The Mistakes I've Made

by J. L. Berg

  “It’s the best news I’ve ever heard.”

  “Really?” she said, a sob escaping her lungs.

  “Really,” I confirmed as I wiped the tear that had trickled down her cheek.

  She did the same to me, running her fingers across the stubble that had grown along my chin.

  “I like the beard.” She smiled, cupping my face in her hand as she gave me an appreciative look.

  “Yeah?” I grinned. “It’s called I just gave up the woman I love and can’t stop drinking look.”

  Laughing, she briefly kissed me. “I think we should rename it to I stupidly gave up the woman I love but she wouldn’t go, and now she’s forcing me to keep this beard look.”

  “Kind of a mouthful, but—”

  Her eyes glimmered, and it was that moment that both of us realized just how long it had been since we’d been in each other’s arms because half a second later, our lips were locked, and I was hoisting her up in the air to carry her toward the bed.

  “Can you—I mean, will it hurt the baby?”

  She laughed. “Do you think I’d be ripping open your jeans like this if it could?”

  “Good point.”

  Clothes fell to the floor as I found my home, my center, my world, all wrapped up in her arms.

  “I love you, Lani,” I said as our bodies joined together once again.

  “I love you, too, Taylor,” she echoed back.

  And we spent the rest of the night making up for lost time.

  Waiting out a storm was brutal.

  Waiting out a storm while you were far away from home was even worse.

  I was used to the abuse, having evacuated more than my fair share of times over my lifetime on the island.

  But, for Lani, this was definitely a first.

  “Do you think it’s okay?” she asked, watching the news from her perch on the edge of the bed, a place she’d made her home over the last week. “I mean, can’t they just give me one shot of Ocracoke? Just one? They keep mentioning damage in the Outer Banks, but they don’t say where! I need to know where, stupid weatherman!”

  I slid up behind her, straddling her from behind. Running my hands over her shoulders, I proceeded to massage her tense muscles, hoping to force her into relaxing.

  It seemed to be working, as her body began to melt into mine, and I inhaled the citrusy smell of her shampoo clinging to her hair.

  “We’ll find out soon enough,” I said. “The storm has already passed. We’re just waiting for the all clear.”

  “All clear? What does that even mean?”

  I smiled, pulling her already-tense body back to mine. Pregnant Lani was a high-strung Lani.

  Jake had already informed me that these were all good signs—the mood swings, the extreme nausea. It showed the pregnancy and the baby were strong.. Although the IUD had been removed, there was still risk of miscarriage and a whole host of other things I didn’t want to think about. She could have all the damn mood swings she wanted if it meant her and our baby stayed healthy.

  I was tough; I could take it.

  “They just need to make sure the roads are passable. It takes a while for the water to recede. And, if there are places that washed away—”

  She let out a frustrated sigh. “I hate waiting.”

  “I do, too.”

  We all did. We’d done our best to keep busy, gathering together for group activities when we could, but even then, all anyone could talk about was home. No one truly knows what a hurricane is like until they’ve been down this road, and felt the agony of an evacuation.

  “Does anyone have any updates?”

  “Are the phone lines up yet?”

  “Did anyone see any photos online? On the news?”

  The waiting was getting to everyone.

  What we did know was that the hurricane hit at a Category Two. Thankfully, it hadn’t gained any speed or hit us any harder than that, but still.

  But a hurricane was a hurricane.

  And the specific damage to Ocracoke was still unknown.

  We’d seen footage that made me nervous…washed out roads, broken power lines, damaged homes. I tried to keep my fears at bay because scaring Lani was the last thing I wanted.

  I was keeping a good game face on, but inside, I was terrified of what we were going home to.

  Jumping up off the bed, I said, “Hey, why don’t we go for a walk?”

  She was staring at the floor rather than the TV—my first clue that something was wrong. Finally, her big blue eyes met mine. “Taylor, I’m scared.”

  Kneeling down beside her, I looked up and grabbed her hand. “About what? The hurricane? Us? The baby?”

  She let out a gentle laugh, a single tear falling down her cheek. “Way to make a pregnant woman’s heart rate jump.”

  I grinned. “Sorry.”

  She squeezed my hand and took a deep breath. “What if we fail? What if I fail and the hotel is a giant flop? Worse yet, what if it doesn’t and it’s a huge success and I become just like—”

  “You will never be like your father.”

  “But how do you know?”

  “I know,” I said firmly, remembering the nonchalant way he’d handed over his daughter’s hotel, his biggest concern being his fiancée’s travel schedule. “You are nothing like your father.”

  “It’s not just about us anymore,” she said, placing a hand on her belly.

  Smiling, I settled my fingers over hers. “That is why we won’t fail,” I promised.

  A gentle knock sounded at our door, and I gave her a pat on the knee before rising to my feet to answer it.

  Dean was on the other side, looking uncomfortable.

  We hadn’t exactly made up since our major blowout in the office. For the last two weeks, we’d done an amazing job of avoiding each other—sitting on opposite ends of the table at group dinners, making sure we were in different groups for outings. Our mom was thoroughly disgusted with us and our petty childish behavior.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey,” he answered back.

  Silence settled between us before I heard a very intentional throat being cleared. Dean rolled his eyes as I leaned my head out the door, finding Cora in the hallway.

  She waved. “Hi, Taylor,” she said, looking highly embarrassed.

  “Hi.”

  She gave her husband a death stare, her eyes going wide and her head tilting at an odd angle. Dean seemed to grumble a little deep in his throat before finally turning back toward me.

  “I wanted to tell you that the all clear has been given,” he said.

  “Oh,” I said, nodding. “Uh, thanks.”

  Cora cleared her throat again.

  “And,” he said, his throat working overtime, “I wanted to apologize for being an”—he looked over to Cora once again—“overbearing asshole.”

  A rumble of a laugh escaped my lips.

  I waited for him to go on, but then I felt my own woman slide up behind me, and I knew my upper hand was gone.

  Especially since I hadn’t told him about the hotel yet.

  “It’s cool,” I said. “Really. And honestly, you were right. I needed to work through some things.”

  “Yeah?” he said, sounding pleased with himself.

  “Yeah,” I answered, hoping to postpone the hotel discussion until later. Like maybe next year. “But we’ll talk more later.”

  “So, you’re not going to tell me how you bought a hotel without consulting me?”

  Busted.

  My eyes widened as I heard Cora laugh outside in the hallway.

  “How’d you—”

  “Public record, dipshit,” he growled.

  “Oh, right.”

  His eyes narrowed as I waited for the shit-storm I knew I deserved.

  “Just don’t screw it up,” he said before walking away.

  “That’s it?” I hollered down the hall.

  “I want a discount,” he hollered back. “A big one. And free babysitting forever.
”

  Laughing, I turned toward Lani, feeling like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. “Are you ready to go home?” I asked.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said, her nervousness bleeding through.

  “Whatever we find, we’ll deal with it together,” I said.

  “Together,” she confirmed.

  We drove back to town in a tight group, a caravan of strength.

  I held on to Lani’s hand as we passed the Welcome sign before cars began to disperse, each in different directions toward home.

  Who knows what they would find?

  Lani and I headed for the marina first.

  My house was the least of our concerns.

  It was eerie how quiet it was.

  The birds had even picked up and left town before the approaching storm.

  “Oh God,” Lani whispered under her breath as we drew closer.

  Cleanup crews had done what they could, clearing downed trees in the roads to make them passable, but the rest? The rest was up to us.

  The storm had pushed the sand up high onto the banks of the bay, making a mockery of the sandbags we’d placed around the office and the hotel.

  “Did you do that?” she asked, pointing to the sandbags and the crisscrossed tape I’d managed to throw up on the windows.

  I nodded.

  Her face softened.

  “I don’t think it helped much though,” I said as we pulled up to the parking lot, not bothering to find a space. It was so littered with debris that I wasn’t sure I could make out the white lines anyway.

  “We’ll check out the hotel first and then go to the office later.”

  “Okay.”

  Walking up to the front door, I held out my hand for the key. She gave it willingly.

  “If I tell you to get out, you get out. Understand? If there’s anything dangerous or—”

  “I understand,” she said, not arguing at all, her eyes already spotting several broken windows.

  Sliding the key into the lock, I twisted.

  And then I pulled.

  “Need a hand?” she asked, making me smile. “Sometimes, you just need a professional.”

  “Very funny,” I said, handing over the key.

  “It’s actually really tricky. It took me days to—”

  Her words stopped instantly the moment the door swung open… and tears began to flow instead.

  Inside, we could see the full extent of the damage brought by the storm.

  Water and structural damage, windows gone.

  You name it, and the storm had taken it.

  “Taylor,” she cried as I pulled her into my arms, “what are we going to do?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, looking around at our giant mess. “But we’ll figure it out,” I told her, needing to hear the words as much as she did.

  Somehow, we’d figure it out.

  Thankfully, my house being a few blocks inland, seemed to have escaped the brunt of the attack from the storm, and for the night, we had a place to stay. We settled into bed, and I held her close to my chest, vowing to do anything I could to make it right.

  This woman and the child growing inside her were my life now.

  And I’d protect them, no matter what.

  Waking up early the next morning, I did something I’d thought I’d never do.

  I made breakfast. For a woman.

  Sadly, it wasn’t quite the breakfast I was known for, and when Lani came downstairs to find the table adorned with candles and dry Cheerios, luckily, she found the gesture charming and endearing.

  “I promise, when I have time to pick up groceries—assuming I can get to a grocery store sometime soon—I’ll make you something amazing.”

  “This is amazing,” she argued. “Besides, with this morning sickness, I’m not sure I can stomach much more than this.”

  “Well then, consider this done all on purpose.”

  She laughed, taking a few nibbles of her cereal before her face fell.

  “What is it?” I asked, rushing to her side. “Do you need to throw up again?” I’d gotten used to her sudden bathroom jaunts.

  “No, but the thought of our crumbling hotel isn’t helping. I think back to how it was a few days ago before the storm, and in comparison, it was actually kind of luxurious.”

  My head fell. “I know,” I said. “But we’ll get it back to where we want it. It’s our dream, remember?”

  “Yeah”—a hint of a smile peeked through her sullen expression—“it is.”

  Rising up onto my feet, I grabbed my keys, the jingle catching her attention. “I’m going to head over there now. You just stay here and rest.”

  “I’m not staying here while you go work yourself to the bone!”

  “Babe—”

  “Don’t babe me!”

  “You’re pregnant. I can’t let you.”

  She folded her arms across her chest and rose to her feet, giving me a single raised eyebrow. “I am not the first pregnant woman on the planet, Taylor.”

  “No,” I answered, crossing my own arms over my chest. “But you’re the first woman pregnant by me, and like hell am I going to let you near a building that could be infested with mold and God knows what else!”

  She scrunched her nose, looking thoughtful. “Okay, that’s fair. But I can’t sit here all day and I won’t let you do all the work by yourself.”

  I tapped my foot against the hardwood floor.

  “Remember, compromise?”

  I let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine, but outside work only. And if you come in the building, you wear a mask. Got it?”

  She smiled, clearly happy with her win. “Got it.”

  “I’m never going to win a single argument for the rest of my life, am I?”

  She draped her arms around my shoulders. “Did you really ever win before?” she asked.

  When I squeezed her ass, she let out a little squeak before running upstairs to get dressed, leaving me with a shit-eating grin on my face. I felt like the luckiest man on earth.

  Within fifteen minutes, we were on our way to the marina, ready to conquer what was sure to be days and days of cleanup.

  Unfortunately, the Sutherland office hadn’t weathered the storm all that well either. Although it seemed to be structurally sound, thanks to years of meticulous upkeep on our part, there was some serious water damage and several broken windows.

  Just more to add to the long list of things to get done. If I tried to think about it too much, the list started to become overwhelming.

  So, I was taking it one step at a time.

  With a baby coming, all my finances tied up in these two buildings, and no income for the foreseeable future due to widespread damage all over the coast, one step at a time was really the only way of handling it.

  Otherwise, I’d go insane.

  “Taylor!” Lani exclaimed, making my heart leap into my throat. “Look!”

  My eyes went wild, trying to spot what new and dangerous foe we were about to meet. I followed the line of her arm until it reached out toward the hotel where there was a large crowd gathered.

  “What are they doing?” I asked, pulling off onto the side of the road.

  Squinting, I tried to get a better look and recognized almost everyone. Jake and Molly, Dean and Cora. Aiden and Millie, my mom and even Sierra and her surly looking grandfather.

  Does he have a weapon?

  “They’re working,” Lani said, her voice becoming hoarse. “On the hotel.”

  Sure enough, that was exactly what they were all doing. Several people were shoveling up sand and glass, and others were removing downed tree limbs. Millie was painting the numbers onto a new mailbox that had just been installed.

  Stepping out of the car, I took Lani’s hand and walked up to our friends and family, who greeted us with open arms.

  “What are you guys doing here?” I asked, my voice rough from emotion.

  “After we got home, I took a drive aro
und the island and saw the damage,” Jake explained. “I knew you’d need the help.”

  “But your own homes…” Lani said, struggling to speak.

  “They can wait,” Millie answered, taking her hand. “In this town, we take care of our own. And you are one of us now, Lani. You both are.” She pulled us into a hug, and tears stung my eyes.

  “Okay, well, before my brother loses his shit, let’s get back to work,” Dean said, giving me a wink.

  I silently thanked him, unsure of how long I’d be able to compose myself.

  I really didn’t want to boohoo in front of the whole damn town.

  Lani’s arms slid around my waist as everyone went back to work.

  “We’re going to make it,” she said, her head resting against my chest.

  “Yeah”—I smiled—“we are.”

  And, as I looked out at my family and friends, working hard to clean up the town we all loved so much, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was where I was supposed to be.

  I used to believe, like a good story, love always had an end.

  But Lani had shown me that the best stories in life never truly ended.

  They just gave way to more.

  More dreams, more adventures, and yeah, a lot more love.

  One Year Later

  “Today is the day!” I said to myself as I took a deep, cleansing breath in and out of my lungs.

  Over the past year, I’d found myself saying this sentence quite a lot.

  Today is the day I become a wife.

  Today is the day we become parents.

  But this day?

  On this day, we were opening Windows Hotel and Resort.

  It’d been a long year, full of amazing highs and a few rocky lows as well. The structure of the hotel had sustained more damage than we’d anticipated—that, or it had been in bad shape to begin with. Either way, we’d had to tear down much of the original building and start over.

  It wasn’t until the bulldozers had arrived that morning that I realized just how attached I’d become to that stupid old building, and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as they had taken it down piece by piece.

  Thankfully, insurance had covered a lot of damage, and we had been able to start anew, bringing back most of what we’d lost. Then, things had begun to roll right along.