Burn It Down (The Burn Series Book 2)

by Dee Ellis

  Finn’s hands were huge and rough and always a little dirty. A flash of those dirty hands cupping my breasts as I watched him, head between my legs, his mouth kissing my pussy just as deeply as he did my mouth, made my thighs clench.

  Jesus Christ. My breathing was erratic and I was flushed and I looked up to see Jordan’s eyes flashing hungrily. Well, shit.

  “Not sure I know how to. See you next week, Mr. Dexter.” I stood and gathered my things, dropping his hand.

  “Gigi, wait.” I paused at the door before I felt him move close. Too close. His jeans brushed against the thin material of my leggings.

  “Mr. Dexter, please. I need to...” I closed my eyes when I felt his hands at my hips, tugging me back. Bringing my ass against the bulge pulsing behind his zipper.

  “You are so beautiful, Ms. Cooper. Let me make you smile again.” The words were spoken against my neck before wet heat pressed to my skin.

  Jesus Christ, he thought my reaction was for him. Gigi, you are an idiot! Just feet away, I heard students talking and laughing. The halls were mostly empty between classes. It was cold outside, bitterly so, and I thought for sure a press of student bodies might have saved me.

  My eyes were closed tight. Jordan’s body felt foreign against mine. I was taller than he was, especially in my boots. He pressed closer, one hand slipping up my left side slowly.

  It felt all wrong, and tears slid from my eyes. Before he could make purchase, one hand aiming between my legs, the other shoving beneath my sweater, I bolted. I barely made it to the ladies’ room before I broke down.

  I collapsed into the large back stall and wept. My skin burned where he had touched me. Not like it should. Not the way it did when Finn touched me and made me feel wanted and desire burned through me. I literally felt scorched, like I had put my hand on a burner.

  The bathroom was empty and I spent too long perched atop that toilet, sobbing. I almost relished the pain. Because then I knew it had happened. Finn had happened to me. For me, at least, it had been real.

  Sometime later, I pulled myself together and scrubbed at my face. I wanted to shower. I felt dirty for letting Jordan touch me. For letting him think that hungry flash for Finn had been about him at all. Instead of heading to my next class, I left.

  Stopping at the commons on the corner, I stocked up on tissue, ice cream, and wine. Screw Bree. I didn’t need her to be okay with how I dealt with this. Or didn’t deal with it. I didn’t need to talk about it. Talking changed nothing. Talking did me no good.

  After a long shower that left my pale skin pink from the heat, I sunk into my bed. Bree had classes all day, but that hardly mattered. Lately she made herself scarce, regardless of classes or partying. Really, I should be pissed that my best friend wasn’t trying harder to help me cope. Not that I wanted to cope just yet.

  Still, Bree had been my best friend since high school. We were polar opposites, yet once very close. We tolerated each other's filthy mouths like I accepted Bree's spotty attendance in crucial life moments. Before now, I had no reason to think that perhaps Bree was not such a good friend.

  Then, Cage met Charli Dixon. It’s crazy how one person can change so much, so fast. Without really trying. Charli was what a friend should look like. Since we met a few weeks after she started seeing my brother, I was as gone as he was. Charli was funny and smart and cared so damn much about everyone.

  When I told her about Finn, she was excited for me. No judging about the complex situation or his questionable morals. I wanted Finn, so Charli wanted me to have him. It was that simple. Just a few days ago, she and Cage had tried to lure us back together.

  Maybe not to mend the damage, but to force us both to face it. I'd been avoiding our lunches, afraid of an intervention. I knew Charli would see my heart breaking right in front of her and want to fix it.

  I also knew I might let her, because lord knows I didn’t know how to start. I’d never had it broken before. I had never given it to anyone else. Just Finn.

  Thinking I loved Finn, and actually experiencing what it could be like were two different things. To know his touch and remember his laugh that was different when it was just us tore at the wound in my chest. I wanted him back. I wanted him to want me back. Didn’t mean I thought we could work.

  When Charli took me to lunch then invited me back to the cottage, I went reluctantly. I knew the boys were moving Cage in, and I was expected to take over his place. Until that night I didn't have an answer. Because as much as it hurt, I wanted to be near Finn.

  “Just…learn to be around him again right now.” Charli had suggested as we sat in my Prius a block away. In front of the cottage, I saw the boys. Saw my Finn.

  They were talking and I could just barely hear his voice. I couldn’t make out what he was saying, but I didn’t need to. God, he was beautiful. Tall and wide with thick, dirty blonde hair that just touched his shoulders. The thick beard added to his sexy ruggedness.

  I missed him. I was miserable, and he and Cage were having beers and shooting the shit. My heart cracked open a little wider knowing it wasn’t ripping him apart like it was me. Then, he hurled his beer at a tree and hollered at Cage.

  “Fuck you, man!” Charli and I exchanged a look before rushing to intervene.

  Cage was doing his part to fix it. I'd known when he'd taken me out for coffee days before. Cage hated to pay seven dollars for frou-frou coffee. His words, not mine. I’d pay to have that sweet shit pumped into my veins.

  We sat together in the fluffy leather seats by a little fire. I waited, knowing he was about to say something that was tough for him. Then he spoke, and my broken heart splintered more.

  “I’m so sorry, Red,” Cage stared into the fire as he spoke, “I fucked us both up at once. I don’t get it because it’s Finn. I mean, Finn. I don’t need to get it. I see something in your eyes when you look at him. I know you may not be ready to talk to him, to see him. To forgive him. Once you are--because it's Finn, so you will--I won't stand in the way again. I love you both. I know I fucked up; I was so wrapped up with Charli. I’m sorry, Gigi. Don’t make him pay for my mistakes.” Cage had given his blessing. Two months too late.

  Then days ago, I was certain they were going to come to blows. Giving me his blessing was not the same as giving it to Finn. We all knew that. Cage wanted Finn to suffer some more. To earn me somehow. That night, Charli and I rushed to intervene; Finn was gone, already two blocks away.

  I wanted to go after him. To do what they had brought us there that night to do. To talk about it. To figure it out. Try to decide if I could forgive him for his mistakes. Two weeks earlier, I had told him I was done. With him, with us. Seeing him that night proved what a fucking liar I was.

  “What is going on?” I had demanded, eyes flickering between the two most important men in my life.

  “Finn is hurting,” Cage had seemed angry, shockingly enough at me and not Finn, “more than I have ever seen him hurt. He can’t even be around you right now, Gigi. He’s a fucking mess. I know you are too, even though you think acting like you’re fine fools us. At least Finn has the guts to show how fucked up he is over you two. You knew who he was, Gigi. More than even I did, probably. You walked out on him. Finn never thought he had a right to you. By walking out on him, you proved him right.” Cage blasted me with truth that sent me into Charli’s arms.

  Now I laid here, my chest aching and my tears dried. I gave up on us, not Finn. I didn’t trust him. Because I never thought I had a right to him either. I wanted him for so fucking long. Getting him seemed like a cruel joke because I knew he would never really be mine.

  Except he was. Until I walked out. I never even gave him the chance to try to fight for us. I never fought for us either. Because I thought it was a temporary thing for Finn. An extended stay over on my journey, not one he intended to be permanent.

  Except, maybe he did.

  Lying in the early afternoon sun, I missed him. So badly. It overwhelmed the ache of pain that his refusal to
claim me to Cage, or anyone really, had left me with. I wanted him more than I wanted to be angry at him.

  Reaching for my phone, I scrolled through the texts I still couldn’t delete. Not just the ones since I walked out of his place weeks ago. I had texts that went as far back as the middle of summer. When I started texting Finn just to get the contact I needed. I smiled despite my sadness as I read over some favorites.

  Finn: Damn, you look good in that skirt, baby. How about you never wear that to the firehouse again, though. I don’t like the guys looking at you. Just weeks after we started, I realized he had a jealous streak. Which. I. Loved.

  Me: You don’t mean that. I wore it for you. I might not be wearing panties. I mean…you can come find out.

  I had been there to bring Cage a book for Charli. Really, I was of course there to see him, of course. Finn ordered me to the bathroom where he fucked me hard from behind while keeping a gentle hand across my mouth.

  Finn: Baby I’m sorry. You just drive me fucking crazy. I wanted you for so long. I don’t want anyone else to know how fucking good you feel or how sweet you taste.

  Finn: Cage knows something. Keeps catching me texting you. The next day he had panicked and we didn’t see each other for almost a week.

  Me: Tell him. Or let me. Or stop leading me on. I’m not your fucking on call badge bunny, Finn Cooper. Seconds after that text, he reminded me why I was so crazy about him.

  Finn: We will, Sweet Girl. I promise, Gigi. I just...I can’t lose you now. I can’t go back to being without you if he forbids me to see you. I won’t. Please, let me tell him so he knows I’m with you for the right reasons. I promise I am. It doesn’t turn me on or excite me to think we might get caught. It scares the shit out of me. I can’t lose you, Gigi. I scrolled to a more recent one, swiping at my tears although I was smiling.

  Finn: You are so beautiful, Gigi. When you sleep, I just watch you and wonder what the fuck I’m doing. You’re the best thing I’ve ever known and I don’t want to fuck it up. I probably will, though. Don’t let me, Sweetheart. Please, don’t let me.

  Before I knew what I was doing, I responded to his latest text. The one after our last night together. The night I told him I was done with him. Because I had to be. Or I should be. But I didn’t want to be and wasn’t even sure I could be.

  Cage was right; I would forgive him. Someday. Because Finn was always going to be a part of our lives, somehow. They really were like brothers and Finn would do anything for Cage. Which was why sneaking around with me should have proved something to me.

  Finn would never hurt Cage. He did everything he could not to; even banging that badge bunny had been to keep her away from Cage. Finn being with me could ruin his relationship with Cage. Both of us knew that and he did it anyway.

  Me: I’m so sorry, Finn. I don’t know...I don’t know how to be okay now. I miss you. After I sent it, I regretted it; I didn’t want to confuse us both more than we already were.

  Finn: I miss you too, Sweet Girl. I wish I'd been the man you saw when you looked at me. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m not okay either. I’m not...I’m just not the same without you, Gigi.

  Me: Don’t hate me. I don’t hate you. I’m moving into Cage’s. Not to hurt you. I won’t rate them anymore. I promise. I didn’t think he would bring women home in front of me so I’m not sure why I said the last comment.

  Finn: I could never hate you, Gigi. Having you close is going to be hard. I want you here. I don’t want anyone else, Gigi. No one could beat my ten, why bother trying? I smiled into my pillow and wished he was there with me, holding me like he used to.

  Me: You will always be a Cooper. I need to be okay to be near you again. Finn...I’ll always want you. How do you feel about that? Why did I tell him that? Other than it being true, of course.

  Finn: Sweet girl, I will always want you too. Always. I feel like I want you to always want me. Maybe someday I can be the man who deserves you. I wish I was there with you because I know you’re hurting. Tears were streaming down my face now, but I needed to say these things. To put them out there.

  Me: You are the man who deserved me. Until you didn’t. I wish I was there. I fucking hate it here. I’m so scared about my future, Finn. He was the only one who knew I was struggling. Who knew school was less than easy for me right now.

  Finn: I know you are, Sweet Girl. Tell me right now what you could do if school and being a Cooper didn’t matter? Who would you want to be? Finn had asked me that a few times before but I never had an answer. I did now.

  Me: The truth? No matter how bad it hurts? The dots danced, and my chest went tight as I readied to throw myself on his mercy.

  Finn: Truth. We both could use some truth. Your truth could never hurt as bad as mine hurt you. I smiled because I was about to prove him wrong.

  Me: Since I was fourteen I've wanted two things. To capture photos of something important, something that makes people feel something.

  The dots bounced before I could say the second thing and I found myself smiling. He knew I loved photography and let me snap all the pics I wanted of him looking like a fucking Adonis.

  Finn: So, do it. Your photos make me feel stuff. I still have the one you took of us in the park. You were so fucking beautiful and right then, you were all mine.

  I wanted to know more about how he felt about that photo; we spent the day at Auburn Park with a picnic and lots of cuddling in the grass. It was more romantic than I knew he could be.

  That day I only had eyes for him, though. Judging by the photos I developed later, the same was true for him. When I looked at that photo, which sat at my bedside table even now, I saw two people in love.

  Me: Tell me what that photo makes you feel. Please. Finn responded immediately as I stared at the photo, wondering if he was doing the same.

  Finn: I feel like the people in that photo didn’t know what they had. I feel like when I look at it, I know how I feel about you. How you felt about me. Like for that day, that moment, nothing else mattered. Not your family or mine. Not fires or rescues or school or any of it. Just the two of us letting ourselves have something special. God, I loved him. More than I could understand, given how he had hurt me; how I had never felt like enough for him, even when he was mine.

  Finn: What was the second thing you wanted? Of course, he remembered.

  Me: You, Finn. I always wanted you. I didn’t know how it might hurt him, because I didn’t know if I could let myself have him. Even though I still wanted him.

  Finn: Sweetheart...I know I fucked up. I lost you. I know I don’t deserve a second chance. I want it though. I want to stay away because I can’t hurt you again. I know I don’t deserve you, Gigi. I meant it before, Gigi. I will always want you. Someday, you decide I can be what you need; I will drop everything for you. You tell me right now to keep my dick in my pants for the rest of time, because I might get to be inside you again, I’ll lock that shit up. I laughed out loud as I shuddered with tears. Tears of remorse and release, of relief that I was talking to him.

  Me: Would you, really? Without knowing what I wanted, you’d promise me not to touch another woman? Or if I don’t ask that...someday I come to you and you have a girl. I tell you I want you...that’s it? I don’t know why I was asking such foolish questions.

  Finn: Abso-fucking-lutely, Sweet Girl. I won’t ever feel a single thing like what I had with you. Tell me to lock my dick up, baby. Tell me to tattoo your fucking name on it if you want. Two months or two years you come to my door step wanting me back? I could be inside another broad and I’d drop her to have you back.

  Me: And me? What do I do in the mean time? While I figure my shit out?

  Finn: Truth? You let another man touch what’s mine, I might kill you both. You need to get off you let me make you come. I’ll make you come right now. Just ask. We’re fucked up, baby. We don’t know shit about what we want. It’s okay not to know what we want to be or who we want to become. I fucked up and I got no right saying this, but...you’re mi
ne until you tell me you’re done and fucking mean it. Saying it with my cock inside you doesn’t count, Sweet Girl. Suddenly, I was hot everywhere and I wanted him to keep his word. To make me come again.

  Me: Do it then. Lock your cock up. Promise me. Before I could regret saying it, my phone rang in my hand, his face lighting up the screen.

  “Tell me your pussy is locked up too.” Finn growled into my ear, making me wetter than I thought a few words could.

  “Locked up tight.” I giggled at the innuendo, and he groaned before I heard shifting around.

  “Fucking right it’s tight. I miss it wrapped around my cock. You in bed, Sweet Girl?” My head nodded even though he couldn’t see me.

  “Yes. Finn. FaceTime me. I need to see your face. I want you to make me come.” Another growl filled my ear, and I whimpered, knowing he’d give me what I wanted. Because he wanted it too.

  “Get naked. Right now. Don’t you touch that pussy till I tell you to, Gigi.” I moaned and nodded, ending the call and doing as he told me to.

  What in the actual fuck was I doing? I told him two weeks ago we were done. He was kind of right though; I couldn’t really mean it with his huge cock buried deep inside me. Owning me. Because we both knew he did.

  I rushed to the door, locking it just in case, then shoved at my clothes and climbed back into bed. I ducked beneath the covers, flushed and out of breath. I was soaked and I wanted to touch myself, but I felt like he would know.

  It might be a terrible idea to have phone sex with the man who had broken my heart. Then again, Cage was kind of right; maybe I was the one who had broken our hearts. My phone rang with the distinct FaceTime tone, and I almost chickened out. I wanted it more than I was worried about the damage it could cause us.

  “H-hey.” My room was quite except for my breathing, my chest flushed as I fumbled with the phone.

  “Hey, beautiful. I was afraid you might not answer. Let me see you. I miss your body so fucking much.” I flushed more, my pale skin as pink as it had been after my shower.