Sold Short (Sidelined Book 3)

by Ainslie Paton

  “Sarina.”

  “Please don’t stop.” She’d stopped him the last time, not ready for more than being held. She needed him inside her now. It would stop confusing her if he was inside her.

  “You’re crying.”

  Hand to her face. Not crying, but wet eyes, tracks to her temple. “No. Do it, please.”

  Colby stilled, going heavy on her, except for the fingertip he traced over her brow and into her hairline. “Tell me about this?”

  Heart wild, breath torn. “It’s nothing. Watery eyes.”

  His, blue as an honest summer sky, but not ignorant. “Some women cry when they come, but it bothers me you’re crying before I get you there.”

  “It’s been a long time and I’m so, so . . .” Close.

  “That’s not the reason.”

  “Why can’t you just shut up and fuck?” He sighed and she felt it everywhere. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

  “Yes, you did. You’re not a person to say things you don’t mean.”

  He held her chin and kissed her lips and she fastened on hard, tried to kiss past the insult of her instruction and the painful hitching in her chest. Autosuggestion, she was either going to cry or hyperventilate. She swiped at her face. “Goddamn.”

  He rolled them so she was spooned into his arms, cradled by his raised knees. “Catch your breath, there’s no hurry.”

  It’s not like she was paying him by the hour. She’d bought his whole night. She’d bought the pretense this was what she needed.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should have this.” No point pretending. Annoyed with herself now.

  He moved her hair and kissed the back of her neck. “You had a fight with your best friend and that’s not so easily forgotten. You hurt, and sex scrapes your armor off so it’s harder to contain whatever feelings are just under the surface.”

  She might have stopped to consider that before now. “Are you sure you never studied psychology?”

  “Just people. You’re also treating this like it’s something on a to-do list. Must have sex. And that, my darling, is for seeing your dentist or accountant, not for fucking.”

  The half on, half off bra had to go. She pulled at the straps and he released the hooks. “I thought angry sex was a thing.”

  “It is, but it works best if you’re having it with the person you’re angry with.”

  For some reason that was funny. It made her snort and Colby laughed with her.

  “Your best friend is a man.”

  She nodded, knowing he’d feel it.

  “Have you fucked?”

  “No.” Colby didn’t respond so she elbowed him. He put his teeth to her shoulder, a mock bite. “What?”

  “I’m wondering why?”

  “Best friends, not fuck buddies.”

  “Ah-hah.”

  “Don’t ah-hah like that.”

  “How did I ah-hah?”

  “As if it’s not credible for me and Dev to be friends only.”

  “Is he gay?”

  “He’s not gay. He’s had a string of dates ever since I’ve known him, and now he has someone special.”

  “I see.”

  “Oh, no fair, that’s just the same as saying ah-hah.”

  “You want me to shut up and fuck you?”

  “Yes.”

  It was a little more like WrestleMania. Arms and legs in octopus motion, until Colby got control and flipped her over so she was astride him, a feast for her eyes, impossibly masculine in an augmented reality hyper-real way. “Women must fall in love with you all the time.”

  “They fall in love with the idea of me. It’s not the same thing. I’m either a dirty secret or a guilty pleasure. Sometimes I’m a prize at the funfair, the cuddly toy you pick when you win at ego stroke.”

  “And that doesn’t bother you?”

  “Every job has its good and bad days. I like what I do. I chose it. I can get out any time.”

  That should’ve made her feel relieved for him, but it spoke too closely to how she got here. She chose to be without sex when she could’ve made more effort, but she hadn’t hated being without enough to bother.

  “I’ve been an idiot.”

  He lifted to bent elbows. “I don’t care that you were upset. You’re perfectly safe with me. We can—”

  “It’s not about you.” She pushed on his ribs and Colby folded to the bed again, but laid his hands on her thighs. “I was waiting for Dev to see me as something more. He’s never going to. Rationally I know that, or I wouldn’t be here. We’ve been friends a long time, long enough for something more to develop if it was going to.”

  A squeeze on her thighs. She’d be embarrassed sitting here almost naked, her underpants wet, having had a kind of meltdown, saying this stuff, but what was the point in false modesty.

  “These things often aren’t rational,” he said.

  Not embarrassed, but the uncomfortable itching was back. “Emotionally, I gave myself to Dev and I was waiting for him to realize it. I think I tried to push him into being in love with me by springing the baby on him. I thought it might jolt him into declaring himself.”

  Colby took her hand and eased her down over his body. “What happened?”

  “He got angry, like I’ve never seen him.”

  “You shocked him.”

  “But he hasn’t recovered and everyone else I shocked has come around to supporting me.”

  Colby’s arms tightened around her before he said, “And he hasn’t.”

  “I’ve done this to myself. Shoved him into a corner. I know Dev cares for me, just not enough for us to be more and I can’t be angry with him for that.”

  That admission won her a kiss on the forehead and a declarative, “Fuck him,” that made her smile. She pressed her lips to Colby’s smooth, hair-free pec. She didn’t feel angry any more, just a little sad and ridiculous.

  He played with her hair. “Want to watch a movie? Order some food?”

  “How did you know?”

  “You’re not hard to read. Your stomach growled.”

  They should have sex. They almost got there this time. “Maybe we can—”

  He heard the hesitation she wasn’t aware of until the words were out. Maybe we can wasn’t fuck yeah. “We can do whatever you want, and if that includes napping or going out to a bar and dancing or you riding me till you see stars, I’m in.”

  She tipped her face up to look at him. “You are a good guy, Colby.” He smiled and she said, “That’s not your real name, is it?”

  He inclined his head; he wasn’t telling, but he wasn’t hard to read either. He loved women, and he was lonely in his own way. “I hope you find someone worthy of you when you’re ready.”

  “You too.”

  She kissed him, a light brush of their lips, no heat but genuine affection. Almost sex had worn her out, blasted the anger out of her and filled her with understanding. She’d done wrong by Dev, but not by herself. She was having this donor baby. She was also craving a burger with the lot and the idea of watching a movie with Colby was a relief.

  One day she’d find someone worthy, but it didn’t need to be now and she wasn’t sitting around waiting for anyone anymore.

  TEN

  There was something odd about Ana. It wasn’t simply that she got the wrong restaurant, that she knocked a full glass of wine over the table and chattered like there was no tomorrow. It was all in her eyes. Glittery and flitting and desperate to lock on to his. Dev knew that because he’d spent all night trying not to lock on to any parental eyes, which left him looking at his plate, his watch and Ana and Rani.

  Whatever. It wasn’t his deal. He wanted to go home, kill this day with some gaming violence. But that would have to wait because first he had to obsessively check, for the third time, to see if Sarina’s stupid bomb of a car was still in the restaurant lot and drive Shush and Ana home. He could push Ana off on Rani, but he had to do the right thing with Shush.

  And if S
arina’s car was still in the lot then she was still in the hotel and what exactly did that mean? Was she drinking by herself? Who could she call at the last minute to come meet? That was his job. So who did she call in an emergency when it wasn’t him? Ro maybe, but Ro and Sarina weren’t those kind of sisters.

  “Dev.”

  “What?”

  “The waiter.”

  He looked up at the waiter holding the billfold, while everyone else but Shush looked awkwardly elsewhere. It was his treat, and that was known, but his family and friends had the grace to act like it wasn’t an expectation. He took the folder and added his credit card and got sucked into a discussion about the cricket day and whether he’d give joy rides in Gita like always. For the next month there’d be cricket chatter. It took forever for the goodbyes. A tipsy Tavish pulled him aside to thank him again and then Ana was just about climbing on his back as they all moved outside.

  “Can you go with Rani?” he said, detaching her hands.

  “No.”

  Nuisance-face. He didn’t need any more drama tonight. “Rani, can you take Ana?”

  “You’re already taking Shush,” said Rani.

  “Yeah, so you could—” Not that Ana was one for drama, so something was up with her.

  Rani swung her bag, making sure it swiped against Ana’s legs. “I’m not going home and it’s really out of my way.”

  “Booty call,” Shush hooted and scored a bag to her shins.

  Rani did drama, not Ana. “Great, okay. Fine.”

  There was further greatness, like the Titanic sank, the Hindenburg crashed kind of greatness, because Sarina’s car was still in the restaurant lot. It was such an old wreck, there was an outside chance it hadn’t started.

  “Wait here,” he said to Shush and Ana, and stalked across to the hotel. Sarina wasn’t in the bar. That left him with a car that wouldn’t start. He looked up at the atrium that formed the core of the hotel. Or she was in one of the rooms. Alone? With?

  Fuck.

  Not thinking about who she was with, what she was doing. It was none of his business. He went back to Shush and Ana.

  “What are you doing?” said Ana.

  He opened Gita’s passenger side door. “You get a ride home or you get to play twenty questions. Choose.”

  Ana said, “I only want one question.”

  “Get in the car.”

  She flung her bag in the back. “Did a wonton steal your sense of humor?”

  “No. And that was your one question.”

  Ana got in and Shush took shotgun and he closed her in, moved around the car and got in the driver’s seat to hear Ana say, “Drop Shush off first.”

  He and Shush both turned toward each other, and he hooked an arm over the seat to look at Ana slumped in the back, who said, “Please.”

  “I have to double back to drop Shush first, Ana. It’s been a long day, just cool it. You’d be home already if you went with Mom and Dad.”

  Ana sat forward, “Please, Dev.”

  He looked at Shush who rolled her eyes. “Sure. I guess.”

  Fifteen minutes after a trip made oddly tense, in which Dev kept up his obsession about Sarina’s car—he should’ve forced her hand on getting a new one years ago, Shush tried and failed to start conversations, and Ana was a gloomy Gus, they were at Shush’s.

  “Can you not be long doing whatever you’re going to do on Shush’s doorstep?” Ana said, before he’d even put a foot on the road. “Please.”

  “What is wrong with you, Ana?” Shush said.

  In order of age it went Dev, Rani, Shush, Ana, but in the order of the sisterhood that defined the girls it went any which way, with each of them capable of pulling hair first. Rani was head of wild things, Shush was the sly one and Ana was the good girl, head down tail up. But right now there was only a seat back separating Shush and Ana from eye poking.

  “Nothing. I need to talk to Dev is all,” Ana said.

  “And that has to be now, tonight?” Watch check: 11.30 p.m. Not too late to get to Sarina, if Sarina was home and wanted to see him, and wasn’t with. With. Whatever. He wasn’t seeing Sarina tonight, because Sarina was either home asleep or . . . and Ana was odd, so not her usual Ana tonight. “All right. All right.”

  At Shush’s door he had to collect himself. Ana was watching and Shush wanted to talk. Shush wanted to stand too close and hold onto his belt. “What are you doing?”

  “I don’t know what Ana’s problem is but get rid of her and come back. We should talk.”

  “Has she been seeing anyone? I’m thinking breakup.”

  “Ah, she plays the field.”

  He felt that in the back of his neck like whiplash. “Ana?”

  “Yes, Ana. Your baby sis is love ’em and leave ’em.” Shush tugged on his belt. “Just like you.”

  “That’s not . . .” Shit. “That’s totally fair. But I never meant us to happen, you know that.”

  “What you meant and what happened are two different things, Dev.” Shush leaned against him, and spoke into his ear. “Why are you fighting this?”

  He took a step back then had to steady her, and yet he was the one who felt like someone had kicked the back of his knees as a joke. He’d fallen into the inevitability of Shush and Dev and he’d blown his own balance. “I can’t do this now, Shush.” Ana was leaning on Gita’s flank, cell in hand, but watching them and he was too rattled not to say something he didn’t mean. “I need sleep.”

  Shush went for his lips and he moved his head so she got cheek. And that was pure mean street. He palmed her head and brought their foreheads together. “I’m sorry.” He meant for everything but there was no subtlety left for tonight. He didn’t let her regroup, didn’t want to risk a better-targeted lip attack. He opened her front door and held it. Shush went inside with a huff of irritation. Peachy.

  Ana got back in the middle of the backseat and when he kicked Gita over and pulled out, he gave her an expectant look in the rearview.

  “You don’t want to be driving when I tell you.”

  “God, Ana. Did you rob a bank?”

  “Funny.” She mouthed, not.

  “Is this a problem with your lecturer? You didn’t sleep with a TA, did you?”

  “Just drive, Dev.”

  He drove. It was Saturday and already Saturday was made up of the same components as Friday. Frustration and feeling underprepared for whatever was about to hit. He lasted five minutes and pulled over in nowhere suburbia. “Talk.”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  He scrubbed his face. “Can you quit messing around?” He got out of the front seat and into the back beside her. She didn’t respond, but there were shiny tear tracks all down her face.

  “Ana.” He held his arms open and she slid across the seat, clutched him and sobbed into his shoulder. Ana pregnant. She was twenty-one, and nowhere near finished studying, just a kid, how did this happen? Goddamn Rani didn’t talk to her about contraception. Shush would’ve if Rani didn’t. God. If thirty-one still had time for pregnant then twenty-one was some kind of crime against motherhood statistic.

  He let Ana cry and tried to think though the logic of this. Maybe she was wrong, it was a scare, that happened. Happened a lot. Had she seen a doc or just done one of those home kits? A home kit might fail. That must happen. Dad would pitch a fit. Mom would crawl into her bed and stay there for the shame of it. Who was the dude who didn’t suit up, who let this happen, who should be here with Ana now?

  “Ana, you have to talk to me, can you do that?” He needed answers fast.

  She took a couple of shuddering breaths then lifted her face. “No one else knows.”

  “Okay. We’ll work out what to do together.” She was scared, and he was scared for her and she needed more from him that that. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure. Eight weeks. I’ve had a test at campus health.”

  He let a tuneless whistle out. He’d closed his fist in her jacket and squeezed it so tight, he’d pulled it o
ff her shoulder. He let go and put a little distance between them. “Who is the father? I didn’t know you were seeing anyone seriously.”

  “Um. I’m not. I don’t. I don’t know who the father is.”

  “Don’t know or you don’t want to say because you know I’m going to tear him a new orifice.” He took her by the shoulders. They only had ambient streetlight, but it was enough to see she was telling the truth. Still difficult to compute. “How can you not know?”

  “I haven’t had, you know, sex in a while, and then there was this one time, and there was a lot of alcohol and there were other things.”

  “Drugs.”

  “Yeah, not hard-core, but yeah. We’re all friends and I thought it was going to be okay, that it was safe.”

  “So you had unprotected sex with a friend at the party. Was it . . .” God. Fuck. His baby sister, fucking around with inhibition-lowering drugs and sex. “Ana, were you forced?”

  “No. No. I wanted it. I know it was stupid, but at the time, it felt good, you know. It was amazing.”

  “Okay.” Hard to hear that, but not rape, not smart, that was for real, but this night wasn’t ending with a police report. “So the father is a friend?”

  “No, you don’t understand.”

  Nope, nope. No clue how he’d come to be sitting in Gita’s backseat in a nowhere suburb in the early hours of the morning with his twenty-one-year-old suddenly pregnant sister.

  “I had sex with a few different people that night.”

  “Holy shit, Ana. Consensual, unprotected sex with, what?”

  “I know. I know.”

  “Are you telling me it was an, what do you call it, a three-way, an orgy? I can’t even.” He opened the car door and got out, closed it on Ana and turned away from her. He walked down the block in the dark, in a suburb that slept. At the end of the street he scared a ginger cat from the top of a fence and went to his heels, hands over his eyes. He couldn’t name what he felt, but it had carved a hole in his chest. Five minutes, ten, sometime later when he wasn’t breathing like he’d run a marathon, he went back to her.

  She’d been crying again. He could smell the sorrow on her. “Ana, help me understand. You took drugs at a party and had unprotected sex with more than one person. And you wanted that to happen.”