The Arrangement

by Kiersten Modglin

  “I just needed to remember.”

  “Remember?”

  “Who we used to be…” she said.

  I squeezed her arm, noticing the bright red bite mark on her otherwise perfect skin. “We’re still those people.”

  “Are we? Or have we always been these people? Maybe we were only fooling ourselves in the beginning. Maybe this is the real version of us. This here.”

  I looked away from her, staring up at the ceiling with a heavy sigh. “Who can say what’s real anymore, Ains? Real is what we make it.” I gripped her shoulder. “This is real. The way I feel about you, that’s real. Our kids are real. Whatever reality we want for ourselves, it can be real. We just have to fight like hell for it.”

  “Would you fight for me?” she asked, running a finger across my chest.

  I turned my head, our eyes locking. “I’d kill for you, Ainsley. Without a second’s hesitation.”

  She blinked, processing my words, and a small, sad smile filled her lips. “You already have.”

  I looked back at the ceiling, closing my eyes as the water splashed on us. We could’ve fallen asleep, I was sure. Maybe we would. I could’ve lain there forever. As I felt sleep begin to pull me down into its dark, familiar abyss, I thought of Glennon’s words, and they brought me back.

  I’d kill for you, but I can’t tell you the truth.

  I knew I had to tell her the truth, though. As much as it was going to kill me. She needed to hear it from me. Glennon’s countdown had begun, and I wasn’t planning on waiting out the clock.

  I had to tell her soon.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  AINSLEY

  The next afternoon, as I waited in the elementary school pick-up line on a rare occasion when the kids didn’t have any after-school plans, my phone rang. A glance at the screen told me it was Glennon.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, babe. How are you?”

  “I’m okay,” I said through a yawn. “Just picking up the kids from school.” I slowed to a stop in the pick-up lane and leaned back to grin at Maisy as she opened the car door. I mouthed, “Hello,” and pointed to the screen. She smiled and waved at me as she climbed into the vehicle and joined her brothers in the backseat. “Auntie Glennon’s on the phone, say hi!”

  “Hi,” came the echoed response.

  When they shut the door, I turned back to Glennon. “Sorry, is everything okay?”

  “Oh, yeah, definitely. I wanted to check in. I can call back later.”

  “No need to, what’s up?”

  “I, um, well, it’s fine. I’ll call you back.”

  “Ah,” I said, turning off the Bluetooth from the car and moving the phone to my ear. “Okay, you’re off Bluetooth now. It’s just us. What’s really up?”

  “It’s nothing important. I didn’t want to worry the kids. I was calling to see if things are getting better between you two?”

  “Peter and me?”

  “Yeah,” she said with a dry laugh. “Who else?”

  “Oh, yeah, I guess so. I don’t know. Things feel so strange right now. I mean, it’s fine, of course. It’s just… We’re in a weird place.” I met Maisy’s eye in the mirror, and despite my attempt to code what I was saying, she seemed to have figured me out. I changed the subject. “It was so nice to get to see you guys, though. We enjoyed ourselves.”

  Glennon was silent.

  “You there?”

  “Yeah, I just, uh, it may be the last time you see us, together…”

  “What do you mean?” I asked. “Why would it be the last time?”

  She sighed, and I heard the tears in her voice when she responded. “I’m leaving Seth.”

  “You’re what? Wait, why? What’s going on? You guys seemed so great.”

  “Yeah,” she sniffled, “well, looks can be deceiving.”

  “What’s going on, Glen? Tell me.”

  “I don’t want to bother you when you’re with the kids. I figured they were out with friends or something, and I wanted to catch you before you got home. I’m sorry, I’m just…I’m a mess.”

  “Where are you? Are you at home?”

  “Yeah, I am. I’m getting ready to go stay at my mom’s for a few weeks—maybe a few months—until we get things sorted out.”

  I gripped the steering wheel. “Wait, so this is, this is real? I mean, you’re moving out? Now?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been debating for a few weeks, but I can’t pretend anymore. I’m moving in with Mom, and he’ll stay at the house until we can sell it. Neither of us can afford to buy the other out, so it’s the only way. With no kids and the house being our only asset, I think it’ll be pretty simple. I don’t want any part of his company or income. I just want out.”

  “But I don’t… I don’t understand. What happened? Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

  “I’ve been waiting for you to have less going on. I didn’t want to be a burden, but I wanted to tell you before it’s official.” She was crying again. “You’re like my sister, Ains. I love you so much, and I never want to hurt you or lie to you. I want you to know what’s going on…”

  “I’m not mad at you, Glennon. You don’t have to worry about that. You never have to tell me anything until you’re ready. I’m having trouble understanding. Did something happen or… I mean, did you grow apart? Where is this all coming from?”

  She was crying again, sobbing actually. “I’m…sorry…”

  “Shhh,” I tried to soothe her. “Listen, I’m coming to you, okay? I’m going to drop the kids off at home with Peter and head your way. I’m about fifteen minutes away from the house—”

  “No, no! You don’t need to do that.”

  “I want to,” I said.

  “You should spend time with the kids.”

  “You need me—hey, Glennon, can I call you right back?” I asked as I was interrupted by an incoming call from Peter. “Peter’s calling me.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Okay, I’ll talk to you in a bit.” With that, I ended the call and switched to the one that was incoming. “Hello?”

  “Hey.”

  “Peter?” I asked. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m almost home. Did something happen?”

  His tone was dry. “Uh, yeah, you could say that. You haven’t heard the news?”

  I felt a knot growing in my stomach, my heart beginning to race. I knew by the tone of his voice, whatever it was couldn’t be good. I gripped the steering wheel tighter, bracing myself.

  “What news?”

  “It’s all over the place.”

  “What is? What’s going on?” I asked, pressing my lips into a thin line as I forced myself to breathe.

  “It’s Illiana De Luca,” he said, pausing. “She’s—Ainsley, she’s missing.”

  Chapter Thirty

  PETER

  When Ainsley made it home, she rushed inside, hanging her jacket and bag on the coat rack in the hall, and hurried toward me. I smiled at the kids, trying not to let them know anything was wrong, though they didn’t seem to care either way. Only Riley asked whether I’d had a good day, but as soon as I’d said yes and asked about his, the kids had all disappeared to their rooms, and I was able to return to my pacing of the hallway.

  The television in the living room was on, though the station was on a commercial.

  “Okay,” Ainsley said, reaching for my arms to stop me from moving. She put a hand on either of my biceps, squaring her body to mine. I felt my heartbeat slowing. “Talk to me. What happened?”

  I led her into the living room, gesturing toward the TV.

  “They can’t find her,” I said. “The police said she’s wanted for questioning regarding her husband’s disappearance, and they can’t find her. Her phone and wallet were found at home. Her SUV was there. She’s just…she’s gone.”

  “Okay,” she said, letting the news wash over her. “But, isn’t that a good thing? I mean,
I hope she’s okay, but if she’s wanted for questioning, that means they don’t suspect anyone else, right?”

  “Maybe,” I said, “but even so, if she was a suspect and now she’s gone, they’ll be coming back to us.”

  “But we didn’t have anything to do with this. Really this time.”

  I nodded. “I know that, but how are we going to prove it?”

  “We don’t have to prove anything right now. For all we know, the police have moved on. When they left last night, I’d proved that Stefan was all but stalking me and that we had nothing to do with his disappearance. Maybe they have moved on to Illiana as a suspect and, if she’s even missing, we need to wait it out and see what they have to say. There’s no need to panic.”

  I nodded, feeling like there was definitely some need to panic, but I didn’t say as much. Instead, I pressed my lips to her forehead. “I’m sorry I’m stressing. I just…”

  “I know,” she said. “I’m worried, too, but we have to try to keep it together. Both of us. Falling apart right now doesn’t solve anything.”

  “I know you’re right.” I gathered my hands at my chest, rubbing circles with my thumb on the opposite palm. “I’m freaking out,” I said wildly, unable to hold the panic in any longer.

  “Where were you last night?” she asked, shocking me back to reality. It was the first time she’d brought it up, and I didn’t like the way she was asking.

  “Out. I went out.”

  “Out where? Come on, I need to know in case the police do come around.”

  I sighed. “I went to grab a beer.”

  “Okay, good. Where did you go? Somewhere where there’ll be camera footage?”

  “Er, well, I didn’t end up getting in anywhere. That was where I was headed, but I drove around instead. I needed to clear my head.”

  She nodded but kept her eyes trained on mine. “If there’s one thing we don’t need right now, it’s to lie to each other. We’re on the same side. Like we said yesterday. We’d do anything for each other. It’s us versus them, always.”

  “I’m not lying,” I swore. “I drove around. That was it.”

  She studied me, an unreadable expression on her face. “So you didn’t do this?”

  “Didn’t do what? Th-the Illiana thing? You think I…what? You think I did something to her? Are you seriously asking me that?”

  “You were gone a long time, Peter. And you were the one saying we needed to take care of the problem.”

  “I didn’t mean that we should kill her. You can’t be serious right now, Ainsley. Who do you think I am?” I put a hand over my forehead. “I would never… I mean, what I did to… I feel sick about it. I hate myself. I would never do it again.” I put my hand over my stomach, feeling ill as I thought about it. “I physically couldn’t.”

  “Okay,” she said, the end of her word an octave higher than the rest, as if she were asking a question.

  “What? You don’t believe me?”

  “I don’t know what to believe, Peter. I want to believe you.”

  “Well, what about you? Where were you?”

  “I was home,” she said angrily. “And don’t you dare point fingers at me. You’d have known where I was if you hadn’t stormed out.”

  “I needed air, Ainsley. Is that a crime?”

  “No,” she said, “but murder is.”

  I swallowed, hearing the hint of threat in her voice. “I don’t want to fight. That’s not what we should be doing right now,” I croaked out. “I love you. Us against them, right?”

  She didn’t answer or fight against it as I pulled her in for a hug, but she didn’t return the hug either. “I should go anyway.”

  “Go? Go where?” I stepped back.

  “I’m supposed to go check on Glennon. She needs me.”

  I swallowed, feeling the fear swoop in again. “Why does she need you?”

  She bounced her head back and forth, contemplating. “If I tell you, you can’t tell Seth you know. Not yet.”

  “Know what?” I could barely utter the words.

  “She’s leaving him.”

  The statement hit me like a ton of bricks. “Excuse me?”

  “Glennon’s leaving Seth. She’s moving into her mom’s house.”

  “W-why? What happened? How long have you known?”

  “I found out like a second before I got home, and I have no idea what happened. I got off the phone to answer your call, but I told her I’d be over as soon as I could. She’s in a rough place. I’m not sure when I’ll be back. Probably late.” She was making her way back toward the door. We had a week. She promised me a week. “Are you okay with the kids for the evening?”

  “Wait, Ainsley. Wait.” I reached for her arm, grabbing it harder than I’d meant to. She spun around, glaring at me.

  “What? I need to go. She’s waiting.” She jerked her arm out of my grip.

  “There’s something we need to talk about. S-something I need to tell you.”

  “Okay,” she said, cocking her hip to the side as she waited.

  “It’s—can you sit down?”

  “You’re scaring me…” She eased herself toward the couch and sank down. “What is it?”

  “I…” I sat down next to her, putting my head in my hands. “Fuck.” It hurt to even let myself think the words, let alone say them aloud. “I’m an idiot. I’m a fucking idiot.”

  “What are you talking about?” she asked, and I felt her hand graze my shoulder. I shoved it off, shaking my head as hot tears filled my eyes. I didn’t deserve her comfort.

  “You’re going to hate me.”

  “I could never hate you…” she whispered. “I love you, Peter. Nothing you could ever say would change that.”

  “I hope you mean that, but I don’t think you do.”

  “Spit it ou—”

  “I’ve been cheating on you,” I said, a grimace on my face as I lifted my head from my hands. “With Seth.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  AINSLEY

  I stared at my husband as he said the seven words I’d never, not in a million years, expected him to say. The words washed over me, coursing in and out of my ear like a heartbeat. I heard them over and over.

  I’ve been cheating on you.

  With Seth.

  I’ve been cheating on you.

  With Seth.

  I’ve been cheating on you.

  With Seth.

  I couldn’t speak. I stood up, walking away from him with one hand on my stomach, the other on my chest. I felt as though I’d been kicked square in my core.

  “Ainsley, I—”

  I whipped around to stare at him, cutting his sentence short. “Seth Seth? Glennon’s husband? My best friend’s husband? Are you serious? You can’t be serious… Is this a joke?”

  He winced as I doled out the questions, hanging his head. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Does Glennon know?”

  “She just found out.”

  “So that’s why…” I trailed off, looking around the room. It was as if the world I’d woken up in no longer existed. As if I’d been picked up and dropped into a new world where nothing I thought I knew was true. “How could you do this to me? I mean, are you like… Are you coming out to me right now? What is this, Peter? How could I not know you are gay? Are you gay?” Nothing made sense. “Seth?” I couldn’t catch my breath.

  “I’m not gay,” he said, almost defensively. “I’m…well, I guess I’m bisexual. Seth’s the only man I’ve ever been with. I’ve always been…interested, I guess, but Seth…I don’t know. It was different with him. He was different.”

  “How can this be happening?” I sank down onto my knees on the floor, the questions flowing out of me. “Are you leaving me? Are you asking me for a divorce? Do you want to be with him? Does he want to be with you? Are you leaving us for each other?”

  “No,” he said, sinking down directly in front of me. He reached for my hands where they rested on my knees, but I jerked them away.
“No. Ainsley, look at me.” He placed his hands on either side of my cheeks, gently urging me to meet his eye. “I’m not leaving you. I love you. I love our family. I love our kids. With Seth, it was just…” He took a deep breath. “It’s not an affair. It was a mistake. A stupid, stupid mistake.”

  “When did it happen?”

  “A few months ago, the first time. And twice since then.” He put his face in his hands. “I felt awful. I’ve wanted to tell you… It’s been eating me up. And then when you suggested we see other people, I guess I thought maybe you’d be okay with it. And then Glennon found out and made me promise to tell you… I’m so sorry, Ainsley.”

  “So you weren’t going to tell me if Glennon hadn’t made you?”

  “I would’ve!” he insisted, but he was clearly lying. “Just not in the middle of all of this.” His face crinkled as he cried, silent tears streaming out of his eyes. As much as I felt anger and resentment toward him, I had to give him the freedom to tell me the truth.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to be with him? Are you sure you don’t love him? I could never hate you for choosing to be honest with yourself. I’m hurt, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want you to hide who you are if—”

  “It’s not,” he cut me off, grabbing my hands. “It’s not who I am. Who I am is your husband. The man who loves you more than life itself.”

  “Is Seth leaving Glennon for you?”

  “I have no idea,” he said, putting his head down again. “I don’t think so. I’ve told him we can’t be serious. I’ve told him I love you.”

  I tilted my head to the side, trying to process all I was being told. “She must be so devastated…”

  “She is, but not for the reasons you think,” he said, drawing my attention back to him.

  “What does that mean?”

  “She’s worried about you—”

  “I’m fine! She needs to worry about her own marriage…”

  “Why do you think Glennon’s always got her nose in our business, Ainsley? In our marriage? Why do you think she’s always trying to fix our problems and make sure we’re perfect?”