by Dee Ellis
“Didn’t know you two were a thing again. Our girl here keeps secrets now it seems. Love the man bun on you, Coops.” As I watched, she greeted him tits first, running her fire red painted nails down his tattooed forearm.
“The ladies always do,” Finn played right up to her, and I kind of wanted to murder them both, “something to hold on to, I suppose. Didn’t know I was intruding on girl time, ladies. I can come back later.” My eyes shot furious daggers his way, but his eyes were on her; now I wanted them both to leave.
“Or the two of you could take this across the hall, yeah?” Finn seemed to come awake, blinking as he frowned down at me.
“Not tonight, Gigi. Think I might keep this visual for later review, handsome. Later, sweets. Coops.”
Bree breezed past him, and I saw something flicker between them that I didn’t like. It left me on edge and feeling like the odd man out. Or woman, as it were.
“Later.” Finn called as he watched me before the door slammed shut.
“You two could have done without me, yeah? Jesus fuck, maybe do that shit behind my back next time, Coops.” I said the nickname Bree had always called him as if it burned my tongue.
“Sweet Girl. You serious right now? Your girl always comes on to me. You’re just now seeing it?” Perhaps not the best argument to come back with because I just saw red.
“Leave. Consider you cock unlocked then, yeah? Fuck off.” Finn blinked and stepped back, and I actually thought he was going to do it.
“Sweetheart, you’re going to want to watch that sexy mouth with me. We doing this right now? I came to your place, left right after a fire, to see you. Not your whore friend. You know damn well for years that girl has come on to me. I always turn her down. I always will. I don’t trust her; your best friend trying to get on my dick, knowing I’m your man? Why you even friends with that bitch?” I laughed and swiped at the angry tears that stung my cheeks.
“Don’t think we really are anymore. What do you care? You always fucked anyone else who was willing. Bree is clearly willing.” Finn closed the distance between us and lifted me by grabbing two huge handfuls of ass.
“Don’t. Don’t you fucking do that now. I don’t want anyone else but you, and you fucking know that. Even if I do--which get this right, Sweetheart,” He angled me just so, letting his hard cock line up between my hot pussy, “this cock wants no one else--I certainly would never fuck your girl.” My legs were forced to wind around his waist as his hands started moving, tearing my sweater off.
“Finn. I told you to go. Go fuck whoever or whatever you want.” I had no idea where it was coming from, but it seemed he did.
“Sweetheart, I’m fucking you in a minute. Then I’m leaving only when I get a call. Like I said, you’re my woman, even if you aren’t ready to say it yet. I know what’s going on in that pretty head. That pretty fucking professor of yours, yeah? Pretty boy wants my woman’s’ pussy, yeah?” I moaned as he thrust his hips, mouth dropping to suckle my bare nipple, teeth scraping against it.
“Yeah. So, what? Seems like everyone wants your cock. You gave it too; to everyone but me for so fucking long. How does it feel to know someone else wants me? That I maybe want them?” I didn’t. I really, really didn’t, but I wanted him to hurt too.
“You want him too, Sweetheart,” Finn stilled, pressing me against the door and yanking my leggings down, “Too fucking bad. You belong to me. Remember? You don’t come for someone else. Your pussy is mine, I got the only key.” Before I could protest--not that I wanted to--he slammed into me.
“Oh, God.” I screamed, my fingers clawing at his hair, tearing it from the bun Bree had seemed to like.
“Mine. This sweet pussy is mine. I got the only key, Sweetheart.” My head fell back against the door, thudding with the force of his thrusts.
Finn watched me, wrapping his huge hand around my throat and closing it tight. I liked when he took control of me; that particular move always got me hot. His hand could snap my neck. I knew he would never hurt me, but the danger of what he could do burned through my veins.
Finn’s other arm braced behind my back and forced me to arch forward, his mouth ravishing my aching nipples. Sucking and biting and swirling his tongue around them. I felt like I was on fire, and only he could contain it.
Felt ironically poetic. I didn’t want Jordan, I really didn’t I just wanted Finn to know the doubt I had. Especially after seeing that mess between Bree and him. What the fuck was that, exactly?
I knew I had questions I didn’t want to have to ask her. I thought maybe he was right. Maybe she was no kind of friend. Bree knew I had been in love with Finn half my life. Why even consider flirting with him, much less right in front of me?
“You’re my woman, Sweetheart. You’d have to cut you out of my bones and let me bleed you out before I’ll let you go. I fucking won’t.” That’s what it felt like; as if Finn was as much a part of me as the heart that beat in my chest, the blood that rushed through my veins.
I screamed his name when his thrusts turned savage, his cock hitting my clit just right. Every. Single. Time.
Finn watched me, something lighting in his eyes as I shuddered and splintered around him. Then, he followed, growling his release and murmuring one word over and over. Mine. Mine. Fucking mine.
Without another word spoken, he carried me to the shower and washed us both off. Finn ordered food and fed me while I lay at his lap, both of us laughing at reruns of Charles in Charge.
I didn’t know what we were anymore, but I knew one thing. I didn’t need fancy restaurants or rides around the loop. Didn’t need to discuss art and books. I needed this man, who held me like he never wanted to let me go. Who fucked me like my pleasure was his lifeline.
It was still early when Finn got called away, but he carried me to bed and kissed me until we couldn’t breathe. Then he promised to come back as soon as he could. There was darkness in his eyes though, and I wondered why he was lying. We both knew he wasn’t coming back.
Not tonight.
My slutty friend and her flirtations and my own foolish insecurities made sure of that. Finn knew he held the key to parts of me no one else would ever have. Didn’t mean he thought he held them all.
Finn might want me to lock my lady bits up. Felt like maybe he wasn’t so sure he held the key to all the important parts, though. Finn seemed to decide without asking he was going to let me see if someone else could open them up.
My heart. My Mind. Could someone else have the key to those parts of me?
7
I wanted to go back to Gigi. Nothing I wanted more than to climb back into bed next to my woman and sleep. I was beat. We had two fires and three rescues in six hours. I left Gigi’s place, promising to go back, and knew I couldn’t.
Not just because by the time I showered and headed home, she would be in class. Not just because I was wasted and wouldn’t be much company. No, because I knew last night I had to walk away.
Not for good. There’s no fucking way I can walk away from Gigi Cooper for good. That woman is in my bones, in my blood, in every single worthless part of me. I love her.
I love her so much it literally aches when I think about it. I feel a visceral pain when I think about her. About not being with her, really walking away. Worse, when I think about Gigi wanting someone. That might kill me.
Right now, I need to leave her alone. I was too desperate to fix my fuck up. I hurt her by lying about us. Gigi hurt me by shutting me out. We were both hurting. Fucking to hide it was healing nothing.
The past few days had felt like drowning in desperation. I was not too proud to be desperate over Gigi. How I reacted to that desperation was not good. For either of us. I wanted her, would always want her, and the thought of losing her tore me up.
We had talked; we knew what we had done to each other. What we hadn’t done was answer questions. Figure shit out. Now Gigi was confused, and me shoving my way back into her life was no good. Not for her, but also not for me.
I have to know she wants me because she can’t live without me. Not because she doesn’t know anything else. Because I’m all she knows about wanting someone. I love her too much to allow her to settle with me.
“Hey man, you look like shit. I mean lately you've kind of always looked like shit. This is a new level of shit.” Hunter, our house captain, acclaimed as I stared unseeingly at a rerun of Cops.
“Well, thanks, beautiful,” I launched a pillow at his crotch, laughing when it connected, “Maybe now you’ll stop wanting my dick, yeah? No, I’m good.” Total lie, I felt like shit; exhausted and frustrated about my woman.
“No, you’re not. Two weeks ago, you barely crawled out of a bottle for calls. Surprised as shit you didn’t get dead. Suddenly, Coops had his pep back in his step and Cage was talking to you again. I figured you worked things out with Gigi. Not so much, huh?” Hunter fell in beside me on the long leather sofa, bringing a fast tap down on my balls.
“Fuck,” I should have expected it, he had quick hands, “Dick. Yeah something like that. I’m good though. Letting my woman figure her shit out.” I ran a hand over my face and adjusted my balls, covering them from further assaults.
“You need to figure your shit out too?” Hunter asked around a sip of beer, following it up with a manly belch.
“Just oozing class, Byrne. No. I know where I’m at. Nothing’s changed for me. I mean, since Gigi everything’s fucking changed.” I smiled around a bite of peanut butter covered celery sticks--the only thing I can remember my piece of shit mom ever making me.
“Truer words have never been said, my dude. You got with Gigi, seconds later Cage got with Charli Doll. The badge bunnies are beside themselves. I mean, leaves more for us, of course.” Another belch and a hearty laugh, and I rolled my eyes at him.
Hunter was old enough to be better, almost five years older than Cage and I. When I started at Ladder 71, Hunter was a broken man. He had been one of the good guys once; married right out of college, then joined the department. He lived in the ‘burbs with a pretty wife and plans on a family. The usual.
The long hours and dangerous calls drove his wife to drink, literally. This apparently woke the whore she had trapped inside. It ultimately drove Hunter to bag every badge bunny he could. They carried on that way for a while until finally she snagged a powerful suit and walked out.
Now, he was still fucking as many bunnies as he could, as often as he could. We had shared a few, I’m actually a little appalled to say. I liked some kinky shit but Hunter took it to a whole new level. Cage might have thought I was the worst here, but he had no idea about Hunter.
The dude kept rating scales of the broads he hooked up with. Gigi would be disgusted to know how he rated them. Once upon a time, I think I wanted to be like him. Besides Deacon Cooper, Hunter was the next best thing I had to a father figure.
“I am sure extra pussy is a hassle, Byrne. Surprised you have a dick left, actually. Ariel keeping her filthy cunt away from O’Malley’s?” I had warned her once, and I meant it. That pussy was not welcome.
“Fortunately for all our dicks, yes. Gigi pissed that you dipped your dick in that?” Even Hunter had standards, and he had learned long before Cage and I just what Ariel was.
“Well, I mean, she’s not proud of me for it. That was ages ago though; Gigi and I came way after that. How’s Levi doing?” A few weeks before Levi, one of our rooks, had gotten hurt during a call.
Both Cage and I felt guilty about it because it was kind of our fault. We were both twisted up about our women, and Levi was happily married to a reformed badge bunny. Of who I knew gave amazing head, in fact.
Anyway, we had a call, and the idiot wouldn’t shut up about married life. Cage was less than nice to him, and I kept pushing him about how many of us had bagged her. I greatly exaggerated because that’s what dicks like me do. Levi ended up as twisted up about his woman as we were, which was the plan.
After the call, he decided to finally stand up for himself. All of us still in gear, and working on shutting down a hydrant, he tried to pick a fight with me. I like the kid, but when he came at me, I just reacted.
Idiot got tangled up in the hose and broke his arm and a few ribs after a shove from me. A gentle shove; I mean, we’re station brothers after all. Levi got to tell his wife he got hurt on the job and take a few weeks off. I got a strike, and Cage got a good show.
“At home with a wife sucking his dick every day and getting paid for it. I think he’s good. I mean, we all know how well she sucks dick.” I almost laughed. Then I thought of getting my dick sucked by someone other than Gigi, and it came out choked.
“I didn’t mean it. My head was fucked about Gigi. I think we had our first fight. Makeup sex is fucking amazing; whoever doesn’t tell people about that should. Nothing like some angry sex.” Hunter laughed and went to punch me in the balls when a commercial came on, but I beat him to it.
“Bunch of pussies around here. Nothing like sex, period. Charli and Gigi got both your dicks on lockdown. Jesus Christ, man.” I laughed that time because he had no idea. No fucking clue.
“Not untrue.” It was a slow day, but I wasn’t really ready for male bonding with my house captain. Especially if it included talking about Gigi.
“You think…I mean, you think you’re a good idea for that kid? I know her, known her almost as long as you because of Deacon. Girl has a good head on her shoulders. Smart, though not as smart as I thought, to hook up with your stupid ass. I don’t know. I know Cage had his reasons, but have you thought about her at all in this? Thought about the shit show our life can be?” Well, fuck. Apparently, Hunter was in the mood for bonding.
“I know you speak from experience. A shitty one too, I know. I have thought about it. I know I’m no fucking good for her. I have told her this multiple times. I can’t explain it. I can’t even function right if I think about not being with her. You saw how well it went when I tried. I’d give it up, though; I’d walk away from the station, from whatever I needed to if that’s what it took.” Hunter’s dark eyes flew up and he let out a low whistle.
“No shit? Man, dropping like flies around this place. Depressing as shit.” Hunter let out a laugh, but to my ears it sounded pained.
“Call it what you want. Gigi is it for me. I kind of think she always was, I just needed to fuck up to realize it. Right now, I need her to be sure I’m it for her. Giving her some time to figure it out. My feelings haven’t changed. I don’t think they could if I tried. I fucking tried.”
Without Gigi telling me, I knew her pretty boy professor wanted her. They had flirted a few times right in front of me before we started seeing each other. At the time, I thought Gigi was doing it to make me jealous.
Fuck knows I dangled enough of my bunnies in her face for too long. There was something more there, as much as it pained me to realize. The guy was right for her; way more fucking right than I ever could be.
As if he sensed the troubles between us, it seemed he had swooped in. Gigi admitted to me yesterday he wanted her. That she had considered wanting him. Fuck, that killed a part of me. Gigi had never wanted anyone else. Since she knew what it was to want someone, it had been me.
Even on her fucking prom night, her date looked like a second-hand version of me. If I had my way, I’d be the only man she ever wanted. That wasn’t fair to her, though. If she wanted him, I wanted her to find out what that could mean.
Would fucking kill me to consider her thinking about another man. I knew damn well my woman wouldn’t let someone else fuck her. Or taste her. I knew last night when I fucked her savagely and told her she was mine.
Gigi didn’t know what she wanted, but she knew I owned that part of her. The sweetness between her legs was mine and mine only. I didn’t want to share any part of her with anyone, but I had to let her figure this out.
Gigi was fucking brilliant, Hunter wasn’t wrong about that. Into books and music and art and shit I knew nothing about. Someone like her pretty professor wo
uld be able to share that with her. Would take her on actual fucking dates. To fancy places his salary could afford. I wanted every part of Gigi, but I didn’t want her give up shit to give it all to me.
“Think that’s smart? To just step away just when you almost got her back?” Hunter asked as he finished his beer, spinning the top between his fingers.
“Probably not. I’m kind of a fucking idiot about this shit. I’m not going anywhere. I will wait however long she needs to let her figure out what she really wants. Someone like Gigi, totally fucking worth the wait.” I considered what she might be doing while I waited and had to block it out. I couldn’t think about it and make it through the day.
Fate seemed to agree as the alarms went off and we rushed down to the trucks. Adrenaline pumped through me, my thoughts of Gigi settling into the background. They were always there, but I knew when I had to focus.
Stepping into my gear and smirking at Cage who groggily ran in beside me, I knew it was that time. We bumped our forearms against each other’s and shared a smile. We lived for this shit.
“What’s up bro-tato-chip? Late night with the missus?” Cage wiggled his brows, his eyes were blazing with emotions.
“Early morning is more like it. Been quiet today, bro-seph?” He asked as we charged for the trucks we were assigned to, pulling his suspenders over his shoulders.
“Unfortunately for us, yes. Fortunately for the rest of Chicago, I guess. You two all settled like lovebirds in your little nest?” We climbed onto the truck as it sailed from the station.
“Abso-fuckin-lutely. I love having her to go home to, man. Nothing else like that feeling. Knowing my girls at home waiting for me. Jesus, fuck, does something to my shit every time.” Once, I might have given him shit but now, I was just happy for him.
“Yeah, man,” I sighed because once, for a short time, I knew what that felt like, “I bet it makes the aftershock different now.” We coined that phrase, Aftershock, after our first few serious fires.
There’s a moment after a rescue or a fire, or whatever call we’re where it happens. Everything goes quiet; the raging fire, the crowd surging on an accident, everything. You hear nothing and for a few seconds, feel nothing.
