Lost Angel

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘You’re kidding me!’ Johnny laughed, unable to picture that.

  ‘No, he was proper handsome,’ Lisa said quite seriously. ‘Before my nan got too ill to travel, he used to throw these massive family parties, and my other uncles and their wives and kids would come over from Ireland. All the blokes would go down to the pub and get pissed, while the women caught up on the gossip back at home. Then the men’d come back singing and telling jokes, and they’d have a big old knees-up. But you could guarantee there’d be a massive argument before the end of the night. And it was usually about Uncle Frankie and one of the brothers’ wives.’

  ‘Why, was he shagging them?’

  ‘They wished. But nah, he’d never do the dirty on his brothers. They’d be so pissed by then that they’d accuse him of it, anyway. So he’d kick off and tell them to piss off back to Ireland if they didn’t trust him. And then the women would start scrapping, ’cos they were jealous of the one he was supposed to be sleeping with. It was a right laugh.’

  ‘Sounds it,’ Johnny agreed, wishing he’d been there to see it. ‘But why does he still dress like that? No offence, but he’s a bit old now, isn’t he?’

  ‘He’s Frankie Hynes,’ Lisa replied simply. ‘Would you tell him he looks stupid?’

  ‘No way.’

  ‘There you go, then.’ Lisa put the burgers under the grill and dropped a handful of chips into the chip pan. ‘Don’t suppose you’ve got a fag?’

  Johnny passed one to her and gave her a light before lighting his own.

  Lisa noticed him glancing at the clock on the wall and said, ‘That’s the third time I’ve seen you do that since you came in. Have you got somewhere to go?’

  ‘Frankie asked me to pick something up for him later on,’ Johnny told her. ‘But I’m thinking I’d best ring him and tell him I can’t make it. There’s no way I can leave Ruth on her own again tonight.’

  ‘I told you I’d stay if you need to work,’ Lisa reminded him.

  ‘I know. But you’ve been here all day as it is, and I wouldn’t be back till really late.’

  ‘So? I’ve got nothing else to do.’

  Johnny pursed his lips. Frankie had said that he would miss out on the car if they didn’t get it tonight, so he supposed he should do it if he could. It just pissed him off that Ruth was making everything so difficult. He was sure she couldn’t still be this upset over the baby, and suspected she was putting it on for the attention. But he couldn’t stay home and look after her for ever. Frankie had a business to run, and if Johnny couldn’t do his bit it wouldn’t be long before he was out on his arse.

  13

  Dave was hiding in the shadows when Johnny arrived at the flats later that night, and he glanced around furtively before darting out and climbing into the back of the cab.

  ‘Dude.’ He touched fists with Johnny.

  Amused, Johnny said, ‘What’s up with you?’

  ‘Just keeping it cool,’ Dave told him quietly, flicking a suspicious glance at the back of the driver’s head. ‘Can’t be too careful. Talk later, yeah?’

  Guessing that he was being told to zip it, Johnny shook his head and gazed out of the window as the cab set off. When they reached Great Ancoats Street, Dave leaned forward and tapped the back of the driver’s seat.

  ‘You can stop here, mate.’

  ‘What did you do that for?’ Johnny complained when he’d paid and they were standing on the pavement. ‘Now we’ll have to walk the rest of the way.’

  ‘You’re a shit criminal, you,’ Dave scoffed. ‘Rule one: never let people know where you’re going, so then they can’t put two and two together and make five when they see it on the news.’

  ‘On the news?’ Johnny chuckled. ‘Jeezus, man, what kind of job do you think we’re pulling here? We’re not robbing a fucking bank.’

  ‘Better safe than sorry,’ Dave insisted.

  As Frankie had promised, there was a small car parked opposite the yard gates. Johnny found the key in the shrubs and tossed it to Dave. Then, after climbing quickly into the passenger seat when Dave unlocked the doors, he hunched down and pulled his collar up around his ears.

  ‘You can pack that right in,’ Dave ordered, lighting two cigarettes and passing one to him before setting off coolly as if they were just two mates heading out for a night on the town. ‘It’s all about front in this game. Pigs zone in on fuckers like you who sit there looking like they’ve shit their kecks, so you’ve just got to chill.’

  ‘Check you acting like Mr I’ve Done This A Thousand Times, when I didn’t even know you could drive,’ Johnny muttered. But he sat up and made an effort to look more relaxed nevertheless.

  ‘I’ve had a few motors away in my time,’ Dave admitted. ‘Used to be a bit of a bad lad back in the day.’

  ‘Could have fooled me,’ Johnny snorted. ‘You’ve hardly moved off the sofa since I’ve known you.’

  ‘That’s ’cos the weed turns you lazy,’ Dave explained. ‘Anyhow, shut up and let me concentrate. I haven’t been down that end in years, and I don’t want to get lost when we get there.’

  Half an hour later they found the road they were looking for. As Frankie had said, it was out in the middle of nowhere, and there were no street lamps so it was pitch dark. All they could see on both sides were inky fields, bordered by tarry hedges.

  ‘How the fuck are we supposed to find the house when we can’t see anything?’ Johnny complained, his forehead pressed up against the cold glass of the windscreen as he peered out. ‘This is worse than being blind.’ He jerked back when something flew right past his nose. ‘What the fuck was that?’

  ‘Probably an owl. Or a bat.’

  ‘Jeezus, I can’t wait to get back to civilisation. This is like a horror film.’

  ‘There!’ Dave slammed on the brakes.

  ‘What did you do that for?’ Johnny yelped, using his hands to stop his head from smashing into the dash.

  ‘I saw a house.’ Dave reversed back to a gap in the hedges where an old stone gatepost was standing at an angle. Squinting at the name carved in its head, he read, ‘Hillgate . . . is that the one?’

  Johnny nodded and peered past him. In the distance he could just about make out the faint outline of a roof.

  ‘It’s miles away,’ he complained.

  ‘Stop moaning and get moving,’ Dave ordered.

  Johnny took a deep breath, unbuckled his seat belt, and reached for the jemmy that Frankie had left on the floor behind his seat. This was it. He was about to break into a house for the first time in his life – and it didn’t feel good. In fact, it felt fucking horrible, and his legs were shaking so badly that he doubted they were going to support him.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Dave asked. ‘Do you want me to do it?’

  Johnny wished that he could pass the job over. But Frankie had asked him to do it, not Dave, so he shook his head.

  ‘I’ll be okay. Just go and park up somewhere out of sight.’

  ‘Out of whose sight?’ Dave chuckled, looking around. ‘There’s no one around for miles, mate. I could run stark bollock naked down the road and no one would ever know.’

  ‘I would,’ Johnny muttered, grimacing at the thought. ‘Right, here goes.’ He pulled his gloves on. ‘Wish me luck.’

  ‘Fuck off, you poof,’ Dave grunted, pushing him towards the door. ‘And if you’re not out of there in ten, I’m coming in after you.’

  Johnny gave him a nervous smile and opened the door. But just as he’d dropped one foot out, Dave yelled, ‘WATCH OUT!’

  ‘What?’ he squawked, slamming the door shut again. ‘What is it? Is something out there?’

  Dave burst out laughing and clutched at his stomach. ‘Man, you should have seen your face! I thought you were gonna drop a load!’

  Johnny tutted, climbed out, and edged his way up the path with the jemmy held out in front of him like a sword. He was relieved to find the house in darkness and the curtains parted, which told him that Frankie had been right
and nobody was home. He gave the front door a push, just in case. It didn’t budge, so he moved on to the windows and tried to prise one open with his gloved fingers before walking around to the garage that was built on to the side of the house.

  He squatted down and jammed the end of the jemmy into the hasp of the padlock, and his heart started thumping like a jackhammer when the lock fell off at his feet. He grabbed the bottom of the roller door and pushed it up quickly, desperate to do what he had to do and get the fuck out of there.

  The car was in the garage and Johnny ran his hands over the bonnet. It was icy cold, so he moved to the connecting door and rammed the flat edge of the jemmy into the crack between the lock and the frame, wrenching it backwards and forwards until the wood gave and the door flew open.

  Dim moonlight was filtering in through the uncovered window and he saw that he was in a kitchen. Still nervous of being caught, he tiptoed in and looked around for the keys. After several minutes he came across a small metal box that had a key-shaped cut-out in its door and was attached to the side of one of the units. It had a tiny padlock, like the kind that little girls used to keep their diaries from prying eyes. Johnny popped it off easily, grabbed the keys that were hanging inside and ran back out to the garage.

  Dave had reversed into the hedge directly opposite the drive. He was listening to the radio and smoking a spliff when Johnny came tearing out as if he had a pack of wolves chasing him. He flashed his lights to make him stop and pulled alongside, gesturing at Johnny to roll down his window.

  ‘Quit panicking, or you’ll get nicked,’ he ordered. ‘And keep an eye on your speed, an’ all.’

  Johnny nodded and took a deep breath. But he still managed to stall – twice – before he got going properly again.

  Big Pat was waiting at the yard. He opened the gates when he saw their headlights approaching and waved them in, directing Dave to park out on the lot and Johnny round to the garage, where another man Johnny had never seen before was waiting.

  When Johnny climbed out shakily, Big Pat handed him a wad of money. Then he passed another slightly slimmer one to Dave before showing them both out – all without uttering a single word.

  ‘That was fucking ace,’ Dave exclaimed as they walked back out onto the main road and headed over to the taxi rank. ‘I haven’t been that psyched up in years. D’ya reckon Frankie’ll ask us to do it again?’

  ‘I hope not,’ Johnny said, wishing that his heart would slow down. ‘I nearly shit myself when we passed them coppers.’

  ‘I told you, it’s all about front,’ said Dave, pushing the taxi-rank door open and stepping into the filthy customer area. ‘We’re going to Moss Side,’ he told the woman behind the counter.

  ‘Hulme,’ Johnny corrected him. Wincing when Dave back-kicked him in the ankle, he clamped his mouth shut and hobbled back out.

  ‘What did I tell you?’ Dave hissed when he followed a few seconds later. ‘Don’t let ’em know where you’re going – there or back.’

  A car arrived a couple of minutes later and Dave told the driver to drop them at Moss Side market. After walking the rest of the way into Hulme, he said, ‘Your place or mine?’

  ‘I’ve got work in the morning,’ Johnny told him. ‘Best give it a miss or I’ll never get up.’

  ‘A couple of spliffs ain’t gonna hurt,’ Dave insisted, too wired to think about sleeping just yet. ‘Tell you what, we’ll go to yours, then at least you’ll be next to your bed if you fall asleep. I’ll kip on the couch.’

  It was a reasonable expectation, and usually Johnny wouldn’t have hesitated. But Lisa was back at the house, and after what she’d said about trying to shake Dave off Johnny didn’t think she’d be too happy to see him.

  ‘Sorry, mate, but Ruth’s not too good at the moment,’ he told him.

  ‘What’s up with her now?’ Dave asked. Like Johnny, he considered two weeks ample time for a girl to get over losing a baby, and anything beyond that was just self-pity – for which he had no patience.

  ‘She was drunk when I got back from yours earlier,’ Johnny told him. ‘And she’s still on them tabs, so it sent her a bit loopy. I just want to keep everything calm.’

  Dave gave a disappointed sigh and shrugged. ‘Oh, well, you’ve got to do what you think best. You know where I am if you change your mind.’

  Johnny said goodbye and headed home, but he felt guilty all the way. Dave had been brilliant after his mum had kicked him out. He hadn’t known Johnny from Adam when he’d come across him sleeping rough in the garages under the flats, but he hadn’t thought twice about taking him in. And he’d been the best mate anyone could have asked for since, so it felt wrong to have knocked him back like that. Especially when Ruth would most likely still be sleeping – and Lisa might well have gone home.

  Even as he thought it, Johnny knew instinctively that Lisa would still be there. And he was right. She was curled up on his chair with a blanket over her knees, and her face looked soft and relaxed in the warm glow of the lamp.

  As he gazed at her, Johnny realised that she was the real reason he had knocked Dave back just now. Not because he’d thought that she would be uncomfortable if Dave was there but because he hadn’t wanted to risk them getting friendly again. That was the shameful truth of it.

  Disappointed with himself, he went into the kitchen to get a beer. He didn’t know where this sudden interest in Lisa had come from but he wished it would go away, because he was a married man. And just because Ruth was going through a rough patch that didn’t give him the right to revert back to his doggish ways – albeit only in his head.

  ‘Johnny . . . ?’ Lisa came padding into the kitchen. She smiled when he turned around, and rubbed her eyes sleepily. ‘I thought I was dreaming when I heard a noise in here. When did you get back?’

  ‘Just now,’ he told her, gripping his beer can tightly and trying to keep his eyes on her face. She’d taken off her jeans and was wearing an old T-shirt of his which just about covered her thighs.

  ‘Hope you don’t mind?’ she asked. ‘I was uncomfortable, and I thought if I’m staying the night I might as well get changed.’

  ‘It’s fine,’ Johnny assured her, desperately trying to ignore the stirring sensation in his pants.

  Lisa noticed his cheek muscles jumping and frowned. ‘Is everything okay?’

  He nodded and turned to the sink to conceal the fact that he now had a full-blown hard-on.

  ‘Something’s wrong,’ Lisa said perceptively. She moved closer and touched his back. ‘If you’re still worried about Ruth, don’t be, ’cos she’s fine. She woke up a couple of hours ago with a headache, so I made her a cup of cocoa. She took one of her sleeping tablets and dropped straight off.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Johnny murmured, unable to move while Lisa was still standing there. ‘Why don’t you go and sleep in the spare room?’ he suggested. ‘You must be knackered. I’ll just do a quick tidy-up down here.’

  ‘I’m awake now,’ she said. ‘Might as well have a drink with you if you’re staying up for a bit. Unless you’d rather be alone . . . ?’

  Johnny groaned. ‘Just go to bed, Lisa – please.’

  ‘Have I done something wrong?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Well, what’s wrong, then?’ She pulled him round to face her. ‘Johnny, please tell me what I’ve done. I thought we were getting on okay.’

  ‘We are,’ he assured her, swallowing deeply. ‘Probably a bit too well.’

  Confused, Lisa shook her head. Then a light came on and her gaze slid from his face. ‘Oh.’

  ‘So now will you go to bed?’ Johnny begged.

  She bit her lip and shook her head. Then she took a step towards him, reached up and put her hand behind his head, bringing his face down to hers. And this time Johnny didn’t pull away.

  They were on the floor in an instant, their lips locked together as Johnny unzipped his fly, tugged Lisa’s panties to one side and pushed himself into her, groaning. She wrapped her legs around
him and held him tight as he rode her hard. It was wild and raw, and Johnny wanted it to go on and on. But when she sank her teeth into his neck, he had to bite down hard on his lip to keep from crying out and waking Ruth as he exploded into her.

  ‘Sorry,’ he murmured, when his heart had stopped racing and he was able to breathe again. ‘I’m not usually that fast.’

  ‘Neither am I,’ Lisa told him, giving him a shy smile.

  Johnny gave her a questioning look.

  ‘Do I have to spell it out?’ she giggled, rolling her eyes.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, really.’ Sighing now, she said, ‘I suppose we’d best get up.’

  ‘Yeah, we should,’ Johnny agreed, casting a nervous glance out through the door as he slid out of her and zipped himself up.

  ‘You don’t regret it, do you?’ Lisa asked softly as she stood up and pulled the T-shirt down to cover herself.

  ‘I don’t know.’ Johnny shrugged. ‘Do you?’

  ‘Only if you do,’ she said.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Johnny told her, sensing that she would probably go on a guilt trip if he didn’t reassure her – and he suspected that he’d be on a big enough one for both of them come the morning.

  ‘Me neither,’ said Lisa. ‘But we probably shouldn’t do it again.’

  ‘No, definitely not,’ Johnny agreed.

  ‘Not here, anyway.’

  ‘Where, then?’

  14

  Five months after losing the baby, Ruth found out that she was pregnant again. Johnny was working regular days and most nights by then, and he came home just long enough to eat, shower and get changed before going out again. Ruth would invariably be asleep by the time he got home in the early hours, so lovemaking had been a real hit-and-miss affair. And it was especially difficult to get time alone when her mum was here – which seemed to be most of the time lately.

  But one of their snatched moments had paid dividends – and this time she was determined not to let anything go wrong. So the first thing she did was to ban her mum from drinking in the house.