by Dee Bridle
Headlights in the laneway blinded me and I leaned back against the wall beside one of the big dumpsters, needing no other distraction then getting my head sorted.
I can do this.
I can.
I can fucking do this.
The headlights passed me and I could see they belonged to a black limousine. I looked around the large bin to see it pull to a stop just near me. I watched the driver get out and press a few buttons on the door further down. It opened and a guard stepped out, waiting at the metal door. The driver then opened the back door of the limo and a businessman stepped out. His hair was speckled with gray and he straightened his suit before stepping inside the door. The driver got back into the limo as the big metal door closed, the guard disappearing inside with the suit. The limo then slowly drove away back out onto the street.
Without another thought, I made my way over to the metal door. There was no sign of even a handle, just a keypad. I looked up and down the building, seeing that it was totally nondescript; just another darkened building. Was it part of Disclosure? Maybe this was the “downstairs” that I wasn’t allowed to talk about?
“Not a good idea,” said Sebastian behind me. I jumped in fright, having not even heard him come outside.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” I said angrily, throwing my cigarette down at his shoes. I walked back over to our door and let out an angry sigh.
“You get angry in the sack like that?” he asked, following me back over. I rolled my eyes and then looked at him.
“Why isn’t it a good idea to stand over by that door?”
He shrugged and said, “Just an opinion I have.”
“What’s in there?” I asked.
“Who can tell?” he said stepping closer to me.
“Why are you even out here? One person, per break only.”
“I’m breaking the rules. You should try it. It’s fun.”
I let out a frustrated sigh, if only he knew that “rule breaker” used to be my middle name.
“So tell me, why are you off-limits?” he asked stepping even closer so I was now against the brick wall. He was in my space and smiling at me like he wanted to devour me. I could see his darkness in his eyes. They revealed the real dark part of him that was hidden under the humour and rebellion. He was a kindred spirit and if I had any sense, I would go back inside right now.
“I have no idea about that rule,” I said.
“Must be something special about you,” he stated leaning his body up against me.
I licked my lips and said, “You willing to find out and lose your job?”
He chuckled against me; his hands now either side of me on the wall. “I’m always willing to get into trouble. Something tells me you would be worth it.”
“You’ll never know,” I said, my eyes zeroing in on his lips that were a breath away. I knew this was wrong, I knew he was a bad idea. I knew this could get both of us fired but I never made good decisions and I wasn’t about to start now. I had tried so hard but I could only fight so much temptation before I snapped.
My mouth was suddenly on his, finally taking what I wanted, what I needed. He shoved himself up against me, his hands roaming down my body as he kissed me back. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket but ignored it, caught up in the heavy, satisfying kiss I was getting. He was hungry for me and rough and I knew it was what I needed. I needed to release the tension, disperse the agitation within me.
“We going to do this now?” he asked against my mouth as his hand grabbed my thigh and yanked it up. He was flush against me and I could feel his arousal pushing against me. His other hand shoved my top up and roughly made its way over my bra, cupping my breast. I had jeans on so I knew it would be harder to manage in the laneway. I moved my hands down his stomach and then unzipped his pants. Maybe he could get me off later and I would just get him off now. I reached into his pants and then suddenly he was gone and I was gripping fresh air. It took a second for me to realise Will was there and he was punching Sebastian.
“Stop!” I shouted, pulling my top back down.
“She’s fucking off-limits!” shouted Will, throwing another punch and ignoring me. Sebastian dropped to his knees in pain, no match for a wild and angry Will.
“Stop!” I screamed again. “You’re going to kill him!”
“Something wrong with your hearing?!” shouted Will, pulling Sebastian up by the collar. “No-one touches her!”
Blood was pouring from his nose and mouth and he was nearly unconscious. His body was limp as Will pushed him up against the wall, holding onto his neck.
“Will! What are you doing?!” I shouted, trying to pull at his great bulk of an arm, knowing full well that he wouldn’t budge unless he wanted to. Sebastian suddenly laughed, or gurgled on his own blood, I wasn’t quite sure.
“Enough!” bellowed Jake, coming out and yanking Will off Sebastian, who dropped to the floor, still laughing, almost like a maniac.
“What the fuck, Will!” shouted Jake, texting someone on his phone.
“I fucking warned you,” said Will angrily. “No-one lays a finger on her.”
“I’m not fucking babysitting her all night. She was obviously wanting it too,” said Jake in retaliation. Will went for Jake, until a security guard got between them. Another guy came out and lifted Sebastian onto his feet.
“Back off, Will and let me run the business,” said Jake as Sebastian was taken back inside.
“That fucker is fired! See to it,” said Will, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. I could see a small split on his lip where Sebastian had got in a hit before being knocked nearly unconscious. I stood there in disbelief at the way Will had reacted and the way he gave orders. He hadn’t looked at me at all and I could see he was fuming. We were not together and hadn’t made any promise to each other. So why the hell was he here, throwing his weight around like a jealous boyfriend?
Jake turned away to go back inside and glared at me. “You’ve got five minutes.”
I nodded and folded my arms across my chest. The door shut behind us with a final click and I looked back over to Will. He was breathing heavy and he still hadn’t looked at me. His fists were still clenched and I could see he was hurting.
“What was that?” I asked, breaking the silence. He huffed and looked up at the sky in frustration. “We’re not together, Will. Why would you beat him up?” I pressed on.
“Maybe I just fucking needed to talk to you tonight, Janey. Just once, I needed you to stop fucking around and be there for me.”
I swallowed down a nervous lump in my throat. He had an edge to his voice that sent off alarm bells.
“Why? What’s happened?”
“Nothing,” he said in resignation. “Nothing at all.”
“Will,” I pleaded. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t know you needed me but I would have been there if I knew. Sebastian was just a stupid mistake. Please. Tell me what happened.”
He shook his head, like he was inwardly debating something with himself.
“Will,” I pleaded again.
“Forget it,” he sighed, still not looking at me, as he started to walk away.
“Wait! Talk to me,” I called out after him. He kept walking, further away from me. I would have run after him but I knew that this time was different. He looked more than hurt, he looked so damn disappointed. He had come to me and I had fucked up once again. I turned back to the doorway and went to open it, realising it was locked from the inside. I shoved my hands against it in temper and then followed it up with a kick. I got my phone from my pocket and called Zac.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, no longer bothering with greetings because I had caused so much trouble over the years.
“What happened to Will tonight?” I asked.
“I haven’t seen him, why?”
“Something’s wrong with him. He came here to talk to me and then bashed Sebastian who was here with me.”
“Who the fuck is Sebastian?”
“Don’t worry. Look, something is wrong,” I said.
“Well, of course something is wrong with him - it’s you. Maybe he went to express his undying love and –
“There was something else wrong with him, okay? I know I’m part of the problem but there was something else, I swear it. He said he needed to talk to me.”
The door shoved open and Jake stuck his head out.
“Let’s go; break’s over.”
“I gotta go,” I said stepping inside.
“I’ll find him,” said Zac, ending the call.
Will
I looked out over the bay and took in a deep breath. I had been blindsided tonight. I had a father. A real, living and breathing father and I had been working with him for the last few years.
It was now obvious that my grandfather had known about it the entire time and it was the reason why he had stipulated I had to work there. He had been pushing for responsibility but also putting my father on my radar, whether my mother liked it or not. He had set up a trust fund clause that was water tight, putting me in place there and most likely using the situation to deliberately annoy his daughter. I hated the lengths my mother had gone to, to keep things from me. I wanted to know the reasons behind all the lies. Why was it so important to keep me in the dark about my father? I needed to ride straight to her tonight and demand all the answers, but I knew I couldn’t just yet. I had to continue the secret and let her think that I was still oblivious to what had been in front of me all of this time. My phone rang and I pulled it out to see that it was Zac.
“What’s happened?” he asked, the second I put the phone to my ear.
“Where do I even begin?” I said with a shake of my head. “Look, I’ll explain later, but can you look into somebody for me?”
“Sure thing.”
I gave him my father’s name and my step half -brother’s name. I wanted to know everything about my secret family.
“Janey called me,” he said next.
“Yeah,” I said, rubbing my hand over my face in frustration. “I went to see her but she was preoccupied with a tongue down her throat.”
“Shit, man. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it; I think I’m done. I don’t know what the fuck to think at the moment. I’m pissed off and just need some time to sort my head out.”
“These two guys of yours bad?” he asked.
“Nope. Complete opposite. Can you keep it just between you and me?”
“Of course. I’ll look into them now. I’m here when you need me,” said Zac.
“Thanks, man,” I said ending the call. I took in a deep breath and looked out over the blackness of the bay in front of me again. I wanted to know why it was a big secret. Why had Dean been sworn to secrecy? I thought back over the times I had worked with him, looking for clues. He had always been a pretty cool guy, always asking me about my life, trying to give support when he thought I needed it.
All this time he had been my father.
He was no longer just a cool boss; he was my blood.
Janey
I worked the rest of my shift like a machine because the faster I worked, the faster time went by. I didn’t see Sebastian again that night, knowing he would be somewhere nursing his wounds. I kept to myself, not talking to Tilly, even though I knew she had questions. Jake kept a closer eye on me but still kept his distance, probably sensing that I had questions for him. His relationship with Will didn’t make sense and the conversation between them still sat strangely in my head.
But I needed to get to Will; I would worry about everything else later. Will was my number one concern right now and I had to find him. I texted Ivy the minute I left the club that night. He hadn’t come home yet. I texted Ava next. He wasn’t there either. I headed to one of his favourite bars and spoke to security at the door. They hadn’t seen him all night.
I had called him continuously but he never answered. A part of me wondered if he had found someone else to soothe his worries and was now in between another girl’s legs, pounding out his angst. It crossed my mind again when I stepped inside the marbled entrance of his apartment building. He never used to bring girls back here but tonight could be different. I didn’t care. I would walk in on him and demand answers. I was hopefully still the only one with a key. I nodded over to the concierge who looked me over and then at his computer. He looked at me again as I pressed for the lift, swiping my key card for the penthouse.
A red light appeared on the keypad, so I swiped my key card again. Red replaced the usual green light. The lift doors refused to budge so I swiped one more time, before looking over to the concierge.
“Miss, you are no longer allowed in here” he said leaving his station and coming over to me.
“No,” I said under my breath, trying my card again before pressing the lift button again and again. There was only one reason I no longer had access to Will’s apartment; his mother had barred me from his apartment. She was making sure I was being cut out of his life for good.
“Miss, you need to leave.”
“I’m not leaving,” I said angrily, hitting the button again and swiping my card. “It’s a mistake. I have access here.”
“That is no longer the case. I’m afraid I have to ask you to leave.”
“No!” I shouted, banging against the metal door in frustration. “I need to go up there!”
“Miss, stop that immediately or I will have to remove you myself! Please. Leave now.”
I rested my forehead against the metal door, breathing heavily, trying to get my head in order. I wanted to kick at the door and then turn around and kick at him, but I knew he was only doing his job. Will’s mother was only doing what she promised to do; delete me from his life.
“Miss, you need to leave,” he repeated, grabbing my arm.
“Don’t touch me,” I growled at him as I shrugged his hand off. I turned around and walked away, but not before shoving my middle finger up at the foyer security camera. I hoped she saw it.
I shoved open the glass doors and left the building, feeling incensed with rage. I was not allowed in his life anymore and he was no longer taking my calls. I couldn’t figure what I could do next to make any of this fucked up situation any better. I felt the anger surge through me, the debilitating energy building up to the point where I needed a release before I exploded. I was minutes away from losing my mind and I took a breath, knowing that this was when everything went wrong. I was now at a precipice and I could either jump off or take a step back. I had been jumping blindly for years and the urge to do it felt so natural. I wanted to go and find a warm body and fuck the energy out. I wanted to go and drink myself stupid or get high. I wanted to give the world my middle finger and tell everyone to go to Hell.
I crossed the road and headed towards my car, still trying to concentrate on my breathing, just like my shrink had told me to. She had requested that I keep in contact and make regular appointments with her. I hadn’t spoken to her since rehab but for the first time since I had been out, I wanted to ring her right away and get her to sort the crazy in my head. My phone beeped with a message and I pounced on it, hoping it was Will.
Unknown: Stupid, stupid whore
A horn and a screeching of wheels made me jump a mile as bright lights sped towards me. I quickly lunged for my car as the other car swerved at me before taking off at speed. Holding onto the trunk of my car, I watched the other car disappear down the street, wondering where the hell it had come from. It was the early hours of the morning and the street had been quiet. I was sure I had checked before I had crossed. If I wasn’t already feeling like a crazed-up, paranoid freak I would have thought that the car had deliberately tried to run me over. My phone suddenly started to ring and the caller was unknown. With my heart beating fast, I answered it.
“It’s Tilly. You left your purse here when you were running out earlier.”
I frowned as I looked inside my bag, wondering why my purse was even out of my bag.
“Shit,” I said, opening my car door. “Are you still going to be there? I’m coming back now.”
“Yeah, I’m just hanging out with Jake before we close up”.
“Be there in ten minutes,” I said ending the call and getting into my car. I rang Will again while I drove over but he still didn’t answer.
I found Tilly sitting up on top of the bar while Jake sat at the bar typing something into his laptop.
“So where was the fire before?” she asked with a hint of a smile.
“Just needed to find someone,” I said grabbing my purse from her. I knew it would be rude to open it in front of her to see if anything was missing.
“Did you find them?”
“Nope,” I said with a big sigh.
“So tell me, Janey,” said Jake looking up from his laptop with a smirk. “Why is the big cheese of this fine establishment demanding for me to fire you?”
“What?” I asked in disbelief. “Why? Who is the big cheese?”
“The big cheese is my mother; I’m surprised Will didn’t tell you,” said Jake with a frown.
“Your mother owns the club,” I stated, my eyes narrowing onto him. “What’s that got to do with Will?”
Jake chuckled and shook his head. “Will really does keep a lot of secrets doesn’t he? I thought that it was just from us, but if he’s keeping them from you too…well…that’s very interesting.”
I felt confused and a little angry at being so damn confused. I knew if I wasn’t so exhausted and so annoyed that I would have probably worked it all out. I was off my game.
“Jake and Will share the same mother,” said Tilly, leaning her hands back on the bar. “Surely you could see the resemblance?”
Well, of course I could now that I knew the truth ! .
“So Will owns this bar too,” I said, focusing on the shiny bar in front of me, letting all the little untied bits of information come together in my head.
