Boys Will Be Boys

by Jeff Pearlman

  Now Michael Irvin was smiling for the purest of reasons.

  At long last, he knew what it was to be on top of the world.

  He was whole.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  What you have to understand is that you can’t kill the Cowboys. You can do this book and write all the things you want, but you can’t kill the Cowboys.

  —Nate Newton (to me), January 18, 2007

  I am sitting in the café at the Borders in Eastchester, New York—the spot where I have written, oh, 60 percent of this book. Behind the counter is LaToya David, a twenty-four-year-old woman who, two days ago, was mugged while waiting for the bus to take her back home.

  On the six days per week that she works, LaToya makes the fifty-minute commute from the Bronx to Eastchester. She spends seven hours here at Borders, slinging defrosted cinnamon scones and overpriced café au lait bullshit to schlubs like me, then drags herself across Post Road for another five hours behind the cash register at Ann Taylor. When LaToya’s not working, she cares for her ill grandfather.

  Last week LaToya asked her manager at Ann Taylor whether she could slightly alter her schedule to find more time for Grandpa. “Maybe,” she was told, “you need to go someplace else.”

  Every day I take a few minutes and watch LaToya gracefully go about her tasks—make the coffee, heat the bagels, clean the tables, make more coffee. She is a bright young woman stuck in a horrid situation—a person worthy of attending college, not attending to the crazy lady who sits here twelve hours per day sipping from a large cup of hot chocolate while babbling on about Bob Barker’s lovely white hair.

  Yet mixed in with my feelings of empathy for LaToya is a huge dose of fulfillment. Really, of appreciation. Here I am, thirty-six years old, married to a wife I don’t deserve, gifted with two healthy children, getting paid to complete my third book. I am, in every sense of the word, blessed.

  Hence, this is the last time I will ever include the sentence “Writing a book is a nightmare” in my acknowledgments. Because while it can, indeed, seem nightmarish (Dammit! Why hasn’t Tom Myslinski called me back?), the experience is literally a dream come true.

  As a boy growing up in Mahopac, New York, I would scan the shelves of the public library, burning through biographies of men like Bo Jackson and Rod Carew and Terry Bradshaw and Joe Charboneau (yes, Super Joe). Now I’m the one doing the writing.

  Mind-blowing.

  Though the praise and scorn heaped upon a book goes directly to the author, it is—like football—a team effort. To that end, I have been gifted with a pair of editors who are not mere coworkers, but friends. David Hirshey—thanks for the chance to continue to write for HarperCollins. The support and guidance have been invaluable. And to Kate Hamill, the baddest MC this side of Slick Rick, big props on the gangsta tip for keeping it old school and poppin’. Word.

  My agent, David Black, continues to thrash the notion that his is a profession for rodents and gnats. David, you are a great man, a great sounding board, a great evaluator, and the best agent in the biz. One thousand thanks.

  Finding a reporter who doesn’t merely go through the motions can be challenging, but fortunately, I’ve teamed with the Troy Aikman of the profession. Casey Angle, thank you so much for taking this project personally. Boys Will Be Boys is your book as much as it is mine ( just don’t ask for royalties). Furthermore, Tom Cherwin is the best copyeditor I have ever had the pleasure of writing for. The meticulousness is priceless.

  My top proofreaders happen to be two of my closest friends, and their dedication over the years can’t be overstated. The ultra-talented Michael J. Lewis of the Daytona Beach News-Journal is not only one of the finest scribes I know, but a man finally wise enough to ditch the denim jacket and J-E-T-S necklace. (Moment of silence for Adrian Murrell. Thank you.) And while Paul Duer, the onetime Edna’s Edibles co-captain, is not a journalist by trade, he possesses a keen eye for what belongs (and doesn’t belong) in a sports biography. Now if only he’d trust me on Josh Hamilton…

  I spoke to 146 Cowboy players, coaches, and administrators for this book, and from Jimmy Johnson and Jerry Jones to Nate Newton and Tommy Hodson, I want to thank them all for the honest recollections of some crazy days. In particular, I’d like to cite the contributions of Kenny Gant, James Washington, Eric Bjornson, Jeff Rohrer, Kevin Gogan, Jay Novacek, Cory Fleming, Hugh Millen, Bill Bates, Michael Irvin, Ray Horton, Kevin Smith, Cliff Stoudt, Mark Stepnoski, Dennis McKinnon, Crawford Ker, Rob Awalt, Dave Harper, Joe Fishback, Rob Higbee, John Gesek, Jim Jeffcoat, Russell Maryland, Chad Hennings, Alexander (Ace) Wright, and Larry Brown. An extra shout-out goes to three remarkable men—Robert Jones, Darren Woodson, and Clayton Holmes—whose lives serve as both lessons and inspirations. And a big thank-you to Barry Switzer, who opened his wide swath of memories to my pen.

  This book could not have been completed without the assistance of a cornucopia of characters: Mike Murphy, the sage attorney who initially said, “How about the ’90s Cowboys?” when I was thinking my next project might be: I Sing, Too!: The John Oates Story; Denne Freeman, a wonderful writer who took the time to add his Dallas-based knowledge; Jeff Donaldson of the Irvine Spectrum Center Apple Store, who rescued my battered MacBook and whose Flux Capacitor tattoo will never escape my mind; Kaitlin Ingram of the Dallas Observer; Ileana Pena of Fox Sports; Rich Dalrymple of the Dallas Cowboys; Gary Miller of Raleigh Canine Rescue, Inc.; Kyran Cassidy; Joy Birdsong and Natasha Simon of the Sports Illustrated library; David Schoenfield and Thomas Newman of ESPN.com; Bev Oden of the Oden Family Jug Band; Stanley Herz, author of the amazing Conquering the Corporate Career; Arthur Haviland, publicist to the stars; David Kolberg, who doesn’t exist; the always smooth Nick Trautwein; Brian (Deep Throat) Johnson; Professor Bill Fleischman; Laurel Turnbull; Mike Freeman of CBS Sportsline; Mike Silver of Yahoo Sports; Jarrett Bell; Dean Blevins; Rick Cantu; Larry Charlton; Jody Dean; Jim Dent; Mike Doocy; Bruce Feldman; Kenn Finkel; Mike Fisher; Randy Galloway; Rob Geiger; Mark Godich; Rick Gosselin; Dale Hansen; Norm Hitzges; Barry Horn; Mark Kegans; Joe Layden; Richie Whitt; Frank Luksa; Ivan Maisel; Mike McAlister; Gary Myers; Burl Osborne; Jeff Prugh; Brad Sham; Dave Smith; Mickey Spagnolia; Anne Stockwell; Carson Stowers; Jean-Jacques Taylor; Dave Tepps; Chris Worthington; Larry, Diane, Phoebe, James, and Mookie Luftig (aka The Bad Ronald Fan Club); Kim and Colleen O’Neill; Anthony (Paco) Montoya; Steve Cannella and Jon Wertheim—two excellent friends/sounding boards; David (Doovie) Pearlman; Daniel, Naya, and Abraham Pearlman; Dr. Martin Pearlman; Patsy Clay; Leah Guggenheimer, Jordan and Isaiah Williams; Laura and Rodney Cole; Meghan Scott; Richard, Susan, and Dr. Jessica Guggenheimer; Norma “What’s a House Without a Proper Dresser?” Shapiro; Dan, Patrice, and Kyle Monaghan; Reginald Anderson; Lance Lionetti (the biggest Cowboy fan I’ve ever seen); Gary Galvao (the second-biggest Cowboy fan I’ve ever seen); Richard Howell—a fair and honest man in an otherwise sketchy industry; Gil Pagovich; Gloria Chebomui of the Mirage Diner (the refills were always appreciated); Bill Oram, Paula Arrojo; the staff of the Regency Hotel in North Dallas, where the smiles are toothy and the shower liners laced with mysterious hairs.

  My parents, Joan and Stan Pearlman, continue to serve as my greatest role models and friends. (Mom, Dad—the Cowboys are a football team. Football…that game with the weird ball. They have that Super Bowl thing. Yeah, on a Sunday…with all the food…eh, never mind.)

  I’ve seen many marriages, and none match the kinship I have formed with my incomparable wife, Catherine. In the course of writing this book I had the opportunity to sleep with hundreds of Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Because of the unconditional love I possess for my wife, I only took up offers from twelve of them (but I rarely enjoyed it).

  Earlie, I write for you.

  I am also blessed with two children who have reminded me every day that, when push comes to shove, there are more important things than the intricacies of Leon Lett’s sprained knee. Casey, you are everything I’ve ever dreamed about in a daughter. Emmett, my be
autiful (and appropriately named) boy—fish!

  Lastly, I’d like to dedicate this book to the memory of four people: Henry Capro, who never left home without his pocketknife; Heather Fleischman, whose bylines would have sparkled; J. P. O’Neill, who deserved ninety years of Cowboy fandom; and Ann Goldstein, my great-aunt, who died far too young to know the euphoria that is life.

  ENDNOTES

  Chapter 1: Scissors to the Neck

  When Gene Upshaw visited Dallas minicamp Randy Galloway, “Personality of Irvin Has a Catch,” Dallas Morning News, May 29, 1993.

  When Morquisha reached three Jamie Aron, “A Memory Drives a Cowboys’ Lineman,” Associated Press, September 20, 1999.

  “He’s an example of how if you have skill” Ibid.

  “I just lost it,” said Irvin. “I mean, my head, I lost it.” Julie Lyons, “Think Mike,” Dallas Observer, September 5, 2002.

  The tip of the scissors ripped into McIver’s skin Kevin O’Keeffe, “Smooth move, Jerry: Make Irvin pay up,” San Antonio Express-News, August 10, 1998.

  Chapter 2: Save Your Gas

  “As far back as I can remember,” Kent Demaret, “Tom Landry is a Believer: In Himself, His Printouts, His Cowboys and His Lord,” People magazine, December 18, 1977.

  He crashed but once, following a bombing run over Czechoslovakia. Edwin Shrake, “QB or Not QB: That Is the Question,” Sports Illustrated, December 10, 1973.

  Clint Williams Murchinson, Jr., was willing to take the risk William Oscar Johnson, “There Are No Holes at the Top,” Sports Illustrated, September 1, 1982.

  “People want to know what makes Tom tick Shrake, “QB or Not QB: That Is the Question.”

  Schramm offered Landry a five-year contract paying $35,000 Johnson, “There Are No Holes at the Top.”

  “LeBaron used to raise his hand for a fair catch David Moore, “Building America’s Team,” www.dallasnews.com, no date.

  The Cowboys practiced in Burnett Field Tom Landry with Greg Lewis, Tom Landry: An Autobiography, p. 135

  “The America’s Team concept had swept the country,” said Henderson Skip Bayless, God’s Coach, p. 148.

  Bright had first met Landry in 1957 Peter Golenbock, Cowboys Have Always Been My Heroes, p. 693.

  Fast forward to 1988, when Bright’s holdings Ibid., p. 710.

  “Bum would like to see the Cowboys Paul Duke, Jr., “Like Many Other Texas Institutions, the Cowboys Haven’t Found a Buyer,” Wall Street Journal, September 8, 1988.

  An obscure Arkansas oil driller with a cache Ibid.

  “Jonesie had this unique way of verbalizing Jim Dent, King of the Cowboys, p. 54.

  “Nobody,” Sports Illustrated’s Ed Hinton once wrote, Ed Hinton, “Deep into His Job,” Sports Illustrated, September 7, 1992.

  Hence, in 1988 Jones managed to spend Ron Borges, “Dallas Maverick,” Boston Globe, January 31, 1993.

  Located on Lemmon Avenue in Dallas’s Uptown area Joe Simnacher, “Rites Are Wednesday for Mia’s Co-Founder,” Dallas Morning News, January 9, 2001.

  People literally drove across the state to indulge Patricia Sharpe, John Morthland, June Naylor, William Albright, and Eric Gerber, “The Greatest Tacos Ever Sold,” Texas Monthly, December 2006.

  On the morning of February 25, 1989 Bernie Miklasz, “Cowboys Sale Near; Landry Likely Out,” Dallas Morning News, February 25, 1989.

  Bright later presented Jones with a quarter Matt Mosley, “Jones: ‘I Just Remember It Being Overwhelming,’” Dallas Web, February 25, 2004.

  As if the big news of the day were a 4H bake sale Jim Dent, King of the Cowboys, pp. 96–99.

  Normally cool under pressure Ibid., p 98.

  This will be our last…meeting Golenbock, p. 716.

  Chapter 3: The Right Man

  “We haven’t done half a dozen things Ed Hinton, “Deep into His Job,” Sports Illustrated, September 7, 1992.

  “Jimmy never thought there was any difference Ibid.

  With rare exception, Johnson was Ibid.

  He was nicknamed “Scar Head” by a childhood buddy Steve Hubbard, Shark Among Dolphins, p. 67.

  As a senior against Nebraska. Jimmy Johnson, Turning the Thing Around, pp. 70–76.

  As an assistant coach at Picayune Ibid., p. 78.

  Lacking gear for so many “players,” Ibid., p. 99.

  Midway through a convention of college coaches Ed Hinton, “Deep into His Job.”

  Several weeks later Jankovich offered Johnson the job Johnson, pp. 104–9.

  When safety Bennie Blades intercepted Bruce Feldman, ’Cane Mutiny, pp. 60–61.

  From his seat in the CBS booth, broadcaster Ara Johnson, pp. 124–25.

  Switzer’s Sooners were led by linebacker Brian Bosworth Feldman, pp. 76–83.

  Chapter 4: The Asthma Field

  Early in camp kicker Shaun Burdick Ron Borges, “Jones and Johnson Are Riding Herd on Cowboys,” Boston Globe, September 19, 1989.

  Fifth-round draft choice Keith Jennings “Draftee Jennings Walks Out,” Dallas Cowboys Official Weekly, August 5, 1989.

  “Ray,” Johnson coolly informed the media Ron Borges, “Jones and Johnson Are Riding Herd on Cowboys.”

  Though Johnson was open to the idea of bringing Pelluer back David Barron, “Cowboys QB White Retires,” United Press International, July 12, 1989.

  “This is not a formality,” he told Sports Illustrated. Austin Murphy, “A Duel in the Sun,” Sports Illustrated, August 21, 1989.

  Chapter 5: Henryetta Troy

  Troy Aikman officially joined the Dallas Cowboys Gene Wojciechowski, “A Very Good Year—To Forget,” Los Angeles Times, June 22, 1990.

  “It takes a while for someone to gain my trust,” he said. Pat Jordan, “Troy’s Triumph; Troy Aikman, Quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys,” Playboy, October 1993.

  Raised in the Southern California town of Cerritos Troy Aikman, Things Change, pp. 2–4.

  Though he overcame the condition to become one of the town’s best Pat Jordan, “Troy’s Triumph; Troy Aikman, Quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.”

  “We ended up seven miles out of town John Ed Bradley, “Troy Aikman,” Sports Illustrated Presents: Troy Aikman: A Salute to an NFL Legend, July 26, 2006.

  Like countless boys growing up outside of Los Angeles Aikman, pp. 2–4.

  “He was a tough old country boy who loved football,” Pat Jordan, “Troy’s Triumph; Troy Aikman, Quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.”

  Hence, Troy Aikman began his junior high gridiron Aikman, p. 10.

  Years later, Troy still recalls Jill Lieber, “True Grit at Quarterback,” USA Today, January 5, 1996.

  One could throw five hundred jobs into a hat Jeff Weinstock, “Troy Aikman Interview,” Sport Magazine, July 1993.

  “None of us matured as soon as Troy did,” Alison Colburn, “Ex-Teammates Say Aikman Era Exciting,” Tulsa World, January 29, 1996.

  “Barry wanted to run the wishbone. Barry Tramel, “Decision to Leave OU Set Aikman’s Career in Motion,” Daily Oklahoman, August 30, 1992.

  Chapter 6: Would the Mother Who Left Her 11 Kids at Texas Stadium Please Come and Get Them!

  “Our rivalry is certainly as big as it ever was,” Mike Rabun, “Cowboys, Redskins Both 0–2 Entering Sunday Showdown,” United Press International, September 23, 1989.

  To kick off the afternoon, Jones escorted actress Elizabeth Taylor Tom Friend, “Redskins Envelop Underdeveloped Cowboys, 30–7,” Washington Post, September 25, 1989.

  Receiver Art Monk, a Redskin since 1980 Mike Rabun, “Redskins 30, Cowboys 7,” United Press International, September 24, 1989.

  While most boys were busy chasing girls Jeff Prugh, The Herschel Walker Story, p. 45.

  “Herschel Walker!” wrote Jim Minter Ibid.

  Walker studied dance in college Howard G. Chua-Eoan, “People,” Time, April 18, 1988.

  “My problem is I have never let people Jill Lieber, Sports Illustrated, “Please, Let Me Run,” June 29, 1992.