by Dee Ellis
Finn dropped to his knees facing me, large hands cupping my jaw. It should have felt awkward or ludicrous sitting there naked in our hallway.
It might have, but I didn’t notice. I noticed the emotions swirling in Finn’s eyes as he searched my face. As if looking for something he could only find in me.
I wanted to give him whatever he wanted, but I didn’t know what that was. Not only had I never thought of a future before, we had never talked about one. I always thought it would end, even if I hoped it didn’t. Finn never dated. Never kept anyone around more than a few hours, maybe a few days. I was the first.
“You are my woman, Gigi. Even if it doesn’t feel like it because I hurt you or it’s changed. We're different. What I feel about you won’t ever change. What you felt for me,” Finn closed his eyes as his words got thicker, “fuck, I hope that didn’t change. That I didn’t lose that. Nothing in my fucking life feels as good as what I had with you, Sweet Girl.” Tears stung my eyes, but he leaned up, kissing each corner gently.
“I don’t think anything could change how I felt about you, Finn. You were all I wanted for most my fucking life. I want you now. I do, baby. Can we just…do it right this time? Let me heal.” Finn nodded as I shivered, his hands already reaching for my sweater.
“I can wait, Gigi. Long as you need. Look at me,” Finn’s voice was low and full of fear, and I pressed closer because I hated it, “we keeping our promise?” His fingers were suddenly between my legs.
“This sweet pussy is locked up tight, yeah? I hold the key,” His long finger spread me and I moaned, both of us knowing he was proving it for himself more than for me, “you don’t come unless I say so, yeah? Your pleasure belongs to me, Gigi.” I whimpered when he sunk his fingers inside me suddenly, my hips rocking.
“Yes, Finn. Yes, locked up tight. Shit,” I hissed when he curled his fingers to rub roughly at the spot that made me see stars, “Same for this cock, yeah?” My hands circled him, the tips barely touching he was so thick.
“Mmm, fuck yes. I don’t want anyone else touching me but my woman. I don’t want to be buried in any other pussy but yours, Gigi. I promise you. Till these gorgeous eyes look at me and make me believe otherwise, I’m still your man.” Then he kissed me, as if sealing that promise for us both.
We got dressed, and that’s when I felt a little awkward. It didn’t last long, however, because he scooped my up and threw me over his shoulder fireman style. Finn sank into my couch and held me close, and we talked.
For a long time, we snuggled and talked about it all. About the pain we had caused each other. How hard it had been to be apart. The mistakes we had made. Then, we talked about the future. What we were doing next.
The only thing certain was that we couldn't stop this. Not if we tried; so, we were done trying. It was going to happen between us, like it had always been waiting to happen. Right now, there were not titles and no promises. Really though, it was more than we had ever given each other before.
It was late when he began tugging at my clothes, and I thought he was ready to break my bed in. Instead, he threw my clothes in the hamper and carried me naked to my bed. He pressed dozens of kisses over my body. Whispered about how much he loved the swell of my tits. Ones I thought were too small. Finn grabbed great handfuls to argue this.
Then he pressed a hot, wet kiss to my pussy that had my back arching. Demanding more. Finn chuckled against me, then lifted away. I was exhausted and he knew it. Instead of taking more from me, like he might have before, he stunned me.
“Night, my gorgeous girl. I work in a few hours. Text me whenever you want to. Sweet dreams, Sweetheart.” Finn kissed me deep and sweet before he covered me up, and was gone.
I fell asleep with the taste of him on my lips and the heat from his touch everywhere else.
Finn Cooper was a new man, if I could base it on the last twenty-four hours alone. After leaving me tucked away in my bed, four or so orgasms later, he was being sweet. Attentive.
Not pushy or clingy, but at the same time, he left me little doubt what he wanted. I knew last night it took a lot of will to put me in bed and walk away. Finn had.
I was positive he wanted to break my new bed in. As well as the rest of my new place, if I let him. Instead, he was acting like the perfect boyfriend. So why was I pissed off that he was trying so hard? Why did it not feel like enough? What was missing?
Finn: Miss your face, beautiful. Want to get dinner tonight? Or too soon?
Me: As opposed to what? Fucking on the balcony and eating my pussy in the hallway?
Finn: Sweetheart, I’m sorry ok. I…I just want to try for you, Gigi. I don’t want to fuck it up again. Well, shit. Finn was trying while I was being a bitch.
Me: Finn, I’m sorry. I will cook in my new kitchen.
Finn: No. You know, it’s ok. I’ll keep my distance right now. I just…yesterday was great, and I missed you so much. I’ll stay at the firehouse. Guilt washed through me as panic seized my chest. I couldn’t have him while pushing him away.
Me: Finn. Baby, I’ll cook. I want to see you. Yesterday was amazing. I’m just being a brat because I’m confused.
Finn: Damn, Sweetheart, I don’t want to make it worse. You asked for time; I can give it to you. It changes nothing. You’re my woman, Gigi. I don’t want someone else. Ever. I know it. Deep in my fucking soul. I can wait forever if I need to. Beside me, Bree was doing her damndest to read over my shoulder.
“Bree…invading my personal space there, sweetie. Back up, bitch.” Once upon a time, we joked like that; by the curl of her lip, we both seemed to realize perhaps that time had passed for us.
We became friends in high school, while I was firmly planted on the sidelines of Finn’s life. Therefore, she knew all about my woes. I thought when we started dating she might be enthused for me. That was not the case.
In fact, Bree had been against my seeing Finn at all. Didn’t stop the bitch from batting her baby blues and shaking her ass every time he came to our dorm. Perhaps that’s why I kind of can’t stand the sight of her now.
Bree was beautiful; in the way girls with big tits, ample asses, and little between the ears were beautiful. She looked like a real-life Barbie doll. Once upon a time, I had been jealous of the way guys looked at her. We were polar opposites visually, and Bree said that worked to our advantage. Divide and conquer, she said.
Now, things had shifted between us. Really, it had started before I began sneaking around with Finn. It was, however, absolutely about Finn.
I had a sneaking suspicion, but no concrete proof, that she wanted him. Not even because he was hot. Or that they would look like a hot Barbie and an even hotter Ken. I thought she wanted him just because she didn’t think I should have him.
We never liked the same guys. Mostly because I had almost always wanted Finn. Even still, I crushed on boys other than Finn. Realistic ones, like Benji Masters, a hot but nerdy boy from my first year at Loyola. Bree liked obvious types; football quarterback, the jerks at the fraternity parties she drug me to. Until Finn, our types were as polar opposite as we were. I might thank her for things with Finn getting kick started.
Weeks before that first night, Bree had taken me to a party. Not a fraternity party, one at some condo uptown. I was stunned to find Finn there. Bree seemed to have forgotten girl code because within moments of seeing him, she was all over him.
Finn didn’t like Bree and had told me more than once he didn’t trust her. Guess Finn Cooper knew a thing or two about questionable morals. That night, he didn’t let her get her way; two weeks later, I was in his bed.
The very idea of someone else having him, someone I knew especially, having him drove me crazy. As in absolutely borderline obsessive. I had to have him because I had always secretly thought he was meant to be mine. Bree never spoke of that night and neither did I, but we just weren’t the same.
“Relax, Jesus Gigi. Why, exactly, is Bunny-Boy texting you again?” My eyes rolled at the nickname; Bree coined it
after hearing about his O'Malley's shenanigans.
“We talk. Didn’t stop for long, I guess. Why is it an issue?” Bree arched her perfectly sculpted brow at me.
“Well, a few days ago, you just as soon cut his impressive dick off as talk to him. Your words, not mine, honey bun.” Bree smacked her gum then her eyes lit up.
Focusing on something behind me, she pushed her chest out and donned her prettiest smile. A glance over my shoulder told me what I already knew. Professor Dexter was here to start class. Immediately, I grew uncomfortable, remembering our last encounter.
Bree was giving him all she had beside me. Fluttering her pretty eyes at him, smiling and laughing when it was appropriate. Often, even when it wasn’t. It was painful to witness, really.
It struck me again how annoyed I seem with just about everything she did. Popping her gum again, Bree wiggled her brows at me before making her eyes go big. Jesus. Was this a college classroom or junior high?
As he led the class, calling on everyone but me to read their piece, his eyes were on me often. Jordan really was handsome. A counterpart to Finn; dark where he was light, clean shaven where he was scruffy, a sweet smile when Finn’s was full of mischief. I let myself wonder for a moment, listening to other students’ tales of romance, what being with someone like him would be like.
There would still be hiding, being as he was my teacher. Jordan was a few years older than Finn, so I figured he had a little more life experience.
Instead of Netflix and take out followed by hours of sex, I imagined nights out to fancy restaurants and drives in his Mini Cooper around the loop. Going out to museums and talking about books. That did it. Suddenly, I was finding my breathing a little labored as I met his gaze.
Jordan seemed to realize he was in my thoughts by the sweet smile he sent my way. Then I wondered if I was in his the same. If he wondered about nice dinners out followed by me pinned to the wall of his loft downtown.
There was a fire in his lovely eyes when he searched mine, and I squirmed in my seat. My skin felt flushed, and I knew I was doing a shit job at hiding my train of thought. My phone vibrated, breaking the stare we had going on.
Finn: I don’t want to push you. I don’t want to fuck it up again. I can’t take it if I lose you again, Sweetheart. I meant what I said. My cock is locked up. When you want it or any part of me, just tell me. I’ll make time for you or wait around for you. Whatever you need this time. I just…losing you then getting to have you yesterday is fucking with my head, Gigi.
Before I could respond--although how do you respond to that--class ended. We gathered our bags and headed towards the dais, where Jordan was acting busy with papers.
Just as we passed, his sweet scent filling my lungs, Jordan reached out. The room was empty, and Bree was already in the hall. No one saw his soft hand slip around my waist and tug. My skin went hot all over, and I let him bring me close.
“Beautiful Gigi,” His voice was low and he talked to the empty room behind me, “You drive me crazy. I don’t know how I function with you sitting just feet away. I want to see you away from here.” Jordan’s words felt hot and heavy in the air between us.
“Professor…I don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides, I kind of have…well, I’m seeing someone.” My eyes fluttered closed as his hand shoved beneath my top, fingers digging into my waist.
“Gigi,” Jordan pressed close, his words warm at my ear, fluttering my hair, “I’m aware you might be seeing someone. I just need to clarify something: I’m very interested in you, Gigi Cooper. More than I probably should be. Last week…it did nothing but fan the flames of what I feel about you. I want you, Gigi Cooper.” I needed to move, to stop him from touching me. I didn’t though, and I don’t know why.
Then, he laced his fingers in my hair, mussing my already messy topknot. Despite his words and the flattery they were laced with, it felt wrong. I was burning with something I didn’t know how to name.
I thought of Finn and how many other women he had held this way, and pain coursed through me. Like a fool, I leaned into him, let him tug my head closer. Our eyes held, and I wondered if he saw the confusion in mine. I saw none in his.
Just need and a fire that lit his eyes up. Did I want this? Did I truly like the feel of him pressing against me? Or was that heat guilt? Was I just angling to hurt Finn? Was I just trying to prove someone else could want me, and be right for me?
Jordan pressed closer, and I felt his want hard and thick against my belly. A groan ripped from his throat when I pressed closer, curiously. I'd never let someone really show they wanted me. It was fascinating to experience.
“Jordan…” Students began filling in for the next class, and he was gone.
Thankfully, Bree had headed to her next class, so I had no questions to answer. Well, I had plenty to answer for myself. Why had I let him touch me? What had he seen, felt? What exactly were Finn and I right now?
Instead of heading to my liberal arts class, which I was flunking despite my best effort, I cut out for the day. It was bitterly cold so I stopped by my favorite coffee shop on the way to my L stop.
The double shot of espresso did little to help me process what I was thinking and feeling. Jordan certainly was someone plenty of people could want. I thought once, briefly, that I could.
In that way you want the hot upperclassmen when you’re a freshman; just because you think you should. Because everyone else does. Jordan was more intense lately, as if he sensed my confusion gave him a green light somehow.
Strange thing was, I didn’t hate the idea of nights out with Jordan Dexter. I knew we could connect on a different level than Finn and I did. Not to say I didn’t connect with Finn. Just perhaps in different ways than I could with someone like Jordan.
Finn was smart, but the kind of smart that came from all the wrong experiences. We had little in common really. Regardless, he was interested in what I was just because I was. He listened to my book and museum rants, even if he had no clue about either.
I had no doubts I could never connect with someone the same way I did Finn. There was nothing like what we had. Lying in his big bed in the dark, we didn’t even talk sometimes, and yet, it felt like we were saying so much.
Finn felt like the other half of me, but I wondered if that was simply because that’s all I knew. More confused than ever, I was dragging by the time I reached my condo. I needed to talk to Finn, to tell him about Jordan.
Me: I miss you, baby. Can we have dinner in at my place? I am so fucked up right now; I need to talk to you, Finn.
Finn: I miss you too. Be there soon as I can, Sweetheart. I’m on call, but it’s been slow today. I need to see my woman.
There it was. What I needed to hear. I was his, even if right now, I wasn’t ready to be. Even if the idea of someone else wanting me intrigued me.
I had never really wanted anyone else, even if I should have. It had always been Finn. Just when I felt better about things, I realized Bree was waiting at my door. Looking to be bursting with questions. Of course.
“Our hot professor wants in your panties. Coops is back in the picture, or at least back between your legs. We need to talk, honey bun.” I rolled my eyes at her crassness and let us into my place.
“Bree I don’t even know where to start.” We sank into the L-shaped leather couch and she rolled her eyes.
“Gigi, the beginning, honey bun. Always the beginning.”
Despite my reservations, and the undertone of mistrust I felt for Bree now, I did just that. I explained how I had gone to Finn’s to tell him I was done. Told her how that had ended, then how Jordan had come on to me that first day.
All but shoving me back into Finn’s waiting arms. I left out some of it. Some of it was just for us. When I was done, Bree seemed to have it all figured out. Which was kind of how Bree was.
“Why not have them both? Finn is down and dirty and fucks you till you see stars. Jordan seems sweet and intense and he’d do all the boyfriend shit Finn never wil
l.” Well, shit, that stung.
“I cannot see both of them at the same time. I don’t even want to. I am not interested in Jordan, Bree. More, I am interested in his interest in me. Finn is…I don’t think I will ever want someone else.” Another roll of her pretty eyes as she took my coffee and finished it off.
“Bullshit. No one person can be it for you. For me. Definitely not for Finn. Hasn’t he kind of proved that to you?” Damn steady with the burns today, this bitch was.
“Before. He…Finn is not like that now. I told you he wasn’t even really like that then. He just…it’s complicated. Look at Cage and Charli. My parents. My sisters. I absolutely believe one person can be enough.” I did. I always had, maybe even before Finn.
“Problem is, does Finn believe that? Does anyone besides your family and me even know you two got together? I mean, speaking of Cage, the entire fucking world knew the minute he met Charli that she was his. Can Finn say the same about you?” Bree stood to carry the now empty coffee cup to the trash; there was a knock at the door, then it swung open.
“Sweetheart, I came…. oh…” Finn stood in my doorway; sweaty, dirty, and fucking gorgeous.
Finn looked like he came straight from fighting a fire. My very favorite look on him. Still in his heavy protective pants, the suspenders dangling at his hips, his beautiful face was marred with soot and he smelled like smoke.
The white t-shirt he wore was damp with sweat and clung to his massive arms and wide chest. Each bump of his defined abs was clear as if he wore no shirt at all. Seemed I was not the only one enjoying the view, given the heavy breathing Bree was making no effort to hide.
“Why, hello, Coops. Don’t you look like a fucking hero right now.” The silence that followed her wildly inappropriate comment felt cold and prickly.
“Bree.” Finn let his eyes sweep over her as she headed his way.
“Hey, baby,” I made a point of lamenting the endearment for Bree’s ears, “everything okay?” Finn gave a nod before his eyes flickered back to Bree.
