When We Kiss

by Louise, Tia

“It means you made the trip all the way out here to check on me for nothing.” She slips her hand in mine again and starts to walk toward the enormous ballroom. “I am seeing someone. I’m very happily seeing someone. His name is Trevor Johnson.”

  Pulling her hand, I stop our progress, turning her to face me. “Trevor Johnson?” She nods waiting as I mentally run through everybody I know. “I don’t recognize that name.”

  “You wouldn’t. He’s a musician… and hold onto your hat.” A mischievous light is in her eyes, and she smiles, stepping closer to my ear. “He’s the wrong shade of beige, if you get my drift. Too much pigment for the old guard.”

  “He’s black?”

  “Black as ebony and so gorgeous!” She does a little shiver. “You should see him. I think I really might be in love for the first time in my life.”

  I have to hand it to her. I only walked away from this scene. She’s taking a sledgehammer to it.

  “That’s great news.” I squeeze her hand. “I hope you’re very happy together.”

  She cocks an eyebrow at me. “You’re seeing someone, too.” She lifts her chin and nods. “You are! I can tell. And… it looks like you’re in love.”

  I try to act confused, but I can’t help smiling. I kind of wish Tabby were here to meet Nan. She’d like her a lot. “What makes you say that?”

  “For starters, you haven’t told me how beautiful I look tonight.” She holds out her arms and turns as if she’s modeling her dress for me.

  Relief bubbles up in my chest, and I laugh. For the first time in a year, this weight is off my shoulders. “You are very beautiful tonight. I thought it the moment I saw you.”

  “And you’re as wonderful as ever. Now, escort me inside and let’s get some food.” Her hand goes in the crook of my arm, and she leans her head against my shoulder. “As grandma always said, you’re more fortunate to be rich in love than rich in money.”

  My hand covers hers, and I couldn’t agree more.

  * * *

  Walking along the manicured lawn of the cemetery the next day, I think about Robbie and Nan and me. It’s good to know I’m not alone in feeling suffocated by this place. I worry for my friend. She’s venturing into sticky territory. Still, if anyone is strong enough to brave those waters, it’s Nan.

  Strength and bravery. My sister’s headstone is a large angel holding both hands up to the sky. It’s an unexpected tribute, knowing her, but I’m sure it’s the story my parents want to believe.

  My memory is slightly different, although I like their version better. I want to think of her as a strong warrior who reached up to heaven and flew to something better.

  A fine mist fills the air, and gray fog has rolled in off the ocean. I’m wearing a dark wool topcoat, and I look down at the bouquet of white lilies in my hand. They have deep green stems and leaves, and they’re wrapped in paper.

  I lean forward to put the flowers in the vase at the feet of the angel.

  Charity Yvette Tucker is engraved in all caps on the base of the monument. Beloved daughter and sister, is next. Heaven needed you sooner than we were ready.

  The quote has never felt right to me, even now as I stand reading it over and over in the damp air as the mist slowly turns to rain.

  I remember a young girl with swirling brown hair. I remember her being playful and careless, climbing out of windows and running all over town in the dead of night. I remember her holding hands with girls and kissing them. I remember thinking she was playing a dangerous game…

  “I’m sorry I was too young to understand.” My throat aches as I say the words. “I’m sorry I was too ignorant to help you.”

  I remember my father shutting us out. I remember my mother clutching her chest and crying. I remember Cherry just wanting to be free.

  “I hope you’re happy wherever you are.”

  My hands are in my pockets, and I wait for something to happen, a feeling to come, something.

  Last night, talking to Nan, I felt a release. I knew that part of my life was closed. I’m not sure I’ll ever get closure on this one.

  When someone you love dies, it’s like everything stops making sense. The little things that used to matter so much seem silly. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel normal again. I wasn’t sure I could ever believe in anything again.

  Believe…

  It’s raining more, and I have to go.

  Reaching out, I put my hand on the angel representing my sister. “If you’re flying, remember not to get too close to the sun.” My dry throat aches at the thought of her falling. “I hope you see the galaxies and stars and all the beautiful things. I hope you’re as beautiful now as you always were then.”

  I hold my hand on the statue a few seconds longer. I still don’t feel a change, my chest is tight and I feel like I’m bracing for impact. After a while, all I want is Tabby. I miss her, and I want to hold her in my arms.

  I know what I believe, and I’m ready to make it happen.

  * * *

  My mother stands at the foot of my bed watching me pack the few things I left at her house. “You came all this way just to pack up and leave again?”

  “I only came for a visit. I’ve stayed a week. Now it’s time to get back.”

  “Beau said he told you about the senate seat. Your father spent years building a network for you to take over when you were discharged. It’s ready and waiting for you.”

  “Nothing is waiting for me here.” I glance up at her and smile as I tuck my socks into my shoes. “Dad and his friends can find another fortunate son to fill that role.”

  “Don’t say it like that. Your father wanted you in that role. He sees you as a leader.”

  “I am a leader. Just not in this community.”

  “You’re going back to that girl.” Her voice is sharp. “No matter what you think, she’s not good for you.”

  “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She taught me how to believe again, and I’m in love with her.”

  My mother drops her hand and exhales a heavy sigh. “I’ll see you off in the morning. Don’t stay up too late.”

  Stepping away from the bed, I catch her hand. “Mom?” She turns, her eyes tired. “It’s going to be okay. “

  She doesn’t agree, but she doesn’t argue with me. She only leaves, closing the door behind her. I move the suitcase to the floor and pick up my phone. I have one more commitment to fulfill tomorrow, then I can get on the road for Oceanside.

  I haven’t tried to text Tabby since I’ve been gone. I wanted to give her what she asked for—time, space, what’s that saying about if you love someone, set them free? I felt pretty confident when I left her on Sunday, but what if I misunderstood her tears? Can I go back there and continue my daily routine without her?

  I wonder if she did what I asked and waited to give Travel Time an answer? The phone is in my hand, I’m staring at the face, when it goes off. Her name appears as if she felt me thinking about her, wondering, and wanted to give me an answer.

  Warm satisfaction unfurls in my stomach as I read her words. Things aren’t the same without you here. I miss you so much. I want to see you again. The door is open. Please come home.

  I don’t waste time responding. On my way.

  Twenty-Six

  Tabby

  Friday is the official launch day of Travel Time, and I’m bouncing off the walls. Not only have I been awake since midnight, drinking Red Bull, checking periodically to be sure no servers have crashed or reservations systems bugged up, I can’t stop thinking about Chad and wondering when he’ll be here.

  I told him I needed time to think, and boy, did he ever give me what I asked for. This week has been more than enough time… and space. I want to see him. I want to touch him. I want to kiss him, and then I want to do all the things that always come after that.

  When 10 a.m. finally rolls around, Rani and AJ are ready for my answer. Even though I told Chad I wouldn’t make a decision before he got back, I’m pretty sure he meant
not to tell them yes, and I’ve decided I could never do that anyway.

  As much as I love the idea of being a permanent explorer, I don’t want to go alone. Roxanne has been hanging around the pack-n-save all week, and she made some additional points about traveling alone—no one to share your excitement when you see something cool, but most of all, having to put up with all the couples on vacation together and what a drag it is after a while.

  I don’t intend to be in that situation ever.

  “The site looks amazing. It performs amazingly well… I just can’t tell you how happy we are.” Rani is smiling, and my chest is so full.

  “Thank you, Rani. I enjoyed every minute working on it. Really.” I’m beaming with pride in a job well done.

  “Have you made up your mind about our offer?” AJ joins her on Skype, lifting her out of the chair and sitting behind her.

  Rani lets out a little squeal, and I can’t help remembering when it was like that with Chad and me, sitting on his lap, showing him all the bells and whistles of my job. Then kissing, riding Andy… I feel my face getting hot and shut down those steamy memories.

  “Does that smile mean yes?” Rani’s voice is so excited, I feel bad.

  “You know, guys, it’s such a generous offer. I’ve pretty much been thinking about it 24-7 since last week…”

  “But?” I can tell by AJ’s expression he knows what I’m going to say.

  “But I can’t. As much as I’d love to travel full-time, I have too many commitments here. I don’t want to have to turn down other work. I still want to travel, and I’m happy to use your service and take pictures we can use. I just can’t do it full-time.”

  “We thought you might say that.” Rani leans to the side so I can see them both.

  “I’m sorry. It really is the most generous offer.”

  “Since we were anticipating your decision, we went back and looked at our original payment agreement.” AJ slides a sheet of paper in front of him, and my eyebrows rise.

  “Okay…”

  “So our original agreement was the flat fee to cover the website design and development, the plugins and support.” He’s going down the list, and I’m nodding. “We included bonuses for hitting our launch dates, which you did easily.”

  Again, I nod. They don’t have to know how close I cut it on the soft launch. “Were you wanting to change something?” I honestly have no idea where this is going.

  “We reported a glitch in one of the airlines’ reservations tools we were using. The fault was theirs. Basically, it was overbooking flights, causing delays and super pissed off customers…”

  “What? That’s horrible!”

  “Yeah, it was a mess.” Rani jumps in at this point. “They were so happy, they gave us a dozen travel vouchers. It’s way more than we can use in the time allowed… so we thought we’d give some to you as a bonus to thank you for all your hard work—”

  “And in the hopes you might use it to try out a few of our packages, see if they’re as good as we’re claiming, and take pictures.”

  My heart jumps. “But not as a job?”

  They look at each other, and Rani’s brow furrows. She asks a question I can’t hear, and AJ shrugs then nods. “I’m sure we can get you some comps if you use our recommended places.”

  “It’s a deal!” I say it fast before they can change their minds, then I start to laugh. “It’s an amazing deal. Thank you so much.”

  “Aw, thank you.” Rani tilts her head to the side, and we laugh some more. “We’re so excited to get this off the ground. It’s our dream come true, you know?”

  “I do, and I’m excited to be working with you on it.”

  We spend a few more minutes basking in the excitement of their new business venture before saying goodbye and ending the call. AJ says the final payment and vouchers should be in my online accounts by the end of the day.

  Running to my bedroom, I quickly change out of Chad’s old tee, which has completely lost his scent—thanks in part because I finally broke down and washed it. Now it just smells like me. I slip into a short red print dress with spaghetti straps and large, tropical flowers all over it.

  My hair is on my head with a pencil stuck through it. Pencil out, and it falls around my shoulders. I smooth it with my fingers, add some mascara, lip gloss, and I’m out the door, headed to town. I can’t wait to tell Emberly what just happened.

  I have no idea how many vouchers they’ll give me or how much they’re worth, but depending on what happens, maybe I can give her enough to take a trip with Coco or take a trip with me… I park in the space in front of the bakery and dash up the steps. The little “Be right back” sign is turned and the door is locked. Checking my phone, I see it’s noon, and I guess she must’ve walked to Betty’s for a poboy.

  “Emberly!” I exhale a little squeal of excitement and dash up the connected porches, past Wyatt’s place and through the door. It rings loud, and I stop short. The place is full of people. Betty’s standing at the counter with Roxanne talking to André about how he comes up with his recipes.

  Roxanne’s saying something about New Orleans when she sees me. “Hey, girl! That’s my future travel partner, right? Ready to get crazy?”

  André’s eyebrows rise, and he gives me a look like What?

  I just shake my head. “Hi, Roxanne, Hi, BP—is Emberly here?”

  “She’s in the back talking to Donna.” Betty winks at me, and I freeze on the spot.

  “What does that mean?” Seriously, I have no idea why BP is winking at me. It has never happened.

  “Tabby!” Her voice is scolding. “Donna has a wedding coming up. Liam proposed… I told Emberly to tell her about the new offerings in cakes.”

  “Oh!” Sweet mother Moses. “I’d better get back there, then.”

  No telling what Emberly is saying to get out of this one—and poor Donna White. She’s scared of her own shadow. I expect she’d pass out at the sight of a penis cake. Last time I’d checked, she’d never even seen the real thing.

  “Mm, I love Emberly’s cakes,” André starts as I dash to the back. “The butterscotch sundae one she made for Thelma’s birthday was like heaven in my mouth.”

  I’m cringing as I close the door. Poor André has no idea what those pervy old ladies are talking about, and he keeps going on about heaven in his mouth. I imagine Roxanne will need some alone time with her battery-operated boyfriend after this.

  Pushing through the door, I see the two of them laughing and chatting. No signs of embarrassment or secrecy.

  “Hey! What are you two doing?” I walk over to where Donna is sitting in the desk chair and Emberly’s leaning on the edge of the table.

  “Tabby!” Emberly hops up and runs over to give me a hug. “How’d Travel Time’s big launch go?”

  “Without a hitch, and I’ve got news—but first…” I lean forward. “I heard Betty’s trying to get you some business.”

  Emberly turns so Donna can’t see her face and mouths No. “Oh, I was just telling Donna about the different types of cakes people order for weddings or showers… stuff like that.”

  “Okay…” I glance at Donna, who’s smiling innocently.

  “It’s amazing how creative people can get with cakes,” she says.

  “You can say that again.” I’m doing my best not to laugh, but I’m already excited and now this.

  Emberly grabs my hand and squeezes it hard. “I guess we’d better get on back to work. You come down and look at pictures with me when you get a chance.”

  “I will.” Donna stands and follows us to the door leading into the store. Emberly and I are looking back at her as we open it. “I have time to plan, and… Oh, heavenly angel…” Donna’s eyes are round, and her voice is a hushed whisper.

  “What?” Emberly’s head snaps to face forward. “Oh heavenly…” Her voice dies out.

  I’m the last one to turn, and when I do, I have to grip my best friend’s arm.

  Chad is standing in the front
of Betty’s pack-n-save in his full dress uniform. It’s white with gold buttons. Navy epaulets are on both shoulders with gold stripes on them. His hat is off, tucked under his arm, and his dark hair just touches the top of his collar. When he turns to face us, the breath leaves my body.

  “Here you are.” His deep voice makes my insides go liquid. He’s possibly the handsomest thing I’ve ever seen.

  I’m not the only one appreciating the view. Roxanne is frantically fanning herself with a paper plate, and Betty’s hand is on her chest.

  Emberly is the first one to finally speak. “Officer Tucker, you look so… dashing.”

  Chad does a little nod. “Thank you, Emberly.”

  “Give me a break, he officially looks like sex on a stick,” Roxanne snarks from where she sits.

  I still haven’t moved. Chad’s eyes are locked on mine, and a grin is curling those sexy lips. My favorite dimple ghosts his cheek. He isn’t giving me the full-watt smile that melts my panties right off. He’s waiting to see if I’ll give him a sign. I don’t make him wait.

  Clearing my throat, I manage to speak. “I’m so glad you found me.”

  No truer words.

  He takes the hat out from under his arm and puts it on his head, striding quickly up the aisle to where I’m standing in the middle of Donna and Emberly. With every step closer, my stomach gets tighter, my breath gets shallower.

  I’m trapped in his gaze, unable to move and not wanting to get away. He doesn’t stop until he’s standing right in front of me looking down into my eyes. My eyes never leave his, although in my peripheral, I can see Emberly’s hand go to her mouth and Donna clutch her heart.

  “You are so beautiful.” His voice is low, forceful, almost a command. “I’ve never wanted to kiss someone as much as I want to kiss you right now.”

  His clean, masculine Chad-scent surrounds me, and I can feel the heat from his body on my skin. I’m sure my nipples are visible through the thin red dress I’m wearing, but I couldn’t care less.

  “I’ve never wanted someone to kiss me so much in my life.” My voice is breathless.