by Dee Bridle
“Part owns, like the rest of us. Usually more of a silent partner until you arrived here,” said Jake.
“And your mother owns this and of course, now wants me gone,” I said with a resigned sigh.
“Tell me why?” asked Jake.
“She’s trying to remove me from Will’s life,” I said.
“Well, from the looks of him, that’s the last thing he wants,” said Jake closing down his laptop.
“After tonight he might think differently,” I said unhappily.
“Well, I know how important you are to him; you’re the one that’s been around for years, right?” said Jake.
“Welcome to the club,” said Tilly giving me a high five. Jake squeezed Tilly’s thigh affectionately before grabbing his laptop.
“I have to go. Janey, the job’s still yours for the time being. I like to annoy my mother on a regular basis and seeming that I run this place night after night, I’ll make the call. Just don’t fuck around. Especially with the likes of Sebastian.”
“Okay, thanks,” I said in relief.
“See you both tomorrow,” he said, walking away.
“Only if you’re lucky,” said Tilly in a sing-song voice.
“Oh, I am,” he said with a cocky wink before disappearing through door.
“And that my friend, is the man I’m in love with, who I can’t have,” said Tilly jumping off the bar. “My life clearly sucks.”
“My life sucks too,” I agreed.
“Want to come back to my place and have a few drinks to drown our sorrows?” she asked next, grabbing her bag.
“Love to,” I said without any hesitation. I suddenly didn’t want to remember that I was meant to be alcohol free.
It wasn’t long before I was inside a lavish condo apartment, looking over the bay. “Nice place.”
“It’s one perk of being a dirty secret,” said Tilly, dropping her bag and heading over to the marble kitchen.
“So you spend time here with him?” I asked following her into the kitchen.
“When he’s not working or being a dedicated fiancée,” she said deadpan.
“That must be so hard,” I said watching her pour us both a shot of whiskey. I shouldn’t have been there, nor should I be even contemplating having a whiskey.
“I forgot to ask if you wanted ice?” she asked.
“Um…I shouldn’t really have the whiskey. I might have some water instead,” I said, trying to fight my inner battle.
She suddenly laughed, “Water? Are you for real? One shot of whiskey isn’t going to hurt you, babe.” She pushed the glass to me and winked. “Drink up; I won’t tell anybody.”
I touched the glass, in two minds with what to do. Tilly poured herself a second one, holding the bottle up to me. “Time’s a-wasting.”
I looked at the glass that was now in my hand and then back to Tilly. She had her eyes zeroed in on me, silently pushing me along to drink it.
“No-one will know but me,” she confirmed with a wink. I thought of Will and wondered where he was right now and how I should be still looking for him. I thought of Sebastian and his possibly broken nose, all because of me. I thought of Jake and the secrets Will continued to keep from me, even though I knew he owed me nothing. I was no longer his girl and had thrown away any rights to knowledge of his family. He obviously kept quiet for reasons only known to him. I then thought of his mother; a woman hell bent on deleting me from his life, whether I liked it or not. Not only was I not allowed to be near Will, she now wanted me fired from the club. Her eyes seemed to be everywhere and I knew then that I had no chance. On that last thought, I put the glass to my lips and gulped the fiery liquid down.
“That’s my girl,” said Tilly, taking a photo of me with her phone.
“What are you doing?” I asked with a glare. I didn’t need photographic proof that I was breaking my own rules.
“I’ll post that to Facebook,” she said with a laugh. “Hey, I’m just joking, I’ll delete it,” she said, focusing on her phone for a moment before swiftly changing the subject. “So, what’s the story with Will? He doesn’t want to commit?”
I watched her thumb move over the screen before she switched it off and slide it back into her pocket. She then poured me another shot and then waited for my answer. I wanted to ask her if she had deleted the photo but didn’t want to come across as paranoid. I had had enough of paranoia lately.
“He wants more and I can’t give it,” I said, swallowing the second shot of burning liquid.
“Commitment issues?”
“Maybe, amongst other fucked up things,” I said with a sigh. “It’s a long story and I’m not drunk enough to get into it.”
“Drink up then,” she said, pouring me another whiskey. I looked at the shot glass on the bench before me and decided to leave it there. I had broken my rules twice already; I didn’t need to do it again. I was strong enough to stop. Wasn’t I?
“So it must drive you mad, being the other woman,” I stated, trying to change my focus. “I wouldn’t handle that very well. I’d probably end up stalking him or something.”
“Been there, done that,” sighed Tilly. “But it’s a loser’s game because she will always have the gold band around her finger that I will never have.”
“He won’t leave her?”
“No, it’s some sort of contract arrangement, where her family is doing big business with his. True romance stuff,” she said sarcastically.
“Does he treat you well though?” I asked.
She flung her arm around the condo. “Yes. With money and affection. He’s the perfect guy and that’s why I just can’t let him go.” I saw the sadness in her eyes, even as she tried to hide it. I would never be able to let Will go either, even when I knew we would lead separate lives in the future. He would always be the one for me.
“So, Will did a number on Sebastian tonight.”
“I know,” I said with a resigned sigh. “It’s all my fault and I hate that I hurt him. I have this fucked up ability to switch off my brain and just do stupid things most of the time.”
In the past, those stupid things used to be fun and the part of me that drew Will closer to me. He liked that I was wild and I was sure he got off on the fact that I was uncontrollable and crazy, but suddenly somewhere along the line, it all became too much. I started taking things too far, hurting myself and everyone else around me. I was on a downward spiral, knowing I was fucking up but not having the guts to stop it.
I should have kept away from Sebastian earlier that night and not given in to temptation. I was weak-minded when it came to my needs and I had started my downward spiral again just by giving in. I needed to man the fuck up and get myself sorted. I needed to make amends with the most important person in my life.
“I need to go and find Will,” I said, leaving the whiskey.
“Sure thing,” smiled Tilly. I grabbed my bag and headed over to the front door.
“Thanks for being a friend tonight.”
“Anytime,” she said breezily.
I headed down the stairs and out into the now light morning. It would be a morning of fresh beginnings; last night was in the past. I took my car key from my bag and stopped in shock. My car sat there with all four tyres slashed, looking like it had given up the fight.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I said angrily to myself. I looked up and down the quiet street and tried to get a handle on my emotions. I wanted to scream but I also wanted to burst into tears. I headed back to Tilly’s apartment, her surprised face greeting me at the door.
“Change of fucking plans,” I sighed.
Chapter Eleven
Present
Will
I had been up all night.
The sun was now shining and I was on my way to work. Not only would I be seeing my boss who was also my father, but I would have to act normal and pretend I didn’t know. I hadn’t answered any of Janey’s calls; they had stopped about an hour ago. I knew she hadn’t known that
I had needed her, but it still fucking hurt seeing her with another guy. Just once, I wanted her to be there for me.
I needed to let her go.
I couldn’t take the hurt anymore. I was turning into a sap and it didn’t suit me. I had lost my shit at a guy because she was kissing him. What had I turned into? She had made it very clear that she no longer wanted me. I was tired of the games, tired of everyone having a part in controlling my life.
I was done.
I went to work. I saw my father twice through the day. I conjured up a normal greeting, just like every other day. A day where he was just the boss and not my real father. I had no idea where to go from there. I had worked out my agreement and would soon receive my trust fund. It was the money that I would use to untie myself from everyone around me and live my own life but if I stopped working here I would lose the contact with my father. A message came through just after I had finished for the day. Janey.
Janey - I’m sorry for disappointing you. I’m here if you need me. Please don’t shut me out
Will - It’s all good. We’re not together. It’s got nothing to do with me now.
Janey - I need to see you
I sat on my bike and let out a sigh. I already felt crazy in my head and heart. I didn’t need the tornado that was Janey to confuse me further.
Will - Soon
Janey – Please Will. I really need to see you.
Will – I might come to the club tonight.
I had no intention of going there tonight; I couldn’t see her. I couldn’t risk running into my mother or her business cohorts wanting to get their dicks wet. Yes, my mother owned half the city but she also owned the wealthiest, most exclusive sex club in the city. So secret, only the wealthiest knew its whereabouts. So secret, no one could get in unless personally invited. Zac and Noah were the only friends of mine that knew of its existence. It wasn’t something I was proud of, even though I loved sex. This club was for the real die-hards who had money to burn and liked the unusual. Fetishes were not for me. Give me proper sweaty, grunting, passionate sex any day.
I needed to be away from everyone that was fucking with me. I also needed to tell my best friends what the hell was going on with me. I messaged Zac and Noah together.
Will – Boys night?
Zac – I’m in
Noah – Me too. I’ve got one more lecture this afternoon then I’ll be home.
I slipped my phone in my jacket pocket and then revved my bike. Tonight was sorted then. I just needed some sleep first.
Janey
The cab pulled up at Noah and Ivy’s house and I saw Will parking his bike in the garage. He climbed off and turned to see the cab as I quickly paid the driver. I got out and closed the door, quickly walking up to the house before he closed the garage door and shut me out. I needed to see him, needed to reconnect and see if he was really okay.
“Janey, what are you doing here?” he asked with resignation.
“I needed to see you,” I replied, hurt that he clearly didn’t want me here. I stepped inside the garage, hurt be damned.
“I told you everything was good,” he said focusing on the cab driving away. “Why the cab? Where’s your car?” he suddenly asked.
“I had all four tyres slashed early this morning, but don’t worry about that. I need to talk to you about –
“Where was your car? At the club?” he asked, focusing on me. Those beautiful deep eyes seared into me and I took a second to take a breath. There he was. My protective Will.
“At Tilly’s place, but I’m going to call someone to come and replace them.”
He frowned slightly before heading to the internal door. He pressed for the garage door to close and then stepped inside the house, waiting for me to follow him. He got out his phone and started texting someone. I stepped in and looked around the house, knowing we were obviously alone.
“What were you doing at Tilly’s?” he asked, shutting the door behind him.
“After I searched for you, I ended up back there,” I said following him into the kitchen.
“She lives in a high end of town, with not many reports of slashed tyres.”
“You know Tilly?” I asked, trying to comprehend the urgent flashfire of jealousy burning up in me.
“Yeah, I know Tilly,” he said getting a drink from the fridge. What did that mean? Did he know her because she worked at the club? Or did he know her because he had shared her with his half-brother at one time?
“I need to take a shower; I just got back from work. Sit tight for five minutes and I’ll be back,” he said, leaving the kitchen.
I watched him leave the room and then sat down on a kitchen stool feeling unsure of this version of Will. He didn’t want to care anymore and had clearly resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn’t any longer. I hurt Will, again and again and he was damaged from me, this time maybe beyond repair. Maybe I needed to leave from here and give him the space he obviously wanted now. I had gone too far and the situation seemed utterly hopeless, but I refused to be this Janey anymore, because I had been her for just too damn long. My internal voice kept warning me of his mother and the fact that I was no longer allowed to be with him but I needed to apologise. I wanted to know what had happened last night and help him with it. I just wanted to be there for him.
I left the kitchen and headed up the stairs. I hadn’t been inside his bedroom yet but it didn’t take me long to find it. I could see his work boots had been shoved off and left in the centre of the room as I stepped inside and looked around. I heard the running water of the shower in his bathroom and took in my surroundings: his bed took up most of the room with a big flat screen on the wall across from it. I imagined myself curled up in his bed late at night, watching movies. No wait - that would be for some other lucky girl to experience.
His mother would never allow it.
I’d be locked away in a strait jacket if she had her way. I had to keep remembering that. I sat down on the edge of his bed and took a deep breath. This whole room was foreign to me and I hated that fact. We had spent so much time together over the years, doing everything together that this was all so different.
It was the way it had to be.
I turned to see some photos stuck to the wall near the headboard and leaned over to see them. I was there in one of them, cuddling into him with the group as it was taken. I looked happy. So did he. I was missing from the next photo. It had obviously been taken while I was in rehab as it had Ivy in it. They all looked so happy together. I couldn’t help but wonder if they all liked me in rehab where I was safe from harm and not making them all worry. This was my future; I would be missing from photos of future happy times. I would be out of the group. Gone and forgotten.
He suddenly stepped out of his bathroom and stopped when he saw me on his bed. I scrambled back up to a sitting position and drank him in, standing there with only a towel around his waist. I couldn’t help but look over his stomach and the sharp chiselled V that ran under his towel. It had been so long, I couldn’t stop staring; that had been my man, my body. My body to do whatever the Hell I wanted to do with it. This perfection of a guy standing in front of me was my pure unadulterated fantasy; he had everything I wanted in one muscled package that drove me wild.
“What are you doing, Janey?” he growled quietly.
“Nothing,” I said snapping out of my drool fest and standing up from the bed. “I just needed to…um…see your room. It’s nice.”
“Liar,” he said quietly, still standing there like he wasn’t naked under the towel. I had to look away and concentrate on the carpet. I wanted to jump him right now and lose myself. Temptation flowed through my limbs, as my heart sped up. I needed to tamper my sudden eruption of lust. I took a quick breath, trying to gather my thoughts. I needed to think of him and not my own needs. I needed to be different this time.
“What happened last night?” I asked, still focusing on the carpet between us.
“Before or after you sucked face with
that douche bag?” he asked, leaning against the bathroom door frame and folding his arms.
I swallowed and said, “Before. I’m…Sebastian was a mistake. I didn’t mean to – ”
“It’s okay, Janey. You made your intentions clear. We’re friends. I’ll leave you alone from now on, to do whatever you like. I was angry with my own situation and took it out on him. I’m not sorry that I hurt his pretty face though,” he said unfolding his arms and stepping away from the door. Before I knew it, he had whipped his towel off and I was hit in the face with it. I pulled it off my head and laughed softly as I saw him pulling on his underwear.
“...but I don’t want to talk about my night last night,” he said facing me in his underwear. The gods were not working in my favour today. Now I could see what had been under the towel and I wanted it all very badly. It had been so long. So very, very long.
“You don’t want to talk about it with me or with anyone?” I asked, trying to concentrate.
“With anyone,” he replied, pulling on some jeans. Covering up one part of him only made me focus on the other half. No matter how I looked at it, Will was perfection all over. I blinked slowly, trying to stop myself from focusing on the delight in front of me.
“You used to share everything with me,” I said, wringing my fingers together, feeling out of sorts.
“I guess things change,” he said with a frown. “I’m going downstairs, Noah will be back soon and we’re going out tonight.”
I was losing him. All over again. He turned and headed towards the door.
“I miss you,” I blurted out. He stopped but didn’t turn around. “I hate that we are like this right now. I miss you. Your friendship, your love, your body, your fun,” I exclaimed with emotion.
He swung around and glared at me. “You can’t do this, Janey. You can’t keep fucking doing this to me!”
