Bonds of Desire

by Lynda Aicher

  A whimper, an honest-to-fuck whimper almost escaped with the loss of the Dom’s touch. What was he doing? This entire thing was one big, fucked-up mess. One he didn’t need.

  His anger and frustration were gone now, drained as quickly as it’d risen. All that remained was the exhausted emptiness that always came after a hot flash of emotions. He couldn’t watch as Seth left the kitchen. The barely heard click of his bedroom door closing could have been a cannon going off in Tyler’s head.

  He’d screwed up again. All of it. Everything.

  This was bullshit. He shook his head, sniffed away the self-pity and exhaled. Those kinds of thoughts never got him anywhere. It was exactly what his old man would want him to think. Your mouth got your dick in a bind again, didn’t it, boy?

  Yeah, but it was better than being screwed over by a dick. His mental comeback did little to appease the ache in his chest. Seth had been anything but a dick to him.

  Tyler should go. He’d certainly worn out his welcome with that last move.

  The thought of returning to his one-room dive wasn’t enticing at all. He looked around the open loft, the sophisticated décor so far from his comfort zone. Maybe that was his problem. The few times he’d been in a place this nice was when he got paid to be there.

  And maybe he was just a jaded chickenshit who didn’t want to believe that someone would actually want to be nice to him, just to be nice. Now that was a thought.

  He shuffled over to the counter, each step blazing a new reminder of how his little temper tantrum had fucked over his back. The pain meds had dulled the constant fire to a low simmer, but now every inch of him from his shoulders down to and including his ass raged like a blazing inferno.

  A cool breeze drifted in from an open window, sweeping around him to chill his heated skin and offer a brief comfort to his back. He looked to the three large, block-style warehouse windows that were evenly spaced down the back wall of the loft. It was still light outside, the longer days marking the heart of summer that all Minnesotans enjoyed. He could still catch a bus home before darkness completely set in. He should do that.

  Eyes closed, he leaned on the counter, gathering the strength to follow through on his thoughts. Once again, what he should do wasn’t what he wanted to do. The derisive snort that escaped was as automatic as the sun setting. When had his life ever been about doing what he wanted?

  The fresh scent of the cut vegetables under his nose finally sunk into his consciousness. His stomach growled in response, a reminder that he hadn’t eaten much in the last two days. The diet of a gay male escort was pretty restricted, given the area where their customers liked to play. Guys didn’t pay to find shit on their dicks, even if it was covered in a condom.

  The remains of the meal Allie had been preparing were scattered half-finished across the counter and stove top and served as a skeletal reminder of what the evening could have been.

  He picked up a slice of red pepper and bit into it, the crunch of the vegetable sounding loud within his head as he chewed. The sweet taste spread through his mouth to declare its freshness. A quick appraisal of the items, and it wasn’t hard to figure out what she’d been making. He picked up the discarded chef’s knife and mechanically finished the chopping.

  His search for oil and other seasonings proved that Seth obviously wasn’t much of a chef. Tyler checked the fridge, pulled out an open bottle of white wine and butter. He found some old but usable garlic at the bottom of the pantry, along with an almost expired can of beef broth. It should work.

  The rhythm of cooking soothed him. The stress of the day faded behind the magic of cutting, blending and tasting. He didn’t get to cook like this at his place. His tiny kitchenette crammed into a corner didn’t qualify as a cooking space. Plus, he didn’t want to spend the cash on that kind of food. But Allie had brought a full bag of top-notch ingredients with her. It would be wrong to let them go to waste.

  The high sizzle of the beef frying in the pan hissed through the kitchen, overtaking the music from the other room. Tyler whisked the meat around then tossed in the vegetables. The biting scent of the garlic and onions was offset by the dry wine and richer broth mixture. Excellent.

  The blaring beep from the oven timer signaled the rice was ready. He wiped his hands on a towel and flicked the gas off under the rice before turning off the timer. The actions were all second nature, even if he didn’t get to cook much. The pain down his back had subsided to a dull throb now that his hands and mind were occupied.

  The meat popped and oil splattered out of the pan, peppering his bare chest with hot burn spikes. “Shit.” He jumped back and grabbed the towel to wipe off the stinging splatters.

  “The hazards of cooking without a shirt.”

  Tyler’s head whipped up, his hand frozen midwipe. Seth stood on the other side of the kitchen island. An amused smile covered his lips, and Tyler got stuck on admiring how that small action lightened his eyes and made him seem younger.

  “Ah. Yeah.” Smooth, Wysong. Tyler set the towel down, unsure of what to expect. “It’s almost ready. I was gonna get you when I was done.”

  Seth nodded. “Thanks.” He came around the counter and headed to the cabinets. “I’ll set the table.”

  Tyler chuckled, relaxing a touch. Seth wasn’t kicking him out. Not yet. “That’s okay. I’ll just stand at the counter.” He flipped the food around in pan, stirred it a few more times before turning off the burner. The sizzle faded with the lack of heat, the low grunge of a Green Day song once again making itself heard.

  “Right.” Seth set the plates down on the counter. “I should’ve thought of that.”

  “It’s gonna be a few days before sitting is something I wanna do.” Tyler forced a crooked grin. It was true, but he didn’t want the reminder. Not now. He grabbed the plates and filled each with a generous portion of rice and the stir-fry concoction.

  Seth got them some water and fished utensils out of the drawer. It was companionable, almost too much so, given the unspoken questions hanging between them.

  The first bite brought a hum of appreciation from Seth. “This is good.” He shoveled in another forkful, savoring the second helping as much as the first.

  A flush of pleasure went through Tyler at the praise. It was little, but at least he’d given something back to Seth.

  He cocked a brow, lifting his fork in indication. “Why aren’t you doing this some place for pay?”

  The warm feeling that had flooded Tyler rushed right back out. He stared at his food then shrugged. “Same with everything. You need experience to get the job, but can’t get a job without the experience.”

  “The circular, which-came-first scenario?”

  “Yeah.”

  The silence stretched as they focused on eating, the click of silverware offsetting the beat of music. After his initial edge of hunger was appeased, Tyler finally glanced up then manned up. “Sorry about my outburst earlier.”

  Seth studied him, his eyes intent as if he was debating his response. “Forgotten.”

  The clipped reply ended the conversation. They ate the rest of the meal in silence. There was more to be said between them, but Tyler waited for Seth to lead that once again. Twilight settled around them, the soft glow of pinks and oranges fading to dull gray until the suspended lights over the kitchen and counter provided the only light in the room.

  Seth pushed his plate back with a satisfied sigh. “That was excellent. Thank you.”

  The compliment released a forgotten glow of pride in Tyler. He reached to take Seth’s plate but was halted by the firm grip on his wrist. “Leave it. You’ve already overdone it.”

  “I’m fine. It’ll just take a few minutes to clean up.”

  Seth narrowed his eyes. “I said leave it.”

  The stare-down that followed was filled with much more than the discussion about the dishes. It was another chance. One Tyler could take if he had the courage.

  His pulse beat hard and fast beneath Seth’s fingertip
s, much like Allie’s had under his own earlier. They might have lost their chance with her, but it didn’t mean he had to pass up this with Seth. Whatever this was. He wouldn’t know if he ran, and he would’ve done that by now if he really wanted to.

  “Go lie down. I’ll be in in a minute.”

  Tyler looked down. The shiver that flared a river of goose bumps down his chest and arms had nothing to do with the cooler breeze that had arrived with the darkness. It was the low command laced with a tenderness he’d so rarely—if ever—heard that snared him.

  He nodded. “Yes...” He glanced up, meeting the Dom’s steady regard. “Seth.”

  That was right. And so different from the demands of his clients that it was impossible to confuse the two. Seth wanted him, Tyler, in his own right. That terrified him in a way he hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

  Being wanted also meant he could be rejected. It was a risk. One his desire overrode to be declared as acceptable.

  The imprint of Seth’s grip throbbed on his skin as he shuffled back to his room. Each step settled him one bit more into his quiet zone of acceptance. Not complacency. No. It was his willing consent to give in to Seth that offered a strange sense of peace.

  The trust he was handing Seth was more than any he’d given anyone since he’d first understood just how much his father truly despised him. Don’t get used to it, boy.

  “My room, Tyler.” The Dom didn’t leave the order open for questions.

  Tyler didn’t even falter as he turned around and entered the master suite. The room was in shadow, the last glow from outside providing enough light through the large windows on either side of the bed to allow him to see. It was bigger than the other bedroom and furnished with the same sophistication as the rest of the loft.

  After a quick stop in the oversized marble bathroom, he pulled back the duvet and eased onto the bed. The sheets were softer than any he could remember, and he couldn’t resist rubbing his chest back and forth over the downy luxury. His sigh went through his entire body, every muscle deflating into the comfort that surrounded him. That deep, sent that was Seth breathed into him as he cuddled the pillow under his chest and head.

  He could get used to this. Better that he didn’t, but still...

  He must have drifted off because he came awake to the gentle glide of fingers over his back, followed by the cool sting of the medication searing into his wounds. He hissed in a breath, jolted out of the hazy coziness of sleep.

  “Sorry,” Seth said by his side. “We forgot to put this on after your shower.”

  He applied more of the prescription ointment over another slash left from the whip. Tyler squeezed his eyes closed, his breath held until the initial burn subsided. Seth’s touch was soft on his back, but it didn’t ease the bite of the antibiotic.

  The bed shifted, tilting Tyler toward Seth as the other man leaned down. The cool wisp of Seth blowing over the stinging line sucked the breath from Tyler a second time. The air danced over the tender, sensitive skin, whirling a trail of desire through his chest straight to his groin. He groaned, the mixture of pleasure and pain so twined that he ached for more.

  Seth chuckled, and Tyler turned his head to see the smile on Seth’s lips. The dim light from a lamp on the dresser provided a softened glow to the room and Seth’s features. Or maybe that was Tyler’s imagination. He couldn’t really blame it on the drugs anymore, but it wasn’t like him to think like that.

  He closed his eyes and got lost in the feeling of being cared for. He’d resisted this before; now he just wanted to remember it. Each pass of the medication was followed by the blowing trail of Seth’s breath. There was almost a rhythm to it, a pattern that soothed him deeper than the topical medication.

  There was a tug on his pants, and Tyler tensed.

  “I need to remove these,” Seth said. He rubbed his fingers under the edge of the waist band, smoothing around and under Tyler until he found the tie string in front. “I have to get to the rest of your wounds.”

  Tyler swallowed. A wave of longing chased down his torso in a low shiver. He lifted his hips, allowing the Dom to loosen the string and ease the thin cotton pants over his hips and off his legs. He flinched at the firm touch that circled his calf. The action shot digging reminders of his predicament as his ass clenched tight. Fuck.

  The embarrassment started as a warm flame that raced up his chest and neck before it reached his face and spread to the tips of his ears. It didn’t ease at all when Seth started spreading the medication over his bared ass.

  “I can do that,” Tyler mumbled into the pillow.

  The cooling breath that blew a long stripe over his butt cheeks was followed by a low chuckle. “But you can’t do this.”

  Tyler groaned. The rumble purred in his chest and seemed to vibrate all the way to his hardening cock. How in the hell had this become so damn erotic? “You don’t have to do it.”

  The soft sigh was almost missed. “Why can’t you accept that I want to take care of you?”

  “Why?” Immediately Tyler wished he could retrieve that insecure question. Right along with the pathetic croak it’d road out on.

  “If you give me the chance, someday you’ll be able to answer that on your own.”

  The breath came again, a long blow that followed in a diagonal over his ass crack. He gulped down the strangled sound that threatened to burst out. He was already embarrassed enough.

  That was until he felt the cool tip of Seth’s finger pushing between his nether cheeks. His head whipped around in time with the clenching of his ass muscles. “What the fuck?” He ignored the pain and glared at Seth, unable to process what the man was doing. He couldn’t possibly expect that. The sense of betrayal tore through him to rip apart the fragile trust he’d given.

  Seth met his anger with a patient smirk. He held up the tube of medication. “That’s all. Nothing more.”

  Really? Tyler’s internal war was deadlocked. Did he believe him? That’s all they’ll ever want from a slut like you, boy. But he didn’t want to believe the voice of his father. Eventually, the fight eased out of him. Victory, Seth.

  “Sorry.” He buried his face back in the pillow and blinked back the relief that stung his eyes. He forcibly relaxed his muscles to allow Seth access.

  The physical pain that was still digging like a corkscrew into his nuts was layered below the knowledge that Seth—the man who already made him feel vulnerable and exposed—was touching him in the one place that brought him the most shame. And he was doing it to give, not to take.

  “It’s okay, Tyler.” Seth stroked a hand up the inside of Tyler’s leg then gave it a nudge. “Spread a little farther.”

  Tyler complied, too exhausted to resist. Seth’s touch was gentle, circling the opening and pushing in just a bit to apply the ointment. He bit his lip and forced himself to hold still, despite the reflex to squirm and pull away. He was used to every part of his body being used. But this, this he couldn’t process.

  It was completely nonsexual, yet his dick was still responding like it was all about sex. No one had ever been gentle or careful down there with him. His receiving position was usually setup for fast-pitches and slam-dunks. Not slow warm-ups and lazy teases.

  Shit. Fuck. Damn it to complete fucking hell.

  “Hey,” Seth said next to Tyler’s ear. “I won’t harm you. Ever. Remember?”

  Tyler shook his head, the pillow fabric chafing his forehead. “I don’t get it. I can’t—”

  “You can,” Seth cut him off, overriding Tyler’s protest with solid assurance. “Look at me.”

  That simple command was quickly becoming the hardest to obey. Tyler sucked in a breath then slowly turned his head toward the Dom. It took all of his will to keep his eyes open.

  Seth brushed Tyler’s bangs off his forehead, only to have them fall back down. He smiled and trailed his fingers down Tyler’s jaw, pausing to swipe away the wetness from his cheek.

  Shit. Where’d that come from?

&
nbsp; Seth eased down until he was lying on the bed facing Tyler. His breath dusted over Tyler’s face with each exhale, a faint hint of mint tickling his nose. They’d been here before. Same position, completely different intent. Or maybe not.

  “What can’t you handle?”

  “This,” Tyler answered too quickly. He licked his lips, pushed past the fear to finish. “The closeness. I don’t...I’m not...” he stumbled. Damn. He wasn’t eighteen. Not with this man. “I’m not good at accepting kindness.” He held Seth’s gaze, refusing to turn away as the silence lengthened.

  Finally Seth smile, the humor flashing in his eyes. “I never would’ve guessed that.”

  “Fuck you,” Tyler mumbled, but he couldn’t hold back his own grin.

  “Maybe someday,” Seth said softly before quickly asking, “Can you lie on your side?”

  Tyler frowned, trying to sort out what he thought he’d heard. Seth’s nudge on his shoulder reminded him that he was supposed to move. A moment later, he was on his side, one arm tucked under the pillow supporting his head. The pain down his back had been numbed by the ointment and the lull that Seth seemed to put him under.

  Seth ran his palm over Tyler’s chest, appreciation showing on his face as he circled a nipple before transferring to the other one. His palm was smooth, the hand of a businessman more than a Dom. The pinch was light, a tweak on Tyler’s hard nub that wasn’t even close to painful. It sent sparks of interest to Tyler’s dick and left him beyond confused.

  “When was the last time someone did something nice for you?”

  Tyler didn’t want to answer Seth’s question. So he hedged. “You. Allie.”

  “Before that.”

  Seth’s intent expression warned Tyler that the Dom wouldn’t let him hide. Now he had to think on the question. Only one answer came to mind. “Carter. He got me off the street corner and in with the agency.”

  Seth frowned, the wrinkle between his brows boring deep. “That was a nice thing?”

  “You’d understand if you saw the corner.”

  Tyler stared at the Vee’d opening of Seth’s polo, the buttons parted to reveal the tanned skin beneath. He followed the rounded edge of Seth’s collarbone to where it disappeared behind the dark green cotton. The intense urge to seek out more, to see where it ended, surprised him. With a slowness that would allow Seth to object, Tyler reached out and edged his fingers under the cotton. He pulled the material back to expose the bone, his stomach doing a flip with the movement.