by Dee Ellis
“Not if you spent the rest of our day giving the speech of your life.” We shared a smile and I took the paperwork.
Half an hour later, I was no longer a student of Loyola. At least, not unless I chose to come back, where my scholarship would continue for two years. After that, if I chose to come back, it was on my own dime.
I thought Ms. Keller was right, though. I thought I might find what I needed somewhere else. Relief coursed through me, cementing that I had made the right decision.
“Hi, gorgeous.” Dread doused my relief when I heard his voice.
Jordan. I kept walking, cursing that I forgot where his office was. I just made it to the doors when he caught up to me. Fingers wrapped around my wrist, and I felt as if he had burned me with acid. I yanked my hand away, my other going to clutch at the necklace at my neck.
“Jordan. Please, don’t touch me.” I chanced a look over my shoulder to find him frowning.
“Gigi. Relax. I won’t hurt you. We just need to talk.” I shook my head against that.
“No, Jordan, we do not need to talk. I need you to stay away from me. No more calls.” Despite the number change, he had somehow gotten the new one and the calls continued, “No more notes or roses. Finn finds out you tried to talk to me…” I left that up for him to figure out.
“He threatened me, you know? I just wanted to talk to you. I deserve a few moments of your time. Instead, that…that caveman threatened my life.” I almost giggled; I know I smirked because he let out a sound of contempt.
“My caveman. Finn told you to steer clear of me.” I pretended I knew this because it didn’t surprise me. “You ought to heed the warning. Leave. Me. Alone.” I backed toward the steps then twisted to run down them.
“Fine. I just thought you should know, I know nothing about notes or flowers. I called, yes. I wanted to talk to you, Gigi. I deserved some closure.” I slowed down, twisting to face him.
“Don’t mock my intelligence, Professor Dexter.” Jordan winced at the ice in my tone, and I frowned.
“Gigi, I really liked you. You’re smart and beautiful; so sexy and full of life. I wanted you. I go a bit overboard sometimes.” Rolling my eyes, I backed away more, glancing towards the parking lot.
There were plenty of people milling about, so I was sure I was safe. Just past the quad, I could see Charli’s big truck. Like the bad ass she was, Charli pulled up to the curb, front end up on it and headed our way. I thought Jordan might be worse off dealing with her than Finn, to be honest.
“I’d say so. Following us, calling the cops on us, the notes…” I stepped back when he made a noise of frustration.
“Gigi, gorgeous, I did none of that. I called you. I texted you. I did see you two out, and it made me jealous as hell. I did not stalk you! I don’t take rejection well, I admit it,” Jordan flushed a little, and I blinked at him in confusion, “I behaved a bit childishly. I just wanted to talk to you.” Jordan reached out again, but Charli was there.
“Touch her again, I keep walking right to your dean so we can chat about Boston, Mr. Dexter.” Even I shrunk away from the icy tone in Charli’s sweet drawl.
“No need for threats. I won’t bother you again, Gigi. I just…be careful of Bree. Finn and Bree…it’s not a good situation there. I might ask the same; leave me alone, I will leave you alone.” Jordan shot me a pleading look, and I knew what he meant; keep Finn away and keep our mouths shut.
“Goodbye, Mr. Dexter.” Charli had me in her truck, the tires screeching on the icy pavement before I was thinking clear.
“What did he mean by that? Why would he lie and say it was not him stalking me? Who else could it be?” I grumbled as Charli raced through the busy streets of Chicago.
Fall had blended into winter as if it had been here just to welcome it. The changing of the leaves turned to weeks of snow and the streets had been icy for days. Charli maneuvered easily through the traffic, but I was clutching the “Oh-Shit” handle so hard my hand hurt. Cranking her heater, I wondered aloud if I should tell Finn.
“’Abso-fucking-lutely, you tell that beast. If you don’t, it looks sketchy, Gigi. Honesty keeps heartbreak away, my dear. Hungry? We can figure out what Professor Pretty-boy meant over some Sushi.” I giggled, and she winked at me. Charli soothed the soul there was no denying that.
After we were seated at the long bar running in front of the sushi station, Charli shoved my phone at me. I took the hint and called Finn, hoping he was on a call.
My mind was still processing my run in with Jordan. I didn’t know if I could explain it to Finn. Not to mention his anger in finding there had been one at all. I had strict orders to keep clear of Jordan, and clearly, so did he.
“Hey, Sweet Girl. Miss me?” The tension of the last half hour burning at my shoulders began to fade at the sound of his voice.
“Yes, baby. I called because I need to tell you something.” I cleared my throat and my eyes fluttered as I felt Charli squeeze my hand.
“Listening Sweetheart. Been a slow day. Can’t wait to come home to you, Gigi.” I allowed that husky comment to coil through me, my thighs clenching beneath the counter.
“Me too, baby. I’ll be home waiting for you. Out with Charli for lunch. I finished up at school. While I was there…Jordan stopped me.” I literally had to hold the phone away as he cursed.
Charli shot me a look as she winced. Our sushi and sake was set in front of us, but we both waited. I understood he was protective, but today I hadn’t felt threatened. I was a big girl and could handle Jordan Dexter. It was nice to know I had Finn, though.
“I told that motherfucker not to come near you. You okay? Did he threaten you or touch you or….” I was shaking my head as I picked up my chop sticks.
“No, baby. I am fine. Actually, he surprised me. Jordan claims the stalking, the letters, even the night at the park was not him.” I debated telling him about the parting comment about Bree.
“Of course, it was him. Who has a reason other than that fuck to stalk you? Sick pathetic pretty motherfucker. That face won’t be so fucking pretty after I’m done.” I almost laughed because this entire thing was insane; instead I let out a sob.
“No. Please. Don’t go to the school, don’t confront him. Just leave it be. Something more happens, we talk to Diggs. Please, Finn? I can’t…if something happened to you because of me…” Charli brought me close to her side, a soothing hand smoothing over my back.
“Oh, Sweet Girl. I won’t do anything to lose you, Gigi. I can’t be without you again. What else did he say?” I heard Cage in the background and was relieved; my brother would not let him do something stupid.
“He, uh…he said to be careful of Bree. Of your situation with Bree.” I snatched the sake off the counter and gulped half of it.
“Situation? There is no situation between Bree and I. I swear to you, Sweetheart. I kicked her out that night. The night you brought that motherfucker home, I was doing it again. I don’t know why I brought her into my place that night. You hurt me; I wanted to hurt back. I explained everything to you.”
The sake burned my throat and left me coughing, Charli giggling beside me. I slapped her thigh and then leaned my head at her shoulder. Charli hugged me close, and I wanted to cry into her impressive bosom.
Charli was a fucking rock when we needed her, and my brother was a lucky fucking man. Finding her had woke Cage up; me too, because now I knew what good people were like when they weren’t forced by blood to be that way.
“I believe you. Jordan was being cryptic, I am sure. Charli Doll scared him off,” I giggled and pressed a kiss at the swell of her shoulder playfully. “I think our Midwest mouth put the fear of God in him more than my caveman ever could. I just needed to tell you... someone told me honesty is best.” I sighed and picked up a piece of Uni, dipping it in soy.
“I need you to always be honest. Even if it hurts me. Look, stick with Charli Doll till we’re done here, would you? I know my woman can handle herself so don’t argue otherwis
e. I just…it makes me feel better you’re not alone, Gigi.” I heard the emotion in his voice and knew it wasn’t something I was going to argue.
“I planned to stick with my sister-in-law regardless of the request. Had I not,” I took a breath and smiled as I went on, “since you want me to, I would have, Finn.” Charli giggled beside me before she stole some sushi from my spread.
After a lengthy description of what he planned to do to me if I didn’t obey him, which had my skin flushed and my panties ruined, he let me go.
Just as I started to ask Charli’s opinion on the turn of events, Cage called her. They were love sick right now, and I adored it. I was halfway through my sushi by the time she ended the call.
“Sorry. Cage is, uh…persuasive. I am not to let his baby sister out of my sight. Not that I intended to, Sweetie. Now…Bree. Tell me why that whore had a moment of your time, ever?” Once again, Charli had the ability to lighten the mood even when it was as dark as this one had been.
We talked for a while about the stunt Finn had pulled with Bree. What it was really about. How hurt it left us both. What it could have cost us both. Ultimately, it had cost me Bree, but I counted that a fair price.
Like I said, had I any doubts about her loyalty, that night cemented them. There were no loyalties as far as Bree was concerned. I didn’t know what Jordan meant by the situation with Bree and Finn. I truly did not believe Finn had slept with her.
“What do you believe Bree is capable of, Gigi?” Charli pulled me from my thoughts.
“Bree? Basically anything. You know, now, after all these years, I don’t even know why we became friends. We were totally different, had little in common. Bree is a spoiled only child and her parents are basically absentee. We tolerated each other more than we felt close since college started. I guess I was waiting for her to grow up.”
“Cage doesn’t trust her. Clearly, Finn does not either. I don’t think you do either. Is it possible…I love Finn, don’t get me wrong. I certainly don’t want to put doubt in your head, Sweetie. Just consider it. Is it possible the two did cross lines at some point? Clearly, Bree does not recognize lines. Maybe Finn was hurt enough; maybe it was before you two, even.” Disgust roiled through me, bile burning at the back of my throat.
“You think…Finn slept with Bree? Even after he swore otherwise?” I felt hot, and I shoved away from her.
Not sure if I was pissed at her for rationalizing the possibility or for it being an actual possibility. Of course, it was possible. For over two and a half years, Finn had no lines either.
Even if it was for a reason, it still ate at my soul. I needed to know those details even if they hurt. Even if they made me sick. I knew we couldn’t move on before I knew it all.
Truth was he could have fucked Bree. Before us, perhaps. The silly safety device I had forced wild child Bree to get was saving my heart from breaking now. Because I knew had they fucked, it was before.
“I think I am going to be sick.” I lurched to my feet and shoved through the tables towards the ladies’ room.
Just like that, I wasted twenty dollars’ worth of delicious sushi. Charli rushed after me and just grabbed my hair as I emptied my stomach. I was kind of pissed at her for making me consider the truth. I could have been blissfully happy remaining ignorant.
“Oh, Sweetie, don’t. I need to learn to zip my fucking lip.” I giggled because if I didn’t, I would cry right there in the toilet.
“I love you, Charli Cooper. Don’t care if it’s not official yet. I love the way it sounds. You said nothing I hadn’t already wondered. I need to ask the questions. How did…. how did you and Cage get past it?” I sat up on the floor, my back to the stall wall.
“Oh, Sweet Jesus, it tore me up. Cage was honest. Told me numbers, names, more than I might have wanted to know. I had to get right with something. Cage was Cage before me. I was Charli before Cage. What we became is different. Better. While it doesn’t discount those people we were before, it doesn’t allow them to ruin who we are now.” I sighed as she squatted in front of me to smile sweetly.
“You need to get right with something too. Finn is not Cage. Cage spread himself out there for other reasons. His own demons. Finn did it…because he loved you, Gigi. We love them because we don’t know anything else to do. Any other way to feel about them. Finn loved you so much, he wanted something better for you. Pain and self-hate forced that hand, sweetie,” Damn, Charli Cooper--I wasn’t calling her by her maiden name ever again--was a smart bitch.
“Let it hurt when you get those answers. Don’t let it change who Finn is now. Who he would have been if he thought for one second he was good enough. I do believe Finn would have spent a life celibate waiting for you if he thought it was that easy. Imagine that, huh?” Again, I giggled, and let her help me to my feet.
It was a bit awkward, but we embraced in the stall. Charli was quiet as I washed my face and pinned my hair back. I knew she was beating herself up. Doubting her wise words. Truth was, Charli was right.
I loved Finn, and the hurt we had caused each other had not changed that. Further hurt wouldn’t either. I was a little surprised when I searched for how I felt about that. Relief. Acceptance. More love. Finn hurt himself more by seeking something less than he deserved in all those random faces.
It hurt me more to think of the pain those nights caused him. How I must have made it worse to smirk up at him and rate them. It came from a place of pain and jealousy. Like I told him weeks ago, I was at fault too.
Instead of being petty, I could have told him how I felt. Could have taken the leap. I didn’t trust him enough to catch me if I did. I had been as foolish as he had.
For years Finn, had been giving parts of himself away because he thought they could never be enough for me. Instead of telling him they would have been, that our parts together would always be enough, I let him hurt us both.
“I love him, Charli. So fucking much. How can you love someone who hurts you?” Charli smiled as she sat atop the counter, tucking her skirt between her legs.
“Because they love you too. They give you good and bad. Cage hurt me, but I never stopped loving him. I don’t think I had a choice in the matter. Finn loves you, Gigi. More than himself; I think it hurt him more to hurt you than you can comprehend. How did it feel for you to hurt him with Jordan?” I shuddered at the memory.
The night I brought him home, I knew what Finn must have felt doing the same. Of course, he was different, and that self-loathing allowed him to cross a line I couldn’t.
That I had allowed myself to be interested in Jordan, to have those thoughts about him those few times, proved I could have crossed the same lines. If I felt there was no hope, if I didn’t have the fire my mother raised me with, I might have.
“I need to know. I need to know it all. Before I ask, he needs to know. I believe he loves me,” I flushed with emotion, seeing my eyes lighting up in the mirror, “Finn has shown me, we just don’t know how to give each other the words. How to make it count. Tonight, I do. Want to do something for me, Charli Doll?” Her lovely face lit up, and as I explained, she got as excited as I felt.
After some shopping to waste our day away and prepare us for tonight, we headed to the cottage. Cage agreed to my plan just because Charli told him to. That was all it took.
Finn had suggested taking me home for a quiet night, but that could come later. We would have plenty of quiet nights. We might have them for the rest of our lives.
“Damn, you look good, sis.” Cage let out a low whistle as he watched Charli and I get ready.
“Thank you, dear brother. Is Finn here yet?” I was anxious, but the excited kind that left me flushed.
“Hey, Sugar,” I was dismissed as his eyes swept to Charli, “you look absolutely amazing, baby.” I giggled when they stared at each other, heat crackling in the air between them.
We did look good, though. Shopping today had awarded us both new dresses. Mine was an off the shoulder piece, wrapping over my left s
houlder where the gathering swirled into a thigh length train. It was silky chiffon in a peach that made my skin glow. Tucking in at my waist with the hem hitting my thigh, it was sexy but restrained.
Charli had curves for days and the girl knew how to display them. In a blush pink jersey knit wrap dress, she looked stunning. With a plunging lapel type neckline and gathers at her full hips and beneath her breasts, it was sexy as sin. The hem hit her knees, but it had a sexy split at the center. The lines absolutely accentuated her God given curves, and I excused myself to let Cage appreciate it without being a witness.
Their giggles and sighs followed me down the hall. I heard the front door shut and butterflies exploded in my belly. That I still got excited to see him, after all this time, cemented how much truth couldn’t hurt us.
Tonight, I would give him the words that would prove no truth could change us. Then I would listen to his truth and let it hurt, but not let it ruin us.
“Sweetheart?” Finn’s voice rumbled from the bottom of the stairs.
My heels click on the wooden stairs as I headed toward him. It’s dark outside and the wind is howling, but there’s light from the kitchen behind him. It framed him and allowed me to see his reaction as I descended.
The light in his eyes and the emotion behind it lit me up. Like the twinkling Christmas tree nestled in the corner by the fireplace. Light burned through me from the love in his beautiful blue eyes.
“Damn, Sweet Girl. Look at you.” I stood two steps above him, and instead, looked at him.
Finn always looked good to me, but right now, he looked better. Different, somehow. Maybe it was because I knew what I was doing tonight. Butterflies had a party going on in my belly.
Dark washed jeans paired with a dark blue flannel and a bright white thermal suited him well. The heavy boots he always wore had snow dripping off them. My eyes flashed to the tattoo at his hand, where he held a velvet box.
