Shadows Gray

by Melyssa Williams

  The scratches begin to hurt again as I hurriedly leave my house, hastening for anywhere, anywhere but here. I can’t go to Emme’s this early in the morning or she’d do worse than attempt a little arson on my clothes. She isn’t a morning person. I wonder where I could find Luke Dawes. In the bright, cheerful light of day, outside in the city, I am feeling much less nervous. I realize that now more than ever I want to do whatever I can to find my sister. If I could look at those photos Luke said he had taken of her…would they give me anything to go on? Any clue to her whereabouts or existence? I can think of no other route to Rose other than these photos, so I pull out his business card looking for the phone number or address of his shop. There is a number, but I will have to use a payphone to dial it. I must be the only teenager in all of America who doesn’t own a cell phone. I don’t see the point in learning how to use one if it will only be ripped away from me soon enough. Besides, who would I call?

  There is a payphone, dirty and old, in the front of a service station on my right, and I jaywalk across the street quickly to get to it and feed it my coins. It rings and rings and no one picks up. Impatiently I wait for the voicemail and when it finally begins speaking to me I am informed that his photography shop is located at the corner of Poplar and Monterey Streets, beneath a yoga studio. It isn’t far, which explains his proximity to both my coffee shop and Prue’s food cart. Prue parks in that area most times as it’s close to a schoolyard and a business complex both, although the thought of her feeding small children alligator stew makes me roll my eyes. Not to mention with her people skills, she’d probably stew the children along with the gators. The business men and women in their expensive tailored suits and spiked heels will pay twice as much for her strange cooking as other customers, but their tips are terrible. They think she’s avant-garde and ahead of her time, and call her “a risk taker in the kitchen,” and “the city’s best kept secret!” Actually, she’s far behind their time but she definitely has the best kept secret.

  It doesn’t take me long to reach Poplar and Monterey. Luke’s section of the complex is the only rundown little square of the shiny business complex. Even the yoga studio is sparkling and clean, and the tiny perfect office spaces that surround Dawes Photography are symmetrically square shaped with gleaming windows and perfectly hung signs. Luke’s space looks like the room that time forgot. The windows haven’t been washed in what looks like a very long time, the sign is crooked and it’s so dim inside it’s impossible to tell if he is even open for business. The windows, besides being filthy, are covered with fliers for musicals, concerts, dog sitting services, apartments for rent, and estate sale notices; on quick glance, they all seemed to have expired several months ago. The whole building complex reminds me of a beautiful smiling head with one brown, crooked tooth in its gaping mouth. I reach out my hand, turn the handle of the door and enter the brown decaying tooth, leaving the rest of the shiny head outside sparkling in the sun.

  A set of bells right above my head jingles as I step inside and as I close the door behind me. Even the bells sound a bit tired and worn out. When no one greets me, I reach up and shake the bells more vigorously.

  “Hello?” Luke’s head pokes out from behind a door in the back. His voice sounds extremely surprised at the realization that something resembling a customer has actually arrived. When he sees it’s me, he looks even more surprised. “Gray? Come in. I was just eating breakfast in the back here. Do you want to join me or is there something I can do for you? How are you?” He seems to have a lot of questions and his sentences run together as though he is speaking exactly what is going through his mind. He looks as disheveled as ever; he needs a haircut and a shave both. He has a plate of food balanced in one hand as he holds open the door with the other.

  “Um, sure, I can stay for a bit,” I answer. Well, of course I can, isn’t that what I’m here for? “And I’m alright, thanks. You?”

  He takes a bite as the door swings shut behind us and waits a moment to finish chewing before answering me. “Good. Hungry?”

  I think of my breakfast feast, sitting in my stomach like a brick and shake my head. I do peer at his plate of food though. “Wait, that smells familiar. Is that Prue leftovers?”

  He nods happily. “She said it’s an old family recipe - shepherd’s pie.”

  I snort. “It’s an old recipe, alright; all of Prue’s recipes are old. And it isn’t shepherd’s pie, it’s squirrel pie.” I watch his bushy eyebrows for a reaction. They shoot up and take residence in the sandy-colored hair that falls over his forehead and stay there for a minute, before settling back down over hazel eyes. He takes another bite. “I can support squirrel control. Little buggers got into my film last year.”

  “I can’t imagine why,” I say dryly, “You keep such a clean, organized storeroom.” I look around at my surroundings and gingerly sit down at a small bistro style table. Other than the table, there is a tiny refrigerator, one chair – which I am perched on - a cot with a rumpled quilt and pillow, and lots of both books and boxes stacked everywhere. There is also a tiny counter alongside an even tinier sink and an open door that leads to the world’s smallest bathroom. Does he employ elves?

  “Hey,” he chewed, narrowing those hazel eyes, “Did you come here to make fun of my squalor or to see those photos of Rose?” He remembers. Well, of course he remembers; who could forget the girl who tripped over her own feet, made a scene in public, and then cried buckets as he tried to sop up the salty tears with restroom paper towels?

  “To see the photos, please,” I say meekly. As meekly as possible. I’ve never been very good at meek, but in my defense I haven’t had much practice.

  “Alright then, I’ll get them. Stay away from my squirrel potpie.” He leaves back through the door we had just come through, the one that leads to his shop. I hear drawers opening and closing and then he returns with a folder, a similar one to the one I looked though before. It feels like lifetimes ago, before I knew that Rose was perhaps alive. Will I categorize everything that way now? Before Rose’s Appearance, and After? Everything before seems so fuzzy and distant and so unimportant now. He pulls out three photos and sets them before me. I feel as though there are butterflies in my stomach and whereas last night I was freezing cold, I am hot and sweaty now. I push the hair back from my forehead and neck where tendrils have escaped my ponytail. My hands shake as I lay them back down in my lap and as my eyes focus on the photographs.

  It is the girl I saw in the coffee shop. There’s no mistaking the red calico dress, the long sheet of white blonde hair, the tiny frame. As was the case in the original photo of Rose I had seen, she doesn’t seem to be aware that her picture is being taken and she is looking away, off to the side. Her feet are bare; I hadn’t noticed that before. Was that the case when she sat in the leather armchair in the coffee shop? Has she no shoes? Is my sister suffering? I wonder as a lump forms in my throat and threatens to make me cry. The same dress, no shoes. What if she’s only just arrived here, in modern day America? Is she used to traveling, to being Lost? What if the magic or power that we have has only just begun to materialize in her? Is she scared, confused? The tears building up behind my eyes threaten to spill over. Frustrated with myself for my weakness, I savagely stab a bite of squirrel pie with the fork I grab out of Luke’s hand. The chewing gives me something to do while I get hold of myself and blink the tears away.

  Luke gets up from the overturned plastic crate he had been sitting on, and opens his tiny refrigerator. He puts down a bottle of water in front of me, twisting off the top first.

  “Thanks,” I mumble and drink deeply. Actually, I have never liked squirrel pie. “I don’t usually cry this much.” I am trying to sound apologetic but it comes out sounding defensive.

  “No problem, it’s hardly the first time I’ve made a pretty girl cry.” He speaks lightly.

  Pretty? I straighten my over-alls that have bunched up in front. I look again at the photos in front of me. I don’t see anything else that co
uld give me a clue to finding Rose. The tree she leans against could be any tree. Luke had said she was at the fair, but that only means she was there that particular night – not that she lives there. No one lives in a fairground. I don’t know what I thought I’d find. Maybe I just wanted to look at her again, feel some connection.

  “Can I have them?” I ask. “I can pay you for them if they’re for sale.”

  He waves away my offer. “I can’t sell them anyway; I didn’t have her permission to photograph her. Really, I was just trying out a new camera that night and wasn’t paying too much attention to what I was capturing. I’ll end up throwing the other ones from that night away. You can keep them as long as I can keep the ones of you singing last night.”

  Was it only last night?

  “Why?” I laugh. “I’m not going to be a star someday if that’s what you’re hoping.” I won’t be around long enough to be a star, I thought.

  “You photograph well,” he answers, reaching behind him to the counter and handing me more prints. They are of me on stage at the coffee shop, singing with my eyes closed. My guitar partially covers the horses on my shirt and my legs are crossed Indian-style the way I always sit when I am singing. It must have been mere seconds before I opened my eyes and saw Rose sitting in the chair that Luke had been in when I began my song. Had he gotten up and moved closer to photograph me, while she sank down in his vacated chair? Seconds before. Before Rose’s Appearance. Before everything changed. I look peaceful, even with my mouth open, singing. I’m surprised how pretty the girl in the photo looks. I don’t think I look like much in real life, but the camera seemed to bring something out in me; shadows that shaded my face in the right way, light that reflected and made my skin look luminescent.

  “The camera loves you, Gray. If your barista talents and singing career don’t take off, you can come model for me. Hey, all this could be yours!” He gestures grandly at his sad little shop. I can’t help laughing. I like the way he makes me forget to finish crying.

  Chapter Five

  By the time I leave the little dingy photography shop, I think it may be late enough in the morning to stop and see Emme. I let myself in the way I always do and find her in her favorite spot on her couch, reading yet another novel. I see her pretty pink toenails as they swing over the end of the couch. Her strawberry red hair is piled haphazardly atop her head in a messy bun that looks ravishing on her and would make me look like a homeless lady.

  “Hang on, luv, just let me finish this chapter. “

  Instead I pull her romance novel out of her slim fingers and replace it with the photos Luke took of Rose. She scowls at me but then glances over them.

  “Alright, I’ll bite; what am I supposed to be looking at?” she sighs dramatically. Everything about Emme is dramatic, but in a good way, not in a tiring or ridiculous way. She is British for the most part, though she’s traveled as much as I have, and she plays up her British accent especially for her line of work. It adds to her charm and overall cuteness. She is petite and curvy, a few years older than myself, with lots of wavy strawberry curls, twinkling brown eyes, and a self-deprecating sense of humor. She is the type of woman who is by nature a leader and a force of nature; if she were to trip and fall flat on her face you’d wonder why you hadn’t done it first. Emme’s Lost family consists of only herself, her mother and her little brother, Joe. They live in the apartment next door. They have been here a while, longer than my group, and they are beginning to wonder if they are stuck in time. Five years, Emme says. That’s a long time for the Lost.

  “It’s Rose, my sister, Rose. I’m positive of it,” I answer, flopping down on the floor by the couch since she hasn’t made room for me and is sprawled from end to end.

  “The missing one?” she cocks a pretty eyebrow that has been penciled in red. “Blimey, Sonnet, are you sure? How old is the picture?”

  “A week or so and it was taken here,” I can feel the excitement bubbling up again “I met the man who took the picture, and I saw her myself at work last night. Now I just have to find her again.”

  “She doesn’t know you then, is that it? Did you tell her who she is? Was?”

  “She ran off before I could talk to her. The only thing I can think of is that she is Lost too, but either she moves on less frequently than her family does, or maybe this is her first travel.”

  “Well, she does look a little confused,” Emme agrees, staring at the photos once more. “She’s very beautiful.”

  “I have to find her and bring her home before one of us travels on again, Emme. If you had just arrived here, where would you hide?”

  “Mum and Joe and I stayed at the homeless shelter for a bit when we got here. Or since it’s still summer, she might be sleeping in one of the parks. Otherwise, I don’t know, Sonnet. Your guess is as good as mine. The Lost know how to blend in, you know that. Where’d you guys stay when you got here?”

  I think back to two years ago when we first woke up here. We were all laid out on the riverbank at the edge of town, like beached fish. Prue had woken first and already had a fire going and was looking as nonplussed as usual to have woken up in an entirely different spot than where she had laid down to sleep. It was hardly her first travel, of course, and nothing much affects Prue. If Israel is my rock, Prue is my mountain. I had gone over to her, my heart in my mouth the way it always was when we traveled, and she had wrapped her big arms around me and rubbed some warmth into them and the goose bumps right off. Amelia and Will had gotten up soon after and Will spent the next several hours calming down his hysterical wife. Dad looked a bit sadder than normal, which is sorrowful to the point of death. Israel went off to find food and to find out what he could about where, and more importantly, when, we were. Matthias and Harry traded stories and attempted to fish with tree branches. Israel came back with stolen clothes and reports of a modern American town. I traded glum for forced excitement and couldn’t wait to see the cars he talked of. One drove by on the road above the riverbank and it was the only thing that made Meli stop bawling (after screaming first, of course). We stayed at that riverbank for a few nights, scoping out and learning as much as we could. We spent the next several days in an abandoned farmhouse a few miles away, an old trick of the trade of the Lost. Every town has a house or two that is empty and forgotten.

  “She seems like a loner,” I say doubtfully, thinking of the crowded homeless shelter and having a hard time imagining Rose there. “Parks aren’t a bad idea though…there’s the big one that edges up to the campground; no one would notice an extra camper.” I am lost in thought and my thoughts lead me back to my nightmare from last night. My scratches start to ache again, dull and throbbing, starting in my palm and traveling up my arm. I am so focused inward I don’t see Joe pop up from behind the couch until he lands on my lap and I jump out of my skin. Joe is five and was only a year old infant when Emme and her mother arrived. He is an imp, with red hair and freckles and a mischievous personality that makes Emme look like a saint.

  “Gotcha, Auntie Sonnet!” He crows, triumphantly, pumping his fist in the air.

  I wait for my heart to resume its normal beat and resist the urge to thump his cute little red head. “You scared me half to death, brat!” I tickle him, which is of course what he is waiting for and the whole reason he is on my lap to begin with. When he has had enough and is properly winded, I roll him off my lap and onto the floor. He scampers off in search of snacks in the kitchen.

  “Mum is out today so I’ve got him all day,” Emme explains. Emme’s mother, Bea, does all sorts of needle work and sells them, or attempts to, at craft shows and flea markets. Sometimes she even lays them out alongside Prue’s food cart but since Bea is terrified of Prue, she only does it when she is really anxious for customers. Bea is sweet and shy and easily embarrassed, and Prue is – well, Prue is Prue.

  “We should take him to the park,” I suggest casually, examining my fingernails. As usual they are chewed short. Emme’s are long and shaped and the co
ntrast makes me sigh. I resolve to stop biting them first thing tomorrow.

  “So you can look for Rose?” Emme’s nose is tucked in her book again. “Have you thought maybe she isn’t Rose, but just someone who looks like…well, like the way you imagine she would look today?”

  “Of course I’ve thought of it, but I’m telling you, she’s exactly how Dad describes with plenty of Mother thrown in, and even a little of me. Our eyes aren’t exactly common,” I remind her, pointedly.

  “Your eyes are creepy. Oops, I meant to say creepy in a beautiful way,” Emme laughs.

  “You’re no help at all,” I answer, crossly. “Tell me what to do!”

  “Alright, luv, don’t get your knickers in a twist. Let’s piece this puzzle together, shall we? Rose was left behind when you, your mum, and your dad disappeared back in what, the seventeen hundreds?”

  “1741, I think.”

  “What do you remember? Anything about that time? If she was left behind, what would it have been like for her?”

  “Well, it was France. It was cold; at least my only memories are of being cold. I think I remember,” I falter, “I think I remember the night we left. There was a fire in the hearth and Mother was in her rocking chair.” Of course, it’s my dream I’m really thinking of, but it describes what Dad has told me of our home there and it felt so real; as if it could be more of a memory and less of a dream. “We lived in the countryside and there was a neighbor woman named Old Babba, kind of an old crone lady. She hobbled around with a walking stick and muttered a lot. I never understood much of what she said; I think I might have been a little scared of her. She used to come by almost every day, share her hen eggs and she had a goat, Dad says, so she shared her milk with us. We always hoped she found Rose the next day, and we always assumed she would have raised her or at least found a family to raise her.”