Unfinished Business
Page 28
“It is not my child who tells me” Alice Walker, “One Child of One’s Own: A Meaningful Digression Within the Work(s),” Ms., August 1979, p. 75.
“You get home way too late” Kate Bolick, “Single People Deserve Work-Life Balance, Too,” Atlantic, June 28, 2012.
“Granted, single people” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, June 24, 2012.
“low-income African American and immigrant women” Folbre, For Love and Money, p. xi.
She has been organizing immigrant women “Ai-jen Poo,” National Domestic Workers Alliance, domesticworkers.org/aijen-poo.
her work led “Domestic Workers’ Bill of Rights,” New York State Department of Labor, labor.ny.gov/legal/domestic-workers-bill-of-rights.shtm.
“winning coalition” Ai-jen Poo, with Ariane Conrad, The Age of Dignity: Preparing for the Elder Boom in a Changing America (New York: New Press, 2015), p. 115.
“Your chances of” Atul Gawande, Being Mortal (New York: Henry Holt, 2014), p. 79.
Chapter 5: Is Managing Money Really Harder than Managing Kids?
“that people internalize” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, April 29, 2013.
“When a four-year-old tipped over a glass of milk” Ann Crittenden, The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World Is Still the Least Valued (New York: Henry Holt), p. 73.
“requires this capacity” Megan Gunnar, “Worthy Work, STILL Unlivable Wages: The Early Childhood Workforce 25 Years After the National Child Care Staffing Study,” New America, Panel Discussion, November 18, 2014, newamerica.org/education-policy/worthy-work-still-unlivable-wages.
“From the time of conception” Committee on Integrating the Science of Early Childhood Development, From Neurons to Neighborhoods: The Science of Early Childhood Development (Washington, DC: National Academies Press, 2000), pp. 3–4.
A more recent study Sabrina Tavernise, “Project to Improve Poor Children’s Intellect Led to Better Health, Data Show,” New York Times, March 28, 2014, nytimes.com/2014/03/28/health/project-to-improve-intellect-of-poor-children-led-to-better-health-too-research-finds.html.
Four decades later Frances A. Campbell, Elizabeth P. Pungello, Kirsten Kainz, et al., “Adult Outcomes as a Function of an Early Childhood Educational Program: An Abecedarian Project Follow-Up,” Developmental Psychology 48, no. 4 (July 2012): 1033–43.
they were also physically healthier Frances Campbell, Gabriella Conti, James J. Heckman, Seong Hyeok Moon, Rodrigo Pinto, Elizabeth Pungello, and Yi Pan, “Early Childhood Investments Substantially Boost Adult Health,” Science 343, no. 6178 (March 28, 2014): 1478–85.
supporting people to do what they want to do Keren Brown Wilson, drawn from Atul Gawande, Being Mortal (New York: Henry Holt, 2014), pp. 103–7; quote is on p. 105.
“it’s also been laughter” Allison Stevens, “Working Moms Not Exhausted? Oh Yes We Are,” Women’s e-News, July 10, 2012.
The “wonder” part Alison Gopnik, The Philosophical Baby: What Children’s Minds Tell Us About Truth, Love, and the Meaning of Life (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2009), p. 72.
“give us a reprieve from etiquette” Jennifer Senior, All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenting (New York: HarperCollins, 2014), p. 102.
Grant then asks the same question Adam Grant, Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success (New York: Viking, 2013).
Abraham Lincoln’s political career Ibid., p. 32.
Edu sent me a small book Milton Mayeroff, On Caring (New York: Harper & Row, 1971).
“in a new era of evolutionary history” Ruth Nanda Anshen, “What This Series Means,” afterword in Mayeroff, On Caring, p. 107.
The book’s central message Mayeroff, On Caring, p. 1.
“In caring” Ibid., p. 7.
Knowledge, because Ibid., p. 19.
True patience Ibid., p. 24.
Google could not have said it better James B. Stewart, “Looking for a Lesson in Google’s Perks,” New York Times, March 15, 2013, nytimes.com/2013/03/16/business/at-google-a-place-to-work-and-play.html.
Patience is also involved Mayeroff, On Caring, p. 21.
“Nobody has a great idea the first time” Eric Ries interview with Gavin Newsom, quoted in Citizenville: How to Take the Town Square Digital and Reinvent Government (New York: Penguin, 2013), p. 99.
“the cultivation of character” David Brooks, The Road to Character (New York: Random House, 2015).
“park our cars” Gunnar, “Worthy Work, STILL Unlivable Wages.”
She did it by creating Michael Winerip, “A Chosen Few Are Teaching for America,” New York Times, July 11, 2010, nytimes.com/2010/07/12/education/12winerip.html; Fiona Glisson, “Breaking: Admissions Numbers Released,” Daily Pennsylvanian, March 26, 2014, thedp.com/article/2014/03/breaking-admissions-numbers-released.
“In the United States” Crittenden, The Price of Motherhood, p. 1.
A video circulated “World’s Toughest Job—#worldstoughestjob—Official Video,” YouTube video, posted by cardstore, April 14, 2014, youtube.com/watch?v=HB3xM93rXbY.
“My commanding officer” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, October 31, 2012.
“For the past two years” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, June 30, 2012.
In January 2013 Margaret Fortney, “What Princeton Women Want,” Daily Princetonian, January 7, 2013, dailyprincetonian.com/opinion/2013/01/what-princeton-women-want.
Chapter 6: The Next Phase of the Women’s Movement Is a Men’s Movement
“It started the way” Matt Villano, “I Hate Being Called a Good Dad,” New York Times, November 9, 2012, parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/09/i-hate-being-called-a-good-dad.
“soft bigotry” Andrew Romano, remarks at Princeton Club seminar “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All,” April 10, 2013. (Romano borrowed the term from a George W. Bush speech to the NAACP Annual Convention on July 10, 2000.)
“How Brad Pitt” Simon Kuper, “How Brad Pitt Brings Out the Best in Dads,” Financial Times, October 10, 2014.
“an African American male” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, June 21, 2012.
The Atlantic published another article Ryan Park, “What Ruth Bader Ginsburg Taught Me About Being a Stay-at-Home Dad,” Atlantic, January 8, 2015, theatlantic.com/features/archive/2015/01/what-ruth-bader-ginsburg-taught-me-about-being-a-stay-at-home-dad/384289.
“Raising children” Kunal Modi, “Man Up on Family and Workplace Issues: A Response to Anne-Marie Slaughter,” Huffington Post, July 12, 2012, huffingtonpost.com/kunal-modi/man-up-on-family-and-work_b_1667878.html?utm_hp_ref=media.
Dean Martha Minow Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, September 4, 2011.
Daniel Murphy Jessica Grose, “The Lesson from Baseball’s Paternity Leave Controversy: Paternity Leave Is Not Controversial,” Slate, April 7, 2014, slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/04/07/mlb_paternity_leave_controversy_a_happy_ending_to_the_boomer_esiason_flap.html.
In 2012 Kimberly-Clark “Huggies—Dad Test Trailer,” Vimeo video, posted by Vince Soliven, 2013, vimeo.com/49980480.
A stay-at-home father Chris Routly, “We’re Dads, Huggies. Not Dummies,” Change.org, March 2012, change.org/petitions/we-re-dads-huggies-not-dummies.
Huggies eventually pulled the ad Ibid.
Chevrolet aired an ad Chevrolet Malibu TV commercial, “The Car for the Richest Guys on Earth,” iSpot.tv, last aired September 14, 2014, ispot.tv/ad/7j2u/2014-chevrolet-malibu-the-car-for-the-richest-guys-on-earth.
an ad for Dove Men+Care “New 2015 Commercial—#RealStrength Ad | Dove Men+Care,” YouTube video, posted by dovemencareus, January 20, 2015, youtube.com/watch?v=QoqWo3SJ73c.
Mothers are still spending Kim Parker and Wendy Wang, “Modern Parenthood: Roles of Moms and Dads Converge as They Balance Work and Family,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, March 14, 2013, pewsocialtrends.org/files/2013/03/FINAL_modern_parentho
od_03-2013.pdf.
“a glimpse” “About Us,” GoodMen Project, undated, goodmenproject.com/about.
“starting to feel this pull” Betsy Bury, Dartmouth Class of 1987, 25th Reunion Class Book (Hanover, NH: Dartmouth College, 2012), p. 27.
“My daughter can go” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, January 20, 2015.
“Girls are surpassing boys” Michael Kimmel, “Solving the ‘Boy Crisis’ in Schools,” Huffington Post, April 30, 2013, huffingtonpost.com/michael-kimmel/solving-the-boy-crisis-in_b_3126379.html.
girls have actually done better Thomas A. DiPrete and Claudia Buchmann, The Rise of Women: The Growing Gender Gap in Education and What It Means for American Schools (New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 2013).
upper-middle-class boys Sean F. Reardon, “The Widening Academic Achievement Gap Between the Rich and the Poor: New Evidence and Possible Explanations,” in Greg J. Duncan and Richard J. Murnane, eds., Whither Opportunity? Rising Inequality, Schools, and Children’s Life Chances (New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 2011).
The real crisis in the United States Sharon Lewis, Michael Casserly, Candace Simon, et al., “A Call for Change: Providing Solutions for Black Male Achievement,” Council of the Great City Schools, December 2012, cgcs.org/cms/lib/DC00001581/Centricity/Domain/4/A%20Call%20For%20Change_FinaleBook.pdf.
“only 12 percent of Black fourth-grade boys” Ibid.
psychologist Wayne Martino Wayne Martino, “Gendered Learning Practices: Exploring the Costs of Hegemonic Masculinity for Girls and Boys in Schools,” in Gender Equity: A Framework for Australian Schools (Canberra, Australia: Ministerial Council for Employment, Education, Training, and Youth Affairs, 1997).
“It’s not cool” Kimmel, “Solving the ‘Boy Crisis’ in Schools.”
Particularly for working-class boys DiPrete and Buchmann, The Rise of Women, chapter 6.
“To begin,” Jim writes Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, February 19, 2013.
the “resentment towards my wife” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, May 21, 2014.
in early human groupings Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding (Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 2009), p. 134.
In the book Sex at Dawn Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá, Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality (New York: Harper Perennial, 2011), eBook, p. 132.
“women’s sexual psychology” Paul Seabright, The War of the Sexes (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2012), p. 16.
She found plenty of husbands Bebe Moore Campbell, Successful Women, Angry Men (New York: Random House, 1987), p. 68.
“Men’s breadwinning” Marianne Bertrand, Emir Kamenica, and Jessica Pan, “Gender Identity and Relative Income Within Households,” National Bureau of Economic Research Working Paper, May 2013, faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/identity.pdf; Liana C. Sayer, Paula England, Paul Allison, and Nicole Kangas, “She Left, He Left: How Employment and Satisfaction Affect Men’s and Women’s Decisions to Leave Marriages,” American Journal of Sociology 116, no. 6 (May 2011): 1982–2018, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3347912; Wendy Wang, Kim Parker, and Paul Taylor, “Breadwinner Moms,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, May 29, 2013, pewsocialtrends.org/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms.
Sara Blakely “Spanx Speaks: Founder Sara Blakely,” 2013 Women in the World Summit, April 2013, livestream.com/womenintheworld/womenintheworld/videos/15577625; Ralph Gardner, Jr., “Alpha Women, Beta Men,” New York, 2003, nymag.com/nymetro/news/features/n_9495.
“During my time as a stay-at-home dad” Park, “What Ruth Bader Ginsburg Taught Me.”
more than half of American stay-at-home dads Gretchen Livingston, “Growing Number of Dads Home with the Kids; Chapter 2: Why Are Dads Staying Home?,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, June 5, 2014, pewsocialtrends.org/2014/06/05/chapter-2-why-are-dads-staying-home.
“to experience with my daughter” Mohamed El-Erian, “Father and Daughter Reunion,” Worth, May/June 2014, worth.com/index.php/component/content/article/4-live/6722-father-and-daughter-reunion.
“I recognize” Max Schireson, “Why I Am Leaving the Best Job I Ever Had,” Max Schireson’s blog, August 5, 2014, maxschireson.com/2014/08/05/1137.
These men are in rarefied positions Jeremy Adam Smith, The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family (Boston: Beacon Press, 2009).
“The happiest day of my life” Shirley Leung, “A Welcome Role Reversal,” Boston Globe, June 13, 2014, bostonglobe.com/business/2014/06/12/number-stay-home-dads-rising/OnmubpLSz ZgC5XLzaO93uM/story.html.
Bronnie Ware, an Australian blogger Bronnie Ware, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying (New York: Hay House, 2012).
“I wish I’d had the courage” Bronnie Ware, “Top 5 Regrets of the Dying,” Huffington Post, January 21, 2012, huffingtonpost.com/bronnie-ware/top-5-regrets-of-the-dyin_b_1220965.html.
The second was Ibid.
“My deepest fear” Park, “What Ruth Bader Ginsburg Taught Me.”
“Everything else is unfulfilled” Barack Obama, “Remarks by the President at Morehouse College Commencement Ceremony,” May 19, 2013, whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2013/05/19/remarks-president-morehouse-college-commencement-ceremony.
Chapter 7: Let It Go
“So many women want to control” Lisa Miller, “The Retro Wife,” New York, March 17, 2013, nymag.com/news/features/retro-wife-2013-3.
“who claim to be overworked” Aaron Gouveia, “It’s Time to Stop Treating Dads Like Idiots,” Huffington Post, May 20, 2013, huffingtonpost.com/aaron-gouveia/its-time-to-stop-treating-dads-like-idiots_b_3179351.html.
stereotypes can be both cultural and situational Claude Steele, Whistling Vivaldi: How Stereotypes Affect Us and What We Can Do (New York: W. W. Norton, 2010), eBook, pp. 131–32.
“If a man is told repeatedly” Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, September 8, 2012.
“even the most senior male chief executive” Jack O’Sullivan, “The Masculinity Debate,” Guardian, May 21, 2013, theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/may/21/masculinity-debate-men-fear-ridicule-matriarchy.
Women produce big doses Navneet Magon and Sanjay Kalra, “The Orgasmic History of Oxytocin: Love, Lust, and Labor,” Indian Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism, 15, suppl. 13 (September 2011): 5156–61, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3183515.
only 5 percent of male mammals T. H. Clutton-Brock, The Evolution of Parental Care (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1991), p. 132.
motherhood makes rats smarter Craig Howard Kinsley and Kelly G. Lambert, “The Maternal Brain,” Scientific American, January 2006, www2.sunysuffolk.edu/benharm/Articles/the%20maternal%20brain%20-%20kinsley.pdf.
similar changes Kelly G. Lambert, “The Parental Brain: Transformations and Adaptations,” Physiology & Behavior, 107 (2012), 792–800, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22480732.
Endocrine systems and neural circuitry Benedetta Leuner, Erica R. Glasper, and Elizabeth Gould, “Parenting and Plasticity,” Trends in Neurosciences, 33, no. 10 (October 2010): 465–73, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20832872.
More recent neuroimaging research Pilyoung Kim, Paola Rigo, Linda C. Mayes, et al., “Neural Plasticity in Fathers of Human Infants,” Social Neuroscience 9, no. 5 (2014): 522–35, tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17470919.2014.933713.
“When you become a dad” Christian Jarrett, “How Becoming a Father Changes Your Brain,” Wired, July 17, 2014, wired.com/2014/07/how-becoming-a-father-changes-your-brain.
“If nature teaches anything” Brigid Schulte, “With Exposure to Babies, Rodent Dads’ Brains, Like Moms’, Become Wired for Nurture,” Washington Post, June 15, 2013, washingtonpost.com/local/with-exposure-to-babies-rodent-dads-brain
s-like-moms-become-wired-for-nurture/2013/06/15/8f0758ea-d3e6-11e2-a73e-826d299ff459_story.html.
we’ve beaten that subject to death Jennifer Senior, All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenting (New York: HarperCollins, 2014).
From 1970 to 2006 T. J. Mathews and Brady E. Hamilton, “Delayed Childbearing: More Women Are Having Their First Child Later in Life,” NCHS Data Brief No. 21, August 2009, cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db21.pdf.
“Because so many of us” Senior, All Joy and No Fun, p. 7.
“We ourselves want to be needed” Milton Mayeroff, On Caring (New York: Harper & Row, 1971), p. xv, quoting Andras Angyal.
On her trips back home Katrin Bennhold, “When Dad Becomes the Lead Parent,” New York Times, July 9, 2013, nytimes.com/2013/07/10/world/europe/When-Dad-Becomes-the-Lead-Parent.html.
In 2010, when Pew Research Paul Taylor, ed., “The Decline of Marriage and Rise of New Families,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, November 18, 2010, pewsocial trends.org/files/2010/11/pew-social-trends-2010-families.pdf.
“Yeah, he haunts me” Hanna Rosin, The End of Men (New York: Riverhead Books, 2012), p. 15.
“Even in the most open-minded communities” Guy Raz, “An NPR Host’s Other Job: Stay-At-Home Dad,” Atlantic, March 17, 2011, theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/03/an-npr-hosts-other-job-stay-at-home-dad/72588.
more than 2 million people have bought Lean In Gianna Palmer, “What Impact Has ‘Lean In’ Had on Women?,” BBC News, March 5, 2015, bbc.com/news/business-31727796.
more than 100 million readers Mary-Ann Russon, “50 Shades of Grey Joins Top 10 Bestselling Books: How Many Have You Read?,” International Business Times, February 27, 2014, ibtimes.co.uk/50-shades-grey-joins-top-10-bestselling-books-how-many-have-you-read-1438234.
women who outearn their husbands Marianne Bertrand, Emir Kamenica, and Jessica Pan, “Gender Identity and Relative Income Within Households,” National Bureau of Economic Research Working Paper Series, May 2013, nber.org/papers/w19023.