by Dee Ellis
“Look at you, beautiful man. So handsome tonight. I kind of want to take you out; kind of want to climb you like a tree.” Finn laughed deep and throaty, and I swore he blushed.
“Come here, Sweet Girl. Let me look at you.” I slid down a step, pressing against him as his free hand cupped my backside.
“Mmm, you always smell so good. Even after work; I like the smell of fire and hero.” I giggled as I trailed my lips over his neck.
“You smell like coming home, Sweetheart. Got something for you.” Smirking up at me, he tucked the square box into my cleavage.
Then he took my mouth, lifting me against him. It was hungry and wet, and his tongue was forceful. My arms laced over his shoulders, fingers sinking into the bun of dark blonde locks.
I vaguely heard giggling come from upstairs. Finn growled when he lifted his mouth away, his breathing lifting me away from him.
“Open it.” I touched my nose to his as I did.
Finn never struck me as a gift bearing type of boyfriend. Boyfriend. Is that what he is now? Seems an insignificant word for what it feels like we have become now.
Once upon a time, I dreamt of a future I never thought I could have with him. Just nights ago, he was asking me what kind of wedding I would want. Looking at him, waiting for me to open another gift, I let myself dream again
I knew there was not a ring inside, of course. Not Finn’s style. Finn would make that just about us, and I kind of thought that would be perfect. I opened the box and let out a gasp. Inside was a shimmering Pandora style bracelet. The charms filled me with punches of love, each I touched.
There was a 71 for his station. One was a tiny camera. A glittering red fire truck. An open book. A key. A Starbucks coffee cup. Diamond F, G and C. Finn and Gigi. Cooper. It was beautiful and perfect, and I knew it meant more than his words could give me. At least for now.
“Finn, baby, it’s beautiful.” I pulled it carefully from the square box, holding my wrist out.
“Picked out the charms here and there. After you got your job at the coffee shop. The night in the park. Got the key the day I got my tattoo. They all mean something, Sweet Girl.” Finn’s blue eyes were dark midnight as they peered up at me.
“It’s perfect. I love it.” I love you.
“Fits perfect. I’ll cover you in my baubles, Sweet Girl.”
Purring this against my ear, he kissed my lobe where the key earrings he’d given me hung, then my neck where the necklace that matched it rested.
Lifting my wrist, he kissed the tender inside, eyes watching me. Heat coiled through me and my thighs clenched. Just as I was about to be inappropriate, I heard Cage and Charli behind me.
“We ready to go?” Cage shoved playfully at the two of us and we both nodded.
Following them out to Charli's massive truck, both Finn and Cage played perfect gentleman. Held our hands in the snow, helped us up into the truck. I don't doubt Cage got as grabby with Charli as Finn did with me.
Finn took my hand, lacing our fingers together, and brought it to his lips. Kissing each fingertip, he shot me that panty soaking smile as we headed through the streets of Chicago.
When we pulled up in front of O'Malley's, Finn frowned over at me. I could feel the tension filling up the cab of the truck. I gave his hand a squeeze and mirrored his earlier move. I kissed his hand, right over the tattoo with the “G”. Finn let out a sigh as we all climbed out and headed in.
There was a valid reason we chose to come here tonight. Not just for Finn and I; Charli wanted to bid the place fucking adieu as well. Mostly, though, it was to wash away what this place meant for Finn. I took a page out of Cage's book. Cage did all he could to rid Charli of the painful memories of her past.
I was here to basically do the same for Finn. I couldn't erase the women he had buried himself in, all in pain and desperation. But, I could untangle the memories of this place, and what it came to mean, from us and our future. Perhaps the words I gave him tonight would be enough to erase the stigma of the place for him.
“Gigi…I don’t think…” Finn hesitated just at the threshold of the bar.
Charli and Cage had headed in, Finn holding the door open after them. He would not move. Would not step inside as I waited on the other side. Finn looked terrified.
Tonight, I would ask him to tell me the details I never thought I wanted. Not specifics, not names or faces. Just the truth. I wanted to wash us both clean of it for good.
“Baby, come here.” I crooked a finger at him, but his eyes were panicked.
“I hate this fucking place.” Finn growled, surprising me as his eyes sparkled in the dim light.
“Oh, baby.” Moving closer but staying inside, I realized I was going to have to give him incentive.
“Why do you want to come here tonight? You know what this place is.” I sighed and laced my fingers behind his neck.
“I do. Do you want to come here after tonight? With the boys or even Cage? Pick up a few badge bunnies, perhaps?” Finn growled, both hands dropping to cup my ass.
“No. Fucking. Way. You’re mine and that’s it. I don’t want someone else, Gigi. Why we doing this right now?” Smiling, I touched my nose to his as I slowly backed up.
“You positive, Finn? Totally, without a doubt, you don’t want to experience this life now? Look at how pretty. Lots of options.”
My head tilted to a corner where a table full of lovely, scantily clad women sat. Waiting. Watching the many men in uniform come and go. Hoping one of them got noticed and chosen for the night. For longer, if they could manage it. Finn never even looked away.
“Never more positive of anything in my fucking life. Minute I saw that sign, I felt dirty, sick. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to ever be here again. Why you doing this, Gigi?” Finn sounded desperate, his hands crushing me to him.
“Tonight, later, I need some answers. Ones I expect might hurt us both. I need them, though; we both do. Then, that thing you feel right now,” I pressed my face against his chest, hearing his heart thunder, “That thing I felt for so long, it doesn’t affect us after tonight.” I tipped away, and Finn took a deep breath, cupping my face.
“You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Gigi. I can’t stand the thought of me without you. Can’t even imagine what that might feel like. It’s always been us, even when it wasn’t. When I thought it shouldn’t be.” Tears slid from my eyes before his thumbs swiped them away.
“Come here. One drink. One last drink, Finn.” Before I could continue, he lowered his head and kissed me.
Standing right there in the center of the pub, he kissed me for all the eyes to see. Finn beat me at my own game. I intended to stake my claim somehow tonight. Finally say the words I knew we both needed to hear said.
We had gravitated towards the center of the room, and I could hear the noise of the bar. Low rock music, the clink of ice hitting glass, the hum of the fluorescent signs along the far wall.
Then, I could hear nothing. Could not sense the smoky air or the smell of grease from the kitchen. I could only taste his sweet flavor, always a hint of smoke. Fire.
Finn tasted like home. This thing between us tasted like it could burn us down to the ground. I would welcome it as long as we were together. Lifting his head, we were both breathing hard, staring at each other. The lights were dim, but I could see it in his eyes.
Before I could say it or he could, the bar erupted. Hoots, whistles, even some applause. I twisted to glance around, flushing bright red if my hot skin were any indication.
Cage and Charli stood just feet away, leaning against the bar. Cage winked at me; tears blurred the vision before I heard Finn talking. The jerk took my plan right out of my hands.
“Never getting another show like that out of me,” His deep timbre quieted the crowd, “that was the curtain call, folks. No more Finn drowning his sorrows with faces he can’t remember. Because I always saw her face. None of you could ever take her fucking place. Never. I'm done pretending I'm a
good enough man to care how fucking unworthy I am of her. Because I am. Gigi Cooper is it for me,” Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Cage and Charli move closer.
“I love you, Gigi. I have loved you half my life, and I fucking intend to love you the rest of it. You are the best thing I have ever known. I’m absolutely not worthy of being yours, but that is all I ever wanted to be.” The tears were flowing fast now, and I nodded up at him.
“Me too, Finn. I love you too. I came here tonight to do exactly what you just did. You’re so much better at it. I love you, Finn.” Finn’s eyes were bright blue and full of tears.
“Yeah? You shouldn’t. But, fuck, I’m glad you do. Fuck, I love you, Sweet Girl.” I was lifted off my feet, up into the air, squealing as I went.
The smattering of amusement our kiss had brought was crickets in comparison to the roar that tore through that pub. Even the badge bunnies were in approval of our little declarations.
I was dangling in the air for a second, Finn’s huge arms lifting me up Dirty Dancing style. A whistle from behind reminded us both of my dress and he growled, shooting someone an evil glare.
Giggling, I crossed my legs as he brought me back against him. This kiss was full of everything. Of the hurt and damage we had caused. All the yearning from the years spent waiting and wanting.
Relief that we had finally started to figure this out.
Heat took it over, but I could feel Cage and Charli beside us so we broke apart. Our eyes never left each other’s, even as I heard them talking.
“Abso-fucking-lutely amazing! I love you two. I love you two in love. I love it.” That was Charli, of course, watching like we were one of the chick flicks she loved so much.
“Pretty brave, bro-seph. Pret-ty brave.” Cage winked as we twisted towards him, dragging out the last comment with a dimpled smirk.
“Because the badge bunnies might want to eat me alive?” I giggled, letting Finn hook me under his arm.
“Nah, because our entire squad is over there, so he won’t live this Chick Flick moment down. Like, ever.” I twisted towards the corner Cage had nodded to.
“Oh, shit. Worth it. Totally worth it.” Finn winced though, hugging me closer and touching his lips to my temple, “Felt like the right time. I should have said it the first time I knew I felt it.” I sighed, dreamy and drunk without having a single drop of liquor yet.
“Probably. Let’s have that last drink, yeah?” Cage clapped him on the shoulder and something passed between them.
I knew Cage was okay with this now. Supported it, even. That look told me so much more. Cage was happy about it. For us both, but mostly for Finn. Because he knew better than anyone the struggle Finn had endured to let this happen. I squeezed him tighter and peered up at him.
“I loved this. It was perfect. Messy and fucked up and perfect.”
“Everything we always were. Always will be, Sweet Girl. Look at me,” Cage and Charli had headed towards a table so we hesitated, “I love you so fucking much. I always have. Tonight, this was perfect, Gigi. I know what…I know what you need later. It will fucking shred me to tell you, but I know you need it. I need it too. I just…I love you; remember that. I loved you even then. Too much some times and really never enough. I have plans for you, Gigi Cooper. For us both.” I smiled and let him kiss me, his lips whispering over the tear tracks his sweet display had caused.
“Whatever your plans are, I’m always going to be part of them, now. I love you too. So much, Finn. Maybe it wasn’t enough because it wasn’t time yet. Now it is. It’s our time, and we’re fucking taking it.”
We had more than one drink, but they hardly seemed to affect the buzz our little moment had given us. An hour later, we were pawing at each other as he carried me into his place.
Finn laid me in his huge bed, and just as he began to climb over me, he stopped. Then he started talking. It hurt, but it also healed me. Healed Finn too. Allowed us both to let go. To let it burn up and fade to ash because it didn’t change us. It couldn’t.
Finn watched me with love in his eyes, on his lips, as he made love to me.
We were fucking golden.
15
Gigi looked damn good in my bed. I woke up with her tangled around me just the way I liked it. Wanted to wake up to her every fucking day, forever. That was the plan. Because I fucking loved her. Now, I knew she fucking loved me too.
The dirt of my past had been dug up that night at the pub. Gigi made us both bury it after. Literally. We talked late into the night, me pouring my heart out while she cried.
Fuck, I cried too. I was disgusted. Gigi loved me, despite it. Maybe because of that dirt; because she knew what had driven me to it. Then, in the snow, she drug me outside.
“It’s like three am, and its freezing. I kind of want to be inside, buried in you. I love you. So much. Why do you want me to do this?”
Gigi had taken me to that pub to give me her love. I beat her to it because I was terrified. Couldn’t wait another second to tell her. That fucking pub and the dirty shit I did there forced my hand.
Before I could drink there, even one last time, I had to let her know. Later, we stood in the snow, shot glasses, coasters and anything else from my place with O’Malley’s on it at our feet.
“It’s symbolic. Just for us, Finn. Bury it all. Then, we go inside without a trace of that place clinging to us. To our future.” It was symbolic of so much more and I knew it.
Besides, when she started talking about our future, her eyes lit up. Bright green with hints of blue. Made my chest seize and my dick get hard. I would bury whatever she asked of me. Anything to make her happy; to make her forget my past. To make her focus on the future I wanted with her.
We buried it all, and Gigi gave a mock eulogy of the Finn Cooper I was burying with it. The whore who fucked women because he didn’t have the balls to claim the one he wanted. The one he loved. Then I scooped her up in my arms and carried her inside, both of us laughing.
I did some more burying after that.
Deep inside her, telling her how much I fucking loved her. Gigi said it back, and I felt like beating my fists at my chest when she came, screaming my name. How much she loved me. It was like nothing else we had ever shared. The smolder in those sexy eyes when I told her I loved her would never get old.
Things had been good since then, and today was going to be great. Thanksgiving with the family. It would be different this time. Charli’s family was coming. Lola, Charli and Gigi’s mouthy pixie friend, was coming.
We invited Levi and his wife, and even Hunter. It would not be different because of the company. No, this time, Gigi was mine, and the entire world knew it.
It was also different because later, Charli and I had shopping to do. Not the black Friday bullshit she and Gigi had been planning like professionals. Charli was going ring shopping with me. I was locking Gigi down the moment I found the right ring.
Actually, I was waiting till Christmas; I wanted to propose out on the deck at her parents’ place. The same place I think we both realized what he had was special.
That it had changed and become something we never could have expected. I knew I wanted her before then, but I thought that night I could love her.
“Wake up, Sweet Girl. Need to head to the Lake, Gigi.” Gigi was not a morning person, and coffee would be necessary.
When I got nothing but grumbles as she tried to cuddle in closer, I laughed. Kissing her face, I tugged away and headed to make her coffee. Gigi whispered my name, my chest squeezing, but didn’t stir. Fuck, I loved her.
I heard a soft knock at the door just as I was turning on the coffee maker. Frowning, I crossed to the door, cracking it just a little. Fury burned through me when I saw who was on the other side. I didn’t even bother asking. Didn’t care what the answer might be.
“Get. The. Fuck. Off. Our. Doorstep, Bree.” Anger rocketed through me, shuddering my entire body.
“Good morning to you too, handsome. I was in the neighborhood…�
�� As if my words suddenly penetrated, her made up face frowned.
“We don’t want you here. Ever again. You won’t be talking to Gigi. You won’t be hurting her. I see your fucking face near her again, I swear to God…. your lies didn’t work before. They won’t work again.” Something flickered in her face, and I thought she finally got it. She wasn’t going to win this one.
“Lies? Baby, I never lie. You realize that, you might find out Gigi doesn’t forgive so easily. I certainly did.” I glared at her through the crack in the door, disgusted.
“I never fucking touched you. I never wanted you. Me, you, we’re no good for her. Difference is: Gigi loves me, and I actually love her. You don’t know what love is. Because of that, Gigi will always choose me.” Pain sliced through her face but I didn’t care. She deserved it.
“Never touched me? You sure about that? Think real hard; I know there’s a lot of pussy fogging your fucking brain. Promise you won’t like the answer you come up with. Tell Gigi to call me once you both figure the truth out. Happy Holidays, baby.” I slammed the door in her face and twisted to fall back against it.
I never touched her. I kicked her out both times she tried. Bree had always been flirtatious, saying dirty shit she thought was sexy. I never responded, even if Gigi wasn’t around. My loyalty to Gigi would not let me consider Bree an option. I loved her too much to hurt her like that.
I know I never touched her. Standing there, listening to the coffee bubble feet away, I started to panic. Had I touched her? There were some weeks after Gigi walked out that I couldn’t entirely remember. I had been alone, though. Mostly at the station. Before then, I had always kept my distance.
Except, I knew I got wasted at the pub some nights and left with women I didn’t know. Ones I couldn’t remember. Not their faces or what we did. Jesus, fuck. Did I fuck my woman’s best friend in the midst my fucked up pussy overdosing?
Fuck.
No.
I would remember Bree. Because she would not let me forget. Bree would not let either of us forget. Girls like her would want more.
