned away.

  “Yeah,” she answered. “We did. The beach. Um, she liked to go to the beach.”

  She might have done a good job of hiding it from me before, but right now, her emotions were bleeding through, and I couldn’t ignore it any longer.

  “Lani,” I said softly, pulling her toward a bench off to the side of the walkway, “please tell me what’s going on.”

  “Nothing,” she persisted, but the concerned stare I gave back told her I wasn’t budging. Letting out a sigh, she caved. “My mom…she died fourteen years ago. Today.”

  My heart broke for her, so much so that I didn’t know what to say.

  Did I feel grief when this day rolled around each year for my own father?

  Sure.

  But, for me, it was different.

  I grieved over a man who had died when I was a toddler. To me, he was basically a ghost. And yes, that was tragic in its own right, but for Lani, I imagined the pain went so much deeper because she felt her mom everywhere.

  “Tell me about her,” I finally said, knowing nothing I said could ever make it right.

  She settled against me as we sat on that bench, halfway between the docks and our final destination, not in any hurry at all.

  “I remember her being wild when I was younger, but I think she lost a bit of her spirit when my dad traveled so much,” she said. “And she loved the beach; that part is true. She used to say it gave her life—the sound of the waves and the way the sand felt between her toes.”

  “I’d have to agree with her there. I couldn’t see myself living away from the water,” I said.

  She smiled. “After seeing you wield magic today over the sea, I couldn’t picture you anywhere else either.”

  “Captaining a boat is not wielding magic,” I argued with a shrug. “It’s just a learned skill.”

  “Not the way you do it.”

  I found myself grinning and placed a chaste kiss on the top of her head. “What else? Tell me more.”

  “She was an amazing hula dancer.”

  “No shit?”

  A laugh escaped her lips, and I felt a sliver of the worry I had over her fall away.

  “Yes,” she said. �
�She was actually quite good. It was how my parents met.”

  “Your dad did Polynesian dancing?”

  She laughed again. “No. She was hired to dance at one of the original Hart hotels. My dad couldn’t take his eyes off her. She gave him lessons for their first date.”

  “I can’t imagine your father trying to hula.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  “Did she ever teach you?” I asked, already picturing my dark-haired beauty in a grass skirt, her hips moving to the beat of drums.

  “Yes,” she answered. “But I haven’t practiced in a long time. It’s like going to the beach. After she died, I just stopped. It was easier to ignore the things she’d loved rather than face the fact that she wasn’t there to do them with me anymore.”

  “So, you haven’t been too busy to go to the beach?” I said.

  She shook her head. “No,” she answered, her eyes trained on the coastline.

  “I’m sorry if I forced you to face something you weren’t ready for.”

  Turning toward me, she met my gaze. “You didn’t,” she answered. “If anything, you gave me the push I needed. I’ve finally realized I’ve been doing the exact same thing my dad has been doing for years.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Avoiding,” she replied. “Only I’ve been avoiding small things, like beaches and hula dancing.”

  “What is he avoiding?” I asked, cupping her cheek.

  “Me,” she answered. “I think that every time he looks at me, it’s just another awful reminder of what he lost.”

  I let out a heavy sigh, unsure if I could ever meet her father without pummeling him to the ground first. “When my brother lost his arm, he went through a long period of grief. He said it was like mourning the life he’d once had. For three years he went on like this, never letting us in, just sort of adrift. He said the grief nearly consumed him because he became obsessed with the past—how things used to be and how they were nothing like that now.”

  “But things weren’t great back then either,” she said. “When she was alive, I mean. It wasn’t magic and rainbows. He was still gone all the time. It still sucked.”

  “The mind has a way of forgetting the bad times and overemphasizing the good ones, I imagine.”