Fashionably Fabulous: Book Eleven of The Hot Damned Series
Page 1
Fashionably Fabulous
Book Eleven of The Hot Damned Series
Robyn Peterman
Visit Robyn’s Website
Copyright © 2018 by Robyn Peterman
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is coincidental.
This book contains content that may not be suitable for young readers 17 and under.
Cover by Rebecca Poole of dreams2media
Edited by Meg Weglarz
Created with Vellum
Uproariously witty, deliciously provocative, and just plain fun! No one delivers side-splitting humor and mouth-watering sensuality like Robyn Peterman.
This is entertainment at its absolute finest!
~ Darynda Jones, NY Times Bestselling Author of the Charley Davidson Series
Contents
Acknowledgments
Book Description
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Epilogue
Note From The Author
Excerpt: Talulah’s Temptation
Book Description
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Robyn’s Book List
About Robyn Peterman
Acknowledgments
As always, writing a book is a solitary experience. However, it takes many wonderful people to make it all shiny and pretty! LOL
The Kev and Gemma’s book has been a long time coming and I loved writing it. They are two of my favorites! Don’t tell the others…
I would be remiss, to not thank the wonderful people who are my angels.
Rebecca—your covers are beautiful, just like you!
Meg—your editing has saved me from myself too many times to count. And no… I didn’t mean a grizzly death. LOL
Donna—you are the best Mystery Science Theatre partner a gal could ask for.
Wanda—you are Jack of all Trades and master of a whole lot of them! You absolutely rock.
Susan—you are a dolly and I adore you.
And my family—none of this would be any fun without you. I love you.
Dedication
For my mom. I adore you to the moon and back.
Book Description
Once upon a time there lived a Fairy.
And not just your run of the mill kind of Fairy. The reincarnated Fairy Queen of Zanthia. The Queen. She was a modern woman—a human no less. Armed with a potty mouth, a firm grasp of every note in Michael Jackson’s song catalogue, and some friends in very high places, she was set. Yet this Queen wasn’t exactly sure she wanted the job.
Fine…it’s me.
I’ve been happily human for thirty years. Now I’m discovering I’m the reincarnated Fairy Queen over a land chock-full of freaks who want me dead. Awesome. However, I’ll admit the perks are pretty cool. I definitely have more magic in my little pinky than should be allowed by law in any universe. Not to mention, the love of my life is a Fairy so smokin’ hot, he makes Hell look like a Winter Wonderland.
Problem is, my hotter than Hades Fairy is imprisoned in Zanthia for nefarious reasons I won’t go into, but now I must head back to that crap hole where I’m the Queen, and save the damn day.
I won’t go alone. Nope. I’m packing a narcissistic Mini Elf, two ancient singing Vampyres who couldn’t carry a tune if their undead lives depended on it, and the sister of my imprisoned love, The Kev. For him, I vow to discover my truth. Consequently, I’m unsure if this truth meant to save or destroy. What I do know? The alternative is unacceptable.
Fairy tales are meant to have happy endings. I’m determined to make that a reality.
Ready or not… here comes the freakin’ Fairy Queen.
Prologue
Once upon a time in a dangerously enchanted land far, far away, there lived a beautiful Fairy Queen. Her glimmering silver eyes were legendary and her laugh was reminiscent of delicate wind chimes on a breezy spring day. A simple smile from Her Majesty could make even the weariest immortal’s heart grow light. The Winds of Change favored the beautiful Queen and the sun shone brightly on the lush green land during her reign.
The Queen’s heart was pure and true. She loved with a passion and demanded loyalty of her subjects. Goodness and kindness were amongst her virtues, but when pushed the Fairy Queen was the fiercest of warriors—deadly and precise. She possessed more magic than had ever been witnessed in the millions of years the Fairies had roamed the world.
And then one eerily calm day the Universe tilted to the left and something precious broke. The sun hid behind the clouds and crystal tears fell from the Heavens. The Winds of Change picked up and blew ominously… and the laughter ceased.
Because where there is good, there is always evil lurking.
The Fairy Queen did not suffer fools lightly, but occasionally fools were not foolish at all. They rushed in and made dark what was meant to be light.
If the lovely Queen had a fault, it was that she trusted in the inherent goodness of all. Sparkling silver linings were meant to be believed in and searched for with diligence. Weren’t they?
If one is to believe the fairy tale, it was the Queen’s own loyalty to the people she loved that led to her grisly demise.
In her absence, the light went gray and soon turned charcoal black. What was once enchanted was now bewitched with greed and avarice. The once exquisite land of Zanthia was thrown into chaos as the Dark sought power and the Light became hazy.
The irony of the massive injustice wasn’t lost on the Fairies, but Fate had handed down her sentence and the Fairies would suffer until the Queen was reborn.
And the one who loved her the most? He would wait. He would wait until the end of time because a love like theirs transcended the silly concept of hours, minutes… and centuries.
But sadly, sometimes love is not enough. Sometimes betrayal is far closer than one would want to believe.
The only way to change the future is to discover the past. For history is doomed to repeat itself if lost and forgotten. But are those who study history doomed to stand by and watch as others repeat it?
The Fairy Queen called bullshit on that theory for she had returned as a modern woman—a human no less—with a potty mouth, a firm knowledge of Michael Jackson’s song catalog and a few friends in very high places. This time around she would discover the truth.
And the truth…
Was it meant to save? Or destroy?
Only time, determination and a bit of luck would tell. However, the woman in the mirror planned to beat it. This time there would be no smooth criminal because the Fairy Queen was not alone.
And even if this new path was a thriller, it would not be ba
d.
She hoped…
Chapter One
“What in the ever-lovin’ heck?” I muttered, pressing the bridge of my nose and closing my eyes. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any stranger—it did. “You’re my what?”
“I’m your Guardian Angel,” the tiny flying freak screamed and then turned so many backflips in the air, I got dizzy.
My self-professed Guardian Angel was exquisite and clearly had a whopping and un-medicated case of ADD. Each of her small features were perfect—flowing blonde locks, porcelain skin, huge lavender eyes, and dimples that made me want to pinch her cheeks, although squashing her like a bug was more appealing at the moment. She couldn’t have been more than three inches tall and her tiny violet colored dress—which I could almost swear was a shrunken down Prada—sparkled in the afternoon sun streaming through the floor to ceiling windows. Her rose-colored gossamer wings flapped with such speed that, to the human eye, they disappeared —but I wasn’t human anymore—not even close.
However, I was kind of wishing she would disappear from my eyes.
“Do I really need a Guardian Angel?” I inquired, raising one brow and wondering if there was some sort of deal I could cut to get out of this. Too much was changing too fast. Not sure I could stomach this bizarre surprise.
The little Mini-Elf froze mid-air and then began to stomp her tiny feet. I pressed my lips together to swallow my laugh. She looked like she was frantically pedaling an invisible bike. Her lavender eyes grew wide and filled with crystal tears. Damn it to Hell and back on a Lear jet, I did not need a shit show today.
“You don’t love me, Gemma?” she wailed and began to glow like a deranged and slightly evil firefly.
“Umm… I don’t even know you… yet.” Crappitycrap. I really didn’t want her to blow up the Cressida House, or me for that matter. I was a guest in my best friend’s home, for the love of everything undead. I’d simply keep the hot mess talking. If she was talking there was less of a chance she would cause catastrophic damage. “Maybe if I knew a little, teeny, tiny bit about you I could possibly like you… some.”
Asking for trouble should be my new freakin’ motto, but trouble seemed to follow me around as of late.
“Not. A. Problem,” the little creature announced with a huge grin as she swiped away her tears. “I’m a Mini-Elf and I love you completely. I promise on my very real and extremely perky rack that I will protect you with my life and mow down any fucker that gives you grief. Oh, and call me Susu. My real name is completely unpronounceable, my mother was a gaping wanker for saddling me with such a horrible moniker. Of course, her name was Mudge—short for Mudgetuturambalambalina. Try saying that three times fast. It’ll make your head blow off—for real. At least the old assbag didn’t name me after herself. I would have had to terminate her for that one, you know? But silver linings are everywhere if you look hard enough. My wankerass mother is still kicking and Susu is a totally adorable nickname,” Susu screeched, sounding more and more like she breathed helium rather than oxygen.
“You done?” I inquired, trying my best to sound somewhat polite.
“Nope.”
I waited for more. Susu did not disappoint.
“Gemma is such a lovely name and you are so beautiful it makes my teeth hurt—all that blonde hair and those shimmering silver eyes. I’d be jealous if I wasn’t so hot myself. I really do love you with all my heart, but back to me. I’m gorgeous, loads of fun, a fantastic dresser and I can kill the living bejesus out of buttholes three hundred times my size. You’re the first person in seven thousand years to actually want to know me! We’re going to be the best of friends and we’ll go shopping and paint each other’s toenails every Tuesday. We can get a castle or a chalet in Milan and bag hot Italian dudes. The hairy ones are hung like horses from what I hear. We can also snuff the fucking shit out of bad guys. It will be so much fun!”
Susu’s idea of fun was debatable. Her sanity? Not so much. She was batshit crazy. However, I was curious about the hairy guy thing. Not curious enough to find out… just curious. I was very happily taken by someone who was not hurting in the hung department.
“Pretty sure you forgot to add humble,” I muttered, trying hard not to laugh at the flying menace.
“That’s what Astrid said too,” Susu sang with glee as she tumbled through the air and landed on my lap. “Humble is a fattening unnecessary pie and I always watch my sexy figure.”
Susu stared at me and I stared right back. She was lovely and certifiable. I was very aware she’d been instrumental in helping my best friend Astrid and her mate Ethan save their baby Samuel a while back and the Vampyres were indebted to her. While I knew it was probably safe to trust her, I was wary of everyone right now.
Leaving Mossy Creek, Kentucky—the only place I’d ever called home in my thirty years—was unsettling. Moving to Zanthia to become the Fairy Queen was fucking alarming. Finding out I had a pint-sized, insane, narcissistic Guardian Angel with a foul mouth? Actually, that was my new and very weird normal.
“So we’re good?” Susu asked.
“Umm… sure,” I replied vaguely. Dealing with cray-cray was tricky. Affirmative answers seemed the most prudent way to go at the moment
“Great,” she squealed in such a high-pitched tone it made me grind my molars.
“You’re gonna have to tamp that enthusiasm back just a hair or I’m gonna have to duct tape your mouth. You feel me?”
“Roger that,” Susu said with a giggle. “I’m just really excited. I’ve waited so long for you and all my friends are so farking jealous it’s awesome. Lulu and Huhu have set booby-traps all over the Tea Cup Galaxy to try and behead me which is why I’m here! A headless Guardian Angel would suck. I mean I could still exterminate evil bastards, but my aim would be a little off if I was missing my head—not to mention my face is a work of art.”
“You certainly have nice some friends and very healthy self-esteem,” I said, running my hands through my hair and wondering again how the Hell I could get out of this.
“They’re fabu and so am I,” Susu shrieked as she took a flying leap into the air and began to flit about like a hummingbird. “You’ll love them, but don’t love them as much as you love me. I’m the most lovable of all.”
“Got it,” I replied.
“Soooooo Gemma, let’s get to know each other better. First off, I’d like to congratulate you on bagging The Kev. That Fairy is one hot motherhumper. In an alternate Universe, I’d tap that fine ass so hard,” Susu informed me with her tiny hands clasped together as her violet eyes sparkled.
Reminding myself it would be seriously bad form to incinerate the airborne freak who was supposed to help me, I quickly sat on my glowing hands. While I was fairly certain she’d meant her assessment of The Kev in a flattering—albeit fucked up way—the miniature over-sharer had almost stepped over the line into Breathe No More Land.
“Dude, if that was a compliment, you should probably stick to insults so I don’t have to destroy you,” I said as calmly as I could under the circumstances. One might say I was slightly possessive, obsessive, and proprietorial of, fixated on, and infatuated with, The Kev. Thankfully those feelings were very mutual.
“Ohhhhhhhh,” Susu shrieked, dropping from midair into a pint sized ball at my feet. “Susu is very sorry, my Queen. If there’s a foot and a mouth available, I usually stick the foot in and pull it out of my ass. My bad.”
The visual almost made me forget what she had said. The Mini-Elf was good—very good.
“Look, it’s fine. And call me Gemma. I’m not the Queen yet.”
Susu wrinkled her nose and then giggled. “It doesn’t matter what I call you. You will still be my Fairy Queen.”
“The reincarnated Fairy Queen,” I reminded her. “I might not even be the right person. Everyone could have made a huge gaping mistake.”
The thought of mistaken identity both thrilled and terrified me. I had no memory of my past life or lives. What if everyone
was wrong and I was just Gemma the semi-human with more magical power in her pinky finger than should be legal?
“Silly girl,” Susu chided. “You look exactly the same as you did five hundred years ago.”
“So? That could be coincidence,” I shot back. “Everyone has a doppelganger.”
“Not you.”
“Why not me?” I shot back.
Susu rolled her eyes so dramatically, I was certain they would end up stuck in the back of her well-coiffed head. “Gemma, trust me. I know. The Heavens only made one of you. Haven’t you already been to Zanthia?”
“Kind of,” I admitted. “I’ve seen it from a distance.”
I had visited the land I was soon to call home. The Kev had taken me there, but we hadn’t ventured into the heart of the city. There was still too much discord and I wasn’t ready to do whatever the Hell I was supposed to do. Plus, Astrid was marrying Ethan and there was no way I was missing the wedding of my best freakin’ friend in the world which took place in Hell, no less. The wedding was well worth it even if the venue was unusual.