Runaway Heart (A Game of Hearts #2)

by Sonya Loveday

  “I’m sorry. I know I’m hurting you. I see it when you try to hide your disappointment in me because I can’t be what you need. I can’t be that person you see me as.” She wiped her nose and then looked up at me, the sides of her mouth falling. “But I do want to. I want to be a better person, Ed. I want to be what it is you need. I just… I just have to figure out how.”

  She blinked, and my heart stopped.

  “I need to be able to love myself the way I want to love you. Otherwise, I’ll never be whole.”

  I tightened my arms around her and she held on to me as if I were the only thing keeping her together. “Hannah, I would wait the rest of my life for ye. I love ye.”

  She jerked back, her swollen eyes wide with fear. “Don’t say that.”

  “What? That I love ye?” I asked, wishing I could lay her on the mattress and kiss her until the world melted away. Until words meant nothing and our touch meant everything.

  But those three words were like a gavel being dropped. Like a line being drawn in the sand, dividing us in half.

  Hannah dropped her arms and moved away, drying her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. “You can’t love someone who doesn’t know what love is.”

  She stood over her open suitcase and tossed her makeup bag in as I came up behind her, pulling her against my chest, refusing to allow her to push me away. To close herself off from me like she had too many times before.

  I leaned down, moving my lips against her ear. Feeling my heart catch in my throat when her body tensed up, and then slowly relaxed against me. “You know exactly what love is,” I whispered to her. “Ye’ve felt it between us when there was no one but you and me. Ye feel it when our hearts even out and beat together. It’s in my touch and your kiss. Every moment we’ve shared has been love. Ye only need to close your eyes and feel it.”

  She melted into me as I shut her suitcase and knocked it to the floor, spilling the contents.

  “Ye know what it is because I make ye feel it. Like the way my soul reaches out to yours and ye can’t stop it. Ye don’t want to stop it. Close your eyes.”

  I felt her draw a breath in, her resolve withering.

  “Ye can feel it now.”

  She turned in my arms, placing her hands on my chest, feeling the galloping of my heart as it slammed against my breastbone under her palm. Her breath caught as her eyes fluttered closed when I lowered my lips to hers. We moved as one, falling to the mattress. Lost in each other like all the other times as we pushed every single reason from our thoughts and allowed our true feelings to take over.

  The curve of her hip fit into my hand. The slender length of her fingers twisted in my hair. We pushed and pulled to get closer, moved together, until we became one.

  It was then I knew without a doubt that Hannah was my soul mate. There wasn’t anywhere she could go that I wouldn’t follow. I would walk the world ten times over just to be with her.

  She just had to say the word.

  Our rapid heartbeats kept time with one another as we strained against each other. Clothes were peeled and tossed. Flesh slipped against flesh. Mouths sought kisses from the other with a hunger I’d never experienced before.

  One brought on by the understanding that it might be our last time together. If fate would have it that way, and she was to never return, then I would hold her with everything I had in me. Give every part of myself I had to give, in hopes it would be enough for her to see.

  I breathed her in; she exhaled me out. Our bodies molded together as she pulsed around me. I dug in deeper, wanting our connection to have no point that wasn’t touching.

  She called to me.

  I answered.

  It was beautiful.

  It was hope.

  It was everything.

  I didn’t take my eyes from her. She met me with equal intensity. It was erotic. It was truth. And when our bodies sought release, it was together.

  My forehead dipped down, resting on hers as we breathed each other in. I cupped her face as she trailed her fingers down my back.

  “This. This is love, Hannah. I will wait for ye. Ye’re the other half of me. And if ye ever wonder, I want ye to think of this moment. Think of me so deep inside ye, loving ye as our bodies cool, with the warmth we ignited still lingering around us. Know I love ye with all my heart and I will be right here waiting for ye.”

  Her head dipped, nodding as tears rolled past the corners of her eyes, down into her hair. I kissed the salty path. Told her over and over how much I loved her without saying a word.

  Neither of us moved. Me, still inside of her. Her, unwilling to move the slightest to break our connection. We stayed like that until our breathing evened out and the last of our shudders tapered off to a drowsy state of euphoria.

  “You… aren’t mad I’m leaving?” she asked as I rolled over and pulled her against me.

  “No, love. Ye told me ye need time. I’m willing to give ye what you need. I understand ye have things to sort out. I just need ye to do something for me too.” I turned slightly and moved her hair behind her ear.

  “What’s that?”

  “I need ye to remember ye’ve left half your heart right here in London,” I said, closing my eyes and fighting the heavy wave of emotion rolling through me. “And when ye go home, so will I, but I won’t be the same until we’re back together.”

  “And if I don’t come back?”

  “Then I’ll be a man with half a heart,” I answered with the faintest whisper.

  IT WASN’T WHAT SHE SAID that didn’t sit well with me. It was what she didn’t say. After we’d laid our souls bare during her last night in London, something changed with Hannah. Something I couldn’t put my finger on.

  Maybe it was the fact that she was too bubbly. That wasn’t the Hannah I knew. Maybe it was the way she wouldn’t hold my gaze for longer than a second before shifting away as if I’d see secrets in her eyes. It was unsettling, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it with an audience surrounding us as we said our goodbyes before the taxi took them off to the airport.

  “Call me?” I said, clasping her hand to my chest. Needing one more touch before she slipped inside the cab.

  She smiled. “I told you I would. And we can video chat so we can see each other.”

  She tugged her hand, but I ignored it, choosing instead to pull her close and kiss her soundly. To hell with public displays. I needed one more taste before she left.

  Her cheeks were flushed when we parted. “I’ll call you once I’m home from the airport.”

  I dipped my head, unable to form the words to say goodbye as the door closed behind her and the taxi pulled away.

  I watched the red taillights glowing in the distance until they blended in with the other cars. An invisible string stretching further and further down the road, the only connection between us until I’d see her again.

  Charlie shifted beside me, antsy to get back to Rochester. Back to the pub. “Well, that’s that, I suppose. Ready to head out?”

  I heard the faintest hint of disappointment in his voice. Wondered what could be the cause of it, and then shrugged it off. I had enough of my own worries chewing at me. I’d leave him to his for the moment.

  “Yeah,” I said, keeping my eyes trained on the sea of cars, wondering if Hannah felt the separation as deeply as I did.

  Charlie made no move to go get the car either, his focus as strong as mine.

  “Ed?” My name being called behind me by a voice I thought I’d never hear again startled me.

  “Bloody hell,” Charlie said as we both turned.

  Monica.

  She was the very last person I’d thought I’d see of all the people in the whole of London after packing my heart off into a taxi.

  And I didn’t feel a damn thing. Not hurt. Not deception. Nothing.

  She took a few more steps, bringing herself closer to me. “I… I didn’t expect to run into you like this.”

  “I’ll just go get the car,” Charl
ie grumbled, ignoring Monica as if she weren’t there.

  Having Charlie go gave me a few minutes to finally put the past to rest.

  I shoved my hands deep into my jacket pockets. “Monica.”

  “How are ye?” she asked, eyes squinting as if she could get a read on me.

  “I haven’t been better in all my life.” I looked away, back over my shoulder. Hannah was probably halfway to the airport, but still I looked.

  “I… I wanted to tell ye I’m sorry. I never got the chance to back when—”

  “When ye tossed me to the curb? Ye shouldn’t think about it. I don’t anymore,” I replied, bringing my attention back to her.

  Her shoulders hunched under the weight of my words. “I deserve that. I should never have walked away from ye like that. I didn’t see it then. I do now.”

  “Left ye, did he?” I couldn’t help the small jab I took at her.

  She closed her eyes, wincing briefly before squaring her shoulders and taking a deep breath. “He did, yes.”

  As I rocked back on my heels, I noticed Charlie coming up the street. I only had a minute more to say what needed to be said. “I suppose that’s what ye call karma. Ye got what ye deserved. Ye hurt me. I won’t pretend otherwise. But ye also freed me. I found my soul mate. I know what true love really is. I wouldn’t have had I stayed with ye.”

  Charlie stopped at the curb, and I made my way over to the passenger door. Before I opened it, her hand caught the sleeve of my coat.

  “I was really hoping we could talk more,” she said, trying to give me her best ‘hurt’ look.

  “I don’t think there’s anything left to say except for goodbye.” I reached for the door handle and pulled it open.

  She dropped her hand. “That’s it?”

  “Ye’ll find the right man someday. It just won’t be me. Goodbye, Monica.” I slid into the warm confines of the car and closed the door behind me.

  Charlie didn’t waste a second. He pulled the car out onto the road and drove away, leaving Monica and London behind us.

  “So I’ve been thinking,” he said, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel.

  “Did it hurt?” I blocked his fist when it shot toward me.

  “Arsehole,” he said as he reached out to turn the radio down. “I was thinking about the pub.”

  “What about it?” I asked, wondering where his thoughts were going.

  “I don’t know yet, but I’ve had a thought. I need to think a bit more about it, yeah?”

  “That’s a bit cryptic. Why say ye’re thinking something and then not say what it is ye’re thinking?”

  He lifted one shoulder to shrug. “I just wanted ye to know.”

  “Well, when ye decide to finish thinking about it, let me know,” I said with a shake of my head.

  “What the hell did she want anyway?”

  Only Charlie could leave a conversation half done and move on to something else entirely.

  “To apologize,” I answered, not really wanting to talk about Monica.

  He snorted. “Let me guess. It didn’t work out with the married man and she thought she’d be able to suck ye back in? What a bloody twat,” Charlie grumbled.

  “Doesn’t really matter though. I’d never take her back, and now she knows it,” I said, hoping he’d just agree with me and leave it alone.

  “Ye’re not going to talk to her again?” He sounded as if he didn’t believe me.

  “I have nothing left to say to her. I told her that before getting into the car.” I turned slightly in my seat to look at him. “What’s with all the questions, mate?”

  Charlie flicked a glance at me. “I watched ye fall apart. I witnessed it all. You were out of your mind with grief over her. I just didn’t want to see ye fall back under whatever sort of spell she had on ye.”

  “I’m sorry for that. Ye kept me from sinking further than I already was. And how did I repay ye? I jumped on a plane to New York. Not really fair of me, was it?” I realized Charlie had been there for me through it all, and I’d never really thanked him. Never realized how much he’d been there for me when I couldn’t even find myself.

  “And Hannah?”

  Happiness bloomed in my chest. “I love her.”

  “Well, damn…” he said, blowing out a deep breath. “I hope ye know what ye’re doing, Ed. Does she feel the same?”

  I clenched my hands against my knees, matched Charlie’s deep breath, and closed my eyes, sending a prayer out to whoever was listening. “Yes, I believe she does.”

  The car slowed as he pulled his foot from the accelerator. “Ye’re not taking off to America again, are ye?”

  “No.” I would give her time and in that time, we’d figure it out. If she wanted me to come to her, I would. But I hoped with everything in me she’d come to me first.

  “Good, because I was thinking….” Charlie pushed the gas pedal and we shot down the road, his excitement adding to the rate of speed in which we traveled to get home.

  That night, I plugged my phone in, turned it all the way up, and climbed into bed. Hannah’s flight wouldn’t get in for a few more hours, but the day had caught up to me and I hoped like hell I’d hear the phone if it rang.

  The next morning, I woke to the sound of someone down the hall slamming their door and shot straight up in my bed. I’d missed the call from Hannah. Snatching the phone from my nightstand, I told my heart to steady.

  No missed calls.

  My heart sank.

  Had she lied to me, telling me she’d call just so it was easier for her to leave? To keep me from making a scene, or calling her bluff? Had she made her flight? Had something happened?

  The thoughts chased one another around and around inside my head. Worry crashed through me as I reached for an answer. My fingers dove into my hair, tugging as I fought down a deluge of panic. There had to be a reason she hadn’t called. She wouldn’t just blow me off. Not after everything. Not after talking things through. She just wouldn’t.

  Moving to the side of the bed, I clutched the phone in my hands, willing it to ring. I stayed like that for a while, until another loud noise down the hallway jolted me from my spot.

  I moved in a dream-like state. Got up. Got a shower. Got dressed. Walked to the pub. One step in front of the other. One breath after another.

  She hadn’t called all morning.

  The pub lights seemed bright in comparison to my darkened thoughts. I could have called her, but I fought every instinct to do so. I’d spilled my heart out to her. I had to let her make the next move. Even if it broke me.

  “Ye’re here early,” Charlie called from his office as I passed by the open door.

  I had a hard time doing it, but I pushed my worry to the back of my mind. Either Hannah would call me, or she wouldn’t. I couldn’t make her do what she didn’t want to. And I wouldn’t bring Charlie into another round of picking up the pieces. I was a grown man. I needed to start acting like one.

  “Figured ye’d need some help, and I don’t really have much going on today anyway,” I answered, leaning against the doorjamb.

  “Ye all right, mate?” He sat back in his chair as he watched me with eyes that missed nothing.

  “Could use a few more hours of sleep, but otherwise, I’m good,” I said, crossing my arms. “So, what do ye need help with?”

  Charlie pushed himself up from his chair, grabbed a handful of papers and a pen, and then gestured toward the front of the pub. “Let’s go out there. More room.”

  I pulled a chair from under one of the tables along the far wall and sat. “What’s all that?”

  Charlie sat opposite me, flipping through the stapled papers. Finding the one he wanted, he set the paper down and turned it, pushing it toward me, but he didn’t move his hand as he asked, “Ye’re serious about staying?”

  “I told ye I was.” I rested my arms along the edge of the table, leaning on my elbows. “What’s that?”

  “I’ve waited for a while to do this. At f
irst, I didn’t want to offer it because I didn’t know where your head was at. Then ye left and went to New York. When ye came back, you were different… better, but still, I wasn’t sure. Then ye came back from Rum Cay and I watched ye walk around inside your head, only it wasn’t the way it was before… after Monica.

  “And I get it now. I see why things have happened the way they’ve happened. I’ve watched ye grow up and learn to live for yourself. Watched ye fall even harder this time ‘round. I wonder though… what happens now? She’s not here, yet ye’re still holding on. Still moving without that haunted look in your eye.

  “This morning, I saw what I’ve been looking for. Ye’re not crumbling. Ye’re dealing. And I knew when I just now asked how ye were that ye’re going to be okay no matter what. She’s changed ye. In a good way.”

  He leaned forward, his eyes searching mine.

  “What are ye going to do with the rest of your life, Ed? And I don’t mean with her. I mean you. What do ye want to do for you?”

  That was the most I’d ever heard Charlie say in one sitting. It was startling to hear it all. Startling for me to have someone ask me what I wanted from life. It scared me, because I really didn’t know what I wanted. I’d never had a plan. Didn’t have a driving ambition, or a burning need. I’d floated from one moment to the next, unknowing what was next, only living it.

  “I really don’t know,” I said, digging my fingers into the back of my neck to alleviate the taut muscle.

  Charlie pulled his hand back from the paper, leaving it to my gaze. “I have an offer for ye.”

  “I don’t understand. This shows me as half owner of the pub. Why?” I let go of my neck, shifting back into my seat.

  Charlie shrugged, picked up the pen, and tapped it against the table. “It’s simple really. I need someone to help me with this place. Someone I can rely on. If ye’re half owner, then I can take some time off and travel. It would also give ye something that’s yours. If she comes back, ye need to be able to provide for her. It would also provide ye financial stability.”