by A. J. Downey
She cried out, and her hand stilled, I brought her up to a fever pitch and with a final pure, clean shout she bowed back, arching as I pulled her up by a string at her center. Her walls tightened around my invading fingers. Her jumping with her climax jolted me, hard, and I gritted my teeth from the pain that radiated from my shoulder and through my chest.
“Oh!” she cried and tensed beside me, going very still. Her blue eyes locked with mine, radiating concern.
“’s okay,” I hissed between gritted teeth. The pain passed and I unlocked my muscle groups one by one.
“I’m okay. Promise.” I kissed her and she kissed me back, my chest and shoulder throbbing miserably in time with my heartbeat.
Yep, definitely, solidly a silver medal in the bad idea Olympics but at the same time, so worth it. I slipped my hand from between Dani’s thighs, her breath coming in deep, even pants as she tried to catch it.
“You’re really good at that,” she gasped.
“Thanks,” I replied simply. I’d had a lot of practice but I wasn’t going to tell her that. It wasn’t something she needed to hear. When you had a dick the size of mine, you had to be careful. Too many times I’d accidentally hurt a girl without meaning to. Also, too many times my cock had come out, a girl had gotten a good look, and left me cold. I’d gotten good with my hands to compensate. The more aroused the woman, the easier it was for her to take me, so I made sure to go above and beyond before getting my Willy into the mix.
I removed Dani’s gently stroking hand from my cock and kissed her until she was a languid puddle of relaxed goo in my bed. Slowly I untangled my legs from hers. She held very still, so careful not to jerk or jolt me. I smiled.
“Be right back,” I whispered, and stuck my head out the bedroom door. When I was sure the coast was clear, I padded into the bathroom and washed my hands with hot soap and water. I needed to get her tested so we could be sure where we stood with each other but now was so not the time to broach the topic. I returned and slid into bed carefully. She immediately cuddled carefully into my side.
“Did you wash your hands?” she asked without a trace of reproach or judgment in her voice.
“Yeah.” I know I didn’t sound any happier about it than I felt.
“It’s okay. If you hadn’t, I would have made you.”
I didn’t say anything. I mean what the fuck could I say? I’d already gone down on her back at my cabin, so it was a little late now. I should have just held her close, should have just not thought about it. But I had, and I did, and now she was so very still and so very quiet in my arms. Withdrawn back inside her own head, retreated inside her damage. I twisted my head and kissed her hair and she sighed and relaxed a bit.
I wish I could say that I came up with something to say, something good that put her at ease and made her feel better, but I didn’t. Honestly, I was so… just… tired on both a physical and mental level. At least I managed to keep my arms around her, if nothing else. I needed to do better. To be better than this for her. But in order to do that, I needed back on my feet, and the only way to that end was time. I was impatient, not going to lie. I wanted to fix it, but I was new to trying.
I had a taxing day ahead of me tomorrow. I’d decided that even if I couldn’t be much use, that I needed to be there with her, go with her to get her stuff. I’d stay in the truck but I had a feeling that I was going to face an argument about it not only from her, but from Doc. That was okay though. I needed to man up, to show with my actions the things my words failed me on. That she’d caught me, hook, line, and sinker, and that I wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. I dropped into a deep and dreamless sleep far quicker than I would have liked, while turning all of this over in my head. Dani safe and so very still beside me.
Chapter 18
Dani…
I didn’t sleep well, I kept waking at every new sound and I wasn’t used to sleeping with anyone in the bed with me; not that it wasn’t nice, just the opposite. I felt warm and safe curled against Thirteen’s body. It was very nice; I just simply wasn’t used to it. I slipped from the bed and left him, to get a shower and dressed before anyone else was up. I was surprised to find the doctor with a cup of coffee and, of all things, a thick romance novel in his hands, sitting at the bar in the common room, his half-moon glasses perched on the end of his nose.
He looked over at me, “Chandra loved these damned things. Read ‘em all the time. Suppose I just miss her.” His blue eyes grew vacant and bleak, and I nodded. I slipped up onto the bar stool beside him. “Got something you wanna ask me?”
I nodded, “I need an STD test.” I swallowed hard and he sighed, nodding.
“Lemme ask you something, and I’m sorry for being indelicate here but, you been with anyone since I was at yer place?” I pursed my lips and blew out a breath.
“Thirteen, once, and we used a condom,” I confessed.
“Anyone else get to you?” he asked. I shook my head. “Good deal, I can take care of this once and for all with a blood test then. The antibiotics I pumped into that IV would kill anything short of the Herpes Virus, any of the Hepatitis’s and HIV or AIDS, all of those I can test for with a couple of vials of blood. Want I should do it now?”
I nodded and kept mute because if I opened my mouth I was pretty sure that I was going to start screaming and crying. I was a lot of things - scared, angry, and frustrated being at the top of the list - but there was a whole lot more going on in my heart and my head. I settled on cold fury for now. An anger so deep and so cold, it numbed all the rest of it out for now. I was angry at Pig, for sure, and the rest of the MC, but I was angry at me, too.
Doc came back with what he needed in prepared sterile packs, setting up right there on the bar as he peeled this and that open. I shoved back on the sleeve of the black hooded sweatshirt I wore, exposing my inner arm, and closed my eyes as he went to work with the needle. I hated needles, was terrified of them, which is why Pig-Pen tattooing me had almost, almost been worse than taking the brand; but truthfully, the only thing higher on my list of fears than needles, was burning. Ironic, given how much I worked with fire to melt, warp, and shape the metal I worked with to make my jewelry.
“All done.” Doc pressed a cotton ball to the crook of my arm and bent it at the elbow to keep it in place.
“Me next.” We looked over, startled.
“You shouldn’t be out of bed yet,” Doc scowled at his wayward patient.
“Had to get up to piss, saw what you were doing; now do me. Let’s get my girl some closure and some peace of mind.” Thirteen looked good in just a pair of jeans and the gray hooded sweatshirt he was wearing. It was the zip-up kind and he’d left it open over his bare chest.
“Sit yer ass down, then,” Doc ordered with a sigh. “Sooner I do this, the sooner you’ll go back in and lay down, right?”
Thirteen chuckled but it was half-assed at best. He winced, hard. I bit my lip, guilty that what we’d done last night may have something to do with his discomfort today.
“Yeah, whatever you say.”
I helped him with the sleeve of his sweatshirt and Doc drew his blood, too.
“Hey! Look who’s up!” Reaver crowed from the archway leading back towards the rooms.
“Yeah, he shouldn’t be,” Doc grumbled.
More people started coming out and going for the coffee, I shot a questioning look to Thirteen and he nodded.
“Cream and sugar?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah.” He nodded and I went and fixed two cups, bringing him one. Before I knew it, bowls, cereal, and milk were being passed around.
“I miss Sunshine,” Trigger griped, but the look on his face, in his eyes, bespoke sheer misery.
Dray laughed and then winced as he took a sip of the coffee, “I miss Em; breakfast will never be the same without her coffee. She’s ruined me for this swill.”
Trigger laughed at that and the colorfully-tattooed Disney sat down, shirtless, his brown hair in a messy pony tail. He looked good,
too, but the way he carried himself told me that he was completely unaware of any effect he had on anybody. I studied his tattoos and wondered why anyone would permanently ink a zombified version of the Disney princess Ariel from The Little Mermaid into the skin of their ribs. I couldn’t imagine for the life of me, with how bad Pig’s tramp stamp of approval was, that the ribs were a comfortable place to tattoo. Especially with how lean Disney was.
“What’s the plan for today?” he asked, his brown eyes firmly on his bowl of cereal. He’d been completely oblivious to my study, which I was grateful for. I’d been rude for staring.
“Got the crash truck emptied out?” Dragon asked, lighting a cigarette.
“Last night like you asked,” Duracell, a man with bright red, close-clipped hair affirmed.
“Then we’re going and getting Miss Dani’s stuff moved, before those cunts get any ideas about what’s hers and what’s theirs,” Dragon drawled, sucking on the end of his cigarette.
“Thank you,” I said quietly.
“No trouble at all, we take care of our own. It’s what we do,” Disney said and smiled, his light brown eyes warm.
“I wouldn’t be calling her one of ours just yet,” Archer muttered in a sullen tone of voice.
“Man, shut the fuck up. You don’t know shit,” Thirteen blazed at him, covering my hand with one of his. I drew strength from the touch but kept my eyes fixed on my coffee mug. I wanted to shrink into my chair and just disappear if they were going to fight about me. I wanted no part in any of it.
“Jesus Christ, Man. You need to learn to keep your fucking mouth shut. Look at her!” Dray demanded, glaring across the table at Archer who turned his cold green-gold eyes on me. I raised my eyes to meet his and swallowed hard.
“Right now, it seems you have more in common with the Suicide Kings than I do,” I said softly and he recoiled. I stood up, my cold fury finally cracking, its molten core finding an outlet. “They hate me just as much as you do! I’m just a means, a way to line their pockets and a receptacle for their VP’s penis!” I raised my eyebrows at him. Archer stood up, chest heaving.
“Oh! Big man!” I taunted, “I told you to give it your best shot, that not only would I survive, that I’ll win! You want to hit me? Fine! Hit me!” I stayed seated, Thirteen’s hand around mine keeping me grounded as I railed, “You want to bend me over this table? Fine! You can do that, too. It’s nothing that hasn’t been done before! You want to know everything about them from someone that’s been living under their thumb for the last three years?”
Archer stilled at that. I looked at him hard; now he was interested. God! He was just like them! I made a disgusted noise. “Oh! Now I have your attention! Good. While I have it, a few things! One, fuck you! Two, I’m not their fucking whore anymore; and last but not least, stop being such a fucking asshole! I’ve had enough!”
We glared across the table at one another and finally it was Rush who spoke. He was shorter than Archer, not quite as broad through the shoulder, with short, tawny hair and light brown eyes.
“Nobody knows better ‘n me and Nox how pissed you are about Grinder but look at her, Bro. She didn’t fucking do it. I mean, are you listening to what she’s saying? Shit,” he shook his head and looked me in the eye. “Breaks my fuckin’ heart what happened to a pretty girl like you. As soon as you’re done eating, I’d like to help you move.” I nodded and sniffed, angry tears stinging the backs of my eyes. The silence stretched out along both sides of the table and Archer slowly sank into his seat.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you, Archer,” I murmured and looked down to find my hand that was tangled with Thirteen’s, mottled and white. Somehow his strong, sure fingers had found the spaces between mine. He smiled this endearing, crooked smile at me. He winked and leaned over carefully, kissing my temple, breathing “Brave girl,” against my ear, his warm breath a caress that made me close my eyes and wish I were as he said. If I were brave then I would never have been Pig-Pen’s toy, not for so long as I’d been. Finally, someone spoke.
“Archer’s a dick,” Nox said bluntly, “But he’s our brother and its better ‘n being a pussy. I’d like to help you move, too.”
Archer got up abruptly, his chair crashing backwards to the floor. He stormed around the table and out through the archway leading back to the rooms. A moment later we heard a back door crash open and shut.
“He and Grind were close. That doesn’t really excuse his being a dick,” Rush murmured, Nox nodding in agreement.
“No it don’t and he might wanna calm his tits, I’m running low on good graces,” Dragon uttered and gave the two a meaningful look. There were grunts of agreement almost all the way around the table and everyone quietly went back to eating. I closed my eyes and felt my shoulders drop.
Thirteen shook my hand where it was entangled with his gently to get my attention, I met his sea green eyes and he tried that smile on me that always had my heart doing flips.
“Not your fault, Rocket. Don’t worry about it.” he pressed a kiss to the back of my hand and I nodded, but inside I felt like I was falling down a well of despair and I was beginning to wonder if this rollercoaster of emotions I was on was ever going to even out or stop. I just wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep for a week. Instead I found myself washing everyone’s dishes just so I would be left alone long enough to try and sort through everything I was feeling.
“Here,” Doc leaned a hip against the counter and set down an orange pill bottle with just a few small white pills in the bottom. Maybe five or six.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Xanex. I want you to take one. It’ll even you out. You start to panic or feel totally out of control, you got a few to get you through. You’re trying to take on too much all at once, Dani. You need to slow down and breathe.”
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” I said softly.
“Maybe I am… maybe I am,” and with that, he pushed off the counter and went back out into the common room where the guys were all getting ready to head out with me to get the rest of my things.
“I’m going to the hospital, see if I can pull a shift. I need a break from all this shit,” Doc declared and, shrugging into his jacket and cut, swept up his medical bag where he’d stowed mine and Thirteen’s blood samples, and went out the front door.
I took one of the pills, but I didn’t feel any different at first. Then things started to even out. I felt the tension ease from my shoulders and my heart didn’t feel like it was being crushed in my chest, like a fist was squeezing it. I felt a little calmer a little less overwhelmed. I found Thirteen back in his room, sitting on the edge of his bed, trying to pull on his boots. He was dressed. I set the bottle of pills on the nightstand on my side of the bed. He looked at me with worry in his eyes.
“Better?” he asked gently.
“Better,” I affirmed, and he let out this breath.
“Kills me that I can’t do anything for you right now.”
“What are you doing?”
“Going with you and the guys.” He held up his hand when I opened my mouth to speak. “I’ll stay in the truck, but Babe, I’m not leaving you at a time like this.”
I sank down onto the bed beside him and nodded. Truthfully, I’d been scared to go without him. Thirteen was the only thing familiar in an otherwise unfamiliar world right now. It was sad and twisted and fucked up to have him go with me in his state. Incredibly selfish, but I really didn’t want to go without him and so I didn’t argue. Thirteen grabbed his leather jacket off a hook set into the wall behind the door. The Suicide Kings prospect’s cut conspicuously absent from it, which made me smile. Thirteen smiled at me and let me go ahead of him, a question in his eyes.
“They really weren’t your colors anyways, I think you’re more of a summer,” I murmured and he laughed, which made him grimace.
“Don’t make me laugh, Rocket.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmured.
“None of that, either.
You’re fine.” He got the jacket onto himself with a lot of ginger movements and my eyes immediately went to the shoulder.
“Nothing to see, the way they had a hold of me pulled it to the side. Good as it ever was except for a few blood stains in the lining.” He pulled the jacket to the side revealing a thick, black satin lining, of course there was no blood that I could see. Still, I felt my face fall into solemn lines again.
Thirteen’s smile faded around the edges. “I’m fine, Dani, you’re safe, I’m here; you’re free and here with me. It’s all that matters.” I considered him a moment and found myself nodding slowly. He was right. Could it really be that simple?
“Where the fuck you think you’re going?” Dragon demanded.
“With you.”
“I can see that, but ain’t you forgetting something?”
Thirteen arched one brow and Dragon brought out his cut from off the back of his chair. The guys in the common room cheered and Thirteen went to get it. Dragon helped him shrug it on and patted him on the back. Thirteen winced and gave him a dirty look. Dragon grinned and pulled his own jacket and cut off the back of the chair.
I looked at Thirteen in his Sacred Hearts colors and smoothed my lips together, waiting for my feelings to give an uncertain roll or really, for any single one to present itself. I was surprised when the paramount emotion that rose to the surface in the center of my chest was pride. I was proud of Thirteen, standing there, regal in his colors, ‘Red-XIII’ emblazoned on the name flash over his left breast.
It looked right on him and I was struck by just how different these men were. Each shrugging into their own coats and their own set of colors. For one, despite some of their cuts’ ages and rougher appearances, they were all clean. Some freshly showered, some freshly shaven, and while a few wore stained jeans or work pants, they had clearly been freshly laundered or at least recently laundered.
