The Christmas Baby Bonus

by Yvonne Lindsay

  “Through the written word only. And, yes, before you remind me again, I have been in touch with Lydia and, not so surprisingly, she canceled dinner. It seems she wasn’t quite ready for instant motherhood.

  “But, back to you—after you left I was worried about you and until I was certain I could take Casey out of state with me, I couldn’t exactly drop everything and come running to check on you, either.”

  She’d been aware of all that. She automatically went through the motions of making his coffee from the espresso machine in the corner. Once it was made to his preferred specifications, black and sweet, she carried his mug across to his desk.

  “As you can see, you had nothing to worry about. I’m fine.”

  Piers put the carrier with the sleeping baby on his desk and turned to face her. His hand shot up and his fingers captured her chin lightly, tilting her face toward his. A shiver of anticipation ran through her. Was he planning to kiss her? Here, in the office?

  “Still too many shadows, Faye. Too many secrets. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us,” he said gently. “Not anymore.”

  “Secrets? I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m an open book.”

  He laughed, a short, sharp sound that expressed his disbelief far more eloquently than any words could have done.

  “Okay, so you want to play it that way for now. Fine. We’ll get back to business, but you won’t be able to hide from me forever.”

  Casey chose that moment to wake and squawk his disapproval with his new surroundings. Faye was riveted by the sight of Piers, in full corporate splendor, lifting the child from the car seat and holding him to him as if he’d been doing it from the day Casey had been born. The little guy settled immediately.

  “You’re spoiling him,” Faye noted, settling behind her desk.

  “According to Meredith, you can’t spoil a baby. You can only love them. I’m inclined to agree.”

  Faye felt that all too familiar clench in her chest. She knew very well how it felt to love babies. And to lose them.

  “Have you had any more news from your lawyers?”

  “They tell me they’re going to attempt a case based on abandonment. As Quin’s next of kin, they believe I stand a strong chance of being able to adopt Casey outright. At the very least the emergency guardianship application has been approved.”

  “Are you sure that’s what you want to do? Adoption? It’s a big commitment. What if his mom changes her mind? What if even now she’s looking for him?”

  “She knew where to find me the first time, she can find me again. If she does reach out, then maybe we can get to the bottom of why she didn’t see fit to contact us earlier about Casey.”

  Faye thought back to the note. “Do you think she knew that Quin had...?” Her voice trailed away.

  “To be honest, no. I think she heard I was coming back to the house for Christmas and acted impulsively. Maybe she thought I was Quin. Who knows? From what we’ve been able to glean, she worked on a temporary basis for the company that catered for me. She’s very young, only nineteen. She’s from Australia and had been backpacking her way across the country and picking up casual work where she could. I don’t even know if Casey was born in Wyoming. Whatever the case, his place is with me.”

  Piers’s voice was emphatic on that last statement.

  “Well, as long as you realize he’s not like a toy you can pick up and put down at whim. He’s a lifetime commitment. When you start a new relationship, I hope, whoever she is, she’s on board with having a baby in her life.”

  Piers shot her a searing glance. She could see the banked irritation in his eyes.

  “What are you implying, Faye? That I’ll just ignore Casey when it suits me?”

  “I’m not implying anything. But, let’s face it, you’ve only had a few weeks with a baby, part of which you had with me and the rest with Meredith who probably hardly let you hold him once she got there. You didn’t have any work or other priorities to deal with, so you could focus completely on him. It’s not the real world. The reality involves dealing with fevers and colds, teething, colic, potty training, tantrums, sleepless nights on top of the busy schedule you usually keep. You seem to think it’s going to be a walk in the park, but it’s not like that. Raising a child is damn hard work.”

  “And you’d know because?” He pinned her under a hard stare, silently demanding she answer him.

  “I know because I’m not some Pollyanna who thinks everything is always going to be all right. Bad things happen. Life doesn’t always go the way you expect to.”

  As soon as she said the words she wished them back. It was almost the anniversary of Quin’s death. Piers knew as well as anyone else who’d suffered great loss that life could deliver unexpected blows along with the highs.

  She hastened to make amends. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m out of line. I’ll get out of your way. I have a meeting with the new brand manager at ten so I’d better get down to marketing.”

  “Yeah, you do that,” he said, his voice carrying a note of determination that made Faye’s stomach lurch a little. “And while you’re at it, ask yourself why you keep such strong emotional barriers up between you and everyone else. It’s not just me, is it? It’s everyone. Because while you’re questioning my ability to commit to Casey, I think perhaps you ought to be asking yourself why you’re not capable of committing to anything but your work.”

  She looked at him in shock. His acuity cut straight through everything and got immediately to the point. She took in a deep, steadying breath and met his gaze, but even as she did so she could feel the sting of tears burning at the backs of her eyes.

  Piers saw the moisture begin to collect and his expression turned stricken. “Faye, I’m sorry, this time I overstepped.”

  “No, it’s okay,” she said, blinking fiercely and waving a hand between them. “I’d better go.”

  * * *

  Piers watched her leave, feeling as if he was little more than a slug that had crawled out of a vegetable patch. What on earth had spurred him to be so cruel to Faye like that? Was it because she’d hit a nerve when questioning his commitment to Casey? Or had it been her comment about bad things happening to people? Which she apologized for, the voice at the back of his mind sternly reminded him. Either way, he knew he’d done wrong. He couldn’t afford to lose her and it wasn’t just because she knew his company almost as well as he knew it himself.

  The last two weeks without her had been oddly empty. Sure, he’d been busy with the baby, who’d already grown and changed in that short time. Yes, Meredith had helped him, but he’d made sure he’d been Casey’s primary caregiver. But Faye’s absence had made him all the more aware of what she’d come to mean to him on a personal level. If only he could get past that barrier she kept so firmly between them. He sensed the only way that would happen would be if he learned what had occurred in her past to make her so closed off and wary.

  Obviously his people had done a background check before she’d been offered the job here, but it had focused on her credentials and experience, and had been peripheral to what he needed to know about her now. Maybe he needed to delve a little deeper. A part of him cautioned him about digging into her past without her knowledge—warned him that if she wanted him to know that much about her, she’d tell him herself. But Piers didn’t get things done by waiting for other people. Sometimes you just had to take control and steer the course yourself. This was one of those times.

  By the time Faye returned from her meeting, Piers was satisfied that before long he’d get to the root of why she held herself so aloof. Of course, it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t keep trying to glean what he could from her in the meantime. As soon as she was back in the office, he rose from his desk and walked over to her.

  “Everything go okay with the brand manager?”


  “Yes, perfect in fact. You made an excellent choice there.”

  “I know people,” he said without any smugness.

  It was one of his greatest strengths and he wasn’t afraid to admit it. It was also the reason why he knew Faye had unplumbed depths he needed to explore. She deserved more in her life than the shell of existence he knew she lived. She deserved to feel, to laugh—to love.

  “You do seem to have a knack there,” she admitted wryly.

  “I’m glad you think so, but I’d like your help with the meetings I’ve scheduled for the afternoon. An agency is sending over some nannies for interviews. I want to establish a nursery for Casey on this floor. I was thinking of repurposing the archive room a couple of doors down, actually. Archives can be moved to another floor. I’ll need someone who can be here with Casey during the day and at home when I have to make an overnight trip anywhere—although I plan to minimize travel where possible from now on.”

  Faye looked at him in surprise. “You want me to help you with interviews?”

  “Of course, you’re my right hand here.”

  She looked uncomfortable. “But choosing a nanny... Surely that’s something you should do on your own.”

  “Why?”

  She was running again, moving into classic avoidance mode, although perhaps not quite as literally as she had back at the lodge.

  “Well... I...”

  “I trust your judgment, Faye. Will you help me?”

  He’d chosen his words carefully, knowing her pride in her work wouldn’t allow her to say a flat-out no if he phrased it like that.

  “Why me? Maybe you should ask someone else on staff who already has children and has hired nannies before.”

  “But you know what I need. You always do. First appointment is after lunch.”

  He saw her visibly sag. “Fine, I’ll be ready. Is there anything in particular you want me to look out for?”

  “No, just use your judgment like you always do. I know you won’t be shy in telling me what you think. And, Faye,” he continued just as she started to turn and walk away, “I want to apologize for my comment earlier about commitment. It was unkind of me to say that especially when you’ve always been there for me when I needed you.”

  “It’s fine. Consider it forgotten.”

  “No, I can’t forget it because I know I hurt you and it hurts me to know I did that. That said, things have changed between us and I’d like to see where we go from here.”

  “Changed?”

  “You’ve forgotten our lovemaking already?” he teased.

  Even though he kept his tone light, deep down he felt a slight sting at the idea she’d put that incredible night to the back of her memory.

  “Oh, that,” she said, coloring again. “No. I haven’t forgotten. Any of it.”

  “And it doesn’t make you curious about maybe exploring that side of our relationship further?”

  She shook her head firmly. “No. To be honest, I’ve thought about little else since I came home and, frankly, I think we should forget it.”

  “I can’t forget it. I can’t forget you.” He stepped closer to her and took her hands in his. “I want to know you better, Faye. Sure, I know how great you are here at work. I also know how you sound when we make love. I know how to bring you pleasure, but...” He let go of one hand to tap gently at her forehead. “In here, I don’t think I know you at all—and I really, really want to. Will you let me in, Faye? Will you let me know you?”

  She looked shaken, uncertain...but he believed he was having an impact, that she was at least considering the idea.

  A phone on her desk began to ring and Piers bit back a curse. Faye pulled loose from his hold.

  “I’d better get that,” she said, her voice sounding choked.

  “Sure, but we will finish this discussion, Faye. I promise you. I won’t give up. You mean too much to me.”

  And leaving that statement ringing in her ears, he left the room.

  Ten

  The nanny interviews went extremely well. So well, in fact, that Faye couldn’t fault any of the women or the highly qualified male pediatric nurse who’d applied. When Piers suggested they discuss the applicants over dinner at his house, Faye sensed a rat, but she knew he wouldn’t back down and decided the easiest thing would be to face him and get it over with.

  She went home after work, showered and changed into a loose pair of pants and a long-sleeved silk blouse that drifted over her skin like a lover’s touch. Huh? Where had that thought come from?

  She frowned as she checked her reflection in the mirror. The cornflower blue of the silk with its darker navy print in a tribal pattern here and there made her eyes look more blue than gray. Was this too dressy? she wondered. Maybe she should just put on something she’d wear at work.

  A glance at the time scotched that idea. Piers was expecting her in twenty minutes and it would take her all of that to get to his place in the Palisades. She slid her feet into low-heeled sandals, grabbed her bag and headed out the door. She took the Pacific Coast Highway to the turnoff, letting the view of the sea calm her—a comfort she badly needed when the prospect of spending the evening with Piers, and likely Casey, was the least relaxing thing she could think of.

  Piers answered the door himself when she arrived, his cell phone stuck to his ear. He gestured for her to come in and take a seat in the living room off the main entrance. Rather than sit, Faye strolled over to the large French doors that opened to the gardens and looked out toward the pool. Despite the elegance and expense he’d put into furnishing the house, it looked and felt very much like a home. Although she’d been there many times for work, somehow this visit felt different. A tiny shiver ran down her back and she rubbed her arms before wrapping them around herself.

  “Cold?” Piers asked from behind her, making her jump a little.

  “No, it’s nothing.”

  “You’re nervous then.”

  “I am not,” she protested. “I have nothing to be nervous about.”

  He studied her for a few seconds before quirking his mouth a little, as if he’d accepted what she said on face value and nothing more. It made her instinctively bristle, but she was prepared to let it drop if he was.

  “Sorry I was on the phone when you arrived. It was my lawyer’s office. They’ve tracked down Casey’s mom. Turns out she’s back in Australia.”

  “And? Is she okay?”

  “That was the first thing I asked them. Apparently she’s doing fine and she remains adamant that she wants nothing to do with Casey.”

  Faye felt a strong tug of sympathy for the little guy. “Why did she have him then, if she didn’t want him? What was she thinking?”

  “I get the impression she wasn’t thinking much at all. She came to the US after ditching her boyfriend in Australia. She fell into a relationship with a new guy here, but he left her when they found out she was expecting. He said it couldn’t be his baby because he was infertile, which, according to her, left Quin as the only other possible father.

  “She says she tried to get ahold of Quin but never got an answer when she called his phone, which would make sense, of course.” Piers’s eyes grew bleak and he drew in another breath before continuing. “According to what she told the lawyer, she stayed in Wyoming, drifting from casual job to casual job until she had the baby. By then she’d saved enough to go home again. She’d originally believed Casey to be her boyfriend’s child but when he told her he was infertile and their relationship broke down and she couldn’t get ahold of Quin, she honestly didn’t know where to turn. She hadn’t wanted to call on her family back in Australia and, living a transient lifestyle here, had no idea of how to seek help. Now, she only sees Casey as a hindrance and, also according to my lawyer, is willing to sign off all her rights to access.”

>   “She is getting legal counsel about her decision, isn’t she?”

  “I’ve insisted on it and agreed to pay all her expenses. I’ve also requested she have a psychological assessment. I would hate for her decision to be based on any possible psychosis as a result of having Casey.”

  Faye nodded in agreement. “That’s a good idea. I’m glad you’ve done that.”

  “She insisted it wasn’t necessary and that she simply wants to close the door on this episode of her life, but when we said we’d cover all costs, she reluctantly agreed.”

  “Did she know Quin had passed away?”

  “Apparently not. She heard that I was coming up to the house and assumed I was the guy she’d had a relationship with. Although ‘relationship’ is a bit of a misnomer. It seems they were nothing more than a few brief liaisons during and after New Year’s Eve.

  “Anyway,” Piers continued, “I’m leaving everything I can in the hands of my lawyers and my most pressing concern right now is choosing who I trust the most to be able to help me provide the best care for Casey.”

  He poured them both a drink. A Scotch on the rocks for him and a mineral water for her. They sat side by side on the sofa and pored over the folders he’d brought home.

  “I think you should go with these two,” Faye said, putting her finger on the guy’s CV and one of the slightly older women.

  “Tell me why.”

  “Well, I think they both have some very strong experience. Jeremy’s worked in pediatrics and needs more regular hours to support his wife while she completes her degree, and Laurie has excellent references from all of her past positions. In fact, she’s only leaving her current role because the family is moving to the UK and Laurie doesn’t want to go. They could rotate from week to week between the office and the house. One week, day shifts. The next, nights.”

  “Do I really need two nannies? I plan to be on hand in the evenings and if Casey needs me during the night.”

  “I know you plan to minimize travel, but what about when you do site visits and you’re away for several days, or if you’re called to troubleshoot a problem at short notice and can’t get home at night? Not to mention business dinners and other events that you can’t skip that could take you away for hours at a time. Getting a sitter for him every time would be a hassle, and it would be rough for Casey, too. He needs continuity—to feel familiar with the person caring for him. Babies respond better to routine.”