Perfect Chaos

by Nashoda Rose

I’d take it. Anything to see her like that, wet with her legs parted and quivering. Chest rising and falling as she waited for me to give her what her body was begging for.

  Her fingers curled into my hair at the back of my neck. “Cupcake status has changed. You’re the fucking cake and the icing with those little red things on top.”

  I chuckled. “Cherries.” I didn’t know where she got comparing men to desserts from, but it was Georgie and I thought it was adorable. Fuck, I said adorable. Shit.

  “And the red ants … I take that back.”

  My brows rose. “Red ants?”

  She shrugged. “Yeah, I thought you were really uptight and could use some red ants up your ass. Well, you are uptight, just a different uptight.”

  I laughed throwing my head back and my chest rumbling with a deep, rough sound. Georgie was staring at me with wide eyes and open mouth. “You say anything else about me?”

  “Sure, but the judgement it still out.”

  I tightened my hands on her ass and squeezed. She yelped and I grinned.

  “Fine. I may have said I thought you were a boring missionary-position kind of guy.”

  I’d never laughed so hard in my life because that was the furthest from the truth and had been one of the many reasons I’d kept clear of Georgie. I was demanding, controlling and most of the time I liked it hard and rough. I wondered if that was part of the reason Connor never wanted me with Georgie.

  A wave of pain hit me as I thought of my friend who was no longer the carefree, smiling guy I’d once known. Then I pulled her close and kissed her forehead. Jesus, I’d wanted to do that for so long. I didn’t realize how badly until right at this moment. She’d always been mine, but now I owned her and no other was getting a piece of her. Kai, I’d have to deal with—fast.

  “I need to see Robbie again, Deck.”

  I stiffened. “No.”

  “You can’t take that away from me.” She pulled back a little and her hand stroked down my arm over my ink, her finger tracing the images.

  “Georgie.” I got up, taking her with me and setting her on her feet before walking away. “No.”

  “Deck—”

  I stormed back toward her and grabbed her by the shoulders. I knew my fingers were bruising, but I was so pissed off even thinking about Georgie getting close to that bastard. Getting close to anything as tainted as what I was going to do to that sick bastard.

  “Out of the question. Not up for discussion. I know you think you need to, but the answer is no. I don’t want you anywhere near that piece of shit.”

  Her voice was soft as she stood in front of me, meeting my eyes and not once wavering under my intensity. “I need this.”

  I abruptly let her go and walked away then kicked out at the small glass coffee table. The vase in the center teetered for a second and then toppled over. “You’re already on shaky fuckin’ ground, Georgie. Might want to curb the wants and needs.”

  She placed her hands on her hips and glared. “My ground has been shaking for years; I’m used to it. You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”

  “Damn right, I can.”

  “Why are so you angry over this?”

  I strode to the door. I didn’t know why. Her mentioning going near Robbie had made it so real. The fear she’d lived in. The pain. Then her need to purge. Jesus, I hadn’t protected her at all. And I knew that was the reason I was so angry. “Whatever shit you have with Kai has ended. Ideas about going near the bastard who hurt you—ended. And this is the end of the discussion.”

  She got red in the face and if I wasn’t so mad, I’d think it was adorable. Shit, it still was adorable. There I go again with adorable. What the fuck was happening to me? “I’m not the girl you think I am, Deck.”

  And that right there pissed me the fuck off. Because no matter what lies she spun, she is the girl I knew. The weak, drinking, insensitive girl was never Georgie. It was why I’d always been able to resist her. I didn’t like that girl.

  “Yeah, you are. You’re everything I knew you were but were fuckin’ hiding from me.” I kept my voice real quiet and controlled.

  She stormed toward me and for a second, I thought she was going to slap me—or at least try to. But I saw the fire in her eyes and it wasn’t just anger, it was heat.

  Georgie leapt on me and wrapped her legs around my waist and then her lips were up against mine. It was the fuckin’ hottest thing ever. I had no choice but to grab her under the ass or she’d slip from my arms and I sure as hell wasn’t letting her go.

  I kissed her back, a thirst for her so powerful it was like I’d been without water for years. Unable to get enough. Unable to stop the want. The need. It had been denied for so many years that stopping it now was like trying to stop a herd of elephants.

  “Baby,” Georgie murmured against my mouth.

  I fuckin’ loved her calling me that. Never thought I would, thought it sounded pussyish, but from her lips, it was heaven. I drove my mouth into hers, sucking the air from her lungs, making it mine. I staggered into the wall and then quickly turned around so her back was against it and I had leverage.

  “When Kai finds Robbie, I need to be there,” she murmured against my lips.

  “No,” I growled.

  “We can—”

  “We? You mean you and who—Kai? Fuck, no. You’re living on another planet if you think you’re ever seeing either of those bastards again.”

  “I won’t get hurt.”

  “Stop fuckin’ asking.”

  “Put your cock inside me and I will.”

  I could’ve laughed at her, but I was too pissed and turned on to do anything but kiss her harder and shut her up. Her hands came between us and while I kissed her neck and bit her shoulder, she had my jeans undone and was trying to get them off me.

  “Baby, help me.”

  I knew damn well we were past the point where I had any control to stop myself from fucking her. I carried her out of the office and into my bedroom where I tossed her onto my bed.

  She was already taking her pants off by the time I was naked, condom on and climbing on top of her. She didn’t even let me kiss her before she had a hold of my straining cock and was putting it between her legs.

  She tilted her hips up and the tip went inside.

  “Jesus, Georgie.” I entered her slowly, not wanting to hurt her, but she had other ideas and she grabbed my hips, bending her knees while placing her feet flat on the bed. Then she thrust upward and I sunk into her hard and deep.

  “Oh, God. Yes.” She put her head back onto the pillow, her hands reaching above her to grip the rungs in the headboard. “Fuck me.”

  I was so taken back that I froze, watching her writhe beneath me while my cock was wrapped tight in her warmth. Her eyes flew open and then she smiled and my heart skipped a beat.

  God, she was mine. I’d never thought I’d have the chance. Shit, I’d been careful to not break my word to Connor and then when the drinking and partying started, I knew I could never be with that girl.

  And now … She’d have to accept everything about me because Georgie was locked in me and there was no way in hell she was ever getting the key.

  “Deck?”

  I’d never been so literally frozen. Just didn’t happen. Too dangerous in my line of work and yet, staring down at her, feeling my cock nestled tight, her body stretched out like a cat … even her blue highlights against the stark-white pillow … everything. This moment was … perfect.

  “Baby?” She reached up and stroked my head, her eyes soft and still smoldering with desire. “What’s wrong? You okay? You don’t want to do this?”

  And that right there was the Georgie she’d kept hidden. That part of her I’d been wanting to see again. Her vulnerability, her caring, her sweetness. It had lain buried beneath the lies.

  Fuck, I loved her. Always had. I’d do anything for her and maybe it was crazy loving someone as much as I did her, but Georgie was the good in me. Without her, I was sure I�
��d sink into the darkness of my mind and never emerge. She gave me the light to keep coming back. To crawl away from the evil I was surrounded by, the nightmares, the coldness, and she made me human again. She kept bringing me back here—to her.

  And maybe she was right and she needed to see Robbie again. I knew what it was like to need closure. I hadn’t wanted to taint her life with that shit, but it was already tainted with me in it. The only thing I wouldn’t allow was her to watch me torture the bastard. Because he was going to suffer for what he did to her.

  “Fine. But it will be me finding him. Not Kai.”

  Her eyes widened with surprise. “Really? You’re okay with it?”

  I shook my head. “No, babe. I’m not okay with it. But you need it, then we’ll work it out.”

  “Okay. Now stop dawdling and fuck me already. I’m throbbing and hot and you’re heavy on top of me.”

  I shut her up by kissing her and then did what she wanted and fucked her—twice more.

  “WHAT THE HELL are you doing with that?”

  I spun around and the gun went flying, hitting the floor then crashing into the wall. “Oops.”

  “Oops?” Deck, half-naked and wet from the shower, a towel slung low on his hips, strode across the bedroom and picked up the gun. I heard a few clicks before he tossed it on the bed then opened his bedside drawer and put the bullets inside. “A loaded gun. You were, what … seeing if you could shoot off your foot?”

  I laughed, rolling my eyes, and then looked him up and down. The guy seriously didn’t know how to look bad. “Baby, you look hot in a towel. I was thinking …” I lay back on the bed and stretched out. We’d spent the day having sex and not talking about any of the crap. He insisted I be on top because of my back, but no matter what position we did, we always ended with him over me.

  Deck even brought me a sandwich in bed to which he promised a beating if I got any crumbs on his sheets. Of course I did, and the beating was of him thrusting inside me. “Maybe we could have a swim and do it in the pool.”

  His scowl deepened. “You had a gun in your hand, pointed at your foot and it was loaded with bullets.”

  “So, is that a no?” I purred then slid my foot up the side of my naked leg. I was wearing his shirt, which hung down to the cusp of my butt. It may hide my breasts, but I suspected Deck was a leg man anyway.

  “Why the hell would you pick it up in the first place?” He threw his towel onto the bed, unabashed at his nakedness and I was happy to see he had one hell of a hard-on. The question was could I get him to let the issue go and concentrate on much more productive things.

  I turned around so I was on my stomach, facing the end of the bed, propped up on my elbows with the shirt bunched around my waist. I was giving him a real nice view of my ass, as I still hadn’t put on panties because I had intended on going for skinny-dipping sex. But Deck had taken a while in the shower and I’d been curious seeing his gun lying on the dresser.

  I swung my legs back and forth, crisscrossing them. “You know, I was thinking I’d like to taste you. My fantasies can’t even come close to the real thing. The salty taste of your pre-cum and then when you come in my mouth …” I trailed off as I stared at him.

  He’d been pulling on his black cargo pants. Now, he was standing with them partway up his thighs, his cock jutting out and huge. He tucked himself in his pants, did them up and walked straight to me, yanking me up so I was sitting on his lap.

  I smiled. “Do you think I can even get that in my mouth?”

  “Georgie.”

  “Because it’s monstrous.” He was ignoring me despite my praise of his cock.

  “We’re sorting shit out now.”

  I sighed. It looked like I was losing this battle. “What guy refuses a BJ?”

  “I love your sassy mouth, babe. Probably love it more around my cock, but let’s get something straight. I ask a question, … I want the answer. No sass. No bullshit. This is so we don’t have a problem. Have I been fair with you? Given you time to get your head straight?”

  “Head’s not straight. It’s kind of in the candy land right now.”

  His brows rose. “Candy land?”

  “Yeah, you know, sexy, sweet fantasy. You’re my candy land. Finally I’m getting to taste it and I want more.”

  The tightness around his lips eased and his eyes went soft on me. Yeah, he was my candy land all right. “Come over here.” He plopped me off his lap, pushed back further onto the bed, leaned back against the headboard, put his feet up and crossed his ankles. I crawled up beside him and he grabbed my thigh, put my leg on top of his, and then rested his hand on it. “Candy land or not, we need to talk, Georgie.”

  Talking position. Not sex position. He was unmoveable on this; it was like trying to get a tree trunk horny.

  “We’ll start simple … how did you hook up with Kai?”

  I laughed because that was the hardest one. “I wouldn’t use the term ‘hook up’—”

  “You’re right, bad choice of words. How did Kai find you?”

  That was more like it. No one found Kai, he always found you. “Robbie.” The stricture in my chest tightened as I thought of those months when I was so distraught and broken I gave in completely to Robbie. “It had been three months of him doing shit to me in the shed, but one day he grabbed me then took me to his house after school. I didn’t fight him. I just walked along beside him like a puppy dog on a leash.” I felt the tears prick my eyes at how weak I’d been. I’d hated myself so much.

  “That’s where I met Kai. He was talking to one of Robbie’s brothers in the living room.” Robbie had put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him then kissed the top of my head like I was his girlfriend or something. I almost vomited all over their carpet. “Robbie took me to his room where he cut me and then took pictures of his work. He had a binder. It was where he kept all the pictures. I wasn’t his only one.” I inhaled a shaky breath as the memory flooded back, the feeling of helplessness, of being separated from my body, of despair. “When Robbie let me go home, I was walking down the street when Kai pulled up and told me to get in. I didn’t think about it. I just did it. It wasn’t like anything could get worse. I think I wanted Kai to kill me, hurt me, anything to stop what I was already feeling. I missed Connor so much and I prayed for him to come back and help me. I know if he’d been alive …”

  I looked up at Deck and his eyes were on me. I expected anger, but instead they were calming, as if he was giving me that part of him to get through telling him this. “But Kai knew. I don’t know how, but he knew what Robbie was doing to me and he gave me a way out. At first I refused. I was so lost and immune to the pain I didn’t care about anything. And I was terrified of Robbie finding out and going after my mom like he said he would. Connor was gone and you …”

  “… were overseas.”

  I nodded. “I hated you for a long time for leaving.” He gently pushed my hair back and kissed the top of my head. “I know it was stupid, but I think a part of me had hoped you’d … shit, I don’t know what I hoped. But I know now you had to go back to your team.”

  “I would’ve stayed if I …” He sighed, linking his fingers with mine. “I don’t know if that’s true. If I’d been given the choice to leave the JTF2 at that time … babe, I wouldn’t have stayed. I couldn’t be near you. I needed time to try and forget you … but fuck, I had no idea.”

  I nodded. Yeah, and I never blamed him for not saving me from Robbie. I blamed him for letting go of the something between us. “Robbie’s brothers were in deep with some motorcycle club. Kai was hired by them to get their money back or … ” We both knew what the ‘or’ was. “But when he saw what was happening to me, he said he’d do pro-bono work.” Deck’s body tensed. “Kai set up Robbie for the fall with the drugs at school.”

  “So, he was arrested.”

  “Yeah, and he’d just turned eighteen.”

  “And the brothers?”

  I shrugged. “Kai never said and I ne
ver asked.”

  “Kai’s motive was to give you something that would make you trust him.”

  Yes. I trusted him because he saved me from Robbie when I thought no one could. “And he offered me a way to get back what I lost.”

  Deck didn’t say anything.

  “I was pretty fucked up after that.” I’d felt like a cut-up piece of meat, bleeding and raw. “Kai helped me. I guess it was training of sorts. Mostly psychological. You know, learning how to hide your emotions, how people tick, reading movements, gestures, signs of weakness. He taught me self-defense and how to use a knife. And certain computer skills.”

  “Not a gun?”

  I shook my head. “No. Kai doesn’t like guns. He said they’re dangerous.” Deck scoffed at that. “And I’d never intended to have to use one.”

  “And Robbie?”

  “He disappeared when he was released from jail. I think he was scared of Kai and the MC his brothers stole money from.”

  Deck took hold of my chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Why didn’t you tell me, Georgie? Why, after all these years, did you keep this from me? You know I would’ve helped you. Shit, I’d have found Robbie and made him suffer for what he did to you.”

  “Kai. There was one condition. I could never tell anyone about him. He knew about you. About Connor dying. And he knew that … he knew you were my weakness.” Deck let go of my chin and looked away. “But if I told you …” I paused. “Deck, if I told you, what would you have done?”

  “You know damn well what I would’ve done.”

  I nodded, not saying anything. Deck would’ve tried to end it and Kai would’ve killed him. He still might.

  “I did little jobs for him. Lionel was a job. I was to get into his computer and copy his hard drive.”

  “Fuck.”

  “I never know the details. Kai says it’s safer that way.”

  “So, you went to some guy’s house to steal from him?”

  I nodded.

  “Jesus, Georgie. You know how dangerous that is? What if he’d found out? What if he caught you?” He pounded his fist into the mattress. “Fuck.”

  “Lionel’s a pussy, Deck. I could’ve taken him.”