Watched

by Cindy M. Hogan

I lay in bed, panicked. What had happened to the Whopper box? Did housekeeping take the garbage out? Did Jeremy go back and get it? We hadn’t been gone that long, maybe ten minutes. Who else would have taken it? I had so many questions but no answers. Then it struck me. What if the murderers had found it? Was it possible? I suppose anything was possible. How could I have been so stupid? If the murderers had discovered my note and the pictures, they would for sure know I helped the FBI. Then again, maybe they already knew after yesterday. Being a spy wasn’t as easy as I’d thought it would be. What’s obvious to one, isn’t always obvious to another.

  I railed on myself most of the night until exhaustion finally got the better of me, and I slept.

  “Christy, Christy?”

  Marybeth’s face was only inches from mine and it startled me. Panicked, I moved my head forward with a jerk and smacked my forehead into Marybeth’s nose.

  “Oweeee!”she yelled.

  I felt dizzy and flopped back down again, rubbing my head gingerly. I tried to blink away the light that pierced my brain. Keeping my eyes tiny slits, I saw Marybeth head for the bathroom to stuff toilet paper against her nose. “I’m so sorry, Marybeth,” I managed to say as I slid off the bed, swinging my legs to the floor with caution. When I stumbled toward her, she waved me away, but I kept on going.

  “It’s seven, Christy. I wanted to wake you up gently.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I repeated, wishing I had the bloody nose and not her. The pressure behind my eyes told me a migraine was on its way. I crossed the floor to the closet and dug into my bag, pulled out my trusty pills and walked to the bathroom. Marybeth had the water on and was wiping blood off her face.

  “Could I sneak in there, Marybeth? I need a drink pretty bad,” I whispered.

  She moved completely out of my way and I shoved the pills in my mouth and took a long drink. I left the water running for Marybeth and headed for my bed. With utmost care, I climbed in.

  “Christy, didn’t you hear me?” Marybeth said, sounding frustrated. “It’s past seven. You won’t have time for breakfast. We leave at seven-thirty today, remember?” She still held tissues to her nose.

  I knew she was only looking out for me, but I wanted to slug her, to let her know how painful this migraine was. I didn’t, of course.

  “I’ll be there in time,” I whispered, hoping she would take my cue and whisper, too.

  “You’re not getting sick again, are you?” she said at full volume, if not a little louder.

  “No, no. I have this headache that I’m trying to fend off. I’ll be there. Really.” I’d have promised her just about anything if she would just leave me in peace at that moment. I couldn’t even open my eyes to watch her leave. I could usually keep my migraines from getting unbearable. I just needed time to let my medication work. I pulled the covers over my head and tried to relax every muscle in my body, one by one. I just needed some time.

  Without warning, I felt the covers slide over my head. Barely opening my eyes, I saw Kira and Marybeth standing over me, neither leaning close to my head—probably afraid that I might pop up and slam into them—history repeating itself.

  “Time to go,” Kira said. “Where are her clothes?” she asked Marybeth.

  Marybeth rushed to my closet and pulled out jeans and a T-shirt, then opened her closet to get something else.

  “I don’t know how I let you talk me into this,” Kira said, irritation etched in her voice.

  “Hurry, Christy. Get dressed.” Marybeth’s voice echoed in my head and the light seared my eyes—I tried hard to keep them closed.

  “I-I just need some more t-time,” I said, so quiet, I almost didn’t hear myself.

  “You don’t have it,” Kira said in a pretty mean way.

  I didn’t move. I couldn’t. Then, I felt them stripping my PJ’s from my body. I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, until someone pulled my T-shirt over my head and it felt like my head was being ground down to dust. I clamped my mouth shut. Kira yanked my arms through the shirt’s sleeves as Marybeth slid my jeans on. Then, they sat me up.

  “Look at her hair!” Marybeth said, panicked. “Get a brush and a pony, would ya, Kira?”

  “I think she looks just fine,” Kira said, chuckling.

  “Oh brother! I’ll get ‘em. Hold her please!” Marybeth said, a bit too loud for my aching head.

  “Let me do it,” Kira said.

  Brushing my hair felt like someone scrapping nails along my scalp. I wanted to die. I couldn’t help but moan.

  “Be more gentle, Kira,” Marybeth said. “You’re hurting her. Just pull up the front and sides, it’s still pretty straight from yesterday. No ponytail.” She spoke in a whisper, which I appreciated. “I’ve got makeup in my bag. We’ll finish on the bus.”

  Marybeth brushed my teeth, forcing me to drink some water afterwards before they stood and wrapped my arms around their necks, lifting me up. My head throbbed and I felt like I might barf. I had to keep telling myself that I would be okay, that I was okay.

  “We forgot her shoes,” Marybeth said.

  They moved me back to the bed.

  “I’ll hold her up, you grab ‘em,” Kira said. “Hurry and put them on Marybeth. She’s heavier than she looks.”

  “Okay, let’s go,” Marybeth said after slipping my shoes on.

  They dragged me out of the room and down the hall. The ding of the elevator sent sharp pains through my skull, and I gasped. Marybeth and Kira held me tighter, dragging me into the elevator. They were kind enough to press their free hands against my ears when we got to the lobby, so that I barely heard the ding this time. As they shuttled me out into the lobby, I heard distant whispers and then someone pulled me out of Marybeth and Kira’s hands and lifted me into their arms.

  I didn’t dare peek to see who was carrying me so effortlessly; the light would definitely bring on the puke. I hoped it was Alex. Could I be so lucky? Truthfully, though, all I really wanted was for the pain to go away. When they finally set me down on the bus bench, I focused again on each muscle, starting with my head and going all the way to my toes, willing them to relax. The jarring and pounding in my head slowed until I could barely feel anything anymore, the meds had finally kicked in. Even the jostling of the bus and getting makeup on my face didn’t bother me.

  The bus stopped. I could hear whispers that seemed far above me. I tried to make out the words, but they were too hushed. Once again, someone lifted me into their arms and carried me. As we left the bus, I could feel the brightness of the sun hit my closed eyes, and I pulled my hands up to shield them.

  “Sorry ‘bout that.” I heard the faint whisper of whoever was carrying me. I couldn’t think clearly enough yet to try and figure out who had spoken. With the meds just kicking in, my mind didn’t work properly. We stopped moving and whoever held me gave me to someone else. Next thing I knew I was transferred once more, but whoever held me now, sat.

  I dared a peek and saw Alex whispering to Josh. I clamped my eyes shut, then felt my face flush, hoping he wouldn’t feel my slamming heart. While embarrassed to be in his arms, somewhat helpless, I couldn’t help but feel excited that I was in his arms. For the first time in my life, I was truly grateful for inheriting my mother’s slim build. He had carried me. The most beautiful boy in the world. I could live happily ever after now.

  I closed my eyes. Slowly, but surely, my head began to feel even more normal. Sometimes I only got partial relief with my meds, other times it was like I’d never had a headache. The worst was when they had no effect at all or I was so loopy, I couldn’t do anything.

  “Christy,” Alex said.

  Even though I didn’t want to open my eyes, afraid I would have to get out of his arms, I looked up at him with one eye, half-closed. I tried to speak, but my mouth wouldn’t move. Maybe I was more loopy than I thought.

  “How’re you feeling?” Only inches from my face, he talked in a whisper. I felt a thrill go through me. He smelled so good. He made me f
eel alive. “Do you think you can stand? We’re about to go into the Capitol, and I don’t think they’ll let me carry you in.”

  Both of my eyes locked onto his. I couldn’t help it.

  “Christy?”

  “Yeah, I think so,” I said, pulling myself together.

  “Migraine, huh?” he said. “My mom gets ‘em pretty bad. You’re lucky your meds worked.”

  “They don’t always,” I said. It would have been a long day if they hadn’t.

  He sat me up on his lap. My heart pounded so fast and hard, I was afraid he could feel it. It felt weird to look at him now, our faces so close together, so I looked away, afraid it would turn out to be a dream. Alex sat on a bench and Josh sat next to him. Summer stood next to Josh. A bunch of kids stood in a line, not far from us, that led to the Capitol building. I could see our group far ahead, almost ready to go into the building. I could make out Rick near the front of the line, waving for us to come.

  “We’re going to have to hurry,” Summer said, her eyes piercing mine.

  “Ready?” Alex asked.

  “Ready,” I said, even though I wasn’t. I didn’t want him to let me go.

  My legs gave a little when I tried to stand, so Alex put his arm around me and helped me walk. I wouldn’t have to let him go just yet. We met up with our group right before going through the metal detectors. We were herded into a room where we separated to meet the pages we’d be working with in the Capitol building.

  Mine was Jackson Knight. His angular face and body emphasized his small frame and the short tuft of black hair on his head made him look cartoonish. Although nice, he talked a mile a minute and ran around just as fast. Time flashed by. We ran from here to there, made copies, got signatures, and even picked up lunch for some people. Between the meds and his speed, it was all a blur.

  Happy to get to the cafeteria at one o’clock for lunch, I looked for anyone in our group. Men in suits filled most tables and I could only see a few kids from our larger group of fifty sprinkled about. Jackson talked on his cell even while he ate. When I finished, he still talked, so I didn’t feel bad resting my head on the table for a quick nap.

  When I woke up, only a few people sat scattered here and there. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again, trying to get my bearings. Where was I anyway? As it all came back to me, I looked for a clock. Four o’clock? No way. Why didn’t Jackson wake me up? I rubbed my eyes and then found a note on the table in front of me.

  It read,

  Call me at 345-375-7869 when you wake up. I’ll come and get you. You can’t leave the cafeteria without me.

  Call him? How? I didn’t have a phone. Two men sat together at a table not far from me. Did I dare ask them? At least with them, I would get twice the chance to use a phone. I took a deep breath and walked toward them, praying they would be nice and help me.

  “Excuse me,” I said. “Do either of you have a cell phone I could borrow? I seem to have lost my page.”

  The guy on the right with the big red nose and glasses, grinned at me, while the guy on the left openly laughed.

  They both reached for their phones and held them out for me to use. I took the phone from the guy on the left. I didn’t want to get sick. I dialed the number, but he didn’t answer. I left a message.

  “Hey Jackson, it’s Christy. Sorry I fell asleep on you. I’m awake now. Could you come and get me?” Then I hung up, handed the phone back, and walked to my table.

  While walking back, I noticed a man by a far wall hurry behind a pillar. I could have sworn it was that mean FBI guy that scowled at me while I was in the FBI building. I felt a chill go down my neck, but then the thought occurred to me that he was probably there to protect me.

  I waited and I waited. Jackson didn’t come and get me until five. I had read every piece of literature in the place, which included the ingredients on all the packaged items in the cafeteria. I had time to think about Alex and how unbelievable it was that I kept my cool being so close to him for so long. People filed in for dinner or a snack or something and the room got noisy again, nothing like lunch, but still crazy.

  “Man, you must’ve been pretty tired,” he said, when he arrived.

  “Guess so,” I said. “I’m really sorry.”

  “No big deal. You’ll never be a page anyway. I can tell just by looking at you.”

  “Really? What gave me away?”

  “Maybe it was how hard of a time you had keeping up with me today.”

  I laughed. “You’re just too fast. It was quite amazing watching you work. It was like you could be in two places at once.” I didn’t mention being on drugs.

  Now he laughed. “I’ve got to get you over to the question and answer session. We’re a bit late. By the way, what happened today, didn’t happen. I could get in a lot of trouble, and I’m sure it wouldn’t look very good for you either.”

  “I won’t say anything.”

  “Good.”

  The question and answer session was held in the room where we met our pages. Boring. Squished in the back, I could hardly hear. Other groups, not staying in our hotel, were in the room too, and I couldn’t see anyone from my mini group. I just leaned on the back wall and waited.

  After it ended, I stood in the lobby area by the metal detectors waiting for people from our group to come out of the session. I saw Kira first. She had attached herself to Rick. I moved back a bit further, hoping they wouldn’t see me. I wanted to find Alex and avoid getting trapped by anyone else. I couldn’t see him in the mass of people. I sort of hid behind a pillar and peeked out. Then I heard Rick’s voice on the other side of the pillar.

  “Look, Kira,” Rick said, “I do think you’re fun and all, but I’m not interested. I thought we agreed we’d just be friends. Why do you keep pushing this? Besides, isn’t it Alex you really like? You’re all over him every chance you get.”

  “I like you, too,” she said. “And I guess I still hoped we could be more.”

  “We won’t be.”

  My heart thudded. I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but for some reason I did. I couldn’t believe what I heard. Kira was so forward. I would never be that way. She was begging him to like her.

  “What about friends with benefits while we’re here?”

  “I’m not into that, Kira. . .Hey Eugene.”

  “Hey,” Eugene said. He must have joined them. “Amazing! They are so organized and efficient. Fascinating, really.”

  I spotted Alex coming out of the room with the last of the group. He, Summer and Josh were talking to a big group of kids and were very excited about something, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. They high-fived each other and headed for the exit doors. I waited a few minutes and then looked around the pillar, Kira and Rick were gone. Last to climb on the bus, I had to sit in the only seat left, next to Eugene. Kira sat next to Rick and talked away. Wow. Persistent. I would’ve been hiding in shame if I’d been her, which I never would have been in the first place.

  Eugene told me all about his “interesting” day and I listened. He was so easy to please. I decided I should be easier to please. I would be a better person if I were. We headed to Georgetown for dinner.

  Cafés, restaurants, and bars lined M-Street and Georgetown teemed with young college kids getting a bite to eat or escaping school work. The air was filled with excitement and happiness, and I decided I’d run with the spark in the air and let it consume me. I would be happy tonight. Alex had carried me. It would be a good day.

  Long tables lined the restaurant for our large group. Mrs. J. motioned for us to sit at the far table. Rick sat on one side of me and Marybeth sat on the other. I looked around for Alex, and I saw him see me look at him, but didn’t stop looking. He walked around the table and was going to sit right across from me, but Mrs. J. sat down first, so he had to sit next to her, making him kiddy-corner from me. I looked down at the table and laughed to myself.

  No one could wait to tell about their hilarious experiences with their
pages. I didn’t think my sleeping experience qualified. Eugene was the only one who found being a page a “fascinating job”. Everyone else talked about how relieved they were that they would never have to be a page. Their parents had influence and they would start their careers at a considerably higher level. They did, however, like having first-hand knowledge of what exactly a page did. Maybe so they’d know how to work ‘em to death.

  The restaurant became very crowded and loud by the time our food arrived. I inhaled my chicken parmesan, my own breadsticks and everyone else’s breadsticks. I was amazed at Kira’s ability to monopolize Rick at dinner, even after hearing what Rick had to say to her. I hardly spoke to him at all. Marybeth leaned into me at one point and whispered, “Guess what?”

  “What?”

  “Are you ready to die?”

  “Huh?”

  “When we walked out of the elevator at the hotel, dragging you along—”

  “Yeah.”

  “Alex was waiting, just inside the lobby. When he saw us supporting you, he hurried over and insisted on carrying you. Insisted, Christy.” Her eyes bugged out of her head.

  I glanced at Alex. He talked to Josh, who sat next to him. I had crazy butterflies in my stomach. Could he really like me, or was he just being nice when he carried me to the bus? Thinking about it tied my stomach in knots. No one ever liked me, especially not someone like Alex, beautiful Alex. My history had taught me that thoughts like these only led me to pain.

  The waitress brought around a dessert platter for all of us to check out. I told Marybeth I’d take ten crème brulees, and we laughed.

  “Just remember,” Mrs. J. said so all could hear, “dessert is extra. You pay for it yourself.”

  Crap. Money. I didn’t have any. No one had brought my wallet. I’d have to sit this one out. I quietly told the waitress I would pass. I wasn’t going to let it get me down. I had told myself I would enjoy the evening, so I would; Alex was nearby; there wouldn’t be a Whopper box, icy-blue eyes or girls from school to bully me. Not tonight. There would only be laughing and fun the rest of the evening. I could be in control of myself— rested, well fed and without any fears. For some reason, I felt a confidence I’d never felt before.

  I watched as everyone else got amazing desserts: chocolate molten lava cakes, cheesecakes, tortes and soufflés. I saw Alex get his, a crème brulee with blueberries. Heavenly. I watched him take the first bite out of the corner of my eye and imagined I had the brulee in front of me. Alex peeked sideways at me, too. My heart stopped, and there was no question of me looking away.

  Eugene talked incessantly to Mrs. J. and Marybeth, keeping their attention away from Alex and me. Josh and Summer picked at each other’s desserts. It almost felt like Alex and I were alone.

  He took a spoonful of his dessert and brought it slowly up to his mouth. I watched his every movement out of the corner of my eye. Then he stopped and moved the spoon toward me. I pretended not to be aware of it. He moved it around in circles and up and down until I let a laugh slip and looked at him full on.

  His too-perfect face pulled me in and made me weak all over. He pushed the spoon further in my direction, and I couldn’t help but move toward it. He had to partially stand to get it to reach me. I didn’t watch the spoon, I just watched him and he watched me. Somehow that spoon hit its mark and the creamy sweetness slid into my mouth.

  He smiled a fun smile, and I wished I knew what he was thinking. He pushed the dish in front of me and held out the spoon for me to take.

  I shook my head, but he nodded his. I couldn’t help it. I gave in. It wasn’t difficult. I took a few bites, enjoying each burst of flavor; and then I really went crazy and scooped some up and held it out for him to take.

  I didn’t do things like this—especially with boys. Would I be able to live with myself tomorrow? Was I being too forward? It felt great, though, and I’d promised myself not to listen to the little voice of self-doubt that kept me from really enjoying life. At least for tonight. Could something really happen between us?

  “It’s seven-thirty,” Mrs. J. said, “You have until eight-thirty to be back on the bus. Don’t be late.”

  I looked around and saw that we were only one of two groups from our tour that were still there. The other chaperones must have let their kids go already.

  “Stay in your group of eight,” Mrs. J. added.

  I looked back at Alex, but he was already walking out of the restaurant. Shoot. I finally get some real time with Alex and Mrs. J. puts a quick end to it. Outside, the guys started chasing each other down the sidewalk toward Georgetown University. I walked with Marybeth and Kira, taking in all the different smells and sounds around me while they chatted. The sidewalks were alive with all kinds of people and it was fun to weave through them, not caring what anyone thought.

  We caught up with the guys at an entrance to

  Georgetown University. I looked around. Not wanting to give into my fear, I started humming songs from my children’s classes at church; looking at all the stars, trying to wipe Iceman’s stare from my mind, when suddenly I realized I stood alone. Clouds moved in and hid the stars. It got dark.

  Hundreds of newly leafing trees cast eerie shadows in all directions. I felt a drop of cold sweat creep down my spine. Standing alone made it hard to ignore the cold. I took a deep breath and tried not to become frantic. Where had everyone gone so quickly? My legs felt like rubber, so I just stayed still. I didn’t want to worry, but I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t in control after all. Things controlled me. Had the terrorists taken my friends and were about to take me? My insides felt like jelly.

  To my left, I thought I saw movement and took a sharp breath in. I wanted to call out, but my throat was too dry. I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone watched me. Then, over my shoulder, I saw Josh and Summer. They sat together, partially hidden behind a big tree making out. From where I stood, I could just tell who it was. I had to chuckle softly after taking a deep breath. I hated that I’d become so paranoid, afraid to be alone, and raised my head to look at the stars again.

  A breeze flitted past as a hand grabbed mine. I screamed out, blood pumping through my veins. Rick bent over laughing and said, “Strung a little tight?”

  Without a thought, I drew my eyebrows together and said, “Rick! You scared the crap out of me.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He frowned. My heart still thundered. “I just wanted to show you something.” He beamed now, unable to hide his excitement. He put on a pouty face, and reached for my other hand and said, “Will you come with me? I really didn’t mean to scare you.” He breathed hard, smiling again.

  I snorted, flicked my head to the side and said, “Okay.” His warm hands clasped mine tight, sending a thrill through me. We walked away from Josh and Summer, and my heart skipped a beat. I wasn’t the only one nervous. Rick’s hand was sweaty, and I wanted to wipe my own.

  “Close your eyes,” he said, letting go of one of my hands.

  “Why? It’s dark,” I said.

  “I know, but you can still see. Just close ‘em.”

  I did and wondered if I’d done the right thing. He pulled me forward, and I could hear a rushing sound in front of us that got louder and louder, drowning out the sound of my shuffling feet. I wanted to peek, but closed my eyes tighter to avoid the temptation.

  “Almost there,” he said into my ear.

  We hadn’t gone very far when I felt a light mist hit my face and arms.

  “Okay, open your eyes,” he whispered.

  We stood right next to a large fountain, the water tumbling with such force that it created a halo of mist illuminated by the lights shining up from under the water.

  “Wow,” I said. “This is breathtaking.”

  “I thought so too, and I wanted to show it to you.”

  He stood close behind me. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck as he gently grabbed my hands in his and drew them up in front of me, wrapping his arms around me int
o a warm and solid hug. He brought his head down so that his chin rested on my shoulder and his cheek pressed against mine. Something fluttered low in my belly. We watched the water rush in silence, the flutter turning to a warmth that spread through my body. I’d never been hugged like that before.

  My heart not only pounded, it crashed, over and over into my ribcage. One part of me wanted to push him away, but it felt so good to have someone hold me. Even at home, I was almost never hugged. People just didn’t notice me because I always did what I was supposed to and was so quiet. I felt safe and secure with his arms wrapped around me. All the stiffness in my body disappeared and I let my back press snuggly against his chest. The smell of his cologne mixed with the mist in the air settled lightly over me. It felt so right to have him hold me.

  “Moments like this are rare,” he said.

  “They are,” I said, not realizing how he might take it.

  After a long time, he brought my arms to my sides in a slow, even movement and let go of them for a few seconds as he moved around to face me. Then, he took my hands back into his and drew me close.

  It seemed my heart would soon crack my ribs, and I almost looked away from his intense gaze when he spoke.

  “I really like you, Christy. I was hoping we could maybe hang out the rest of this trip and see where things go.” He waited, his eyes intent on mine.

  My mind raced, and I couldn’t think of anything to say. I hadn’t expected this. Especially after over-hearing his conversation with Kira. The pause was a bit uncomfortable, but his eyes never left mine.

  “You knew I liked you, didn’t you?”

  “No,” I said in a small whisper. I scrunched up my face in embarrassment, not knowing whether to be happy or sad.

  He laughed and stepped back to look up to the darkened sky.

  “What about Kira?” I asked, grasping for straws.

  “What about her?” he asked.

  “She really likes you.”

  “She only likes me when there isn’t a better offer on the table. She smothers me.”

  I was shocked. I hadn’t heard him say anything bad about anyone and he never showed any dislike when around everyone else. He must have seen the surprise on my face because he added, “She’s a nice girl, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t want her to think I didn’t like her as a friend, I do. I’m just not interested in her romantically.”

  There, he had said it. Romantically. He thought of me romantically. No way. I tingled all over. Someone, no not just someone: A truly hot boy liked me. ME! My chest burst into flames. Suddenly, I wanted to like him. Did I? I didn’t think so, but what was I feeling? It felt great. Less than an hour ago, he was nothing more than a great friend. I’d been attracted to Alex all along. Why was I feeling this way about Rick now? He was such a good guy, always doing the right things at the right time and saying the right things, too. Could I like him? Should I like him? I looked into the spray of the fountain, and he moved his head in front of mine and smiled sheepishly.

  “Any other objections?” he asked, grinning now.

  “I-I don’t know. I’m not supposed to date until I’m sixteen,” I said, feeling lame.

  Where had that come from? That quiet voice in my head talked to me at the most inopportune moments.

  He just stared at me, his hands gently moving up and down my arms. It tickled and felt warm. He tilted his head to the side. I couldn’t get over the fact that a guy was touching me. I didn’t want it to stop.

  “Okay. We won’t date until you’re sixteen, which is…,” he prompted.

  “In May,” I said.

  “May? That’s only a month down the road. Why sixteen?”

  “I don’t know, it’s just when my parents allow me to date.”

  “We’ll just hang out then.”

  Was hanging out dating? I wasn’t sure. This all felt so good. No, great. I couldn’t think straight. He moved in close, and I noticed again how good he smelled. Spicy. I wanted to move in closer to him, but my stomach clenched and then filled with butterflies—so full, in fact, that I thought it might burst, but it felt amazing all the same.

  He was cute, just like I’d told Kira. I’d also told her I wasn’t interested in him, which I wasn’t at the time. Was I now, or was I just responding to him liking me? Did it matter? I mean, a guy liked me. Shouldn’t I take advantage of that fact? I might never get this chance again.

  He pulled in closer, and I let out a nervous laugh pulling back slightly. Then our eyes locked, and he got closer and closer until I had to close my eyes. His lips touched mine, warm and soft, and much to my surprise, I kissed him back.

  That voice in my head screamed out, “Whaaat are you doing?”

  When I pulled back, Rick’s eyes were still closed, I turned and panicked and then ran away.

  “Christy!” I heard him call. I kept running, back to where he’d found me, back to where Josh and Summer were, but they weren’t there anymore. I ran toward M-Street and found them, standing under a street light, talking, surrounded by the rest of our group.

  I could hear footsteps behind me, and so I walked as fast as I could to the safety of the group. I couldn’t face Rick right now. What had I done?

  I bent over, trying to catch my breath. Alex stood there, and he looked at me and then past me. Rick slowed to a walk before he joined us. His eyes were set on me, questioning. Alex’s eyes narrowed as he watched.

  Please, I thought, looking at Alex, please don’t let Alex think I like Rick. Yet at the same time, the softness of Rick’s kiss lingered on my lips, the pleasure of it surrounding me, urging me to turn to him and gather him in my arms and accept him.

  I pulled myself together and using Kira’s trick, I wedged between her and Marybeth the whole way to the bus, locking my arms through theirs. I made sure I sat by the window and that Marybeth sat next to me, on the aisle. I was safe for the moment, left to feel guilty for my thoughts and actions. My parents would die if they knew.

  “What’s up Christy?” Marybeth asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “I kinda feel that way,” I whispered.

  “Why? What happened?”

  I debated whether or not I should tell Marybeth. Could I trust her not to tell anyone—including Kira? I had trusted her in the church. Maybe I could trust her now.

  “Rick just kissed me.” I let the words burst out of my mouth in a small whisper. I left out the part about me kissing him.

  “What?” She screamed it so loud that I cupped my hand over her mouth and immediately regretted my decision to tell her.

  “Shhh! You can’t tell a soul. Swear to me Marybeth.” I looked around to find Kira. She sat several seats behind us, with Alex.

  Marybeth grinned and looked at me wide-eyed.

  “Swear, Marybeth!”

  “I swear! Now tell me all about it. I knew he liked you. Kira will just freak out.”

  “No, she won’t freak out, because she’ll never know, now will she?”

  “Okay, no. I just can’t believe it. Tell me everything!”

  I told her a shortened version and left out all feelings. I felt weird talking about them with her for some reason.

  “Unbelievable, Christy. Unbelievable. You’re so lucky.”

  I felt exposed and stupid and wished I hadn’t told her. For some reason, even the Whopper box dug itself out of the corner of my mind, and started harassing me too.

  “You idiot,” it said. “You should have been more obvious. No one could’ve known what you were hinting at with your eyes. Even a trained FBI agent had no clue what you meant.”

  The beating continued and I suffered once again for all my mistakes of this week. By the time the bus reached our hotel, which was only about fifteen minutes away, I was emotionally stretched, like a bug splattered on a windshield.

  I dragged myself off the bus and into the lobby, thinking about the possible consequences of telling Marybeth about the kiss, when I was accosted by a conservation group han
ding out re-usable water bottles and encouraging everyone not to buy bottled water. I had lost Marybeth. She said she wouldn’t tell, I guessed I’d just have to believe her. I pushed my way through, trying to make the first elevator ride, and an equally pushy conservationist put a bottle into my hand and said, “Use this tonight and you’ll feel great in the morning.”

  I took the bottle, giving him a pursed smile and got into the elevator with others from our tour group.

  When I got to my room, I threw off my clothes, brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. Reaching up to turn my lamp off, I hit the stupid water bottle, knocking it to the floor. I grunted and turned the light out. I was holding back the tears when I started thinking, What if Marybeth doesn’t see my water bottle lying on the floor and trips over it, and breaks her neck? I turned the lamp back on. “You better leave me alone after this,” I shouted into thin air.

  I snatched the bottle from the floor and noticed some paper in it. I shook it out of anger—to teach it a lesson somehow. I thought it was probably activist literature, until I saw the initials C.H. handwritten on one corner.

  I unscrewed the cap as fast as I could and turned the bottle upside down. What had that activist said? “Use this tonight and you’ll feel great in the morning.”? My hands were shaking so badly, that I almost couldn’t unfold the note. It read:

  Got it.

  Relax.

  You’re safe.

  11:00

  I slept well.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN