Mary looked at Peter, then at Lena and Sherri. Everyone sat with mouths hanging open, completely surprised by his answer.
Clearing her throat, Mary tried to understand and said,
“Um, Logan, that doesn’t make sense. You like Sherri’s hair?” “Yes, Unci. When she walks in the sunlight, it lights up like fire.
It’s really beautiful. That’s why I run to the side light whenever I hear her car. I wanted to make Happy look like Sherri’s hair in the sunlight.”
“Well,” Peter began, “she is a fire house dog.”
Peter clamped his hand to his mouth, but it was too late. It was over; the pretense could no longer be upheld. A roar of laughter hit
100 Chahn tday see chay hay mahn chah – sorrowing I am
101 Shoon kah glay shkah – Spotted Dog
Logan full force, as the adults lost control completely. Lena leaned into Sherri and grabbed her arm. She threw her head back and whooped. Mary clapped her hands and gave a yip, pointing to Happy. Peter wheezed and turned almost purple. Sherri jumped from her chair, encircling Logan in her arms, and to his chagrin, planted a smacking kiss on his cheek.
“You are such a goof,” she laughed and kissed him again. Logan was amazed. Are grownups crazy? he wondered.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery, teach me how to trust
my heart, my mind, my intuition, my inner knowing,
the senses of my body, the blessings of my spirit.
Teach me to trust these things
so that I may enter my sacred space and love beyond my fear,
and thus walk in balance
with the passing of each glorious sun.
Lakota Prayer
Sonny bent over Lena’s sleeping form. Gently, oh so gently, he drew his hand through her silky hair, its glossy tresses spread upon the pillow like a shimmering fan. Sliding down the bed until his chin was resting upon her fragrant shoulder, and nuzzling her neck, he breathed in her unique scent of wild sage. He drew in a deeper breath, endeavoring to pull the aroma of her flesh into the depths of his soul.
Sonny wished that he could draw her into him completely – or perhaps he had already, as there was never a minute that he was not thinking of her, longing for her, dreaming about her.
His soul soared with happiness. She was finally his! After years of waiting for this moment, craving her smooth arms about him, finally she was his!
The clash of trashcans in the alley behind his apartment woke Sonny with a start. The peace, which inhabited his heart seconds before, shattered. Sonny looked to his right. Lena was not there. It had been yet another dream.
Sonny was bereft. Each time he awoke from a dream where she was his, the devastation was more complete. His heart broke, and he threw himself upon the pillow, where just seconds ago, he dreamt his love had lain.
She is my half side Sonny mourned to himself, and she does not know it. She thinks that Michael was her soul mate, but she is wrong. It is I!
Sonny sat up in the bed, wrapping his arms around his knees and slowly rocking in an attempt to sooth his aching heart. Sweat broke out
upon his brow and his long, dark hair fell across his knees, hiding his striking features.
Sonny remembered the day he fell in love with Lena and she with Michael. She was so young, he considered, too young to know that Michael was the one. Sonny ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it
from his face, and stood up from the bed. He began to pace as he
continued his monologue, the same internal conversation he had subjected himself to for the past 16 years.
How could she have known that Michael was the one? She was a baby, only 17 when they met. Then, they married and he introduced her to sexual pleasure. She was mesmerized, not in love!
No, she was in love he admitted to himself, but it was the love of a
young girl, not of a woman grown.
“I am her half side!” Sonny cried aloud.
He stopped his pacing and sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, his hair once again cascading, hiding his face.
I am as Tutokanula102 longing for his Tisayac103, he groaned inwardly, thinking of the young warrior, Tutokanula who, upon gazing
upon Tisayac, the spirit of Yosemite Valley, fell in love, but could not capture the heart of the shy spirit. He fled the valley, leaving his people
to fend for themselves. Desolation followed.
Lena is afraid to love again, afraid that she will lose yet another one dear to her. How can I make her throw aside her fear as Tisayac did when Tutokanula returned and she saw his love for her?
Walking to the closet, Sonny roughly threw the sliding door open, grabbing the first thing he saw. He dressed quickly in a pair of faded jeans and a white tee shirt. Walking into the living room, he paused, reflecting upon the history behind the room in which he stood, and how it revolved around his love for Lena.
Sonny still lived in the three-room apartment once inhabited by Lena, her parents and grandmother, and later by him and his brother/cousin, Michael. Sonny had never seen the need to move: his life was simple and uncomplicated. He had no need of a larger space. Besides, remaining at the Front Street apartment made him feel closer to Michael – to Lena.
She had lived in these rooms, laughed, cried, perhaps daydreamed about her future love. Here, Sonny and Michael had begun their new lives in Columbus, Ohio. He could see Michael, smiling, full of hope and joy…longing for the day when he and Lena would wed.
Aaaahhhhh, Sonny cried inwardly! I can’t keep it out of my mind for even a second!
102 The strong leader of the people who lived in the valley
103 The guardian of Yosemite
Crossing the living room, Sonny sat upon the sofa, resolving to let the memories take him wherever they wanted to: the powwow, his performance and near faux pas during the Ugly Man Dance, Lena and Michael’s wedding when Lena turned 18, and finally, his mind going back to Michael’s funeral. There lay his brother/cousin, who had taken the five steps into the spirit world, and there stood his widow, Lena, his love. Remembering her pain made his heart break again.
He closed his eyes and took deep, long breaths in an attempt to calm his heart, still racing from the exquisite dream of him and Lena finally as one. Slowly, so very slowly, his heart stopped its racing. He opened his eyes, and there before him, stood Michael.
Resplendent in his Grass Dancer regalia, Michael did not speak, his black eyes shining like a sacred fire during a full moon, telling Sonny to trust what dwelt within the core of his being. Sonny nodded his understanding. He would not give up. He would continue to love Lena, for his love was good and strong and he believed in that love. It was not a desire that sprang from his loins alone, but from his heart as well, in fact, from his very soul. She was his life, and if the Grandfathers approved, he would make her his.
Chapter Twenty Three
Hold on to what is good, Even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe,
Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do, Even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life,
Even if it's easier to let go.
Hold on to my hand,
Even if someday, I'll be gone away from you.
A Pueblo Indian Prayer
Now 36, Sonny was more handsome than he had been at the powwow in Keokuk those many years ago. His face, once that of an eager, young man, was changed. The pain of losing Michael, and his unrequited love for Lena, had left their mark, giving him a mysterious quality, irresistible to many, male and female alike.
Wide shoulders tapered to a narrow waist, accentuating the power of his muscled torso. Well-formed thighs seemed to burst from his Levi© jeans, his muscular arms causing many a woman, young and old, to sigh with longing.
Sonny worked out seven days a week, taking the frustration he felt from an almost celibate life, and pouring it into weights and barbells, dumbbells, and vario
us bodybuilding equipment.
He would leave work, heading straight for the gym, working out until he felt that he could fall, exhausted, into bed, and hopefully, nothingness – except for those rare nights when Lena came to him, fulfilling his yearnings in passionate, sweet, dreams.
Occasionally, he would meet a woman whom he thought might break Lena’s spell. The woman often looked like Lena, but never
measured up to her in Sonny’s eyes, leaving him more bereft with every
failed relationship; Sonny could not escape his longing for the beautiful
Lena with her magnificent, heterochromatic eyes.
Lena, my woman! How can I make you see that it is me you love?
Sonny sat in his office at Vicki’s, lost in thoughts of Lena. The dream of the consummation of his love would not leave him. Tortured, deep in thought, he didn’t hear the tap on his door. The squeak of an unoiled hinge caused him to look up, straight into the eyes of his half side.
“Son…”
Sonny’s name fell short on her tongue. Her smile of greeting slipped from her beautiful lips, as she looked straight into the face of great suffering. She began to question her friend, to ask him what was
wrong, when the look of torment slipped into that of deep longing. Lena
faltered, tilted her head to one side in question, and then straightened, her glorious eyes widening in recognition. Slowly, she backed out of the office and shut the door. Leaning against it for support, her heart pounding, she finally acknowledged what she had seen in Sonny’s eyes; she at last admitted to herself that she had recognized his love for her a long time ago, but had refused to admit it within her heart.
Turning, her shining hair fanning around her, Lena ran from the restaurant. Finding her car, she faltered with the keys until she finally unlocked its door, started the engine, and drove off.
Mary watched in surprise as Lena sped through the restaurant. It was not like her daughter to show extreme emotion. She wondered at Lena’s obvious agitation until, remembering her mentioning going to Sonny’s office, understanding filled her heart.
Mary recalled Sonny’s arrival thirty minutes earlier. She knew instantly that Sonny was in great pain. Mary was a wise woman, capable of deep, abiding love. Therefore, she recognized it in Sonny; she knew of his profound love for her daughter. Her heart broke for the exceptional, young man whom she had come to care for as part of her family.
Hesitating, Mary walked to Sonny’s door. Tapping lightly, she slowly opened it and peered into the space. Sonny sat, his head on his desk, fists clenched, knuckles white. Mary knew without looking that semicircles of blood were forming in the palms of his hands where his nails dug into his flesh. Sighing, Mary gently closed the door, and walked to where Sonny sat.
She could feel his mourning. Indeed, his suffering permeated her soul, cried out to her woman’s heart. She knew why he suffered, had known for a long time.
It is time to put a stop to this, Mary thought to herself. Michael is gone, and though we honor him in our hearts, he walks in the spirit world these 17 years past. I must speak to my daughter, and make her see that she is throwing away Creator’s greatest gift – true love.
Stepping to Sonny’s side, and leaning toward him, Mary placed her hands on his shoulders, pulling him upright. Turning his swivel chair
until he faced her, she wrapped her still lovely arms around him, pressing
his tear-stained cheek to her bosom and beginning to rock. In the rocking, she offered comfort as women have done since The People first walked the earth. Rocking, rocking, rocking, Mary began to speak. Slowly, gently, she told Sonny of her knowledge, of her recognition of his deep love for Lena. Holding him to her heart, she vowed that she would help Sonny awaken Lena’s love. Making small, comforting sounds, she gently calmed Sonny, the son of her soul.
Chapter Twenty Four
They are not dead who live in the hearts they leave behind.
Tuscarora
Lena pulled into the driveway of her Westerville home. Jumping from her car, she fled into the house, slamming the door behind her. Fleeing to her bedroom, she threw herself upon the bed.
Following Lena’s flight to the upstairs, Kelly slowly ascended. Walking to where Lena lay, Kelly gently nudged her arm. Her Ina did not seem to realize that she was there. Nudging again, Kelly sat, tail slowly thumping in the hope that Lena would respond. Kelly tilted her head to one side. She could hear the sounds her family made when their souls were in distress, and could feel her Ina’s pain. Kelly’s own heart began to ache. The thumping of her tail changed to one of confusion. She wanted to comfort her Ina, and in the only way she knew how, gently nudged her again.
Lena felt Kelly’s wet nose against her arm. Rolling to her side, she found herself peering into the deep, brown eyes of the gentle canine. A weak smile creased her face. Reaching out, she began to stroke Kelly’s soft, white fur.
“Sunka Ska, you wish to comfort me, but you do not know what is wrong, do you?” Lena queried.
Sitting upright, Lena dashed non-existent tears from her cheeks. Standing, she brushed her hands along the length of her clothing,
straightening any wrinkles. Motioning to Kelly, Lena descended the stairs.
Walking to the sliding doors to the back deck, Lena gazed upon the
bucolic scene before her. Ducks quacked; the fountains’ spray arched toward the heavens and fell to the water in glistening bouquets of light. The sun threw diamonds across the surface of the water, as birds chirped and sang, and squirrels scurried. The sounds of the neighborhood reached her ears. The day was alive.
Alive.
Lena acknowledged to herself that she had literally lived with the memory of Michael as if he were still upon this earth, and allowed no other man to occupy the space he held. Upon entering Sonny’s office, and seeing the pain on his face turn to that of longing, Lena was forced to admit that a living man wanted her, needed her, loved her.
Intuitively, Lena realized that she had caught him off guard. Stripped of his usual defenses, he did not have the presence of mind to mask his feelings as he usually did. What Lena witnessed, not an hour ago, was Sonny’s naked soul.
She pressed her cheek against the pane of the door, her breath spreading a cloud of condensation across it. Within its wet, opaque cloud, Lena drew the letter M.
Michael!
How can I betray you? How can I cast you aside and make my life with another? You are my husband!
Lena moved to the loveseat beside the door. Head in hands, she sat, her heart in turmoil. Again, Kelly began to nudge her Ina’s arm.
Kelly loved Lena. She remembered when her Ina and her boy,
Logan, came into the big place where other dogs, some cats and other souls, were living, all of them kept in a small space that the people there called a cage. She hated not being able to run and longed to be free. There were few pets, even fewer scratchings and strokings, and even though the people there were kind, there was little love in the big place.
Logan was the first to spot her. She lay in the cage, her nose between her paws, depression permeating her very being, until she saw Logan’s face light up. Kelly rose, her ears twitching as her heart filled with hope. “Ina! I found the one!” Logan had cried. Running to her, he dropped to his knees and opened the cage. Kelly jumped into his arms, tail wagging. She knew, she just knew, that she had found a way out of the big place and into a better life – into a family.
When she came home that day, her heart filled with joy. Her boy lay on the floor with her, petting and scratching behind her ears. Kelly turned over, exposing her belly, saying, in her own way, “I trust you, Boy.” Logan rubbed her dappled belly obligingly and whispered, “I love you.” Kelly did not yet know the words, but she recognized the tone, and inside, her soul exploded with joy.
Logan took her out to the big water, and they walked and played, Kelly filling her senses with the sights, sounds and smells of her new home. That day was vivid in her mind. Her e
lation and happiness since that time never left her, and her gratitude to her Ina, and her boy was boundless.
Kelly nudged Lena’s arm again. Lena looked up from her cradling hands into Kelly’s chocolate, brown eyes. Kelly chuffed, “Humpff,” as if to say, “What is this all about?” Smiling, Lena caressed Kelly again as the loving canine laid her head upon Lena’s knee.
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